Coming in Handy

by Emilia Beaumont

  “Arrives?” I glanced up at Jo, eyebrows raised.

  Her smile was full now, if it was even possible, and she slowly bobbed her head. “Yes, tomorrow morning at five. At the airport.”

  “Wait, she’s not local?” I paused and looked from the screen to Jo, dread settling in. “What did you do?”

  “Nothing… Just what you asked. I got you a date for a wedding.”

  Ignoring her I tapped the mouse again to get rid of the screensaver that had appeared and studied the webpage more closely. I’d been so mesmerized by Anna’s features that I hadn’t bothered to take notice of much else. I scrolled the mouse wheel. The top of the page came into view, a pink banner that had been hidden only moments before.

  Holy fuck.

  I read the name of the site. Then did so again, not believing my eyes. I was reading it wrong was all. But each subsequent reread came up with the same result: I was screwed.

  I shot to my feet. “You ordered me a Russian mail-order bride?”

  Jo covered her mouth, muffling the giggles.

  “Please tell me this is a practical joke.” I shook my head.

  She barked a laugh this time, hearty from down deep, then slapped her thigh. I smiled with her, and let out a long breath.

  “Jesus Christ, Jo. That’s not funny. You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

  But then her laughs became louder, squeakier. At one point I thought she was in danger of never stopping. There were tears in her eyes, and she waved her hands at her face, trying to dry them away. She breathed hard and doubled over holding her middle.

  “Oh my god,” she said between large gulps of air. “You’re such an idiot.”

  I could feel the blood from my face drain away, like water down a plughole. It seemed to settle in my stomach, pooling there. “Jo?” I growled. “Tell me this isn’t real. Tell me you didn’t…”

  “No joke,” Jo gasped. “Consider this payback for everyone woman you’ve wronged. Including my sister. Sebastian, your bride arrives in the morning. Flight bought and paid for with your own credit card.” She produced the rectangular bit of plastic, my company expense account, and I snatched it out of her hand then pushed her toward the chair.

  “Fix this right now, Jo. Cancel the flight, tell whoever that is, that you made a big mistake and whatever deal you made is off. Stop the charges on the card. Do something.”

  Jo stared up at me, no longer laughing. I could feel the anger inside me rising. How dare she do this?

  “What are you waiting for?” I gestured toward the site, the pink mail-order brides banner for International Love Match, blinking accusingly. “Fix it.”

  Jo shook her head and laid her hands on her lap. “I couldn’t even if I wanted to.”

  “Why not?”

  “Her connecting flight from Frankfurt should already be in the air.”

  “Have you found someone yet?” Ger asked.

  “What?” I replied and took him off the speakerphone. Working late, I was back in my office with the door firmly shut, trying to figure a way out of the mess into which Jo had gotten me.

  I had a good mind to fire her on the spot, the words almost left my mouth too, but then I’d be stuck dealing with this shit by myself.

  “How’s the search going for the seventh bridesmaid?” he elaborated. He punctuated his question with a sharp sigh. He probably thought I’d forgot all about it. Which was furthest from the truth right now.

  “It’s going.”

  “You still haven’t found anyone? Jesus, Baz. I ask you to do one thing. Rochelle thinks everything is under control. She doesn’t even know you and Sarah split. Argh, this is a nightmare.”

  “That’s a change, seems like everyone around here knows all my business. Anyway, stop worrying, all right?” I said and turned to study the night sky. Stars dotted the inky heavens above and for a second I wished that everything would work out okay. The last thing I wanted to do was let Ger down. For as long as I could remember he’d been there for me, so had his mom, through thick and thin.

  “But I do worry.”

  I also didn’t want to lie to him, but it was more of a white lie; he didn’t know the details. I couldn’t burden him with the mess in which I’d managed to get myself. Not at a time like this when he was already under so much pressure.

  “Relax. I found someone. She’s perfect, will fit the dress, and won’t make your wedding photographs an eyesore, okay?”

  “You have? Really? You’re not just shitting me?”

  I swallowed. I couldn’t remember if I’d ever lied to my best friend, but it was the worst feeling in the world. My stomach twisted. I needed a drink. Maybe after a few years, when Rochelle and Ger had been married and doubled their number with a couple of rug rats, I could tell them the truth. I could see it now, the couple hosting a dinner party, an anniversary maybe, me spilling my guts, and everyone around the large table laughing about the situation. It would become a little anecdote they could tell their friends, something ridiculous that had made their wedding stand out from the norm.

  “I have. Her name is Anna.”

  “Huh. An ex?”

  I laughed. “Not likely. I think all my exes have blocked my number after Sarah’s smear campaign.”

  “I wouldn’t blame them,” Ger said with a laugh. I could already hear the worry in his previously tight tone, drain away. “I don’t even understand how Sarah stayed with you for as long as she did.”

  “Hey! You’re supposed to be on my side, remember?”

  “Yeah but you have to admit, you’re a nightmare to live with.”

  “She didn’t move in though.”

  “Not likely because you only asked her after you got caught hooking up with someone else.”

  “How many times do I have to say we were in an open relationship? Besides, you can talk. You weren’t exactly a barrel of laughs at college, what with that blasted saxophone you strangled on a daily basis. Has Rochelle had it melted down yet?”

  “She wouldn’t dare… She actually likes my musical abilities. Knows talent when she hears it.”

  “Ah, so she’s tone deaf then?”

  “Shut up,” Ger said with a laugh. “Baz, I’m glad you got a date for the wedding sorted. I appreciate it. You don’t know how much it means to me, and Rochelle of course. But not a word of this to her, you hear? She doesn’t need to know.”

  “No worries,” I said, guilt rising up my throat. “Piece of cake, really. You know how the ladies love me.”

  “And here I thought you’d worked your way through all the women in the city… they don’t call you Baz-night-stand for any old reason. Anyway, Rochelle will probably put me on delivery-boy duty sometime this week, so I’ll let you know when I have the dress for the mysterious Anna.”

  “Sounds good,” I replied, already trying to figure out the logistics, how I would keep him away. It wouldn’t do for him to find my life-size mail-order bride, who probably couldn’t speak a word of English, in my apartment. God she would have to stay with me, I realized all of a sudden. Where else would she go? Unless I put her up in a hotel. I groaned. How could I do that to someone new to the country, who was probably already scared out of her wits? I couldn’t just abandon her. But how was I supposed to look after someone when I could barely keep a houseplant alive, never mind live with a stranger too?

  “Still there, Baz?”

  “Yeah,” I replied. “Just a lot on my mind, but I better go, I have an unexpected delivery to deal with.”

  “Anything good? A present for the wedding perhaps?” Ger asked.

  I stifled a groan. A present, I hadn’t even thought of that yet. I was a real shit. I added it the ever-increasing pile of crap I had to deal with. “You’ll have to wait and see.”

  We said our goodbyes and I ended the call.

  Fuck, I groaned as I let my head droop forward, banging it on the desk multiple times, drumming out a desperate beat with my forehead.

  Maybe it would all work out okay, I tri
ed to tell myself. I could convince this Anna that it was all a misunderstanding but spin it in her favor. Let her have a little holiday—all expenses paid—in the great USA, have her attend the wedding, then send her back where she’d come from. Surely she’d agree to that? Maybe grease the wheels with some extra money?

  “I’m off, anything you need before I go?” I heard Jo ask from the doorway.

  “A new assistant?” I muttered without lifting my head.

  “Funny. Afraid you’re stuck with me, unless you prefer that I tell Uncle Frank what you’ve been using your expense account for.” She tutted. “Ordering women online, I’m sure that would be a firing offense if anyone found out. Two can play the bribe game.”

  “Get out!”

  She reeled on her heels, but a smirk was still on her face as she turned to leave.

  “Wait!” I growled. Shaking my head, not believing this was happening and remembering that in a few short hours I was due at the airport to pick up my bride. “What’s the flight number again?”

  Chapter Four

  Anna

  It was all for a good cause. That’s what I had to tell myself.

  All I had to do was get home, and this man whether he knew it or not was going to help me do just that.

  It had happened so fast. I’d clicked on the site and once I’d gotten over my apprehension and stopped looking over my shoulder in case someone caught me, I started to navigate around.

  There were wanted ads from men all around the world as well as women offering to be their brides. I skirted away from the latter to begin with and clicked on the wanted section. Almost immediately I was drawn to one ad in particular, the latest post. A man located in the same state where Gran was, only twenty minutes away. It seemed too good to be true. But the more I read his bio and request, the more I knew this was my one true shot to get home.

  It also helped that his photo was intriguing. A candid photo of a tall man in a suit, caught off guard and a little put out if his expression was anything to go by, but still, his eyes shone at the camera. There was a light behind them, a hidden kindness. The photo came across as a real representation of him. So much so I found myself staring at the screen wanting to know more.

  And so I took the plunge, clicked again. And now I was on a plane back home. I almost couldn’t believe it.

  With the help of Sofia—who had caught me looking at the site—she offered to take my picture with her phone. After that it was a breeze; I’d managed to upload my photo and created my profile. But only so I could talk to this one man who needed a bride.

  I partly felt sorry for him, the man who I now knew to be named Sebastian. Why would such a good looking guy, with gorgeous eyes, need to find a woman on the other side of the world? Surely America hadn’t run out of sassy, eligible women yet?

  “There has to be something wrong with him,” I said as Sofia and I read over his profile and request again. It was a simple advert, direct and forthright, barely a paragraph long.

  “Maybe he’s unlucky in love?” Sofia replied.

  I shrugged, not yet convinced. Sebastian and I had emailed back and forth a couple of times within the space of a few hours, getting the lay of the land. He was an executive at a large commercial real estate firm, who didn’t have to time date and was tired of the whole process. He just wanted someone to share his life and home with. And though I felt shallow at the thought, he was also offering a weekly allowance, and a place to stay in a high-end apartment, all in exchange for companionship. Though I did suspect there was more to the story than he first presented. Especially because he was on a short deadline, much like myself. But he didn’t allude to why and I didn’t want to ask in case it ruined my chances to get home to Gran.

  “It seems too good to be true, though. Don’t you think?”

  Sofia sighed. “This is what you wanted? You’re lucky.”

  “What do you mean?”

  She shrugged. “You will not have to marry this man. Once you are home, you will have a choice to leave him. No risk to be sent back here, no? Though I do not see why you would want to. He has very nice eyes.”

  “Maybe you should marry him then,” I said with a wry smile. I nodded, running the whole process through my mind. “I know what you’re saying, Sofia, but I would feel awful about it. Making a promise then ditching him.”

  “You do not owe this man nothing. Besides, you can always pay him back, explain when you get there. Maybe he is a nice man, and he will understand?”

  “You’re right. But I still feel like I should be honest from the start? Tell him I need to get home. Maybe he will take pity on me?”

  “No,” Sofia said firmly, shaking her head. “Your number one priority right now is to get home. Worry about the rest later. Get home, see your grandmother. Then decide.”

  She was right, I thought to myself again. If I had any chance of getting home and making it in time to get to Gran before the worst happened, then I had to take a risk and trust that the man at the other end would understand.

  If I’d been in someone else’s shoes, someone who had no other choice—like Sofia’s cousin, who I’d learned would’ve been married off to a family friend, a man twice her age, if she’d stayed—then I would’ve wanted to talk to him some more, maybe even set up a Skype date to make sure we knew what we were both getting into. But I was lucky like Sofia had said. I didn’t have to marry him, I wasn’t in a position where becoming a mail-order bride was my actual reality. I could slink away at the airport if I wanted to.

  But there was one thing I didn’t have and that was time. I didn’t have the luxury to get to know him. I didn’t have time to waste. I responded quickly to the advert and made it clear I would only come if it could be arranged in the next few days.

  As I waited for a reply I spent that time toiling away, washing sheets and tidying up the hostel. I couldn’t risk it falling through and Darya kicking me out for not doing my job. Then I would be stuck.

  But I didn’t have to worry. The email came with a resounding yes, along with details of the flights he’d booked. I was going home!

  My whole body buzzed, nervous as I entered the airport. What if it was all a hoax? What if there were no tickets there waiting for me? I’d foolishly gotten my hopes up, said my tearful goodbyes to all the wonderful people at the hostel and made the journey to the airport believing I’d soon be on my way home. Thankfully when I got to the counter and explained the situation the attendant didn’t look at me like I was a crazy person. Instead, she smiled gently, asked for my identification then slid over my tickets. The embassy had come through for me too, granting me a temporary passport to get back into the country. Everything seemed to be going right for a change.

  I half expected when I boarded my flight that someone would come running down the aisle, pull me out of my seat, and drag me off. Telling me that there’d been a terrible mistake and that I would never step foot on US soil ever again. I gripped my armrest for dear life and waited for the plane to hurry up and start taxiing, my knee bouncing madly.

  The passenger beside me kept glancing my way, I could almost feel her beady eyeballs burning a hole in my skull, but I paid her no mind. Instead, I dug into my jacket and pulled out the printout of Sebastian’s profile and studied it some more. Just looking at the grainy black and white picture made my heart thud. He was divine, almost too good to be true. And yet, the guilt swam in my belly again. He didn’t deserve to be deceived but what could I do? I was on the plane now, and only armed guards would be able to get me off!

  I would just have to find some way to explain, to make it up to him. I smoothed the paper, folded it so only his picture showed. Then I actually sighed. My eyes widened as I caught myself wondering what it would be like to kiss him.

  I shook my head. He may be my unwilling savior but that didn’t mean I should be thinking like this. Was I actually considering becoming a mail-order bride for real? I almost snorted. Of course not. That would be insane. I could never marry someone
I didn’t know. Not in this lifetime or the next, regardless of the situation.

  I had to admit though he was handsome. There had to be something wrong with him.

  The plane juddered slightly, the engines spinning up into an audible roar. This was it. And in a few hours and I would find out precisely what Sebastian Rhodes was like in real life, face to face.

  My connecting flight was on time, and I had no issues with my temporary passport or my tickets, they seemed to wave me right on board without even looking at my face. And soon enough, after what seemed like days of traveling, the large plane touched down with a bump and squeal. God knows why, but I’d taken time before the flight attendants told us we were about to land to freshen up in the cramped bathroom. Did they make them this small to dissuaded people from getting their mile-high jollies? I bruised my elbow turning around, trying to study my reflection. I looked beat, certainly not as pretty as some of the mail-order brides that I’d seen on the site. Would Sebastian be disappointed? I hoped not…

  I locked eyes with myself. “You’re an idiot. Stop it. You’re not actually meeting your husband-to-be!”

  If only talking to myself would get the idea out of my head. For some reason I kept musing, touching the thought over and over like it was a tiny scratch on the roof of my mouth. I had to keep niggling at it, worrying it. Before I left the sardine tin that was the bathroom, I glared at myself once more for good measure. No matter how gorgeous he is, you’re not going to marry him. Don’t even think about it, Anna.

  My hands shook as the plane approached the airport. Not from fear of flying or the aircraft skidding off the runway and bursting into flames but from the thought in a few short minutes, I would meet him. He’d dominated my thoughts for the entire journey. There certainly was no turning back now.

  Processing through security passed by in a matter minutes, then my rucksack was the second bag to appear out of rubber curtain, falling with a light thud on the carousel. A world record had been set. I hauled the sack onto my shoulders, clutching the straps as if the whole thing was a parachute.