Fuck. Me.
Brandon’s the last person that deserves to have his heart broken. Not only is he a complete sweetheart, he’s damn hot, too. He’s one of those real clean cut guys, wears nice, form-fitting clothes, and don’t even get me started on his gorgeous blue eyes. I couldn’t even believe he was single, nevertheless that he wanted to date me. And now I was going to have to break his heart. His perfect, sweet, and sensitive heart.
When the school year ended, we agreed to not be overly clingy. Brandon was always good about that, never smothering me. He knew I was kind of shy and timid when it came to dating, so he never pressured me into anything. He didn’t know much about my past, but he never drilled me for any information I didn’t want to share.
Brandon worked at his dad’s company and would be working twelve-hour days. We both knew there wouldn’t be a lot of time to talk between the both of us working, especially opposite hours—him eight a.m. to eight p.m., and I usually worked bar hours from seven p.m. to two a.m.
But now he was thinking of coming here. I have to tell him the truth.
“Cecilia? Good morning, darling.” His smooth voice stings my heart even more.
“Hi, morning. Sorry for missing your texts last night. It was on silent from being at the movie theatre.”
“Oh, no problem. I passed out early anyway. So what do you think?” His voice sounds hopeful, eager to hear me say the words.
“About you coming here?”
“Yeah, I figure if I leave tomorrow morning and make only a few stops, I can get there in about nine hours.”
I swallow at how happy he sounds. He hasn’t a fucking clue, and I’m about to rip his damn heart out.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Brandon,” I say softly.
“Oh. Do you have to work?”
“That’s not it.” I exhale deeply, bracing myself for the storm I’m about to walk through.
“Oh, what’s wrong?”
“We need to talk first,” I explain. I can hear his breathing starting to pick up, his nerves obviously sensing that something is wrong. “I’m not who I portray myself to be.”
“What are you talking about? You’re fucking scaring me.” Brandon hardly ever swore unless it was in light fun. He was usually so gentle and sweet, but I could feel the rage building up in his words.
“I screwed up two years ago, and I’ve been paying for it ever since. You don’t know this about me, but my dad was murdered when I was eleven years old. Ever since, I’ve been selfishly trying to put the pieces together and have hurt some people along the way.” I finally exhale, pain rippling through me as I talk about my father again.
“Cecilia, I’m so sorry.” His voice cracks, sympathizing with me, but I hate that he is. He shouldn’t.
“I’m in love with someone else,” I blurt out. I close my eyes as I imagine his face, pain etched all over his perfect features. “I always have been.”
He stays silent, but I can hear his unsteady breaths. “I’m so sorry, Brandon.” I pause, giving him a moment, but I need to get this out. He should know the truth. “It was a messy, forbidden, hungry love that before I had a chance to fix what I had done, it was too late. And so I went to college and tried to start fresh, and that was when I met you.” I slowly exhale, lifting my eyes upward so I don’t cry with him on the phone. “And you…are so great. You were exactly what I needed, and I’m so happy we found each other. But I’d be lying to myself if I said I could stay with you while being in love with someone else. You deserve so much more, and I wish I could give you that. But I can’t.”
“Wow…” he finally breathes out. “Talk about a messy kind of love.” I can imagine him pacing, his breaths blowing through the phone. “I want to come tell you in person, Cecilia.”
“God, no. Please don’t, Brandon. I—”
“But since I can’t…” he pauses briefly. “I love you.”
I close my eyes, but it’s too late. The tears escape, streaking down my cheeks. They grow heavier, pouring out of me like a leaky sink.
“I needed to say it,” he explains. “Even if you don’t feel the same way, I love you. And it’s hard to be mad at someone just because they can’t love you back.”
“You have no idea how much I wish I could. You’re an absolutely amazing guy. But I can’t be that person for you. I’d never be good enough for you.”
“You are good enough, Cecilia.” He pauses, clearing his throat. “Just not the right one.”
I grin, shaking my head at how he’s always so damn nice even when someone is ripping his heart out.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “God, I’m so sorry.”
I’m an awful, awful person. I’d do anything to take back what I’m doing to Brandon. Even though he’s being strong, I know his heart is breaking. But that’s just how he is. He never wants to make anyone hurt or feel bad. He’s always a light in someone else’s darkness.
I tell Cora all the details and she flashes me her mischievous grin, silently telling me an ‘I told ya so,’ but she doesn’t rub it in my face. She knows I’m torn, hurting for two men right now.
Bentley—not knowing what my decision is and if I can let him back in.
Brandon—for breaking a perfectly kind heart in two.
How can I be with Bentley right after breaking up with someone? Wasn’t that a rebound? Tearing someone else apart just to be happy with someone else was making me sick to my stomach.
“Just take a few days to yourself. If Bentley really loves you, he’ll wait. He’ll wait until you’re ready,” she says, hanging my shirts up in my closet.
“What if I’m never ready?” I lay back on my bed, staring up at the blank ceiling. “What if I forever live with remorse and guilt?”
“You won’t. You just need some time to adjust and to really think about what’s going to make you happy. No distractions.” She grabs another handful of my clothes, swinging it over her shoulder and walking back to the closet.
“What are you doing?” I finally ask, leaning up on my elbows.
“They’re going to get wrinkles, Celia. That’s why they invented this thing called a hanger.” She smiles at me as if I’m a moron. Who knows? Maybe I am.
“Celia, you’re in love with him. He’s in love with you. Why not just make it that simple?”
“Before Bentley, I never even thought I could love someone. I didn’t feel any of those emotions with Jason, and we slept together numerous times. When he moved away, it barely fazed me. So why did he have such an impact on me? Why is he different?”
“You don’t always get to chose who you love. Sometimes love chooses you and you just roll with it. Don’t question love, or fate butts his ugly ass in and messes everything up.”
I narrow my eyes at her, wondering if she’s ever going to take her own advice with Simon, but I know this isn’t the time to bring it up.
Could it really be that simple? Could I just say yes to Bentley and we’d be…happy?
I take her advice and take some time to myself. Not speaking to Brandon or Bentley allows me to clear my head—just focusing on what I want and on me. I need to stop feeling guilty and just let it all go. I didn’t sleep with Bentley…Brandon doesn’t hate me…perhaps I wasn’t completely tainted.
* * *
I wake up refreshed and decide today’s going to be the day. I’m going to go to Bentley and tell him I chose him. That I’ve been in love with him, and I’ve never stopped. I’m going to tell him I want everything he has to offer—whatever that may be.
My nerves are making me shaky and anxious as I drive into the gym parking lot. It’s been ten days since I’ve last seen him, and I can’t help the giddy feeling that overcomes me with seeing him again.
I haven’t been back to my kickboxing class in weeks, but I know he teaches some others today. And this is something I need to say to his face, not over the phone.
I swing the front door open and scan the place for any sighting of Bentley. There are fewer cars
in the parking lot than usual, so I know there aren’t any classes going on right now.
I walk past the studio and some of the workout rooms thinking he must be in his office if he’s not out on the floor. I haven’t been back here before, but there’re three different offices leading to the back.
I hear a woman’s laughter—one I’ve heard before—coming from the first office. The other gym instructor. I could recognize her laugh for miles—nasally and loud. She always found something so freaking funny as she was clawing her nails into Bentley’s bicep.
I jump at the sound of the door opening, but before I can quickly walk away without being noticed, it’s Bentley’s face that makes me freeze.
His left arm is wrapped around her as he’s looking down at her, smiling. She’s perfectly tucked into his arm, her right arm wrapped around his waist. Oh, how fucking cute.
His face finally tilts up, and when he notices me, his smile drops. “Ceci…” I hear the shock in his voice, but it does nothing for the ache that’s brewing in my chest.
Her eyes flash between us as a grin forms on her face. She releases Bentley’s hold as she pushes her hand out in front of me.
“You’re Ceci? Hi, I’m Maya!” I look at her hand like it’s a dead rodent, refusing to touch it. “I’ve heard so much about you.”
My eyebrows rise, wondering why the hell Bentley told his new fling of the month about me.
I finally take her hand aggressively and shake it. “Hi, Maya. Sorry I haven’t heard anything about you. But it’s clear it hasn’t taken Bentley long to move on.” I release her hand and look up at Bentley, my eyebrows narrow at him. “It’s been…what, ten days?”
“Ceci…” he begins, but I cut him off.
“Ten days!” I yell, unable to control the fire that’s building inside me. “You couldn’t even wait ten days! Or was she before, during, and now after?” I snap. They were always touchy-feely. I should’ve known.
“That’s enough,” he bites, his mouth forming into a firm line. I look and see a knowing grin on Maya’s face. Bitch.
“Go ahead. Have him. He’s good at ruining lives.” I cannot even believe I considered this.
I scowl at both of them not even hiding the anger and hurt I’m feeling. I spin around to walk out the door.
I feel Bentley directly behind me, but I continuing stalking out. I feel him grip my elbow, grabbing me and turning me to face him.
“Let me go.”
His lips curl up into an angry scowl, his eyes hooded and a bit amused.
“I’m not letting you go, Ceci. Not now, not ever.”
“Sorry, but I’m not into the whole ménage à trois thing. Plus, I don’t share.” I try to yank my arm out, but he grips it firmer, pulling me closer to his chest.
He leans in close to my ear as he growls, “She’d be more interested in you, than me. Maya is just a friend.”
“What?” I ask, confused. “I saw her hanging all over you. I saw her hanging all over after each class. I’m not blind.”
He pulls back, grabbing my hand in his as he walks us into an empty studio. He slams the door and presses me into it, his body weight firmly against mine.
“You’re either blind or ignorant.” He presses both of his hands flat against the door right above my shoulders, towering over me.
“And you’re an asshole.” I try to ignore the rush of feelings that are consuming me from having Bentley this close to me, but it’s hard considering I can feel his arousal against my hips.
“Maya’s gay,” he says with amusement. “Even if I were interested, she’d be much more interested in you. I’ve known her for over a year, so yes, I’ve spoken some about you.” He smirks at me as if he’s just won the fucking Super Bowl. Smug bastard.
He presses himself into me harder, telling me exactly what’s on his mind. This whole time…I thought he was a manwhore, flaunting Maya around like some prized possession just to piss me off.
“Are you done accusing me of being a dirty player now?”
I look up at him, not really sure what I should be feeling right now. “I never called you a dirty player,” I retort.
“It was well implied.” His voice is no longer filled with anger, rather he sounds amused by the fact that I thought Maya was after him this whole time. He smiles wide, leaning in closer toward me. “I’ve missed you.”
He nuzzles his nose into my neck, my body staying frozen as Bentley consumes me—his scent, his touch, his body fully reminding me of everything I’ve been missing the past two years.
“Did you come back for me?” His mouth lands below my earlobe, his lips making a path down my neck. “Otherwise, this may get awkward.” I smile wide as I feel him smirk against my flushed skin. Goose bumps appear, butterflies take over my stomach, and soon, I’m holding the door just to keep my balance.
“Yes…” I whimper. “Of course, I came back.” My eyes close as his lips suck on my collarbone, heat rushing in between my thighs as I think about how fucking amazing his lips are.
“I can’t wait any longer,” he protests, gripping the crotch of my jeans with his palm. “Do you have a full bladder?”
My eyes pop open at his awkward question. “What?”
“You heard me. Do you?” His lips make their way back up my neck, sucking on my earlobe. He presses his other palm against my stomach and forcefully applies pressure.
“Oh, my god,” I squeal in shock. The pressure against my stomach intensifies my arousal growing down below.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” he says, amused. “Come on.”
I whimper the moment his body is off mine. He grabs my hand and leads me to the other side of the studio, pulling me into a back stretching room.
“What are we doing?” I ask, his hand gripping mine. Our fingers are intertwined, firmly holding each other as if our lives depend on it. My emotions are all over the place, but one thing I know for sure is that Bentley is the only one that makes me feel this way—the control he holds over my body, the intense ache I feel when I’m around him, the disappointing loss when we aren’t together—I’ve never felt these things with anyone before.
“We needed some privacy. I wasn’t about to give every guy out there a free show.” He shuts and locks the door behind him. “And we need to talk.”
I stand anxiously, wanting to get this awkward conversation out of the way so I can finally tell him what I need to say.
He cups my face, leaning in, but he doesn’t kiss me. “Ten days.” I hear his pained tone deep within his voice. I made him wait ten painful days without knowing what was going on…
“I’m sorry. I just…needed time to deal with things. And to think.”
“And?” His brows rise in anticipation. One of his hands lowers to my hip, forcing our bodies closer together.
“And I realized that you’re it for me.” I look up at him, watching the expression in his face. “No matter how much time has passed or how much hurt we’ve felt—it’s always been you. And I woke up this morning not wanting to spend another day apart from you.” He smiles so wide it practically reaches his eyes. “I love you, Bentley. I always have.”
Chapter Seventeen
Bentley
I’VE BEEN DYING to hear those three fucking words for what feels like a lifetime. God, even the way her voice cracks is sexy. She’s looking up at me pleadingly, begging for me to take control.
I press our bodies together, cupping her face so she looks directly into my eyes when I repeat those very words back to her.
“Cecilia…I love you. I love you so fucking much, it’s pained me to not to say those words every single day to you. I knew I did, but I didn’t know how to handle it.
“Once I found out the truth, it freaked me out, and no matter how hard I tried to push thoughts of you out, I couldn’t completely. I never could. And I never will.”
Cecilia
I sniff back the tears that are threatening to flow over. Who knew Bentley could be so tender and sweet, yet do
mineering and hot. He’s a triple threat that holds all the qualities that I love and want. He’s my perfect other half and that’s something I’m not willing to let go of again.
“We are so fucked up,” I mutter, hardly believing the rollercoaster ride it has taken to bring us here. “I hate that I hurt you so badly. I hate that I made you wait, that I left, and that I ever thought you were someone you aren’t.”
“Stop.” He places a finger over my mouth, not letting me continue. He leans down and brushes his lips gently against mine. “Never regret what brought us right here, right now. We had to struggle to get to where we are, and I’m quite enjoying where we are right now.” He grins smugly, pressing his hips into me, his cock rock hard against the fabric of his shorts. God, I’ve waited too long to feel him inside of me again.
It’s been too long.
I don’t want to wait a second longer.
I wrap a hand around his neck, pushing his mouth against mine finally. His hands hold me firmly on my hips, molding us together. I moan and pant against his lips, not wanting to ever break this kiss. His taste consumes me, heating every part of my body that begs him to touch me.
His thumbs are pressing deep into my lower stomach again, my bladder feeling full and uncomfortable the more he does that.
“Stop.” I laugh against his mouth. “You’re going to make me pee my pants.”
He grins slyly, unbuttoning my jeans and lowering the zipper. “Good…get ready.”
I look up into his eyes to see if he’s serious. His eyes darken with hunger, showing me that he is. He lowers my jeans off my hips and motions for me to step out of them.
“Come here.” He guides me to the middle of the mat where a large yoga ball is set. “Sit down.”
I do as he says and the ball bounces lightly as I sit.
“Lean back slightly,” he demands. “Hold yourself up with your hands.” Oh, god. I watch as he kneels in between my legs, separating them with his greedy hands. He brushes his lips up one leg, the feather-light touch shooting shivers up my entire body and back down the other leg. Damn, how does he do that?
The Intern Serials: Complete Box Set Page 26