“I struggle,” Tears well as I bare my soul, “Some days I wake up and I’ll turn over and see Scott lying beside me and I’ll have a smile on my face and the pain of not having her hits me and I feel guilty that I’m alive and she’s not, I feel guilty that I’m happy when she’snever going to have that feeling anymore.”
I take a deep breath, trying to hold back the tears, “Some days I wake in the middle of the night gasping for breath as I’m dreaming about Eric shooting her, I won’t be able to go back to sleep because I’ll close my eyes and see her lying on the ground. Scott keeps them at bay most nights but there’s nights not even Scott can save me from my nightmares.”
“Oh Hailey, I’m so sorry!” She reaches out and takes my hand, “It’s going to be like that for a while, then it’ll slowly fade to an ache whenever you think of her. You’ll be able to remember the good times and look back at them with love and happiness.” She’s crying, big, fat tears are rolling down her face.
“I never meant to upset you!” Now I’m crying too, God, it’s all I seem to do these days.
“You didn’t! I’m a hormonal mess! I’m sorry that you’re going through this but you have a giant fucked up family that have your back. We love you Hailey and we’re here every step of the way, supporting you and that includes supporting you in getting Nicole.” She’s adamant that they’re behind me and I don’t want to tell her that not all of them are behind me.
She’s right, I know that they’re here if I need them and I’m lucky. Lucky that I have a family that loves me. We pull up outside Dwayne and Sabine’s house and Morgan and I rush in, the front door’s unlocked so we let ourselves in and calling out to her as we enter. She doesn’t answer, but we walk into the house and search for her. We find her in the bathroom, sitting on the floor, she’s staring at the beige wall. Her eyes wet from crying but it’s the vacant, empty look that they have that has me walking up to the sink and on the counter beside it is a pregnancy test. I look at the test window and see the word NOT PREGNANT. My heart breaks for her, she looks so broken right now.
Chapter Eighteen
Scott
Pounding at the door has me jumping out of bed and pulling on my sweatpants, who the hell is banging on the door at this time of the damn morning? What time is it anyway? I look at my phone and see that it’s 8:32, what the hell? The banging gets louder and if they continue they’re going to wake Hailey up. She had a bad night last night, she woke up in a sweat, screaming Maddie’s name. I pulled her against me and held her tight until the tremors left her body and the sobs subsided. It took her almost two hours to fall back to sleep.
I reach the front door and pull it open, I’m so mad right now I could pull it off its hinges. As it opens I see Sam, Winter, Nathan, Sophia and all four of their kids. What the fuck? “Do you realize what time it is?”
“Yeah, it’s eight thirty.” Sophia replies in her usual manner, sarcastically.
“Yeah exactly, not everyone has kids and needs to be up at the crack of dawn.” I bite out, I’m dog tired and I want to go back to bed.
“What’s got your panties in a damn twist?” That’s Sophia, always so eloquent.
“I’m tired, Hailey had a bad night last night and she’s still asleep and I’d like her to stay that way. Why the hell didn’t you tell me yesterday you were coming over this morning?” I ask gruffly, haven’t they heard of manners?
Sophia stares me down, she’s never been one to let others try and intimidate her.
“Sorry Scott, I wanted to see Hailey.” Winter says quietly, and I instantly feel bad as she looks as though she’s been crying. “We’ll come back later.”
I feel arms go around my waist and I know that Hailey’s awake. “It’s fine, you’re here now. Why don’t you come in, have you had breakfast?” Her voice is tight and I have no doubt that it’s because Sam and Nathan are here, she feels uncomfortable.
“No, but we won’t be staying long.” Winter tries to tell her but Hailey’s not listening, she’s already walking toward the kitchen. No doubt ready to cook up a storm. We all follow her into the kitchen and she’s already making herself busy and by the looks of the ingredients she’s getting out, she’s about to make pancakes.
“Hailey, Nathan wants to say something to you.” Sophia tells her and I edge closer to Hailey, wanting to make sure that she’s okay.
“Hails…”
“Hey, George, do you like chocolate chips in your pancakes?” Hailey’s voice takes that sweet tone to it, the one she uses when she’s around kids.
George nods and runs towards me, I lift him into my arms effortlessly, “Hey little man, you’re just like your mom, she loves anything chocolatey.” I tell him, but his eyes are glued to Hailey doing the pancakes.
“Hailey, I was out of line yesterday. I shouldn’t have said what I did and I’m sorry. Whatever you need to get Nicole you can come to me and I’ll do anything in my power to help.” He sounds sincere, I watch as Hailey just nods and continues to make pancakes.
“I’m sorry too, I never wanted to upset you. It brought everything back up and I lashed out. I’m sorry.” Sam says, “I’ve been searching all night and I found out what happened to Nicole’s adoptive parents. Well mother, there was no adoptive father and Liza Matthews was a foster kid herself, she was killed in a car accident. Hence why Nicole is in foster care and not with Liza’s family.”
“Maddie told me she met the parents? That she gave Nicole to a loving family. How is that even possible?” Hailey rubs her temple, she’s confused and hurt.
“I don’t know the answer to that, they’re both dead so we may never know. Maybe Liza lied? I know I would if it meant I get my child?” Sam explains and no doubt he’s right, I’d have done the same too.
“Thank you, for finding out what happened and for your apology. I understand why you said the things you did.” I can hear the tears in her voice as she accepts his apology. I know that she’s still hurt by what was said. Especially by Nathan as he's been her boss for almost 6 years, not only that, he's been a friend.
“Wait, he gets a thank you but I don't even get a noise? Why is his apology so special?” Nathan demands, looking pissed.
She looks up at him with tears in her eyes, “You, you were meant to be my friend. I looked up to you as a brother just as I do to Luke. You were cruel yesterday, you’re a father and you made it out to be that my niece doesn’t deserve to be loved, that she doesn’t deserve a proper home all because of who her parents are.” The hurt so clearly visible on her face, along with the anger in her voice.
“Your sister was a piece of work, she was a bitch to everyone including you and you always forgave her. I couldn’t forgive her for everything she’s done and I shouldn’t have taken it out on Nicole. You’re right she needs you now more than ever.” I think there’s something wrong with Nathan, I really do. Who the hell says that especially when the woman hasn’t been gone long?
“A piece of work? Let me tell you something. That piece of work gave up her baby so she could support me. That piece of work loved harder than anyone in this damn room. That piece of work had no one when she needed them. That piece of work…” She takes a deep breath, the tears falling.
“That piece of work hurt every damn day, every morning she woke up knowing that she gave up the one person in this world she loved the most. She did that so I could have my home and my sister. No one helped her, no one told her it would be okay. She had just lost her parents and she had no one to turn to. So, she took the weight of the world onto her shoulders and dealt with it the only way she knew how. She hid it with drugs, she became dependent on those to keep her demons at bay.”
“Hails…” Nathan starts but quickly stops with a look from Hailey.
“Yes, what Maddie did was wrong, she was a complete bitch, we all know that. We all need forgiveness and sometimes we need someone to just be there to talk. Like how Morgan and Addison are for me, like how Soph and Winter are there for each other. Maddie never h
ad that, not once did someone ask her what was wrong, all you did was cut her out of your lives.” She shakes her head, what she’s said has hit me, she’s right, we all did cut her out of our lives and we all knew there was something wrong; we just never cared to find out and that was wrong.
“What about me, do you think I should offer her forgiveness?” Winter asks, damn, she’s crying too.
“I know that you think that Maddie was the reason you were raped and I can say hand on heart, that it hurt her so much. She never intended on you being hurt, she told me if she had any idea that he was going to hurt you she wouldn’t have left the bar.”
I didn’t know that Maddie and Hailey had spoken about what happened that night.
“Why did she leave me then? Why did she tell him that I liked him?” Winter asks shakily, she’s sitting down now but she looks pale and gray.
Hailey finishes making the pancakes and places them on the kitchen bar, the rest of us take a seat and wait for Hailey to reply.
“She never thought he’d do anything like that to you. She said that she thought he’d hit on you and irritate you, but never that.” Hailey puts a bit of food into her mouth and I know that she’s trying her hardest not to break down. Talking about Maddie is still hard for her to do.
“She told me that she was talking to David about Nicole, Maddie regretted giving her up as soon as she did it and has wanted to get her back but that night David told her that Nicole was better off without a junkie for a mom and that he hoped that Nicole died so he wouldn’t have to talk about her again.”
“Oh God, who the hell says that about a child?” Soph cries holding Winter-Skye closer to her.
“Yeah, Maddie got upset and told him he was a jerk and to get lost. Then she said she heard you laughing and you were so happy and carefree. She was jealous, she wanted to have a good time too and when David asked if you were single she got mad and told him that you were and you had a thing for him. She left the bar, pissed as hell.” The tears are falling thicker and faster, I pull her into my lap and hold her, hating that she has to talk about this but I think it’s for the best. Finally giving Winter some closure as to what happened but also giving Maddie back the love that we all had for her.
“Aunty Hailey, why are you so sad?” George asks her biting into his pancakes.
“I miss my sister.” She tells him honestly.
“She’ll come back soon. Then you’ll be happy again.” He returns and you’ve got to love the innocence of a child.
“Winter, she did you wrong and I understand that. She understood that, she didn’t know how to make amends so she did the only thing she could. She pushed you all away even further.”
“And we let her. I’m so sorry Hailey, we should have been there for her.” Sophia tells her and when I look over at Winter I see her quietly weeping.
“I know, it’s a shame Maddie couldn’t have made amends. She’d have loved to be doing things like this, having a breakfast with every..” Her voice breaks and she climbs out of my lap and runs out of the kitchen, I don’t follow her as I know she needs time to herself right now.
“Scott, is she okay?” Winter asks me, her eyes on the hall where Hailey has just run down. “How is she dealing with it? She looks as though she’s dealing okay.”
“She’s not, that’s a facade, she struggles every day and she tries her hardest to hide it. Yesterday was hard, especially after the shit that was spewed about Nicole. Morgan said she was fine all yesterday afternoon until they were on the drive home, then she went quiet. She wasn’t herself last night, she spent most of the evening in Maddie’s bedroom.” I can’t help the bite that’s in my tone, Hailey may have forgiven the two assholes in the room, but I certainly haven’t.
“Is there anything we can do to help?” Winter asks as she starts to clean up after everyone.
“I think what she’s having a hard time with is everyone hating on Maddie, in a perfect world, Maddie wouldn’t be remembered as the bitch. Having everyone hate the woman who raised you and sacrificed her happiness for you hurts her.” I inform them hoping that now that they know the truth they can find some way to forgive her. “I look at the clock and see that it’s nine thirty, fuck, I just want to go back to bed and sleep this fucking day away.
“Okay, we're going to leave and let you get Hailey.” Sam’s already risen out of his seat as he says it. Seems someone's in a rush, let's hope the rest of them are too.
I usher them to the door, grateful that they're leaving. I can hear muffled crying coming from the hall and I need to get to her, I'm contemplating letting them see themselves out and going to her but I know Hailey will go crazy telling me that I should have waited to see them out.
“Thanks for letting the guys explain.” Winter thanks me as everyone else is gone, she hung back to speak to me.
“I have a feeling that those apologizes are down to you and Sophia.” I raise my eyebrows when she goes to deny it.
“Okay, but when they told me what happened I was livid, I couldn't believe them. I couldn’t believe the man that has loved and protected me would be that cold and callous about a child.” She’s staring at the hall again, she wants to talk to Hailey. “I’m going to give it a few days and then I’m going to come back and we’re going to talk. So many ugly words have been said and none of them truly meant. I’ve watched that girl grow up to be the amazing woman I always knew she’d become. It hurts to see the raw pain in her eyes.” The last part is a whisper, she doesn’t want anyone to hear her. “I hurt for her, I hurt because I blamed Maddie for something she didn’t do for years and that blame lead to a rift that caused even more damage.”
I pull her into my arms, “We all did wrong by Maddie but Maddie did wrong too, it’s time now to let bygones be bygones and focus on the fact that she was our family and we all loved her. Hailey needs that, you need that and my dad fucking needs that. Hailey is going to get through this and that raw pain she has is going to go away, I’m going to make it go away.”
“You’re a good man Scott and it’s about time you two finally saw what we’ve all seen. You two were made for each other. I’ll be back in a few days.” She pulls out of my embrace and kisses my cheek, “Look after her Scott.”
“I fully intend too.” I vow, nothing is going to happen to Hailey again, she’s been through too fucking much already.
I close the door when Winter gets into the car and I make my way to Hailey, I go to Maddie’s room as that’s where she generally goes when she’s upset but when I open the door she’s not there. I walk into our room and see her on our bed, balled up into a ball and crying her heart out. I don’t even hesitate, I climb in next to her and pull her towards me. “Baby.”
“Too much, it was too much. I couldn’t keep talking about her.” She’s barely able to talk through the sobs. “It hurts, God, it hurts so much. Please Scott, make this pain go away. I can’t breathe. I want her back, I just want her back.”
The lump in my throat is stuck there. What can I say to her? I can’t bring Maddie back and the only thing I can do is hold her through this pain. I feel utterly useless, “What do you need from me baby? What can I do to help you?” I sound like an asshole, I should know how to help her.
“I don’t know, just hold me?”
I pull her into my chest and hold her in my arms as she cries. I don’t know how long we stay like this, she falls asleep in my arms and I pull her a bit tighter against me, hoping that she has a peaceful sleep. It doesn’t take long for me to follow, although it’s me that has the restless sleep.
I’m awoken by the buzzing of my cell phone in my pocket and I’m wondering if people are out to get me today, I can’t get a decent sleep. I gently untangle myself from Hailey who is still fast asleep and I intend to keep it that way. I walk out of the room as I take my cell out of my pocket, I see Dwayne’s name on the screen.
“Hello?” I answer quietly.
“Yeah, I’ve found out where Nicole Matthews is currently living and I’
ve also found out who her case worker is too.” Damn, Dwayne's been a busy man. “I have also run background checks on them all. Hailey is our family and in turn so is Nicole. I wanted too, no I needed to make sure that she was safe and the foster parents, they seem like good people, they currently have four foster kids in their care. Each one of them are well cared for and seem to be happy living there.”
I don’t even want to know how he managed to find that out, knowing him, he’s hacked into all their confidential case reports. “What about the social worker?”
“She too is clean, I have her number and the address of where she works so you and Hailey can go and talk to her. I think that Luke and Keely have found an attorney for you. Also, the company she works for has been retained as Smithy’s legal team.” He’s been waiting to tell me that since he called, he’s damn pleased about it. It means that Hailey and I won’t be footing the bill for the attorney’s services.
“Great, this is good news for us. We’ll set up a meeting with the social worker and hopefully we’ll be able to visit with Nicole before this goes to court.” Hailey’s going to be happy that she’ll be able to move this process along, up until now we’ve been in limbo not knowing what to do.
“Alright brother, I’ll talk to you soon. Tell Hailey that I said hello.” Dwayne really does love Hailey, they’re very similar in age. I think it’s why they get on so well.
“Will do kid. Thanks.” I don’t think I’ll ever stop calling him kid, he’s been that since the day he started working for P.I.G.S and even now almost seven years later he’s still known as the kid.
I walk into the kitchen, Hailey needs to eat something. She didn’t finish her breakfast this morning. While I’m cooking, I can’t keep the smile off my face, this is going to happen and I’m not going to stop until Nicole becomes our daughter.
Deadly Mistake (Deadly Series Book 5) Page 17