The Incredible Shrinking Girl

by Lou Kuenzler

“I’m afraid people never do believe you.” Gran shook her head. “Family can be the worst. My poor old mother refused to ever admit I was a shrinker … even after she found me on top of the Christmas tree one year. She just carried on as if everything was normal.”

  “At least I’ve got you,” I smiled as I stuffed another couple of Oaty Flakes into my mouth. “You’ll always believe me!”

  There were a million questions I wanted to ask Gran. Like, how long the shrinking would last? Or how often could it happen? Did it always happen in the daytime? Or sometimes at night? And I was desperate to hear about all the scrapes and adventures she’d had as a tiny girl. But there was no time for that now. I had to get on and shrink so that we could explore before Mum finished her meeting with Nurse Bridget and came to take me home.

  I popped another dry, dusty flake into my mouth and chewed.

  “What are you eating that horrible stuff for?” asked Gran. “It’s not your mum’s latest health snack, is it?”

  “I told you. Oaty Flakes are the secret, mystery ingredient that make me shrink,” I said. “I’m sure of it.”

  “Really?” said Gran. “I never…”

  “They worked the morning I went to the theme park. And they worked in Hannibal’s hamster cage too,” I said, popping three more flakes into my mouth.

  “Here! Try one!”

  I offered Gran a flake. She puffed out her cheeks like a hamster.

  “Chomp! Chomp!” she grinned.

  It was wonderful to see her almost back to her old happy self. If our shrinking plan worked, she’d soon be ready to face her friends – no longer embarrassed that they thought she was a thief.

  “I know it’s silly,” she said, frowning again. “I just feel no one really believes the ring got into my room by mistake. If we can find the true thief, we’ll prove once and for all that I have nothing to hide.”

  I watched as she chewed the flake I’d given her, her nose like a hamster.

  “Gran?” I gasped. “You can’t still shrink, can you?” Why hadn’t I thought of it earlier? It would be We could snoop around together.

  But Gran shook her head.

  “I haven’t been able to do that for years, dear,” she said. “Not since I was a girl.”

  It was hard to imagine Gran as a little girl … let alone a REALLY little girl the size of one of the pink wafer biscuits she loves so much.

  “And it was never cereal that made me shrink anyway,” she said.

  “What was it, then?” I asked, picking up a glass of water from her bedside table and taking a gulp to wash down another mouthful of flakes. “Tell me it wasn’t Brussels sprouts? That would be AWFUL.”

  “No!” laughed Gran.

  “Pink biscuits?”

  “No! I’ve been trying to tell you. With me, it wasn’t anything like that,” said Gran. “It wasn’t things I ate. All it took to make me shrink was a bit of excitement!”

  “Excitement? What do you mean?”

  “Exactly that,” said Gran. “Whenever I got really excited about anything … … I’d shrink on the spot!”

  “Wow!” I spat a mouthful of Oaty Flakes into the bin. What Gran was saying sent a tingle down my spine. “It was being excited that made you shrink?”

  “Easy as that!” smiled Gran. “Of course, I used to shrink all the time! I was a very excitable child.”

  “Me too!” I grinned.

  I remembered how VERY excited I’d been right before I shrank the first time.

  “I was

  excited,” I told Gran. “I was about to ride

  “And the next time?” asked Gran.

  I thought for a moment.

  “Yes! I was excited then too. I’d just seen the Oaty Flakes in Hannibal’s cage … I really believed they’d make me shrink.”

  “That’s it, then!” smiled Gran. “It works the same way. Every time you get overexcited … … You’ll shrink!”

  “But I’m excited now!” I said, throwing the last handful of cereal into the bin. “I’m excited I don’t have to eat any more Oaty Flakes for a start!”

  “Yippee!” cried Gran.

  “And I’m REALLY excited I know what makes me shrink!” I and did a jump to prove it.

  “Then it might work right now,” said Gran. “Are your toes tingling? Do you feel fuzzy? Light-headed?”

  “A bit!”

  Gran and I sped over to the mirror so that I could see for myself if anything would happen.

  But nothing did.

  “Come on! SHRINK!” I said, dancing a little jig. “I feel really excited. I really, really, really do!”

  But deep down inside, my stomach felt strange and tight. Perhaps it was all the Oaty Flakes I’d eaten. Or perhaps it was that I knew we were running out of time. It was Monday morning tomorrow. If we didn’t solve the crime, the police would come and…

  I watched in the mirror as a frown crossed my face.

  The knot in my stomach got tighter.

  I felt the last tingle of excitement flicker like a candle flame inside me … and blow out.

  “It’s hopeless!” I said, flopping down on Gran’s bed. “This is never going to work. I’m sorry!”

  While Mum was still in her meeting with Nurse Bridget, Gran and I tried everything to make me excited enough to shrink. Chocolate ice cream, dance off the wardrobe… Nothing worked. Gran even promised to take me for a ride on just as soon as we’d solved the jewellery crime.

  But even that did no good. All I could think about was what would happen if the police were called tomorrow. My imagination was running wild, thinking of Gran locked up in chains like a prisoner in dungeon … maybe with a fiery dragon guarding the cell.

  “One thing’s certain,” said Gran. “If we can’t prove I’m innocent, I won’t stay at Sunset any more.”

  “But you love it here,” I said.

  Gran shook her head. “They’ll probably throw me out. Even if they don’t, I won’t stay,” she sighed. “Not with everyone whispering behind my back, thinking I might be a thief.”

  “I’m so sorry, Gran!” I said. “I was sure I’d be able to help you. I’ve let you down.”

  “Nonsense. It’s not your fault, pet,” said Gran. “But I think I’ll have a little rest.”

  Although it was only twelve o’clock and a lovely bright day, she slipped back into bed and pulled the duvet over her head.

  I knew Gran wasn’t really tired. She was hiding again.

  “Great work, Violet!” I told myself as I drew the curtains and tiptoed out into the corridor. I hadn’t managed to shrink … but I had managed to make Gran worried sick.

  At the end of the corridor I saw the door out to the veranda – a long wooden deck which overlooks the yoga lawn. Just a week ago, Gran had been out there planting tubs of spring flowers – bossing Cora and Dora about and sending Mr Gupta for a watering can. How different everything was now. I sighed and headed down the corridor.

  The veranda was a lovely spot. Perhaps if I went out there and sat in the sun, I might feel better. I might even feel enough to shrink. Yes! I’d find a nice big chair, close my eyes and think about summer holidays. Or Christmas. Or my birthday. Or summer holidays, Christmas and my birthday all rolled into one…!

  But as soon as I opened the big screen door, I regretted it.

  Barry Bling was on the veranda. He was giving Mrs Paterson a face mask on one of the sun loungers.

  “It’s a good job you brought me out here, Barry,” said Mrs Paterson. “I wouldn’t want any of this gloop on the nice carpet in my room!” She pointed to the browny-green goo off her chin.

  “This isn’t gloop!” cried Barry, smearing the mixture over her forehead. “This is finest River Nile mud all the way from Egypt!”

  More likely soil from the bottom of the garden, I thought. I slip
ped into a tall sun chair before they noticed me.

  It’s hard to make yourself invisible when you’re but I pulled my feet up underneath me and snuggled down into the enormous high-backed seat. I was facing away from Barry and Mrs Paterson and they were busy with their beauty treatment anyway.

  No one could see me now, unless they walked round and stood right in front of the chair.

  The seat was made from that plaited wicker stuff, like a basket. If I peered really carefully through the cracks in the weaving behind me, I could still see Barry and Mrs Paterson. But I tried to ignore them. I stared out at the yoga lawn, trying to think of exciting things.

  There was nobody working in the gardens today, of course, because it was Sunday. Not that weekends seemed to keep Barry away. He was always here … giving beauty treatments … shouting about children having nits even when they DON’T!

  “No!” I told myself. “Don’t think about that! You’re supposed to be thinking about exciting things … and nits are NOT exciting!”

  I had a vision of Mum attacking my hair with her fine-toothed, NIT COMB!

  I shuddered and snapped out of my daydream in time to hear Barry and Mrs Paterson talking about Gran.

  “There’s no way she can deny it!” said Mrs Paterson. “My diamond ring was found hidden in that mug on her dresser.”

  “It’s disgraceful!” said Barry.

  I tucked my feet up higher and hugged my knees inside the chair. I tried not to listen to them.

  Hearing bad things about Gran was not going to help me feel excited. At this rate I’d shrink! The gnawing feeling in my stomach had started again – like a hamster nibbling in my belly. I wished I could get up and walk away. But that’s the trouble with being full size. If I got out of the chair now, Barry and Mrs Paterson would see me.

  “And that nosy granddaughter of hers is no better,” said Mrs Paterson, as if she’d read my thoughts. “Did you see the way she picked on my poor little Riley?”

  Poor little Riley? I had never heard anything so in my whole life! Mrs Paterson ought to see the way Riley picks on the smaller kids at school. Last week he poured water on the chalk pictures the nursery children had drawn in the playground. And he locked Maisy Willis from reception in the ball cupboard for the whole of break.

  I peered through the back of the chair. I couldn’t see Mrs Paterson’s eyes because Barry had covered them up with cucumber slices, but her wrinkly mouth was bent down in an angry frown. With her round cucumber eyes and muddy green face, she looked like a big cross frog. Ribbit!

  “I don’t trust that Violet Potts,” she croaked. “Or her grandmother.”

  “Quite right,” said Barry. “I hope you’ve moved your locket and put it somewhere really safe.”

  “Oh yes!” said Mrs Paterson. “It’s in the safest place I could think of! I’m wearing it. See?” She pulled down the edge of her collar to show Barry the chain. I saw the glint of around her neck.

  “Very sensible!” said Barry, patting the enormous diamond on the thick gold chain around his own neck. “Wearing precious jewels is the very best way to keep them safe.” He wriggled his fingers to show off his chunky gold rings. “But let’s stop thinking about all these unpleasant things, Mrs P. You’ll give yourself more … I mean, some wrinkles! And it’s not good for your poor heart either. Try to relax…

  Oh no! Barry must have the same meditation CD as Mum! He began to hum.

  “You’re a fluffy, carefree cloud,” he whispered. “I’ll give you a massage, Mrs P? That’ll really help you relax.”

  I watched as Barry straightened the cucumber slices on Mrs Paterson’s eyes. He stepped round the back of the sun lounger to massage her shoulders.

  As he pressed down with one hand, Barry took hold of Mrs Paterson’s gold chain with the other.

  “Just relax,” he whispered. “Remember, you’re a fluffy cloud in the big blue sky!”

  Barry glanced around the veranda. I froze. But he couldn’t see me. Even though I was still I was completely hidden by the ENORMOUS chair.

  Barely daring to breathe, I watched as Barry unclipped the gold chain from around Mrs Paterson’s neck. All the time he kept talking to her, massaging her shoulders and telling her to relax. He was stealing Mrs Paterson’s locket right before my eyes!

  My legs trembled. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Barry Bling was the jewellery thief. I had caught him red-handed!

  It seemed so obvious now. Why I hadn’t thought of it before? Barry was always going in and out of everyone’s rooms. He had plenty of opportunities to steal things… He was always telling people to relax, or sticking cucumber slices on their eyes. And Barry really did love sparkly jewellery! Just look at his own collection of rings and gold chains.

  I’ve done it! I’ve proved Gran innocent, I thought, jiggling my legs as I hugged them tightly. I’ll just watch what Barry does with the locket, then I’ll run and get Nurse Bridget. She’ll call the police.

  A big grin spread across my face. I had found the thief all by myself … and I hadn’t even needed to shrink to do it.

  It was hard to keep still. I wanted to clap my hands and WHOOP and cheer.

  I watched, excitement racing through me, as Barry slipped the locket into his…

  “Oh no!”

  I felt a tingle in my toes and…

  My stomach lurched.

  The next thing I knew, I’d slipped down behind the cushion on the chair.

  I had shrunk.

  I was no bigger than the diamond B hanging around Barry Bling’s neck.

  “This is not the right moment!” I groaned. “I’m trying to catch a thief!”

  But right now I wasn’t even big enough to catch a tennis ball…

  Shrinking was what I had had in mind! But there wasn’t a moment to lose. Now I knew Barry was the thief, I had to get help. I had to tell someone.

  “Stay there and relax,” said Barry as soon as he’d slipped the locket off Mrs Paterson’s neck. “I’ll pop inside and check on Cora and Dora. They’re under the hairdryers. Don’t move those cucumber slices! I’ll be back to take your face mask off in a while.”

  “Stop! Thief!” I cried. But, even if I could have shouted loud enough, my voice was muffled by the cushion I’d slipped behind. I heaved myself up, pushing my way through bits of fluff, a penny the size of a pizza and a pistachio shell I could have worn like a hat.

  As soon as I was free, I the using the holes in the wicker like the rungs of a ladder for my tiny feet. But it was slow work. By the time I’d climbed to the floor, Barry was already through the heavy screen door that led inside. It banged shut behind him.

  “Now what?” I might as well have been locked behind a steel wall for all the chance I had of catching up with him. I ran along a crack in the wooden floor, the sun loungers throwing dark grey shadows above my head.

  The door from the veranda was about FIFTY times taller than me. It would probably weigh about the same as a lorry would if I were full size. There was NO way I’d ever be able to push it open.

  I thought about shaking Mrs Paterson – maybe climbing on top of her and pinching her nose. But what if she really did have a weak heart? The sight of me jumping up and down like a tiny, crazy Mrs Pepperpot might just finish her off for good.

  I’d already been called a thief … I didn’t want to be called a murderer as well!

  “This is SO unfair!” I kicked at the door … and stubbed my toe. “Ouch!” I’d forgotten I was only wearing my slippers. “When I want to shrink, I don’t. And when I don’t want to shrink, I do!”

  I was pacing up and down, trying to think what to do next, when I heard a sharp below me. I looked down and saw a familiar nose poking up through a hole in the wooden planks of the veranda.

  “Hannibal!” I cried. “How did you get down there?”

  Last time I’d see
n him, he’d disappeared under Gran’s bed.

  “Of course!” There must be a whole network of underground passages beneath the floorboards of the old building. Just right if you’re a hamster … or a TINY LITTLE GIRL.

  “Wait!” I cried as Hannibal’s nose disappeared again. If I could follow him under the floorboards, I could probably get right down under the house. I might be able to find an underground route to Cora and Dora’s room. Then I could hide under their bed and keep an eye on Barry.

  But by the time I through the tiny hole in the plank, Hannibal had vanished.

  Never mind, I thought. As long as I followed the veranda all the way along, I would end up underneath the twins’ room. The two old sisters shared the big double room at the front of the building. I’d heard Mrs Paterson complain how unfair it was – “They have a best view from there! Right out over the gardens” – so at least I knew which way I was going.

  But what if I grow back to full size? I thought suddenly. It could happen anytime, without warning, like it had in the litter bin or on Mrs Paterson’s bed. Then I’d be down here – like Winnie-the-Pooh in a rabbit hole! Squashed like the layer of peanut butter in a peanut butter roll…

  “Better keep moving,” I told myself. “No time to hang around.”

  I raced along under the wooden veranda. I thought it would be dark down here, but it was more like running through a forest. Like when Dad takes us on country hikes at the weekend. Sunlight poured in through the cracks in the planks above, just like it does through tall tress on a woodland path.

  Of course if this really were a hike, Dad would have had all his gadgets with him – like a compass, hand-held satnav and mobile phone. We could have just phoned Cora and Dora and told them what was going on. But that was no use to me now. Dad was miles away at his work disaster. Even if I did have a phone, I was so small I’d have to on the buttons to dial it.

  I ran on until I reached a solid brick wall ahead of me under the planks. This must mean I was at the end of the building, right by Cora and Dora’s room.