Beefcake & Retakes

by Fennell, Judi

  Tanner was on the sofa when she walked in. “Here, you take the kitten and I’ll patch that hole,” he said.

  “I can do it. You play with her.” She wanted to focus on something besides him and if he was sitting in front of her, she certainly wasn’t going to be paying attention to the kitten.

  She lined up the scraps, chose the best fit, then drilled some pilot holes into the bottom of the bookshelf to start the screws.

  All in all, it took her about ten minutes to close up the hole and put the first round of stain on—and then protect that stain from curious kitten paws with a fence of books around it.

  “I didn’t know you knew what a drill was, let alone how to use one.”

  “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Tanner. I told you; I’m not the same girl you married.” And left, but she wasn’t going to add that. For all that it hurt her, she really couldn’t blame him for leaving. Especially because she blamed herself.

  She brushed the carpet fluff off her thighs, then picked up her tools. “I’ll be right back, then I’ll start dinner. I was thinking ribeye on the grill?”

  “My favorite.”

  She knew that. But that wasn’t why she’d chosen it. The last thing she wanted was to be in the kitchen with him, doing something domestic. The patio was a safer place to be. “There’s beer in the fridge if you want to grab one. You can put the kitten in the laundry room. Just close the door so she can’t get out.”

  “I don’t think she’s going anywhere.” He held up his hand. The fluff ball was curled there, her tail over her nose, purring away.

  Lucky kitten.

  “Okay, then hang here and I’ll get you a beer. Looks like you’re on cat-sitting duty.” Which would keep him out of her immediate vicinity while she made dinner.

  She gave him the beer she’d stocked specially for him, handed him the remote, then fired up the gas grill. She prepped the ribeyes with butter, garlic, and sea salt, grabbed some asparagus and lemon, and slivered some onions with a few potatoes which she set in a pan of oil on the side burner of her grill. She’d never had to learn to cook elaborate meals with Ermalinda and Nana around, but since moving out, she and the grill had become close friends. Something else that had changed about her.

  ***

  Twenty fighting-with-herself-to-keep-from-going-inside-with-Tanner minutes later, she carried the serving platter in from the patio. “Food’s ready.”

  “Guess I’ll put her in her bed in the laundry room. She’s out for the count.”

  “Okay, I’ll set the table.”

  It was all sounding way too domesticated. What should have been.

  What should be.

  Juliet set their plates across from each other, ignoring the temptation to put them catty-corner to each other where their legs could accidentally brush beneath the table as she would she done if they were in this house together for the right reason.

  Hell, if that were the case, she wouldn’t have been outside firing up the grill when she could have been inside firing up their bedroom.

  Your bedroom, Juliet. Let’s not get carried away here.

  Too late.

  He walked into the kitchen, his khaki shorts hanging low on his hips.

  She cursed herself for noticing.

  “Something smells good,” he said.

  For a second she thought he was talking about her, and she sort of skipped over to him with a smile on her face—but then realized he meant dinner.

  “You have cat hair on your, um, nose.” She brushed it off, keeping that smile plastered to her face so he wouldn’t know what she’d thought or the truth she’d realized. Thank God for all those pageants she’d been in; the experience came in handy for maintaining her poise in awkward situations, and she’d just avoided a doozy.

  “Better get used to it. You’re going to have it all over the place. That’s the one thing I don’t miss about Buddy.”

  “Don’t you get lonely? I hate coming home to an empty house.” The words slipped out before she could stop them. She didn’t like how much they revealed about her life. But it was true. She hated coming home with no one here. Hated being here by herself.

  “I’m rarely home. Working the hours I do, I’m there pretty much just to sleep. It was nice having Buddy, but I also felt guilty about leaving him. I don’t need that in my life.”

  The guilt or the leaving part? Juliet didn’t ask; didn’t want to hear him say “both.”

  She sprinkled salt and pepper on the home fries, then handed him the serving platter. “Here you go. Ermalinda taught me to make them just how you like them.”

  “Man, I haven’t had these in years.” He took the platter and shoveled a decent amount onto his plate.

  “Why not? You love home fries.”

  “But my waistline doesn’t.” That didn’t stop him from picking up a forkful and slipping them past his lips.

  Lips that had kissed hers. That had trailed along her body—“There’s nothing wrong with your waistline.”

  Dammit. Her mind was preoccupied so it wasn’t monitoring what her mouth said.

  But it was true. She’d noticed that when she and Sandy had been at the club. Just one detail among many.

  “That’s because I haven’t had these.” He raised his second forkful, thankfully, not turning the comment to what, exactly, she did notice.

  Which had been a lot. Tanner had always been in good shape—okay, great shape—but nothing like he’d been on that stage.

  As he was, sitting across from her.

  His t-shirt fit a little bit snugger than it had in the past. His calves were a little more defined. His butt—dear God, his butt—was a little firmer and rounder, and his face… These past seven years had carved maturity and life experience onto chiseled cheekbones and a jaw that looked to be made of granite. Tanner had matured so well and so sexily it was all she could do to stay on her side of the table. But stay she would. She needed to earn the right to touch him like she used to.

  God, she was such an idiot for not believing in him. For not trusting him. But she’d listened to the girls in school moon over him. She’d heard them talking when they hadn’t realized she was listening—or maybe they had—about how he’d go off to college and forget about her. How the cheerleaders and other college women would be throwing themselves at the hunk on the football field. Juliet had had no reason to doubt it because girls were throwing themselves at him in high school—when they knew she and Tanner were a couple. What would it be like when a campus full of women didn’t know Tanner was hers? And when she wouldn’t be there to tell them.

  She’d had to make him hers. In a way no one could deny.

  Tanner sliced into the steak. “Wow, Juliet, this is awesome.”

  “Thank you.” She cut into her own, but she wasn’t hungry. Not for food. Not when he was in the same room.

  This had been a bad idea. She should have invented a convention he’d had to be at or a business trip to Europe or a deadline he couldn’t miss instead of talking him into coming here. She loved her grandmother, but the heartache that would follow him leaving was going to last a lot longer than it had last time because seeing him again wasn’t like ripping a bandage off—this time, it was taking the scars with it.

  “Do you keep in touch with anyone from the old crowd?” he asked.

  She knew he didn’t because they all asked about him when they saw her. Which wasn’t a lot. She didn’t like to answer the questions. There were only so many conventions and client meetings he could be at before they got suspicious.

  “I see them occasionally. Matter of fact, when they heard you were coming, they asked if we could get together.”

  Tanner was silent through three more bites of his steak. And another helping of home fries. “There will be a lot of questions about why I’m here. We don’t want the truth getting back to your family.”

  “Actually...” She stabbed her steak a little more forcefully than necessary.

  “Actually wh
at?”

  “Well, I couldn’t tell Dad and Nana one thing and everyone else another.”

  He propped his elbows on the table and covered one hand with another, letting the fork dangle downward. “You lied to our friends.”

  At least he was using the collective our. “Not exactly.”

  “Is this like the pregnancy not exactly being an accident?”

  Ouch. “I didn’t lie to them, Tanner. I just… made myself scarce. When I do see them I say you’re out of town working. Which isn’t, technically, a lie.”

  “Not technically, no. But implied… yes. Yet now they know I’m in town.” He set his fork on the plate and intertwined his fingers. “Why, Juliet? What can you hope to gain by lying this time?”

  “I told you, Tanner, this isn’t about them. It’s about Nana.”

  “So everyone thinks I haven’t been around long enough to get together for seven years? They aren’t stupid, Juliet. The only one you’re fooling is yourself.”

  And she wasn’t even fooling herself. She couldn’t, not when she’d had to construct an elaborate story to keep up the pretense. There were the trips out of town she’d made, pretending to meet him. All the studying that had been the perfect excuse not to be around him. Then she’d started working and anything other than weekend visits weren’t possible. She’d covered for herself, but that was because she knew there’d be an end in sight with his birthday. And end she really didn’t want.

  “It’s only for a little longer. Just ’til Nana gets better.” The words squeaked out between the tears clogging her throat. He’d leave then, and the dream she’d carried in her heart these past seven years would go with it.

  But if there was one thing Keegan’s death had taught her it was that strength of will couldn’t fix everything. That sometimes, it just wasn’t up to her, no matter how hard she wished or what she did to make things go her way. Tanner was his own man. Had his own mind. His own heart.

  “And she is getting better, Tanner. I haven’t seen her in a chair since before she went into the hospital, never mind standing. And to leave her room to be with us? She had to have been so excited because I usually visit with her in her room. And that piece of pie she had? I think that’s the most she’s eaten at one sitting since she came home. I told you this would be good for her. I can’t regret it. I just can’t.”

  “I’m glad to hear you see improvement.” Tanner speared another helping of the ribeye and chewed slowly, looking at her as if he had something on his mind.

  She wanted to be that something.

  “I want to see them.”

  She dropped her fork. She hadn’t seen that one coming. “Who? Our friends? But we’ll have to keep the pretense going.”

  Tanner shrugged. “I can’t undo what you’ve already done and I’d like to see everyone. I’m back now, for however long, and I’m going to need something to do besides staring at these walls and rescuing that cat from holes in them.”

  She could think of a few things they could do…

  “And with you at work, I might go stir crazy. I’d like to reconnect. Maybe I’ll get a job.”

  “Stripping?”

  He arched an eyebrow, a move she well remembered. Especially for how sexy it made him look.

  Not what she should be thinking about.

  “No, not dancing. Though… actually, Maybe I could scout a couple of locations for Gage and Bryan to see if it’d make sense to open a location here. Maybe we can get into franchising.”

  If they hired guys like the ones she’d seen dancing with him that night in the club, yeah, franchises would be a good idea. And there’d definitely be interest around here—especially if he was going to be doing some dancing.

  She didn’t want to think about that.

  “So I’m going to need a car. We forgot to get one.”

  “I’ll have one of the fleet cars sent around. We don’t use them all that much.”

  Silence came crashing down again.

  They’d used a couple of fleet cars a few times. And not for driving.

  Tanner swallowed the piece of steak and washed it down with his beer. Then he placed his knife and fork on his plate, leaving a few home fries left. “Thanks, Juliet. This was good. But I’m beat. I’m going to grab a shower and turn in.”

  He stood and it was as if he took the air in the room with him. She’d always loved how big he was compared to how small she was. It’d made her feel safe and protected.

  But now, as he headed into the kitchen to wash his plate then put it on the drain board, giving her a small nod as he headed toward his room, the differences in their sizes just made her feel insignificant.

  ***

  Penelope transferred from the horrible wheelchair to the rocker in front of her bay window after Juliet and Tanner left, chuckling that she’d kicked them out because she was “tired.”

  She was so far from tired she’d consider running a marathon if it meant she wouldn’t have to be in that chair again, but these things must be handled delicately. She couldn’t recuperate too quickly or people were going to get suspicious.

  She chuckled. Even Burt didn’t have an inkling that she was faking ninety percent of her frailness.

  She liked to ignore the ten percent she wasn’t. That darn TIA had only been good for giving her the excuse to play the invalid and get her family to come running. But frankly, she was over this. Tanner and Juliet needed to realize they should be together so she could go about living the rest of her life while waiting for those great-grandbabies to come along.

  “Silencio, Señora.” Ermalinda closed the door to the sitting room behind her. “If Mr. Burt hears, he’s going to wonder why you’re laughing.”

  “And we’ll tell him it’s because I’m so happy.”

  “He will be happy to hear that. He worries about you.” Ermalinda picked up the television remote from beside the recliner and handed it to her. “What movie do you want to watch today?”

  Penelope nudged her guilt aside. Burt wouldn’t appreciate her motives, but then, he was biased against Tanner. If her son weren’t so blinded by what his ex-wife had done, he’d see that Juliet wasn’t quite as perfect as he thought she was.

  It took a woman to see that. One who loved Juliet very much. Which was why she was keeping up this pretense. Juliet had suffered enough. She deserved to be happy, and Tanner made her happy.

  Juliet also made Tanner happy and if he could only remember that, he’d be able to forgive her for her desperate actions.

  “No movie. I’m tired of movies. I want to jump for joy instead and take a jog through the rose garden.”

  Ermalinda shook her head. “And then you will have to explain to everyone why you are suddenly fully recovered.”

  “We can just say that the Lord works in mysterious ways.”

  “Not so mysterious.” Ermalinda patted her on the shoulder and handed her the romance novel Ermalinda’s mother-in-law had recommended.

  The minute Penelope had read about the meddling grandmother who’d plotted to have her granddaughter share a house with the guy who’d been her first crush so they could get it ready to put it up for sale, which then allowed them the time and opportunity to fall in love and live happily ever after, was the day Penelope had known the perfect way to help Juliet get her man.

  Not that she’d manufactured her little stroke, but it’d happened when she’d been trying to come up with some believable illness she could be cured from that would cause just enough worry to make everyone come running.

  The Lord did, indeed, work in mysterious ways.

  The pain and the fright had almost been worth it—and would be if she got some great-grandchildren out of this.

  “Mi suegra was so happy you read the book and took her advice. But I hope neither of you ever plays a trick on me. You’re both too good. Ladies your age are supposed to sit around and knit, not get into mischief.”

  “I’d be more than happy to knit up a slew of baby sweaters if those two could
have worked this out on their own, but they’re both too stubborn. Or scared. I haven’t figured out which Tanner is, but I know Juliet was worried about making the first move because she thought it’d make Tanner end their marriage. She’s been carrying her guilt all this time. But that can only go on for so long. She didn’t mean to hurt him; that poor girl has been in love with him her entire life. It’s time she gets over herself and starts working on her future.”

  Ermalinda sat on the ottoman and clutched a pillow to her stomach. “You are taking a risk with Tanner, though. He’s been hurt badly.”

  “I know. And he’s such a good boy—er, man. I keep forgetting they’re all grown up.” She set the book on her knee. “But just because they are grown up doesn’t mean I can’t help them along.”

  “I don’t know Señora. You aren’t acting very grown up with your play-acting.”

  Penelope sat back and intertwined her fingers, tapping the index fingers against each other. “Sometimes, Ermalinda, the ends justify the means.”

  “I’m not sure I want to understand that particular phrase. I just know that mi suegra is a matchmaker in my town, so she must know what she’s doing.”

  “Well, it’s gotten Tanner here, and he and Juliet are touching. I might be an old lady, but I still remember what sparks feel like and if those weren’t sparks flying between my granddaughter and her husband, I’ll… why, I’ll stay in that godforsaken wheelchair for another month after their next wedding.”

  Ermalinda crossed herself. “Hush, Señora. Don’t tempt fate.”

  “Tempt it?” Penelope fanned herself with the book. “I’m not tempting it, Ermalinda. I’m helping it along.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Phew. He made it.

  Tanner shut the guest bedroom door behind him, resisting the urge to slam it. He couldn’t have gotten out of the kitchen fast enough, the visions of him and Juliet in the back seat of one of her father’s Lincoln Towne Cars chasing him the entire way.

  He yanked a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt out of his bag and grabbed the blue towels Juliet had left on the dresser. He wished to God he had his own bathroom, but wishing didn’t make things reality, so he was going to have to brave the memory-laden dining room to get to the bathroom and a cold shower. Between the memories, the scent of Juliet’s lotion, and just being around her—not to mention his seven years of self-directed celibacy—temptation was not just rearing its seductive head, but roaring through this tiny house, gobbling up everything in its path.