Beefcake & Retakes

by Fennell, Judi

  Tank cleared his throat, then looked back at Tanner. “I’ve got season tickets this year for the Cowboys. Maybe we can take in a couple of games. What do you say?”

  Tanner had always loved the Cowboys, but he wasn’t going to be here come football season. No one else needed to know that yet, though. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

  “You plannin’ to be in town more nowadays? Me and Sara would love to have you and Juliet over to the house.”

  Just hand him a shovel and let him dig his own grave. He could see what Juliet meant about having to keep up appearances. He couldn’t come clean now with the truth. He didn’t know what Juliet was going to do when he eventually did leave and she had to own up to what they’d done.

  Maybe she’d just say they got a divorce and leave it at that. With the country’s divorce rate, it shouldn’t be hard to believe—except for the fact that Tank was seeing sparks where none existed.

  Or, well… Scratch that. The sparks were still there, it was just that the rationale behind them didn’t make sense anymore.

  “Did I hear my name?” Tank’s wife Sara, walked up beside her husband and slipped her arm around his waist, her pregnant belly making a bigger entrance.

  God, he’d loved when Juliet had been pregnant. Had loved feeling Keegan kick inside her. Had loved what pregnancy had done to her breasts—

  Shit. This was so not where he wanted to go with his thoughts.

  “Hi. I’m Sara.” Tank’s wife held out her hand.

  “Tanner Wentworth. Nice to meet you.” He shook her hand, glad to hear his voice didn’t shake. He’d gotten better at masking his emotions around pregnant women over the years.

  Juliet, however, didn’t seem to have. She walked up to them before Sara’s pregnancy registered and Tanner knew the moment it did.

  “Juliet, sweetheart.” He had to cover for her. Nothing was worse than the pity. “This is Sara. Tank’s wife.”

  “Ah, yes. I remember. We met last summer, I believe.” Juliet handed him his beer and pasted that beauty queen smile onto her face so quick that the only reason he’d seen the anguish in her eyes was because he knew her so well.

  “At Maryellen’s bridal shower?”

  “I think it was the Tim Jackson’s graduation party. His MBA?”

  “Oh, right. That’s it. I forgot. Too many parties, and now with all these hormones rushing through me…” Sara rubbed her belly. “I’ll be glad when this one is born and this whole placenta-brain syndrome goes away.”

  “Placenta brain?” Juliet cocked her head.

  Tank sighed and put his arm around his wife’s shoulders. “Sara’s convinced that her forgetfulness is due to the fact that she’s pregnant. Says her ma told her once you get knocked up, your brain goes to mush.”

  Tanner would give anything to change the conversation, but he didn’t know what to change it to. Or how. Sara and Tank were obviously very happy about the impending birth—and who could blame them—but it just hurt so damn much. And he could feel Juliet tense beneath his palm when he slipped an arm around her shoulders.

  “Oh, hush, Tank. Don’t go making me out to be some dingbat. Everyone knows pregnant women are a little forgetful. It’s what happens when you’re growing a person inside you. Do you have children?” she asked oh-so-innocently to Juliet.

  He felt the breath Juliet took. Felt her shoulders stiffen.

  And was proud as all get-out at the steadiness of her voice when she answered.

  “Not yet, no. But we’re looking forward to it.”

  It was the perfect thing to say. If she’d said no, as he often had, there were the “Oh, you don’t know what you’re missing” comments, and if he came clean about losing Keegan, well, it was uncomfortable for everyone. Saying they were looking forward to it one day was a common denominator and no one ever took offense to it.

  But he could feel how much it cost Juliet to act so nonchalant. Her backbone was as stiff as he’d been this morning.

  Probably not a good comparison for him to make.

  Of course Delia would take that moment to show up. “Hi, y’all. Having fun?”

  “Loads.” Tanner guzzled half his beer.

  “Now, Tanner Wentworth, is that sarcasm I hear? You always were the king of the one-liners weren’t you?”

  “Was I?” He took another swig. They should have arrived late. Waited for everyone else to get here—actually they had planned to, but Delia had “accidentally” told them the wrong time since the party started at four-thirty. Thank God Tank and J.D. had been early, too, so they’d had people to talk to besides Gossip Hound Delia.

  “You know, I forgot to ask if you two have had any more kids since high school?”

  Tanner set his beer on the stone wall beside him. It was either that or bash the woman over the head with it.

  They shouldn’t have come. He’d let his desire to reconnect with old friends make him forget who and what Delia really was.

  “Oh, but I thought you said you didn’t have kids?” Poor Sara looked extremely confused. And poor Tank looked like he wanted to drink an entire keg.

  “Let’s go get something to eat, Sara.” Tank clapped Tanner on the shoulder. “Sorry, man. Juliet.” He nodded to her then ushered his wife away.

  “Oh, dear, did I say something wrong?” Delia had been in beauty pageants, too, but she hadn’t mastered the smile quite like Juliet.

  “You know exactly what you said—”

  “Tanner.” Juliet put her hand on his arm and squeezed.

  Three times.

  “Delia, since you haven’t had children, I’m going to believe that you don’t understand what a painful subject this is for Tanner and I. So please, let’s not go into it, and if you’d not bring it up again, Tanner and I would greatly appreciate it.”

  He’d never been more proud of Juliet than he was at this moment. There was no reason to give Delia an out; the woman knew exactly what she was doing. She’d wanted to beat Juliet at so many things over the years and had always come in second that she’d seen her chance to hurt Juliet and had taken it.

  Yet Juliet, who would be absolutely justified in lashing out at her, didn’t. She didn’t give Delia any more fuel for her fire, and she maintained her composure while giving the woman an extremely veiled—but extremely potent—put-down. Which was way more charitable than what he’d wanted to say.

  Delia glanced at him and the first sign of remorse showed up in her botox-ed face. “I… I’m sorry. You’re right; I wasn’t thinking.”

  Oh she’d been thinking; she just hadn’t been thinking of exactly what reaction she’d get. What emotions she’d unleash.

  If it weren’t so damn painful to think of not having Keegan in his life, he might almost let her comment go. Because for now, right this moment, with this conversation, he and Juliet were together in the way they’d been pretending to be. But he couldn’t let Delia get away with it; that’d just open the door to more insults and spitefulness.

  “I think we should go.” He slid his hand to the small of Juliet’s waist, the fabric of her sundress thin enough that he could feel the heat of her skin. “Sweetheart? If you want—”

  “No.” Juliet’s back got even straighter, though Tanner didn’t know how that was possible. “I’m not going to let one unthoughtful comment make me leave. You wanted to see your friends, so we will.” She picked up his beer bottle and handed it to him. “If you’ll excuse us, Delia, I see the Markinsons have arrived.”

  Tanner bit back the words he wanted to say, following Juliet’s lead. But if Delia—or anyone for that matter—tried to hurt Juliet by mentioning Keegan again, they’d answer to him.

  Juliet let out the breath she’d been holding when she was on the other side of the pool deck. Delia was a straight-up bitch. She’d made plenty of snide comments couched as concerns after Juliet had gotten pregnant, but Juliet hadn’t cared because the baby was Tanner’s. Nothing could have touched her back then. Her life had been going along exactly as she’d
wanted.

  And now it wasn’t, so of course, Delia would swoop in like the bottom-feeder she was. Thank God, though, that she’d revealed her true nature to Tanner. That was one woman Juliet could strike off the list of Tanner’s possible next wives—

  Oh, God. What if he did move back here and married someone else? He said he’d scout out a location for BeefCake, Inc. in town; would he stay to run it?

  That thought hit her in the gut and she stumbled.

  His arm shot around her. “You okay?”

  The concern on his face was genuine and it gave her a modicum of hope that maybe he still cared about her.

  “I’m fine. Now.” She took a step back. Just one. But it could have been a thousand for the chasm it opened between them.

  “Delia’s a bitch.”

  “You’re right.”

  “We shouldn’t have come.” He raked a hand through his hair then kneaded the back of his neck. He did that when he was pissed.

  Many times, she’d removed his hand and massage his neck herself. But those were the good ol’ days. “Nonsense, Tan. We never let her define us back in the day; we’re not going to start now.”

  “We didn’t?” He stopped kneading and looked at her. “That’s not how I remember it.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You can’t honestly tell me you don’t remember?”

  “Remember what?” She remembered a lot of things.

  “How you used to grill me about her. If she’d come to football practice, or had shown up at the pancake house after those late-night games.”

  “I…” She clamped her mouth shut. She had said those things to him. He, however, had laughed her off. Told her she was imagining things.

  She hadn’t been. Delia had wanted him back then and she wanted him now.

  But the difference was… Tanner didn’t want Delia. And hadn’t wanted her back then, either. Juliet could see that with an eleven-year perspective. Delia had been the snake, and Tanner her non-willing prey.

  “I owe you an apology, Tanner. Well, many. But I’m sorry I ever listened to her. And that I didn’t listen to you about her.”

  “I told you she was bad news. That she wanted to be you. She still does.”

  That had Juliet chuckling and not in a good way. “Too bad she doesn’t know the truth.”

  “The truth?”

  “That my life isn’t anywhere near what she thinks it is, and that you’re here only for Nana. But, hey, she can set her sights on you once… well, once there’s no longer any need for our subterfuge.”

  “If you think I’d have even the slightest interest in her, you really haven’t changed at all.” He downed the rest of the bottle. “I need another beer.”

  He didn’t ask her if she wanted one when he left.

  Damn it. Why couldn’t she say or do the right thing around Tanner? Why’d she have to bring up the past?

  A burst of laughter by the big built-in grill had her looking around at all their high school friends. Half the football team was here, lounging on the pool chairs or playing bocce on the almost-golf-course-perfect lawn or hanging at the no-expense-spared tiki bar attached to the pool house. Hell, being here with all of them, she and Tanner were mired in the past.

  So much for moving forward.

  “Hey, Juliet.” Tamra, J.D.’s wife, walked up to her and gave her a hug. Tamra had figured out a while ago that things were not what the seemed, but she’d promised not to say a word—even to J.D.

  Juliet wasn’t sure how she felt about a husband and wife having secrets from each other, but what did she know? Tamra’s marriage was going strong after ten years and Juliet’s had never gotten off the ground.

  That damn plane-trip-for-one. She’d never forget the humiliation of being on a honeymoon by herself . Of having to get both sets of luggage off the baggage claim carousel and into their villa. The pitying looks from the staff—and having to see Tanner’s suitcases every day of the seven she’d been there. And schlep them home. Alone.

  So if not telling J.D. was a good plan according to Tamra, Juliet couldn’t argue with it. Maybe she ought to take pointers from Tamra.

  “I see he’s been attentive all evening. Does this mean you guys are going to try to work it out?”

  Sandy was the only one who knew the whole truth, but Sandy was single and hadn’t been around for all the backstory as it’d unfolded all those years ago. Tamra had been, so it’d been easy to confide in her, but it’d also been more humiliation piled on top of other humiliation. Juliet wasn’t up for another round.

  But when the eventual did happen, when word got around that she and Tanner had split, some truths would come out. It wasn’t as if she was going to be able to hide from the gossip. Might as well enjoy the positivity and happiness now before it all went away. “We’re talking.”

  “And he agreed to come here with you.”

  “Actually, he wanted to come more than I did.” She fiddled with the top button on the bodice of her dress. “I couldn’t say no.”

  “Of course not. That’d be taking five steps back. And if he wants to renew the relationships with his old friends, it could be that he’s thinking long-term.”

  But long-term didn’t mean long-term with her.

  “We’ll see. Taking it one day at a time.” Juliet snagged a scallop wrapped in bacon from a passing server. “So how are things with you? What are the kids up to?”

  Kids were always a painful subject for her, especially if the person she was talking to knew about Keegan, but to ignore other people’s kids made the issue bigger. And she didn’t want to pretend Keegan hadn’t existed because he had.

  Agony gripped her in the gut; it never failed to. And the shitty thing was, no matter what people promised her, the pain never lessened. Not that she really wanted it to. Because the pain—at the same level of intensity—kept Keegan alive for her. It kept him with her, as if it were yesterday. Those few precious moments when she’d held him and he’d been so beautiful and she could pretend he’d been asleep.

  She grabbed a glass of champagne from the next waiter who walked by. She wasn’t planning to get drunk, but a little alcohol could help with the pain.

  Hmmm, maybe she ought to grab a couple of cases to keep around the house for the next few weeks. Lord knew, she was definitely going to need it.

  “Geez, man, it’s good to see you.” Rick Stangler clasped Tanner on the shoulder and shook his hand. “You’re the last one we’d thought would high-tail it out of town after graduation. Nice of you to show your face.”

  “Hey, been busy, you know. Lots to accomplish.” Painful memories to run from.

  Maybe he should have stayed. Looking around at most of the football team, he realized he’d isolated himself. Maybe it would have been better to hang out here among friends. Drown his sorrows with his buddies, the guys who understood him, instead of running off and trying to forget his past. Pretend it didn’t exist.

  But right here, this was proof that it did. Hell, Keegan and Juliet were proof that it did. He couldn’t run from his past anymore than he could run from the pain. He’d put it out of sight, sure, but it was always there, hovering below the surface.

  “Can’t believe you took a job that has you traveling so much. I mean, shit, Tan, you got Juliet. Finally. All yours, nice and legal. We thought for sure we hadn’t seen you because you guys were you know…” He nudged him with his elbow.

  “Yo, Rick. Enough. She’s my wife.” The words just flew out of his mouth as if it was the most natural thing in the world to say.

  Sadly, it was.

  Talk about pain.

  “No shit, Tan.” Rick tilted his beer bottle at him. “Which is why I can’t believe you’ve been travelling so much you couldn’t even bother to get together once in the past, what? Seven years? I mean, it’s not as if you guys moved to another state or something.”

  Yeah it was—“I, uh, had some… things to handle. Deal with. You know.” He swigged his beer ag
ain.

  Rick looked as if someone had nailed him in the nuts. “Aw, jeez, Tan, I’m sorry. I guess that was insensitive of me. Molly’s always saying I talk before I think. I didn’t think. I’m sorry, man.”

  Tanner kept the beer going in. “Yeah, thanks.”

  “Hey, Tan.” Alcon James clapped him on the shoulder and grabbed a beer out of the cooler on the ledge beside him. “Didya hear about Mickelson? Got drafted in the tenth, then crashed the car he bought with the signing bonus. Was out before he ever played. Tough break, you know?”

  Tanner knew all about tough breaks. Still, that was no reason to visit his misery on anyone else. “What’s he doing now?”

  The talk continued about them and their friends. Who was doing what, who was married to whom—who was divorcing whom—but Tanner felt removed from it all. As if he didn’t belong here anymore.

  Juliet wasn’t having a picnic here either. He’d seen her drink at least three flutes of champagne. She’d never been a big drinker and he’d noticed there wasn’t any wine at her place when he’d been looking for a glass for the water last night. That much about her hadn’t changed, at least.

  So her drinking now probably wasn’t a good idea. Especially for keeping the secrets she’d want to keep.

  He shouldn’t have come. Should have left well enough alone, hung out at Juliet’s or gone to the gym, and done his duty by her grandmother. Just bide his time until this was over and he could go home.

  “Excuse me, guys.” He placed his empty bottle on one of the platters set around the pool deck to collect used utensils and plates and glasses, then headed over to his wife.

  His wife.

  The words sounded strange to him. He used to practice them in the mirror—if any of the guys had found out they would have laughed him out of town. Juliet had written Juliet Wentworth all over her folders and notebooks in girlish, swirly cursive; if he’d done that his teammates would have taken away his Man Card, but he’d been just as nutso about her. So, yeah, he’d practiced calling her his wife in the privacy of his room, picturing what it’d be like when they were finally married.