Critical Condition

by Nicki Edwards

  What was she going to do? Should she give Liam the time and space he needed or should she let him go? Forget about him?

  As if that was even possible.

  She knew it was a mistake the moment he’d kissed her, but he hadn’t been joking about how good his kisses were and the second his lips met hers, she’d been unable to say no.

  She shook her head, trying to clear the vision of Liam for the umpteenth time.

  It didn’t work.

  She kept busy all morning cleaning the farmhouse, baking and making soup. When she found nothing else to keep her mind occupied she watched a movie, but it was hard to concentrate.

  As the sun faded on the horizon, she stared out across the green paddocks at the darkening sky and felt the hot sting of tears in the back of her throat. She didn’t want to leave. America wasn’t home. Australia was. She loved Birrangulla. Loved the Base hospital and the new friends she’d made. She loved being able to park out the front of any shop she wanted to go into, loved the local pub and The Bean Counter, loved this little farmhouse like it was her own and most of all, she loved Liam.

  Liam. She needed to forget about him.

  She turned from the kitchen window. The best way to ease the pain of Liam’s leaving was do something more painful.

  After she added logs to the fire and pulled a chair up close, she set the bundle of letters on her knees and stared at them. They felt heavier than a rock. Her hands shook as she opened the first envelope. Inside was a Christmas card and a letter dated the year of her thirteenth birthday. Just after her father left. Her throat swelled and a single tear splashed onto the page. She pinched her lips together as the words blurred.

  I can’t do this.

  The logs shifted in the grate, the wood popped and sparks flew. She took a deep breath and blew the pain away. She needed to do this, no matter how difficult it was.

  Three hours later she straightened up and eased back in the seat, the final letter open in her lap, others scattered around her feet like fallen autumn leaves. Her neck was stiff. She stared at the dark window, not really seeing, until her eyes started to burn once more. Squeezing them shut she willed herself not to start crying again. Surely she was all out of tears now.

  She glanced at the final letter in her hands, dated the previous Christmas. Like the other letters, it was nothing like she’d imagined. She’d expected her dad to explain why he’d left. To give his reasons. His excuses. His motives. To blame her mother. She’d expected to hear his version of the same story told through a different lens. His lens. She’d imagined reading of his justification for abandoning his wife and daughter when they needed him most.

  Instead he’d pleaded for her forgiveness. He’d apologized for leaving her with a woman who stayed physically but abandoned her emotionally. He’d begged her to call him. He’d asked her to come home.

  Poppy’s back was sore from sitting for so long. She decided to run a bath and soak in it, but while the hot water temporarily soothed her physical exhaustion, it did nothing for her emotional pain. Tears flowed down her face like a dripping tap. She had no idea how long she stayed there, but when she started to shiver, she got out and toweled herself dry.

  After eating vegemite on toast for dinner, she crawled between the covers and hugged her pillow, more miserable and alone than she’d felt in her entire life. She blinked back more tears as she thought about the little girl desperate for her father’s love. And of a father, desperate to know his little girl.

  Guilt crashed down, followed by wave after wave of overwhelming sadness. If only she hadn’t been so stubborn, she might have met the first man who’d ever loved her.

  *

  On Saturday Poppy visited her mother. She was astonished at how well Terri looked. Her eyes were bright, her mood stable and she was matter-of-fact about her impending operation. Poppy considered telling her about the letters then decided it wasn’t worth it. Her mother would never understand. While Poppy had many regrets about her upbringing, her mother was never going to change, but at least she knew how much her father had loved her.

  On Sunday morning Poppy went to church with Jenni then went back to the house for lunch. While the boys did homework, Poppy and Jenni took the dogs for an amble around the river. Jenni listened intently while Poppy poured out her heart – firstly about Liam and Adam, then about the letters.

  “He never gave up on me,” Poppy said when they’d finished walking and were putting the dogs back in the car.

  Jenni pulled Poppy close and wrapped her arms around her. “Never. He always loved you, Poppy, and always hoped you’d come home one day.”

  Poppy released a long breath. “I wish I had.”

  Jenni stroked her back. “You’re home now, and that’s all that matters now.”

  “What am I going to do about Liam though?”

  “Let him go. If it’s meant to be, he’ll come to his senses.”

  When he hadn’t called by Sunday night, Poppy knew she’d ruined everything and on Monday morning, swallowing a host of mixed emotions, she got ready for work. As soon as she could, she’d find Belinda and resign.

  She’d barely walked in the door to the tea room and stowed her backpack in her locker when Mackenzie pounced.

  “What’s wrong?” Mackenzie asked.

  Poppy sighed heavily. She wasn’t sure she wanted to have this conversation and certainly not in public. Unbidden tears sprang to her eyes and she wiped them away.

  Mackenzie grabbed her by the arm, pulled her away from the prying eyes of the other nurses and ushered her into an office. She closed the door.

  “Are you okay? I heard about Liam’s accident.”

  “His car’s a write-off, but he’s fine. Walked away with hardly a scratch.”

  “Well clearly you’re not fine. What on earth is wrong?”

  “I made a big mistake,” she said. “I ruined everything by not being honest with him.”

  Mackenzie frowned. “About what.”

  “Something huge.”

  “I’m sure it’s not insurmountable,” Mackenzie said. “I know he cares for you. A lot.”

  “I’m not sure about that anymore. I haven’t heard from him since the accident.”

  A knock at the door startled them both. The door was pushed open and Emma’s troubled face appeared.

  “Am I interrupting?” she asked.

  Poppy gestured for her to come in. “I guess he told you.”

  Emma nodded. “Are you okay?”

  “Do I look okay? I’m miserable and lonely and stupid and all of this is my fault.” Poppy grabbed a tissue and blew her nose.

  “Well if it’s any consolation, Liam looks terrible too. He’s worse than he was when Maddi died.”

  Poppy let out a strangled sob. “That makes me feel terrible because I’m the reason.”

  “Want to talk about it?” Mackenzie asked.

  “Yeah, actually, I do, but not now. Have you got time for a coffee after work?”

  *

  Poppy barely managed to get through the shift. Luckily it was a slow day and her patients all had minor complaints. She cared for patients with back pain, abdominal pain and chest pain. The irony of being able to treat their pain with medications while her own pain was untreatable wasn’t lost on her.

  After work she waited for Mackenzie and Emma at their usual table at The Bean Counter. As soon as they walked in Poppy had to bite her lip to keep from crying again.

  “I’m leaving,” she blurted out the moment they sat.

  Wide eyes stared back at her. “What? When?” Mackenzie asked.

  “Does Liam know?” Emma asked.

  “He’s always known,” Poppy managed to say before more tears clogged up her throat. She rifled around in her bag and found nothing but rumpled tissues. She grabbed a paper serviette and blew her nose.

  “When are you leaving?” Mackenzie asked.

  “Friday.”

  “This Friday?”

  Poppy nodded.

&nb
sp; “But that’s only four days away.”

  She nodded again and tried not to dwell on the fact that for the first time in her life she actually felt like she belonged somewhere and had made friends and now she was leaving it all behind. What sense was there in that?

  “Why?” Mackenzie asked, reaching over and grasping Poppy’s arm. “I thought you were happy here. You’ve got a job, and you can stay at Cooinda. Nath and I have already talked about it.”

  Poppy sighed. “But what’s the point in staying if Liam doesn’t want me? There’s no way he’s going to forgive me for what I did.”

  “Liam doesn’t hold grudges,” Emma stated emphatically.

  “Did he tell you what I did?” Poppy asked.

  Emma squeezed her arm. “Yes, he did.”

  Mackenzie stared at them. “Want to fill me in?”

  “I’m not sure I want to, but I will,” Poppy replied.

  She told them all about Adam, and about discovering she wasn’t in a long-term, long-distance relationship like she thought, but was having an affair with a married man. When she’d finished, she waited for her friends to tell her she was stupid for not knowing, but what she saw instead was sympathy, pity and something else too. Love. Acceptance. And compassion.

  “I don’t get why you have to go back to America,” Emma said.

  Poppy exhaled. “I have to face him. I’m dreading it, but it’s the only way. Until I tell him to his face that it’s over, shut the door to that part of my life and wipe the dust from my feet, I’m never going to have closure. I’ll always worry what will happen down the track. He’s not the kind of guy who’s used to people saying no to him.”

  Mackenzie grabbed her hand. “Did you tell Liam it’s over between you and Adam?”

  Poppy nodded.

  “Then give him time. I’m sure he’ll come around. And if he doesn’t I’ll have words with him. Lots of words.”

  Poppy brushed at another tear as it ran down her cheek. “How much more time? If he hasn’t called me by Thursday night, I’ll know where he stands.”

  *

  By Thursday night Liam hadn’t called, and all hope crumbled.

  Poppy drove herself to the airport early on Friday morning with a heavy heart. She’d refused Mackenzie and Emma’s offer to wave her off at the airport and instead hugged them tight when they’d visited her the night before. She promised when she came back to Australia she’d visit them. Her plan was to move to Orange, close to her mother. Not that she wanted to, but she had no idea where else she should go. She considered Queensland but most of her friends from university days had married and moved on and she wasn’t in contact with them.

  At the airport the first person she bumped into was Len. He tilted his felt hat back and scratched his jaw.

  “Goin’ somewhere?” he asked, pointing to her suitcase.

  “Yep. Back to the States.” She handed him the keys to the hire car. “Could you arrange for the car to be picked up please? I called them and told them I was leaving it here.”

  Len pocketed the keys. “Liam’s gonna miss you.”

  It didn’t surprise Poppy that Len knew all about their relationship. It seemed the whole town knew.

  “No, he won’t,” she replied with a sad smile.

  “Yes, I will,” a soft voice replied.

  Poppy spun around so fast she almost fell over.

  “Liam!”

  He thrust a large potted plant toward her wrapped in tissue paper and tied with a large white ribbon. She let go of the handle of her case and accepted the plant.

  “What’s this for?” she asked, peering around it to see his face.

  “You said not to give you flowers.”

  A smile broke out for the first time all week. “I did say that.”

  “So I bought you a lemon tree,” he said.

  She placed the plant on the plastic chair beside her and stared at him. “I can’t take it with me.”

  “I don’t want you to take it with you. I want you to come back to Cooinda with me and plant it in the backyard.”

  She tried to swallow but her mouth was dry. She licked her lips. “But I have a flight to catch.”

  “No, you don’t,” Len said. “Not anymore.”

  Poppy glanced at him then at the small plane sitting on the tarmac. “Has it been cancelled?”

  Len shook his head. “Nope. But I’m not letting you get on that plane. If I did, Liam would kill me.” He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out the keys. “Guess you won’t need these if you’re going home with him.”

  Her breath hitched. She stared at Liam.

  “I pushed you away once, Poppy, so I’m not going to let you walk away from me a second time.”

  “Does that mean—?”

  “It means I’m sorry. Really sorry.” He took a step toward her. “I’m sorry for acting like a jerk. You told me it was over between you and Adam and I should have believed you. But I needed to get my head around the fact that you were having an affair with him in the first place.”

  “I didn’t know!”

  He took a step closer. “I know. I know. I’m sorry for not believing you.” He placed a tender kiss on her temple and her ice cold heart melted in a puddle at her feet.

  “Poppy, will you forgive me?”

  “Only if you’ll forgive me.”

  *

  “Can we start again?” Liam asked, as he grabbed the lemon tree in one hand and her suitcase with the other.

  She followed him to his car.

  “Again? Like right from the beginning?”

  “Yeah. Let’s pretend I’m picking you up from the airport for the first time and we’ve just met.”

  She chuckled. “Do you want to try to make a better first impression?”

  They reached his car and he stowed her case in the back and placed the plant on the floor in the back seat. He unlocked her door and held it open for her. She didn’t think she’d ever get tired of his chivalry.

  “I wouldn’t mind knowing what you thought of me when you saw me the first time,” he said.

  She blushed. “I thought you were cute.”

  “Cute? Really? Puppies are cute. I was hoping instead for hot. Or sexy. Or ruggedly handsome. But cute?”

  She giggled.

  He closed her door with a grin.

  “So, are you hungry?” he asked a few moments later after he’d turned out of the carpark and headed toward town.

  “Yes.”

  “Can I buy you dinner?”

  “That’s very forward if we’re meeting for the first time.”

  “Hmm. Okay. So I need to turn the charm down a bit, do I?”

  “What charm?”

  “Ouch. My poor heart. I’ve been working on this charm for close to forty years.”

  “It could do with some refining,” she replied with a smile.

  He tapped his finger on his chin. “Right. So, your first impression of me was that I was cute. What else?”

  “Annoying.”

  “Do you want a little bit more time to think about your answer?” he asked.

  “Nope.”

  “This is a disaster. Sounds like I made a terrible first impression.”

  “But I forgave you,” she said.

  He breathed a sigh of relief and ran a hand across his brow. “Just as well.”

  “Can we get McDonalds on the way home?” she asked.

  He couldn’t tell whether she was teasing or being serious. “If you want Maccas, I’ll buy it for you every day, my love.”

  “Ergh. No thanks. And remember, you’re losing the ‘love’ endearment.”

  “Sorry, love. So do you want McDonalds?”

  “No. I’m not hungry. I’d just like to go home if that’s okay.”

  Seconds of silence passed between them.

  He reached for her hand. “Poppy, when we get home, I want to ask you out properly. Then I want to woo you.”

  She flicked him a smile and his heart soared. At that moment
he allowed himself to believe they could do this – get over this hurdle – make things right between them again. More than pick up where they left off, they could go further.

  “You want to woo me?” she asked. “Who even says that?”

  He chuckled. “Mum’s advice was that I should woo you. You know what I mean. I want to be romantic. Take you out on dates, buy you chocolate.”

  “And ice cream,” she added.

  “I’ll feed you strawberries dipped in chocolate ice cream if that’s what it takes.”

  “Now you’re talking.”

  He exhaled. “I’m so glad you’re staying.”

  She smiled at him. “Me too. I was dreading getting on that plane. I almost hoped I’d miss it so that I had a reason to stay.”

  “What will you do about your stuff in New York?”

  She shrugged. “At the end of the day, it’s just stuff. After this weekend when Adam gets there and realizes I’ve gone, he’ll probably throw all my clothes out anyway.”

  Liam frowned. “He’d do that?”

  “Probably. To spite me. He has a short fuse.”

  Liam clenched his jaw. He was generally very even-tempered and had never hit another person in his life – other than Joel and he’d only hit him when they were kids fighting over a ball or toy. Oh, and the time he’d tried to deck Nathan at Joel and Kate’s wedding, which he tried to forget. But if he ever found out Adam had raised a hand to Poppy, he wasn’t sure what he’d do.

  Guilt punched him in the gut. He might not have physically hurt Poppy, but he had hurt her emotionally.

  He hastily pulled over to the side of the road and turned in his seat to face her. He picked her up hand and entwined their fingers.

  “Poppy, I’m so sorry for hurting you last week. I didn’t do it intentionally. I’m really sorry. I might go quiet every now and then but I promise I’ll never lose my temper with you.”

  She touched his cheek and his heart raced.

  “Apology accepted,” she said.

  When he took the turn off to Cooinda she turned in her seat to face him.

  “If you’re going to start from the beginning and woo me, does that mean we have to go back to holding hands?”