“She told me that you get out at 11:15. So I’m gonna come back and be outside the door at 11:10.”
Grabbing the paper off the desk, I grab a pen from my pencil case and start writing. He might have gotten his way in the hallway earlier, but now he’s on my turf. He isn’t going to push me around. His friends have already done that enough already.
Just go, Kayden. You’re not wanted here. I don’t need your pity. Just go.
His eyes turn icy as he reads my words, his lip twitching, almost as if he’s angry with what he read and is trying to control it. He doesn’t break though and the next time he speaks, he makes his point loud and clear, leaving me even more confused.
“It’s not pity, Isabelle. It’s survival. I’m not letting you go through this alone. I’ll see you at eleven.”
Kayden
When I heard the stuff people were saying this morning, it took everything in me not to turn around and punch the living shit out of every one of the people saying it. Apparently Dillon wasted no time spreading yesterday’s garbage around and by the looks of everyone talking, it seems to have spread pretty quick.
It all rolls off my back even though a lot of what is being said has my name attached. I might be one of the popular kids and might even like the perks that being it affords me, but I really don’t give a crap what they say about me. I don’t need the social standing the way most people do.
Isabelle on the other hand, deserves none of what she’s getting. She isn’t like me. The stuff people say about her affects her whether she’s able to show it or not. Hearing what these idiots are saying about her, about us, while she’s running across the campus to escape it bothers the hell out of me.
This girl, who has never done anything bad in her entire life is being torn apart by a bunch of mindless drones and it’s unfair. That’s why I chased after her the way I did, even though I promised myself I wouldn’t go anywhere near her. I couldn’t stand the way her face scrunched in as the words being spread sunk in, hating even more the water pooling in her eyes, clear as day, even though I was pretty far behind her.
When she struggled against me in the hall, it did weird things to me. I wanted to let her go because I knew I was scaring her, but I also wanted to hold on tighter. I don’t know what the hell is going on with me and this girl, but every single time I’m around her, it’s like I lose my shit. I stop thinking about myself and how all of this is gonna come down on me. All I can see is her and how she’s affected.
I’m not that guy. I’m not the one that protects the girl, shielding her from the typical high school bullshit. No, I’m the one that’s creating it and making as many lives as possible horrible for my own personal amusement. As much as I try to remember that though, it seems around her, I can’t. All I want to do is be that guy. The one I can never be.
I’m aware of the fact that standing up for her the way I am is only going to make them go harder at her, if the texts I got last night are any indication. I’m going to be the one making her life worse, but I don’t care. I need to protect her from this since it’s my fault it’s happening at all.
Her movements are predictable. Whenever something happens, she runs for the bathroom. It’s her safe place. She did it this morning, just like I knew she would and I couldn’t let her. I probably should’ve, but I couldn’t.
It’s selfish of me really because she’s not the only one with problems. I’ve got a Mac truck full of them myself and there’s only one person on the planet besides Dean that knows.
Isabelle.
She’s seen the cops pulling up to my house at all hours of the day and night. She’s seen the ambulance coming for Dean when he drinks so much he gives himself alcohol poisoning. She’s seen him and even me carted away in handcuffs. The difference is I took her issues and exploited the hell out of them, while she holds onto mine. Her doing that means no one knows the truth about the way my life really is. I’m not sure if it’s because she’s just that nice of a person or her social issues, but whatever the reason, she’s never let it slip and I’m grateful.
It’s not that I care if people know, because I don’t, but I’ve built myself a pretty good back story here and I don’t want to have to start over when people find out. I don’t want to deal with the looks I’ll get and the change that’ll happen when the truth comes out. It’s a waste of time and energy. She knows though and because of that, I want to keep her as close as possible. I’m securing my place even though I’m pretty sure I don’t want it anymore.
“If I didn’t see it with my own freaking eyes, I wouldn’t believe it. Kayden Walker, the king of Wexfield High, cuddling with the retard.”
I’ve been expecting this. With the way I pulled her to me and dragged her up the stairs, it’s inevitable.
“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll shut your mouth right now.”
“Or what, Walker? You gonna go postal on my face again?”
“It crossed my mind,” I snap as I take in the group of people around me. “Wonder if this time your girlfriend will come to your rescue.”
Tim moves toward me, but the minute his eyes lock on mine, the urge to fight building, he takes a step back. It’s good to know that at least one of these jackasses is smarter then he looks.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into you man, but you better snap out of it. People are talking and it’s not good for you if it keeps up.”
If I didn’t want to knock the smile off his face so bad, his words might have gotten to me. I know exactly how it works here. I know it will only take one or two more times of me being seen with Isabelle for everything I’ve achieved here to come falling down around me. The thing is though, I just don’t care. They can take their little clique and shove it.
“Awe, Dill. I didn’t know you cared.”
“Man, the girl’s really gotten to you hasn’t she? You’re willing to throw away everything for some stupid girl that can’t even talk to you.”
I ignore everything he says because I don’t think I’m ready to admit to myself, let alone them, that there actually might be some truth in it. I’m just trying to do the right thing, it’s that simple.
“Just leave her alone Dillon. You want someone to harass, you’ve got a whole school full of people. She’s off limits.”
I watch as he seems to consider my words, a first for him considering how idiotic he can be. Just as I’m about to push my way around them and head to my locker, he speaks and the minute he does, I know that the peace I thought I might have been able to broker, isn’t going to be happening anytime soon.
It’s going to get a hell of a lot worse.
“You want me to leave her alone, then you’ve gotta pick someone to take her place. You want us to believe you don’t have a thing for this girl, well here’s your chance.”
Chapter Four
Belle
“Isabelle, I don’t think he’s coming. I’m sorry.”
I want to turn and tell her thanks for pointing out the obvious, but even if I could say the words, I still wouldn’t. With the way she’s looking at me right now, her eyes full of the same pitied expression I see every day, I just want to get as far away from her as possible and enjoy what’s left of my lunch.
By the time class let out at 11:15, I’d completely given up on trying to calm myself. It was easy for the first little while to forget about Kayden and his promise of coming back for me, but the more time that went by, the harder it was to ignore. I started sweating first and then my heart started racing and no amount of movement or other coping mechanisms seemed to help.
When Ms. Taylor said that we could go, I took my sweet time. If he was outside the door waiting for me then I was gonna make him wait as long as possible, even if it got him in trouble. As it turns out, the time I wasted didn’t seem to matter because he didn’t show anyway.
I don’t know why it bothers me that he’s not here. I guess I hoped that the look of determination I saw in his eyes this morning was true and he would be
different in some way. That he wouldn’t be the same Kayden I’ve known him to be for the last eight years. He would be better somehow.
With a quick glance down at my watch, a pink Hello Kitty one Tristan picked out for me, I realize that I’ve wasted twenty minutes of an hour long lunch waiting for him to show up. I’d be lucky now if I even had enough time to inhale my food before having to go to my afternoon classes.
“It’s okay Ms. Taylor; I sort of figured he wouldn’t anyway.”
“If you want, you can come to the lounge with me and have your lunch. It’s just me and a bunch of stuffy teachers, but at least you’d have some quiet.”
It’s not the first time I’ve done what she’s offering me. When things become too much, certain teachers will offer up their small sanctuary in order for me to get control of myself. At least they do unless I’m too far gone and they have to call my mom to come get me. As tempting as it is to take her up on it now, I won’t. I told her the truth a minute ago. I expected this, so I’m more than okay dealing with it on my own.
“Thanks, but I’ll just go eat at my locker.”
“If that’s what you want, dear.” She answers, again the pity written all over her face as she looks me over. “But if you have any issues, you know where to come.”
Little does she realize, that’s all I am, one big ball of complicated issues.
I’ve almost made it down the stairs and to my locker without being made fun of when it hits me. The way things were earlier isn’t happening now. There are students spread out all over the place, but none of them were even looking in my general direction, much less at me. Was it really going to be that easy? Have they moved on already?
It wasn’t until I turned the corner to where my locker is that I see the reason why things have been so quiet. On the stretch of lockers directly across from my own, I see Tim, Dillon and Kayden and they’re surrounding someone I know. In fact it’s someone that was in class with me only a few minutes ago.
Eric Carmen is new to Wexfield. He has Asperger’s, which is how he ended up in Ms. Taylor’s class. We’re the same, yet different. He’s a year younger than me, but with the way the class works, we’re there for the same help so we all go through it together, regardless of our age.
He’s completely pressed up against the lockers and there’s a frightened look in his wide eyes that I recognize instantly. It’s the same look I was wearing when this all happened to me.
Keeping my head down, I make my way to my locker as quietly as possible, not wanting to alert them any sooner to my presence. Swirling the numbers on my lock around, I tune everything else out and focus on the voices, their venom all directed at the only other person in the school that actually understood what it was like to be me.
“What’s with the stutter, Eric? D-D-D-Do we scare you?” Kayden mocks before laughing. “Are you gonna be like your girlfriend and piss your pants?”
The second the words come out, my entire chest seizes up and I find it hard to breathe. Of all the people to say that, I really didn’t expect it to be him. Tim and Dillon yes, but with the way he’d been with me this morning, I thought Kayden would’ve been different. Guess he hasn’t changed after all.
“Y-Y-You shouldn’t t-t-talk about Isa-belle that way.” Eric stutters, which makes my heart break. Even with these three surrounding him, breathing down his neck, he’s still trying to stick up for me.
Eric’s better than me. I couldn’t even open my mouth, let alone do what he did.
“Look at this guy Kay; he’s got some balls talking back to us!” Dillon says and my blood runs cold. I know what’s going to happen now. It’s the same thing that always happens when someone stands up to them, but can’t follow up. Eric’s gonna pay for it. “You know what that means, don’t ya Eric?”
The smooth way he asks the question gets to me. I can’t let this happen, not to Eric. I might only end up making things worse, but I have to do something. Someone has to stand up to them. I didn’t do it yesterday because I’d been scared, but hearing the way they’re all going at him and laughing at his stutter, I’m not scared.
I’m just angry.
“STOP!” I scream, surprising myself with the forceful sound of the word.
All three guys turn around, their eyes locking on me, Dillon smirking the minute he sees me.
“Awe, the retard can speak after all.” He laughs as he shifts his elbow into Kayden’s side. “Why didn’t you tell me she could yell? I could definitely get used to hearing her scream my name if it sounds like that.”
There’s a moment while we’re all standing there, none of us moving or even looking away from each other, where I see what looks like a flash of rage pass through Kayden’s eyes. Just as quickly as it appears though, it’s gone and I start to think I imagined it. There’s no way this guy that had been so nice this morning, actually gave a crap about me now. I’m just a retard to him, same as I’ve always been.
“Come on man, this is about Eric, not her.” Kayden replies, turning his back on me and focusing again on the scared boy that’s still frozen up against the lockers.
Not sure where it comes from, but not willing to stop and let whatever they’re about to do happen, I start walking toward them, pushing myself in between Tim and Kayden until I’m standing directly in front of Eric.
“Let’s go.” I say, my voice coming out in a whisper. I hold out my hand to him, kind of like Kayden had done with me the day before and I prepare myself for the fight that’s about to happen once I feel him take it.
“What do you think you’re doing retard? You’re not going anywhere with him. He’s ours.”
I want so badly to tell him what an asshole he is, but the words won’t come. Whatever surge of strength I had to get me to this point is gone and I’m back to being the mute they all believe me to be. It doesn’t change the fact that I can still move though, so I push my body forward. Before I can get around Dillon, he steps in front of me. With as big a guy as he is, I know there’s no sense trying to get around him. He’s like a brick wall.
“Please let us go.” Eric pleads. He’s scared of saying something to make it worse and I don’t blame him. Dillon has always been a hot head and there’s no telling what he’ll do if we try anything he doesn’t want us to.
When his words seem to have no effect, I turn and look at Kayden. I know it’s a long shot, but he was nice to me once. If we want to get out of here without having a repeat of yesterday, he is literally my only hope. Problem is, the minute my eyes lock on his, he doesn’t make a move to help. He just smiles and it’s not the way he did in the car with me. It’s worse.
“Get out of here, Belle. Dillon’s right, this is between us and Eric. No one wants to get pissed on today.”
Eric’s hand slides out of mine and as I turn back to him, I see sadness in his eyes. He feels bad for me. He knows how it makes me feel and by releasing me, he’s giving me an out. Before I can force the words up to stop them, Tim rushes at Eric and grabs him, throwing him over his shoulder so fast, I almost don’t catch it. By the time I blink, they’re all running off down the hall away from me.
It’s watching them running away from me; becoming small shadows in the hall the farther away they go that I realize it. I’m really as helpless and pathetic as they all think I am and now one of the only people in the school that has ever been nice to me is paying for it.
Chapter Five
Kayden
I am the world’s biggest chump.
When Dillon said he would leave her alone if I chose someone else in her place, I didn’t even hesitate, I took the bait. As long as she was protected from them, from me, it was the right call. Except, it wasn’t the right call and now I’m being forced to watch as this Eric kid is repeatedly slammed into the stall door because he doesn’t have what Tim and Dillon want.
What went down a couple of minutes ago is why they’re so angry. Dillon didn’t like that she screamed at him to stop, especially when he spends all his time re
ferring to her as the deaf mute, but it’s not as if I’ve done anything to stop him. In fact, with everything that just happened, I only made it worse.
I saw the look in her eyes when she wanted to get Eric out of there. She really thought that turning to me would give them the out they deserved. Even after everything I’ve said about her over the years and how I left things when we were kids, she still thinks I’m better than I am.
This happening to Eric, I hate it. I know who he is and what he means to her. He’s the only kid here that gives her the time of day. They’re in the same class and I can tell by the way she is with him that he’s earned her trust. I want to stand up and say something right now, but these guys won’t listen to me. Even if they did and by some bit of luck they let the guy go, they would only turn it back around on her the next day. It’s how we work.
Bailing on her was such a dick move, but necessary if I want to keep her safe. I’m still not exactly sure why I’m going out of my way for this girl; I just know I can’t let her go through what she did yesterday. She deserves better than that. Hell, we all do. I know she told me earlier she didn’t want me to come back for her, so she probably didn’t even care that I hadn’t shown up, but it still didn’t help me feel like any less of an ass.
I’m really no better than my brother, my mother and even my dead beat father. None of us could ever keep our word. I suppose it’s the Walker family trait. It’s not exactly the one thing I’m looking forward to being known for, but it’s the way it has to be.
“The deal was, I’d leave your little girlfriend alone if you picked the next target and got involved. Seems to me that Tim and I are doing all the work. What’s up with that, K?”
I absolutely loathe when people call me K. The last person that did it got their face smashed into a locker. It’s irrational I know, but my mom used to call me that and ever since she split, it’s been a sore thing for me. I already want to pound the shit out of Dillon; calling me K is just making me homicidal.
Count On Me Page 4