by Rachel Reid
Chapter Twenty-Six
Scott slept well for the first time in a week.
As he blinked awake, he heard a content little sigh next to him. He rolled to find the man he loved sleeping peacefully. The single white sheet that was covering them had slipped down to the dip of Kip’s bare lower back. His soft brown hair fell messily into his eyes, a couple of loose wavy tendrils brushing against the slight stubble on his cheek. His face was relaxed and beautiful, his lips slightly parted. Scott propped himself up on one elbow and just looked at him for a while.
He watched him sleep until he was no longer able to stop himself from gently brushing the backs of his fingers over the line of Kip’s jaw. In his sleep, Kip flinched and made a drowsy, irritated noise. Scott smiled and kissed the shoulder that was closest to him. When Kip didn’t stir or protest, Scott continued to press soft kisses down the length of his back.
He would happily stay in this quiet moment forever.
But he was also lonely, so he moved his mouth so he could lightly nip Kip’s side, just above his hip, where Scott knew he was ticklish.
Two scrapes of Scott’s teeth and Kip was squirming away from him. Scott grinned. “Good morning.”
“Fuck off,” Kip murmured into his pillow.
“Sorry,” Scott said. “Couldn’t resist.” He moved back to his original position of lying on his side next to him.
Eventually, Kip turned his head and looked at him. “Hey,” he said, his voice soft and happy.
“I like waking up to you.”
“Mm.” Kip rolled onto his back and stretched. Scott enjoyed the way the muscles in his arms and chest tightened, and the way the thin bedsheet slipped farther down his hips.
“What time is it?” Kip asked.
“Hm?” Scott asked, his eyes following the trail of dark hair that ran from Kip’s belly button down under the bed sheet. “I don’t know. Eight, maybe?”
Kip closed his eyes and groaned. “Shit. I’ve gotta get up. I said I’d go in to work at nine to help train a new hire.”
“You sure?” Scott asked, moving so he could kiss the side of Kip’s neck.
“Sooner I start, the sooner it’s done,” Kip said, his voice a little strained. Scott moved his mouth to suck lightly on the pulse point, and felt his boyfriend’s heartbeat quicken.
“Okay,” Scott said, letting his mouth travel down to Kip’s collarbone. He kissed the dip just above it, and Kip shivered.
“You’re a bad influence,” he complained.
In response, Scott put a hand on Kip’s knee and slid it up, letting his fingers drag along the sensitive skin on the inside of his thigh.
“You have fifteen minutes,” Kip said with a breathless laugh.
Scott covered Kip’s body with his own and looked straight down into his eyes. “Is that a challenge?”
“I know you love them.”
“I do.”
Scott kissed him on the mouth, and it was immediately obvious that Kip had no real objections to Scott’s advances. The kiss was open and hot and frantic, and just the feel of Kip’s tongue curling against his own made Scott so wild with desire. Every time.
Kip was angling his hips so their erections rubbed together. Scott groaned into Kip’s mouth. They moved like that for a while, until Kip broke away and said, with a playful smirk, “Ten minutes.”
Scott accepted the challenge and slid down Kip’s body, taking the sheet with him. He took his cock into his mouth, and Kip’s hips jolted up as he gasped into the room.
Scott brought his A-game. He put to good use all of the knowledge he had gathered about what made Kip absolutely lose his mind in bed. He attacked the sensitive spot under the head of Kip’s cock with rapid flicks of his tongue while he tugged at Kip’s balls with his hand. Then he relaxed his throat and sank down, taking Kip as deep as he could.
Scott sincerely loved sucking Kip off. He loved how quickly he could reduce him to moans and gorgeous, sexy babbling.
“Mm, oh fuck, baby. So fucking good. God, your mouth. Love your mouth, Scott...”
After a few minutes, when Kip was pulled tight and trembling beneath him, Scott pulled off and asked, “How much time I got left?”
“Jesus. Fuck you, Scott. Come on!”
“Just checking!”
“You’re an asshole. Get back to work.”
Scott laughed and did as he was told. He finished Kip off quickly and flopped back down beside him.
Kip was breathing heavily and grinning at the ceiling. “Good job, champ,” he said.
“Thanks, Coach.”
“Come on,” Kip said, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “I’ll pay you back in the shower.”
“The shower?”
“I’ve gotta multitask! I’m already late!”
“I’m a distraction.”
“The best kind, though. Come on.”
* * *
As soon as their plane took off from New York, Scott’s confidence splintered.
They had just won the two games in New York, tying the series at 2–2, but he couldn’t forget how terribly he had played in the first two games in Detroit.
But now he and Kip were back together, and he was going to make sure they stayed that way. And that meant being brave and making good on his promises to the man he loved.
That night, Scott lay on top of his hotel bed, worrying about what would happen when he came out. It had been his most closely guarded secret for so long, he almost couldn’t imagine life without having that burden to carry.
He needed to clear his head, so he left his room and wandered around the hotel a bit until he ended up at the pool. There was no one in there, so he sat sideways on one of the lounge chairs and enjoyed the quiet.
Gazing at the still water of the pool, he let himself focus on something other than fear. He thought about Kip. Kip, who was being so patient with him. And Scott knew he had asked Kip to wait until the playoffs were over, but suddenly that seemed too far away. Scott didn’t want to push their relationship out of his mind during the playoffs; he wanted their relationship to make him stronger. To make him a better player.
He thought about making a home with Kip—making a life with him. He thought about Kip’s adorable dimples and the way he put his hand over his mouth when he was reading. He thought about waking up with Kip every morning after he retired, and traveling the world together. Going to restaurants and museums and for walks in the park without caring if people knew they were together. Maybe even wanting people to know they were together.
The desire for all of that burned so bright inside him that he was overcome with the need to get started on making it happen. He knew what he had to do.
It was time.
* * *
“Jesus, Scott,” his agent griped into the phone. “It’s almost midnight here!”
“I know. It is here too. I’m only in Detroit, you know.”
“Is something wrong?”
“No. Not exactly. I was going to wait until I was back in town but I don’t want to wait.”
“Wait for what? Hold on... What the fuck? After all these years you’re just going to—?”
“No,” Scott said quickly. “You’re not fired, Todd. Nothing like that. Of course not.”
“Well, then?”
Scott sat down on the bench in the empty locker room in the hotel fitness center. He had no idea how he was going to word this. As usual, his brain had made a sudden decision and he was going to go with it.
“I’m thinking about making an announcement,” he said.
“An announcement? What, you’re retiring? Scott, you’ve still got years left—”
“No. Not that. A...personal announcement.”
Todd sighed. “Look, Scott. It’s late. You wanna just cut to the chase here?”
“I’m gay,” he said, for the first time ever.
There was silence.
“Todd?”
“I heard you. Just give me a minute here.”
“Sure.”
More silence. Then Todd exhaled loudly. “All right. You’re gay. Got it. Now tell me that isn’t what you want to announce.”
“It is.”
“Scott,” Todd said wearily. “No. You can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
Todd actually laughed. “You know why not! Jesus, do I really need to explain it to you? Do you know how many players are lined up to take your sponsorship deals? You think I’m not fighting Matti fucking Jalo’s agent for this shit now? You’re only the second-biggest heartthrob on the team these days, and that’s not going to get better as you get older. Right now, you need to grab as much as you can. You’re in your prime and it’s not going to last. An injury, another slump—”
“I know. I understand,” Scott said tersely.
“I’m just saying, there’s no reason to push sponsors and fans away. Not when there are so many other ways for it to happen that you can’t control.”
“I get that,” Scott said, “but I think some things are more important than all that.”
“More important than everything you have been working your whole life for?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” Scott was a little less sure.
“All right, let me try another angle: Have you thought about what an announcement like this would do to your teammates?”
“Do to them?”
“You think it wouldn’t be weird for them? Knowing that you’re, you know—”
“What? Checking them out in the locker room? I’m not.”
“It’s just, with some of these guys, it’s like their biggest fear, right? I know it’s not rational. I’m an open-minded guy, Scott. You know that. I’m only being real here. Some of your teammates, at least, are going to be weirded out. And that’s going to affect the team dynamic, and performance. You’re the goddamned captain. It’s your job to consider these things!”
“Right,” Scott mumbled. “Yeah. I know.”
“Can I ask why the hell you are even considering this?”
“I don’t want to lie anymore.”
“Why not? Everyone lies. You think you’re the only gay guy in the NHL? No chance. You’re just the only one who’s considering telling the fucking world. Don’t do it, Scott. You’ll lose everything.”
“Come on,” Scott said. “I wouldn’t lose everything. And isn’t it your job to make sure I don’t?”
“I’m not a fucking wizard! I can only do so much. Now, granted, an announcement like this—being the first openly gay NHL player—might open up some new marketing opportunities, but I can’t see you being on the cover of video games, or even representing the big athletics companies...”
“I think you’re wrong about that. I think the world might be ready.”
“Well, you’re a lot more optimistic than I am.”
“We knew that already.”
Both men laughed.
“Listen,” Todd said, his voice a little softer. “You’ve gotta be careful, all right? If you’re spotted... You know. With a man...”
“I am careful. Of course I’m careful! If I wasn’t careful do you think I would have been able to keep this a secret for so long? From my teammates? From the media? From you?”
“I suppose not.”
“I’m tired of being careful,” Scott sighed.
Neither man said anything for a moment, then Todd said, “How would you even do it? Make the announcement, I mean? Did you have a plan?”
“I don’t know. I was thinking about seeing if Sports Illustrated wanted the story. Maybe doing it that way?”
“They will definitely want the story. I’ll bet we could get a high bid for this thing, but we’d have to be smart about how we shop it.”
“No,” Scott said. “I’m not looking for money for this. That’s not why I’m doing it.”
“Yeah, but you may as well—”
“Todd. Stop.” He smiled. “But I like that you’re considering a strategy now.”
“I still don’t think you should do it.”
“Noted.”
“Fuck. You’re gonna do it anyway, aren’t you?”
“Probably.”
“Jesus Christ. I’d better re-up on my antacid pills. Just...don’t do anything without telling me, all right? Preferably, don’t do anything at all. Ever.”
“Stay in the closet forever. Got it.”
“What’s wrong with the closet? It’s a wonderful place crammed full of professional athletes.”
“Goodnight, Todd.”
* * *
When Scott woke the next morning, he stayed in bed longer than usual, replaying his conversation with his agent. The part of what Todd had said that he couldn’t get out of his head was:
You think you’re the only gay guy in the NHL?
No. Scott was sure that he wasn’t. But he felt like he was. All the time. It was a lonely, horrible feeling. And those other secretly gay players must be feeling it too.
Maybe he could change all that. Maybe he could make it easier for them, as well as for himself.
He frowned. Could he really change anything? Just by coming clean with the world about who he was? Would it have an impact? Or would Todd be right? Would the sponsors walk away? Would his teammates distance themselves? Would the fans turn their backs? Would his game suffer?
And then what would happen to those other gay players? It certainly wouldn’t make them feel better.
Fuck.
“What’s eating you, Scotty?” Carter asked over a hotel buffet plate of scrambled eggs and toast.
“Oh,” Scott said, snapping back to attention. “Nothing.”
“You’re a shitty liar, Hunter. I keep telling you.”
Scott smiled and poked at his eggs. “Has it been easier for you since your relationship was...outed?”
“Ah,” Carter said, putting his fork down. “Tired of keeping your girl a secret?”
“Sort of,” Scott said with a grimace.
“Sure, it was maybe getting a little old, the sneaking around. Sexy, for a while, but you can’t keep love down.”
“Love, huh?”
Carter shrugged. “I’m not ashamed.”
“Glad to hear it. I guess that... Yeah. Love. It’s a whole big thing, huh?”
“You can’t cage it, Scott. You gotta let it loose for the world to see.”
“Right.”
“Listen,” Carter said. “Why don’t we do a double date or something next time Gloria’s in town? You could ease into it, you know? We’ll go somewhere low-key, if you want.”
“Maybe,” Scott said, knowing there was no way. Was there?
“What are you worried about? It’s really not a big deal. You think she can’t handle a few cameras?”
“I’m just a private person. Or, as private as I can be, anyway.”
“Well, it wouldn’t hurt for you to be seen with someone. Otherwise they’re gonna start saying you’re gay!” Carter laughed. Scott didn’t.
“Jesus, Scott. Lighten up. No one is saying that. Relax.”
Scott stood. “I’m gonna—” he said, making a vague gesture toward the elevators. He retreated to the privacy of his hotel room.
* * *
Back in his room, Scott made a list on the hotel stationery of what he stood to lose if he made his announcement.
Money, respect, endorsements, fan support, friendships, privacy, and, in a worst-case scenario, his career.
He made a list of what he stood to lose if he didn’t make the annou
ncement.
His sanity, his self-respect, Kip.
Kip.
When he put the two lists next to each other, it was no choice at all. Especially when he reasoned that the items in the first list were things that he wouldn’t necessarily lose. The three items in the second list he would definitely lose.
Okay then.
Where to start? He’d said he wouldn’t do anything until the playoffs were over, but now that he’d made his decision, that seemed like an eternity away.
He needed to do something now. Even if it was only going partway. He couldn’t stand pretending Kip didn’t exist, and he couldn’t keep letting his friends believe he was dating a fictional woman. Enough.
He gathered his courage, and sent out some texts.
* * *
Twenty minutes later, Scott was joined in his hotel room by his three best friends. Bennett was the last to arrive.
“All right,” Carter said with a raised eyebrow, “we’re all here. What’s up, Scott?”
“Um,” Scott said, “why don’t you have a seat?” He gestured toward the beds, where Huff was already sitting. Bennett and Carter joined him. They all watched Scott, waiting.
“Okay,” Scott said to himself.
“Jesus, what’s going on, Hunter?” Huff asked.
“Nothing,” Scott said quickly. “Nothing...bad. It’s not...” He must have looked terrible. He could feel sweat forming on his brow, and knew his cheeks were already pink. His throat was dry, and his stomach was churning. He glanced down at his blue socks, and found some courage.
He took a breath. “I have something that I want to tell you guys. I want to tell everyone, really. But I want to tell you guys first.”
And, yeah, he definitely looked nervous, because Carter didn’t even interrupt with a joke.
“I know this is weird timing, but I just have to... It’s affecting my game. I need to—”
“Scott,” Bennett said calmly, “just say it.”
Scott steeled his nerves and said, for the second time ever, “I’m gay.”
His teammates looked at him, then at each other. The few seconds of silence that followed were one of the most agonizing things Scott had ever endured.