BWWM: Bad Boy Billionaires Box Set (A Bad Boy BWWM Billionaire Collection)

by Jameson, Jasmine

  “When I was finally coherent I remember her saying she was drawn to me because she sensed that I was hurting and she wanted to make me feel better. She introduced me to the BDSM lifestyle, and after we went to a few S&M parties together, she asked me to be her Dominant from that moment on. I read, watched and studied everything I could about the lifestyle, and eventually I became the ultimate Dom. Dominating and taking care of Angel gave me something to live for. I tried to give her everything I failed to give Sasha. And the more I controlled and disciplined her, the more at peace with myself I became. There was something about having total control over another human being that gave me strength. Having a loyal and loving sub had such a therapeutic effect on me that I was able to get off drugs. I’ve been clean for nine years now. Practicing BDSM not only saved my mental and physical health, it also fueled my creativity. Once I came into my own as a Dom, my career as an artist thrived, and I was able to use the money and the recognition I got from my music to start my own record label, and as you know, the rest is history.”

  I was speechless for a few moments. Although Trevor was only thirty-four, he had lived over fifty years’ worth of experiences. Even though I couldn’t fully wrap my head around the BDSM lifestyle, I was glad that Trevor was in a better place now than he was in his pre-BDSM life. Maybe Angel wasn’t so bad. I guess she did come into his life for a reason.

  “Whatever happened to Angel?” I asked, once I found my voice.

  “She was my sub for four years, but ultimately we agreed to go our separate ways. She only loved me when I was sick and broken. Once I stopped doing drugs and started becoming more successful she seemed to resent me. She was only attracted to disturbed and tortured men. While I still had my days back then, just as I do now, I became much happier and healthier once I started practicing BDSM, and Angel couldn’t handle the transition.” I heard a hint of disdain in Trevor’s voice as he recalled the demise of his relationship with Angel. “We really became distant when I started making money. Angel just wanted to eat KFC and drink PBR for the rest of her life. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But I wanted a sub that enjoyed being spoiled. I needed a woman that had a taste for the finer things in life, so I terminated my arrangement with her. I don’t think she was sorry to see me go either.” Trevor’s tone was angry. I think deep inside Trevor felt even more animosity toward Angel than I did. The thought pleased me. “You would be a much better sub than Angel could ever be. You’re certainly better in bed.” That was more information than I needed.

  Trevor leaned in and kissed me passionately. His kiss surprised me. I was still digesting everything he had disclosed. I wanted to hold him and make all his pain go away so I did just that. We made out until the sun rose. And we fell asleep in each other’s arms. It was the most passionate and intimate makeout session I had ever had. It was like we made love, without even having sex. I was really becoming attached to Trevor. It felt like he was finally letting his walls down.

  Chapter 5

  NEW YEAR’S EVE was enchanting. Trevor rented out the Signature Room on the ninety-fifth floor of the John Hancock building and invited some of his friends. The guest list included rock stars, socialites, and professional athletes. It was quite the high-profile event. I was pleased that Trevor agreed to celebrate New Year’s Eve in Chicago, instead of New York or L.A. L.A. was too beachy for it to really feel like New Year’s, and New York was just too crowded. In Chicago we were able to stay under the media’s radar. And the view of the city from the Signature room was a sight unlike any other. We sipped Dom Perignon, and feasted on lobster and filet mignon. There was live music, and lots of love and laughter was in the air. We were having the most beautiful evening, that is until after the ball dropped. At midnight Trevor swept me off my feet with the most mind-blowing kiss. The exhilaration of feeling him hold me and kiss me, with such unbridled passion, on such a joyous occasion, made my head spin. I was hoping that he was going to tell me he loved me for the first time. It certainly felt like he had crossed that threshold, and I know I had. I don’t know exactly when it had happened, but that night when I looked into his eyes, I realized that I had been in love with him for longer than I realized. And I thought he loved me too. I felt it in his touch, and in the way he kissed me that night. But just as I thought he was about to say it, he whispered in my ear that he expected my decision about the contract by the next day, and that he refused to wait any longer. His tone was ominous and his reminder sounded like a threat. His mention of the contract made me feel sick with anxiety. I had no idea whether I wanted to sign it, and I didn’t want to discuss it in public. I made my rounds and went out of my way to avoid Trevor for the rest of the party.

  It was the first day of the year, and I woke up with a hangover. Ugh, this must be a sign that it’s going to be a bad year. I rolled over and gazed out of Trevor’s floor-to-ceiling windows. A soft, white snow was falling over the city. It was breathtaking. I lost track of time, as I allowed myself to be entranced by the winter wonderland before me. The beauty of the outside world distracted me from my pounding head and my queasy stomach.

  “Giavanna, Happy New Year.” My heart skipped a beat. Trevor startled me when he entered the room. He didn’t sound full of holiday cheer at all. His voice was flat and he had a solemn expression on his face.

  “Happy New Year, Trevor.” I rubbed my eyes and propped myself up on my elbow.

  “Did you have a good time last night?”

  “Yeah the party was stellar.” My mind raced as I tried to figure out what was going on. I knew Trevor didn’t come in here to ask what I thought about the party. His tone made me uneasy.

  “Good. I’m glad you had a good time.”

  “Did you?”

  “Oh yeah, the party was great.” Our conversation seemed forced.

  “Yeah it was, wasn’t it?”

  “Yep.” There was an awkward silence. I couldn’t take it any more. I sat up and pulled the covers over my lap.

  “Trevor, is something wrong ?” I tried not to sound too concerned.

  “Why do you ask?”

  “Something’s up. I feel it, and it’s making me uneasy.”

  Trevor walked over and sat next to me on the bed. “I wanted to wait until you at least had breakfast, but since you asked, maybe we should talk about this now.”

  “Talk about what Trevor?” My stomach was doing flip-flops. I thought he might have been mad at me for avoiding him at the end of the party. He barely talked to me on the ride home.

  “Look Giavanna, I don’t want you getting upset over this, okay. But I feel like our relationship is headed in the wrong direction.” Trevor furrowed his brow. “We’re starting to get too close, too fast, and I’m just not comfortable with the way this is going. I don’t want things to go any further between us until I know where you stand. There is no use in either of us getting attached, unless we are going to really do this.” Trevor pulled the contract out the nightstand drawer and tossed it on the bed. “Giavanna, do you want to be with me or not?” Trevor sounded cold and detached.

  I was so overwhelmed I couldn’t think straight. “Trevor, are you giving me an ultimatum?” My voice was shrill.

  “Giavanna, I’m giving you a choice, and you have free will to decide what you want to do. You can fully commit to me, and sign the agreement, or you can walk away now before either of us gets too attached. Call it what you will. But if using the word ‘ultimatum’ helps you to make a better decision, then so be it,” Trevor replied curtly.

  “Trevor, why are you doing this?” My voice cracked. My eyes watered, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

  “I’m doing it to protect both of us. I really want to be with you Giavanna, but the question is, do you want to be with me?”

  “I do want to be with you Trevor, you know that. But I want to be with you as your girlfriend, not your submissive.”

  “So you’re not going to sign the contract?” Trevor narrowed his eyes at me. I could hear a hint of hosti
lity in his voice.

  “I don’t like the way you’re pressuring me Trevor,” I breathed through gritted teeth as I tried not to become hysterical. He was really upsetting me. “What has gotten in to you?”

  “I don’t like the way you make me feel any more. I feel like I’m not in control. I’ve already let you in further than I intended, and I think I’d be risking far too much to continue to be in a relationship with you, without a formal agreement.”

  My breath caught in my throat. “Trevor, please don’t do this. I know we can make this work without the agreement.”

  “I know my own limitations better than anyone Giavanna. If you’re not going to sign the contract, then I think it’s best we go our separate ways. Trust me, it will be better for both of us.”

  I drew into a ball and rested my forehead on my knees in defeat. Way to start off the year. I can’t believe this is actually happening. I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. I wrapped my arms around myself to try and stabilize my emotions, to no avail. I was overcome by wracking sobs that took the wind out of me. Trevor put his arm around me as I struggled for air.

  “Don’t be upset Giavanna. I’ve been telling you from the beginning that I’m not worth being upset over.” Trevor’s tone was surprisingly gentle.

  “Why are you doing this Trevor? I love you, and I really want to be with you,” I wailed as I pressed tighter into a ball.

  Trevor abruptly took his arm from around me. “What did you just say?”

  “I said I love you, and I really want to be with you,” I mumbled as I kept my head pressed to my knees.

  “Giavanna, look at me when you’re speaking. I need you to look at me. Now what are you saying?” Trevor lightly touched my leg but for a few moments I couldn’t bring myself to respond. “Giavanna?” Trevor prodded impatiently.

  I used every ounce of strength I had to lift my head and look into Trevor’s eyes. I could feel that my face was red and swollen. I took a deep breath to compose myself, as I continued to gaze into Trevor’s hypnotic dark brown eyes. I couldn’t stop the tears from overflowing, but somehow I was able to breathe enough to find my voice. “I said I love you, but obviously you don’t feel the same,” I choked out.

  I wanted Trevor to pull me into his arms and tell me that he loved me too, but he just stared at me in silence. He looked as if I had smacked him in the face. His silence hit me in the pit of my stomach. I kicked the covers to the floor, climbed out of bed, and bolted to the bathroom. I slammed the door behind me, before crying out in anguish. A string of expletives escaped me as I struggled for air. Why is this happening? I felt like the whole world was crashing down before me. I collapsed into a crumpled heap on the floor. The coolness of the tiles felt good against my legs. I rested my head on the edge of the porcelain tub, and I closed my eyes, hoping that eventually I would wake up and this nightmare would be over. I didn’t move when I heard Trevor open the bathroom door. I felt him looking at me, but for several moments he didn’t say anything.

  “Giavanna?” I squeezed my eyes shut more tightly, hoping that it would make the pain go away. There was nothing I wanted to say to him, so I didn’t respond. Trevor sat on the floor behind me but I refused to raise my head or open my eyes. “Giavanna?” He gently caressed my back. “Are you okay?” I sat up and shook my head ‘no.’ “Come here.” Trevor pulled me into his embrace from behind and wrapped his arms and legs around me. I leaned back against his chest. I squeezed both his hands as we interlocked fingers. “I’m sorry that I hurt you.” He whispered in my ear. “I was afraid this was going to happen. But I know I’m making the right decision for both of us. It’s best that I let you go before I cause you any more pain.” Trevor pressed his face against the side of my cheek. I started to tremble. I hiccupped as I tried to stifle my tears. “I’m sorry Giavanna. Please don’t cry. If it makes you feel any better, I’m hurting just as much as you are right now.”

  I turned to face Trevor. His eyes watered with emotion. I reached out and softly touched his cheek with my fingertips. “Why don’t you love me Trevor?”

  “Because… I don’t know how Giavanna,” Trevor whispered. The sincerity in his voice pained me. My lip quivered as a wave of overwhelming emotion crashed down upon me.

  I threw my arms around Trevor’s neck and buried my face in his shoulder as I began sobbing uncontrollably. “Please don’t leave me Trevor,” I whimpered.

  “I’m not leaving you Giavanna.” Trevor stroked my hair. “I’m setting you free.”

  * * *

  Life without Trevor was cold and lonely. Being single sucked. Every night I would instinctively try to snuggle closer to Trevor to stay warm but of course he wasn’t there. The weekends were especially hard because that’s when we used to spend the most time together. Ever since I started dating Trevor I stopped hanging out with my friends. I didn’t do it on purpose — I just didn’t have time. During the week I worked a lot, and after work I had Skype dates with Trevor every night. And he was always in town on the weekends, so I never had time to have a social life outside of him. Now that he was gone I had a lot of extra time on my hands. I really regretted losing touch with my friends. It had been over two weeks since the breakup, and I hadn’t associated with anyone at all aside from when I was at work. Nobody was calling me, probably because they assumed I was unavailable. I was so lonely I could feel it in every fiber of my being. It was Friday night and I was on the couch, channel surfing while eating greasy Chinese takeout.

  I had never taken life with Trevor for granted, but there was no way for me to fully realize just how much he added to my life until he was gone. Now that I was back to living in my cramped, one-bedroom apartment, eating fast food and drinking cheap wine, I realized how much I missed the gourmet cuisine, high-end champagne and star-studded events that I had grown so accustomed to. I put my General Tso’s on the coffee table and curled into fetal position as I realized the A-List party was officially over. I really missed the lifestyle that Trevor provided, but more than anything I missed his god-like presence. He captivated me in a way that not many others could. His charisma was so infectious; it was like a drug. I was addicted to his magnetic pull. Being with him was like walking on the moon. I would have given anything to see him gaze at me with his hypnotic brown eyes. I longed to hear him share his brilliant thoughts and ideas. And I pined for his touch. I closed my eyes as I remembered what it felt like to have to have Trevor hold me in his arms. I hungered for his embrace, and I craved the taste of his lips.

  I decided I needed a drink. I went to the kitchen and poured myself some wine. I drank the whole glass as I stood by the counter, wondering what to do with myself. I poured another glass and brought it back to the couch with me. I was flipping through the channels when I heard a snippet of an Aus Deutschland song. I recognized every chord of their music. I went backwards through the channels until I heard the song again. I turned up the volume. It was an Aus Deutschland special. A beautiful hostess was interviewing Johannes “The Hans” Hoffman, the drummer of the band, and Axel Dietrich, the lead guitarist. I hit the record button on my DVR. I was obsessed with Aus Deutschland. All of the guys from the band intrigued me, but Johannes and Axel were my favorites, besides Christoff that is. I was slightly disappointed that Christoff wasn’t a part of the interview, but I wasn’t surprised. Christoff hated the media and he didn’t like being put on the spot, so he rarely did interviews.

  Even though the breakup with Christoff felt like ancient history, I still thought about him quite often. The wounds weren’t as fresh as what had just happened with Trevor, but deep inside there was always a part of me that was longing for Christoff, whether I was consciously thinking about it or not. The pain of losing the two most significant partners of my adult life compounded on top of each other. I felt a pang of loneliness start at the pit of my stomach and radiate through my entire body. I took a long sip of wine to wash down the lump that was growing in my throat. I turned up the television so that I could focus on th
e interview. Johannes was sweet and charming as usual. He was the kindest and most gentle guy in the band. The way his love for his bandmates shined through in every interview always warmed my heart. Axel was clearly the ego of the band. His provocative comments made me laugh out loud. I was completely engrossed in the TV special. It was the first time I had been able to take my mind off the breakup in over two weeks. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to laugh. I couldn’t wait until I was the journalist that got to interview all the cool bands. I wanted my own entertainment news show so bad. My spirit lifted as I listened to Johannes talk about their experiences on tour and the band’s plans for the future. The hostess asked what the band was going to do with their time off, now that the tour was finally over. Axel of course said he was going to party, get wasted and try to get laid. I wasn’t at all surprised. True to form. Johannes said he was going to spend time with his wife and his family. When the hostess asked when they were going to start working on the next album Johannes mentioned that Christoff had just gotten into a new relationship and he was planning an extended vacation with his girlfriend, so they weren’t going to work on a new album for a while. Wait, what? I hit the rewind button and listened to Johannes’s response again. Christoff has a girlfriend!? I felt a pang of jealousy, but I comforted myself with the fact I knew it wouldn’t last. Christoff’s relationships never lasted. Well, apparently mine didn’t either. I silently admonished myself for judging Christoff. Gah, relationships! Nobody is any good at them. I finished my wine and decided to go to bed early before I drove myself crazy.