HAPPY PANTS CAFE (THE HAPPY PANTS SERIES)

by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

  She marched toward the door, but he quickly move to stop her.

  “Wait. You came back?” he asked.

  “Uh, yeah. Hello. We got married last night. Don’t you remember?”

  ~~

  Harper couldn’t believe it. She’d taken the leap for the first time in her life and the guy was too drunk to remember. Of course, she’d known he was completely gone when she’d seen him standing there proclaiming his undying love for her, screaming that he would rather marry a horse than any other woman. She had to admit, even though he was inebriated, it was quite the gesture and pretty damned cute.

  That said, she’d put a stop to the spectacle almost immediately, but when Austin had got down on his knees and the crowd cheered, well, she’d sort of got caught up in the moment. Before she knew it, they were saying, “I do,” rings magically appearing out of thin air as if this was all preplanned. Austin had given her a big, sloppy, wet and scruffy kiss and then had turned toward the crowd and said. “Yeah! I won! She loves me!” He’d then proceeded to pass out with the biggest shit-eating grin ever.

  Alberto and a few of the security guards had helped load Austin into his car—the passenger side, of course. It was parked just to the right of the house, while her car had been parked in that dirt parking lot about a half a mile away.

  “What took you so long?” Austin had mumbled to her as she’d driven them to the B and B to spend their first night as a married couple. In the honeymoon suite, ironically.

  “Well, I got about halfway home and then decided to turn around.” She’d realized he was right. She had to want this, and she had to have faith. Whether or not it lasted forever was the sort of thing one could only determine by actually doing it. Because only time would tell if she was wrong; however, more than anything, she hoped she was right. And, at the end of the day, not knowing what could have been was far worse than trying and failing. But they wouldn’t. Fail, that is. Because he was the one. She’d felt that in her bones as she had driven further and further away. Then she’d realized that she’d never even tried with anyone else, because she’d never felt the same sort of connection as she had with him. She’d spent the last nineteen years comparing every guy to him. And that was why she’d gone back for him.

  Sadly, though, she’d gotten stuck in that damned traffic again, and by the time she returned to the party, Austin was a goddamned mess. But she didn’t care. He’d been sober—for the most part—when he said he wanted to marry her. And now, they’d have a long, long time to figure out all of the other crap. What mattered was that they were together.

  Except that, when she’d woken up all alone this morning, his car had gone from where she’d parked it. She’d had a complete meltdown, thinking that he’d woken up, realized what he’d done, and run away.

  “I saw the video, Harper,” he argued, looking down at her as he leaned against his front door, preventing her from leaving. “I married…” he swallowed, “a horse.”

  She laughed. “No. You didn’t. See?” She held up her ring finger. “You married me.”

  Austin stared at her blankly, clearly not believing her.

  “Ugh. Give me your phone,” she commanded.

  He pointed to the small table in the entryway where his keys lay. She grabbed the phone. “Password?”

  He rubbed his stubbly chin, and she tried not to notice that sound that turned her on. “Harper,” he said and glanced at his bare feet.

  That’s so sweet. She unlocked the phone and showed him the photo. “See.” On it was a picture of them standing in front of the reverend, holding each other’s hand. She’d asked Jessa to snap it for them.

  His jaw dropped. “You really came back?”

  She nodded.

  “And you really married me?”

  She nodded.

  “And I can’t remember any of it?”

  She nodded.

  He covered his face, and his massive, bare chest heaved with several deep, panicked breaths.

  Oh God. “But if you changed your mind, Ms. Luci says we have a few days before the country registrar makes it official.”

  He dropped his hands, and his eyes were watering. “Are you fucking kidding me? No way.” He grabbed Harper and pulled her into his tall, strong frame. “The only thing I want to do is marry you again so I can remember it.”

  She smiled. “That can be arranged.”

  He dipped his head and pushed his mouth to hers. His breath was fresh and minty, and when he plunged his tongue into her mouth, the only thing she could think about was her frustration last night. She’d helped Austin remove his shoes and shirt after she’d got him onto the bed. Even in his drunken state, he’d sported a colossal erection, of which she’d clearly seen the outline of every long and thick inch thrusting against the buttons of his jeans. She’d stared at the damned thing for what felt like an hour, wanting so badly to take advantage of him. But she really, really also wanted their first time to be memorable. Yeah, but I’ll sure as hell remember. He can remember the next ten times.

  Ultimately, she’d gone with taking a cold shower and climbing into bed next to her snoozing, outrageously hung new husband.

  But now, there would be nothing getting in their way.

  Harper leaned her entire body into him, chest first, and then reached down to grip him through his boxers. He melted under her confident stroke of his thick shaft, and she knew this was not going to be the kind of sex that won any records for endurance. All she needed to do was get this sexy, strong, big man inside her for three seconds, and she’d be a goner.

  She quickly tugged down his shorts, leaving him naked. Then he spun her around and pushed her against the door, forcefully kissing her and pressing his entire body into her. She groaned softly, enjoying the sinful sensation of how perfectly their bodies molded together.

  “Make that sound again,” he said. “It’s so damned sexy.”

  She smiled as they continued their frenzied kisses, and then let out another soft moan for him.

  He quickly lifted the hem of her dress and yanked down her white thong, which she kicked away. She threw her arms around his neck as he lifted her and shoved her legs around his waist. His kisses were hard and wet and unrestrained. He didn’t bother to touch her intimately, but simply positioned his hard cock at her entrance and took her with one hard thrust, like a man so thirsty for a drink that he might die in that very moment if he didn’t simply take what he needed.

  Harper gasped as she felt his hard flesh drive into her unapologetically. It was an act of pure claiming, and it felt delicious. It made her realize this was real. This was happening.

  He withdrew and thrust himself sharply forward again, this time placing one hand to her cheek, and the other under her ass. He stared deeply into her eyes, and she felt lost in their hazel depths and in the sensation of him entering her.

  His perfect mouth said nothing, but his eyes said, Look at me, Harper. Look at me.

  She answered with: I see you, Austin. I see you. And I love you.

  He continued plunging himself into her with sharp thrusts, taking her breath away each and every time.

  She felt that tension deep inside her winding up and building like the band of a slingshot being pulled back to the furthest possible point and then…blastoff. Every muscle in her body locked down as wave after mind-blowing wave of hard ecstasy ripped through her. She screamed his name and dug her nails into his shoulder, completely lost to the sensation of his hard cock pulsing as he came deep inside her.

  With the exception of their heaving chests, the two remained frozen in a giant knot while time seemed to stand still.

  Slowly, their bodies moved into a state of blissful afterglow. Austin’s lips returned to her mouth to apply lazy, sensual kisses with his swollen, juicy lips while he slowly moved in and out of her.

  “Oh, God, Harper. I don’t want to stop doing this with you. Ever.”

  “Then don’t,” she said. “Don’t stop.”

  “You’re ge
tting really heavy,” he groaned.

  She laughed and socked him in the shoulder. “Maybe you can get that ten pack of yours to maneuver us to your bed.”

  “Can we make a stop in the kitchen? I think we’re going to need hydration and snacks.”

  Over the next six hours, they made love like two wild, crazy-horny teenagers who couldn’t get enough of each other. Harper was sore and swollen, and her body felt like overcooked spaghetti. It was the best feeling ever. As she lay in his bed, with her head on his hard chest, listening to his heart thumping away, she wondered how she’d lived without this. Love. Her life had been so empty before, and she never even realized. Ironically, if it weren’t for that stupid café, none of this would ever have happened.

  “Austin?” She looked up at his supremely handsome face. He still hadn’t shaved and was sporting a very short beard. She was going to have a lot of fun shaving him later, something she’d always wanted to do.

  “Don’t tell me you’re ready for more?” He cracked opened one beautiful, sleepy hazel eye.

  She smiled. “Maybe. But I was wondering: Did you really bodycheck an eighty-year-old woman at a movie premiere just to get a picture?”

  He grinned and closed his eyes.

  She gasped. “You didn’t.”

  “I may have accidentally moved her out of my way. How did you hear about that?”

  “Never mind.” She didn’t really care. Not because she wasn’t sympathetic toward the old woman, but because she knew she was the same when it came to her aggressive klutziness. Bottom line, they were perfect together. They “got” each other.

  “I still can’t believe we ended up together after all these years,” she said. “Do you think it had to do with the cookie you ate?”

  He was quiet for several moments. “I think I just realized why I woke up at the café this morning.” He propped himself up onto his elbows and beamed at her. “I wanted to get you a cookie.”

  “Me? Why?”

  He shook his head. “I guess I wanted to be sure I didn’t lose you this time.”

  Harper placed her hand on his cheek and kissed him. “I’m not going anywhere, Austin. You’re the one. You always were. It just took a really, really long time to find you again.” And find myself, too. “But you were so worth the wait.”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Over the next few weeks, Austin and Harper did indeed work out their lives together. At first, it was pretty hard to swallow the fact that so many people had had a hand in trying to get Austin and her together. Or was that keeping them apart?

  Whatever.

  At the end of the day, their hearts had been in the right places, and that was all that mattered. Everything worked out just as it was supposed to. Libby finally stopped showing up to Austin’s house after Harper answered the door, wearing a wedding ring and informing the crazy woman that her “husband” wasn’t home. Harper was glad because his place was bigger than hers—and hopefully spider-free—and they planned to live there for a while until they needed more space. Oh yeah. Kids were definitely gonna happen. A boy and girl. Or two boys and one girl. Or…whatever. Kids. They wanted kids.

  As for the job situation. Well, Dan apologized profusely for firing her and begged her not to tell anyone that he was, in fact, a recovering asshole. Austin decided to formally accept Dan’s offer and manage the political commentary section, which was a promotion, but Harper didn’t care that he’d snagged a position senior to hers. She couldn’t be prouder, and she wanted to stay exactly where she was, writing about engagements, weddings, and social events—the happy moments in people’s lives.

  As for her recovered memory, well, it was going to take a long time to weed out all of the peas under her mattress, but she quickly came to realize that many of her quirky hang-ups were related to that one event. Strangely, though, she didn’t wish it to “unhappen.” It had brought her here, to this perfect life with Austin, who was meant to be hers. She would have lived through fire and hell to have this with him.

  As for writing any articles about the Happy Pants Café or Ms. Luci’s “Cupid” cookies, well, Harper decided to let it go. Telling the world about any of it would only open them up to public ridicule and skepticism. Instead, Harper wrote a letter to Ms. Luci, thanking her for everything she’d done and letting her know that her secrets were safe. To Harper’s surprise, an invitation came in the mail several days later.

  Dear Harper and Austin,

  I received your letter and am thrilled beyond belief that you two are finally together. Love is such a blessing, as my dear Jeffrey used to say. But I am not getting any younger, which is why I would like to invite you both to my café for an interview. Before my time is done here in this world, I want to be sure my and Jeffrey’s legacy is well documented.

  Please come this Sunday at four o’clock for cookies and coffee.

  Yours truly,

  Ms. Luci Leon-Parker

  During the drive up, Harper kept looking at Austin, his thick brown hair whooshing around in the wind. It was a gorgeous summer day and perfect for a drive. She still couldn’t believe that they were together and that they’d get the honor of telling Ms. Luci’s story. But was this what she really wanted? The shop would be inundated with people and press, not all of them “believers.”

  If this is what she wants, you owe it to her. That she did. She’d do just about anything for Ms. Luci.

  “So what do you think her secret is?” Harper asked Austin as they pulled into a parking spot a few blocks away from the café.

  “Honestly, aside from the one victim she chooses each year, I think people just eat the cookies and fall in love because they’re ready for it.”

  “How can you say that? I mean look at us?” Harper said.

  “You fell in love, but you didn’t eat a cookie.”

  “I was already in love.” Harper smiled, knowing that would give Austin a huge ego boost.

  “Were you now?” He shut off the engine and put his arm over the back of her seat, piercing her with those stunning eyes.

  Harper sighed. “Ya. I guess you were the one who actually needed the cookie.”

  He shook his head. “Uh-uh. I wasn’t the one who needed help believing in love.”

  Harper slid from the car and waited for him to come around. He took her hand, and they made their way to the café, arriving just as Jodiann was flipping the sign to Closed.

  “Hey, guys! Nice to see you again. Abuelita Luci is waiting inside.”

  “Thanks,” said Harper.

  They were almost inside when Austin stopped and looked at Jodiann. “Hey, did you find your special someone?” After all, she had eaten a cookie.

  Jodiann grinned. “Oh yeah. We met at the party. He came to watch his sister get married. He lives kind of far, but we’ve already got plans for next weekend.”

  “And you’re sure he’s the one?” Harper asked.

  “Yep. Totally sure.”

  “How do you know?” Austin asked.

  “I feel it.”

  “Congratulations.” Austin and Harper gave her hug and went inside, grinning at each other.

  “Hello there!” Ms. Luci came from the kitchen, wearing a blue dress and her trademark white apron. She made her way around the counter, greeting them both with hugs, and then gestured for them to sit at a small table in the corner. Coffee and cookies were set out.

  “Are those chocolate chip?” Harper asked, her mouth salivating.

  “Yes. I’m almost out of my secret spices. Otherwise, I’d let you have a happy face cookie. But I know you do not need one.” She winked.

  “Oh, God, we are so, so sorry about making you drop your secret-spice mixture on the sidewalk and ruining your season, Luci.” Then, of course, there’d been the chicken rampage, which had surely finished off any of whatever ingredients she had left. Harper still didn’t know if Luci had ever found out it was her grandkids—aka seeds of Satan.

  She shrugged. “Do not worry. Things have a way of always w
orking out as they are supposed to.”

  The three took their seats, and Harper dug her recorder from her purse, placing it on the table.

  “That is something my Jeffrey taught me: To believe even when the worst times are upon you.”

  “Is that what you wanted to talk about today?”

  Luci clasped her hands together. “Yes. Only my family knows the truth about the café, but I want to make sure that there is a public record—one that my great-great-great grandchildren can find and read. I don’t want Jeffrey’s legacy to die when I die.”

  “But your children will carry on the tradition, won’t they?”

  Luci poured them each a cup of coffee. “The Happy Pants Café is my dream, not theirs. And I want them to be free to follow their own path. When I go, the café will go.”

  That actually made Harper feel a little sad.

  “Then we’re going to do our best for you, Luci.” She pressed play. “Ready when you are.

  “Very good.” Luci took a deep breath and then picked up her cup, but didn’t drink. “I inherited this café after I lost my parents in a car accident about a year after coming to the United States. I was twenty-five at the time, and my father, Gustavo Leon, worked as a farmhand. My mother, Lucinda, ran this tiny bakery. Back then, the town was small, and rents were very cheap. There was a considerable migrant population, so my mother did well selling Mexican sweets and pastries. I had been studying English and renting a room in San Francisco, coming to see my parents on the weekends. But after my parents died, I was left all alone, and I couldn’t bear to let the café die. It was all I had left of my family.”

  “I’m so sorry. That must’ve been very hard.”

  Luci nodded. “It was, but I counted my blessings—what little few I had, anyway. Like this shop.”

  “So you knew how to bake?” Harper asked.

  “Not so well in those days, but I made a mean sugar cookie. That’s how my business began to grow. The local families started buying them for children’s birthday parties and holidays. After a year, I had saved enough money to remodel the café and buy this little building. I moved in upstairs.”