“You miss your mom,” she said, feeling an intimacy she didn’t expect welling up between them.
“Yeah. But I’m thankful. We had so many happy memories. Such good times.” He looked at her. “You must miss your folks.”
Jacey nodded, allowing, “I do miss my mom, especially at Christmas.” She paused, the loss briefly making it difficult to speak. “We always went all out. She had a knack of making everything really special. She taught us both how to celebrate the small things as well as the big. As for my father…I don’t really remember my dad. He died when I was just an infant, my sister a toddler. So Mindy doesn’t have any memories of him, either.”
Rafferty covered her hand with his. “That must be tough.”
Jacey sank into his touch, conceding, “There were definitely times when it was. Our college and high-school graduations were particularly poignant. Other times…it’s hard to miss what you’ve never had. The kids I knew who lost their dads at a later age seemed to suffer the loss a lot more than I did.”
He searched her face. “Do you ever worry about bringing up Caitlin alone?”
Jacey took a deep breath. “I wonder sometimes if she’ll resent me when she’s old enough to understand what I did. But my hope is that I’ll be such a good mom, I’ll give her such a good life on my own, she won’t miss having a dad.”
He clasped her other hand, too. “And if she does…?”
Aware she hadn’t given nearly enough thought to that part of the equation, Jacey shrugged and went back to hunting for the sewing machine. “Then I guess I call Cash and see if he is at least willing to be a friend.”
“That’s not your only option,” Rafferty pointed out. Finally locating the machine under a large plastic sack of unused fabric, he gave her a thumbs-up sign and waved her over.
“I suppose I could ask Santa to bring me a husband slash daddy and put him under the tree with a big red bow.”
Rafferty slanted his head at her. “Interesting idea.” She watched as he extricated the carrying case and gave her a peek inside. The machine was there, all right. He handed Jacey the sack of spare fabric and the sewing basket, and carried the machine toward the door. “But that’s not what I had in mind.”
Her heart taking on an accelerated beat, Jacey fell in step beside him. As the two of them walked companionably through the house, back toward her suite of rooms, she said, “I’m listening.”
He paused outside her bedroom door, setting the case on the floor. “The other option is me.”
The intent look in his eyes prompted Jacey to go very still. “What are you offering?” she asked hoarsely.
“To be her godfather.”
He was serious!
“Caitlin deserves so much more than a disinterested adventurer as the male role model in her life. And until you do marry—”
“I’ve got no plans to do that.” Unless I fall head over heels in love, she amended silently.
“—you need someone to watch out for her and love her and be there for every important event in her life. I am volunteering to be that man.”
“I CAN’T BELIEVE you’re even considering it,” Mindy told Jacey over the phone an hour later, after Jacey had relayed Rafferty’s offer.
“It makes sense,” Jacey insisted. “And I don’t have a godfather lined up.”
“I’m her godmother,” her sister countered. “That’s enough.”
“For now,” Jacey agreed. “But eventually Caitlin is going to want and need a man in her life she can count on to be there during the times she needs a father figure.” Just the way they had….
Mindy clucked. “By the time she’s old enough for that, you’ll probably be married.”
Only one man came to mind as a possible groom, and that was ridiculous. By his own admission, Rafferty Evans was not husband material. Lover, rescuer, confidant, yes. A man with a ring in his pocket, no. Jacey pushed the disturbing thoughts away. “What if I’m not?”
Mindy groaned in mock agony. Jacey could almost see her sister dramatically clapping a hand to her forehead. “I knew this was going to happen,” Mindy complained.
“What?” Jacey prepared herself for the onslaught of criticism.
“You’re getting too comfortable there.”
“So?” Jacey could not help the defensive tone in her voice. She knew her older sister was trying to help, but she really wished that Mindy would keep her opinions to herself.
“So…you’ve got a daughter to consider, Jacey. And a career that needs to be focused on, so that you can provide everything that Caitlin is going to require…especially if, as you predict, you never marry. I’m begging you…think about what you’re doing here…and don’t let your momentary needs overshadow the big picture.”
Mindy’s words stayed with Jacey the rest of the evening. And were still there the following day when she went into town to see the OB-GYN who had taken care of her after Caitlin’s birth.
“You’re in great shape, all systems go,” the doctor said after completing the exam.
Which meant Jacey could make love with Rafferty if she so chose, any time now. The question was, what was she going to do about his offer to be Caitlin’s godfather, and how would what she said to that affect the rest of their relationship?
“WHERE’S CAITLIN?” Rafferty asked that evening, after Jacey had put the baby to bed in the nursery. As always, he had showered and shaved after he came in from the range that evening. A corduroy shirt was tucked into the waistband of his jeans. The custom boots he wore were made of soft brown leather and buffed to a soft sheen.
Jacey rose and went to the bathroom that connected her room with the baby’s. Gesturing for Rafferty to follow, she tiptoed through the bathroom and into the nursery on the other side. Caitlin was sleeping peacefully in her bassinet. They stood, side by side, looking down at her fondly, the tenderness flowing between them almost palpable.
Rafferty really was going to make an excellent father one day, Jacey thought as the two of them quietly exited the room.
“Have you given any more thought to my offer to be her godfather?” Rafferty asked, looking around amiably at the makeshift sewing center she had set up in her bedroom. A folding banquet table from the storeroom served as her work space, while the writing desk beneath the window held his mother’s sewing machine.
Jacey pinned the tissue-paper stocking pattern to the holiday-quilt remnant she had picked up at the fabric store in town.
Trying not to think what it would be like to be tied to Rafferty that way, to count on him to protect, love and watch over her child, she said quietly, “I’ve thought about it a lot, actually.”
All afternoon, during dinner with the fellas in the bunkhouse and as she rocked Caitlin to sleep a short while ago.
He rested his hands on the top of a wing chair in the corner. “You’re going to turn me down, aren’t you?”
He looked disappointed.
She couldn’t blame him.
She was disappointed, too.
Aware her heart was racing at his nearness, Jacey picked up a pair of fabric shears and cut around the preprinted shape, being careful to follow the lines. “I appreciate the offer.”
“But…?”
“I can’t help but think it’s one of those promises made in haste that you might someday come to regret. Especially if one of us marries and has other obligations to spouse and children.”
He did not appear as if he considered that much of a worry. “What if we don’t?”
“You really need to think about this. Make sure that it’s not just the need to feel close to someone, if only through the holidays…that’s prompting you to do this.”
“It’s not the holidays. You, of all people, should know that.”
“Okay, then your natural gallantry…coming to the fore.”
“I’m not that nice of a person, Jacey. I wouldn’t offer to be godfather to any kid. Caitlin is special—”
“Which is why we shouldn’t do anything ras
h.” Jacey set down her sewing shears and looked Rafferty in the eye.
Seeming to realize she was right—this was too much of a commitment, too soon—Rafferty backed off. “All right. I see your point. Just know that my offer stands. If you ever change your mind—or need anything—I’ll be around,” he promised.
“I appreciate that. It’s always good to have backup.” And who knew, Jacey thought wistfully, maybe someday…the time and the situation would be right for her to accept such an offer from Rafferty.
Silence filled the room.
Rafferty studied the fabric she’d already cut out. “Nine,” he counted, “which means…”
“I’m making stockings for everyone,” Jacey said, glad to talk about something else. “Even one for you, seeing as how I’m going to win our bet and all.” She chuckled as the flirtatious mood between them deepened. “I’m going to monogram the names on, too. What should yours say? Ebenezer?”
He gave her an amused once-over. “Very funny.”
She tingled in every place his eyes had touched, and some places they hadn’t. “You’re right,” she drawled. “Scrooge is much sexier.”
Rafferty grinned, obviously reading way too much in what she’d just said. “So you think I’m sexy, do you?”
She held up a hand, ignoring the ornery slant to his mouth. “I know we talked about furthering our—”
He flashed her a satisfied look. “Lessons?”
She sighed in exasperation. “Is that what you call it?”
“Exploration?” he tried again.
“Foolhardiness,” she corrected once again.
Disappointment turned his eyes a dark blue. “You’re not having second thoughts.”
“Actually…I am.”
I could fall in love with you, Rafferty Evans. I’m just beginning to realize how much.
“I guess I don’t blame you for that. We haven’t even been on a date.”
She retreated into politeness. “Which would make it even more complicated, don’t you think?”
“Nothing wrong with being complicated. Given the fact that we’re both intelligent enough to handle complex situations.”
And feelings, Jacey thought. Especially the feelings. “True, but I’m also extremely hormonal. Not to mention…sentimental, confused, overly emotional and unemployed in my chosen field.”
He flashed her a look that said he would challenge her views in his own way, own time. “So maybe it’s time you did something else, lived another place, another way.”
“If my sister Mindy could hear you now.”
“She’d say?”
“You were a very bad influence.”
“Speaking of bad influences.” Winking, he took her in his arms.
Her breath caught. “Rafferty.”
He lowered his head. “Just one kiss, Jacey. One simple little kiss.”
Jacey wanted him, so much, but they couldn’t continue, not unless…
“Whoa there, cowboy,” she said firmly. “Before this goes any further, we need to talk about how it’s going to be—and set some ground rules.”
Chapter Nine
Instinct told Rafferty that allowing Jacey to think too much about what was happening between them at this fragile juncture in their relationship would ruin something that was starting to be very, very good. An even bigger mistake would be not allowing her to have her say. “I’m listening.”
“First of, all, if this—whatever it is between us—evolves into something more…we both need to know it’s not going to ever be more than a fling.”
Rafferty did not want to agree to that, but given the way she was looking at him, it didn’t make sense to counter. “Okay.”
“Second, it’s got to be private. No one can know about this.”
“Agreed.”
She splayed her hands across his chest. “I’m a very private person.”
He nodded, serious. “So am I.”
“Third…” She paused to moisten her lips. “If whatever happens next turns out not to meet our expectations, there’ll be no hard feelings. We’ll just forget about it and go on as if nothing ever happened.”
Rafferty didn’t know how that was going to be possible. He got hard every time he thought about kissing her. And that was all the time. Working to keep the triumph out of his voice, he asked, “And what if it exceeds all expectations?”
She relaxed. “Then we’ll take it day by day, and enjoy what we can, when we can, without anyone ever finding out we’re together until I leave the ranch.”
He had hoped she had forgotten about that. Hoped, in fact, she and the baby would stay indefinitely….
“And fourth…” she continued sternly.
Exasperation got the better of him. He flattened one hand against her spine, brought her closer still. “Enough rules.”
“But…”
He was afraid if she continued she would talk herself out of it. Threading his other hand through the hair at the nape of her neck, he lowered his lips to hers. “This is the only rule we need.”
He cut off whatever she was about to say next with a hot, steamy kiss.
“And what rule would that be?”
“When something feels this good—” and this right, he added silently “—you don’t question it, Jacey. You just go with it.”
And go with it he did. He kissed her until she wanted him and let him know it. Until the bedroom grew hot and close and need took over once again. She drew his tongue even farther into her mouth, and arched against him, pressing her breasts against his chest…burying her hands in his hair.
This may have started as a flirtation, a mutual yearning that had to be satisfied, but over the days and nights that had followed, it had swiftly evolved into something much more important. The truth was, he wanted Jacey the way he had never wanted any woman. And more significantly, he needed her just as desperately.
Sliding his hands beneath her knit top, he swept it off. She flushed shyly and he knew he had his work cut out for him if he wanted her to be as sexually at ease with him as he wanted her to be. Admiring the silky golden glow of her skin, he un-fastened the bra and drew it over her shoulders, baring her delicate, maternal beauty to his view.
“Rafferty…”
“Let me look, Jacey. You’re beautiful. So beautiful…” His whole body tightened as he caressed the curves of her breasts, her pearling nipples and the shadowy valley in between. Inhaling the sweet scent of her, he slid ever downward. Tasting the silky stretch of skin across her ribs, he dipped his tongue into her navel.
Her whole body straining against him, she gave a little cry as he swept her knit lounge pants and panties down and off, ran his palms across her thighs and gently parted her legs.
The softness of her body giving new life to his, he took her to a pleasure-filled place, until her pulse was beating as rapidly as his.
They moved to the bed.
His clothes were removed as easily as hers.
And then all was lost in the long, steady climb, until he met his goal and her body took up an urgent rhythm all its own. Her pinnacle caught him by surprise, as did her soft cry, the utter lack of restraint. Satisfaction roaring through him, he held her until the aftershocks passed, then moved upward swiftly.
She looked so beautiful in her passion, so ripe and womanly with her cheeks flushed, her lips damp and open. He felt himself responding wildly. He wanted to make her all his, wanted to prolong the pleasure the best way he knew how.
And that was when Jacey took the lead, opened her legs all the more, put her hands on his hips and brought him the rest of the way home, not stopping until he was surrounded by sweet, silky warmth. Lost in the swirling passion, he lifted her hips and went deeper still. Loving her fiercely, stroking her with his hands, kissing her all the while, until she was just as caught up as he. And they were consumed in the swift rise to oblivion and the softer, sweeter aftermath.
Jacey lay on her back, eyes shut. So this was what it felt like to have an o
rgasm when a man was deep inside you, she thought. What it felt like to be wrapped up in pleasure so thick and all-encompassing it felt as if you were floating in a cocoon of love.
She had never given herself over so completely to anyone, and even as she continued to shudder with aftershocks, she didn’t know quite what to make of it.
Was this simply good sex? The kind everyone raved about? The kind of fierce longing and completion that made people lose their heads…and hearts? Or was it something more?
She didn’t know. Wasn’t sure, at this point, she cared.
All she knew was that it had been so good, Rafferty had made her feel so uninhibited, so complete, so at peace, she wanted to do it all over again. So when he reached for her, kissed his way down her throat and whispered, “Let me love you again, Jacey,” she forgot all her rules, forgot the need to be cautious, and simply did.
“CHRISTMASTIME SURE AGREES with you,” Stretch said the next morning over breakfast.
“You haven’t stopped smiling since you walked in here this morning,” Curly added.
“That’s ’cause cooking for you fellas makes me happy,” Jacey replied, and it was true. That wasn’t the reason she couldn’t stop smiling, though. And the boss knew it, which was why she hadn’t been able to look at him without fear of giving everything away.
Keeping their reckless tryst a secret was going to be a lot harder than she had ever imagined. And not just because she’d never experienced desire anywhere near that satisfying, but because, somehow, her heart had become involved—to a dangerous degree.
If she wasn’t careful, she knew she could imagine herself in love with Rafferty Evans.
And that couldn’t happen.
The two of them were too dissimilar to ever consider anything more than simply hooking up temporarily. If they were smart, that is.
“You all need to hurry up,” Rafferty ordered, gruffer and more impatient than ever. “We got a lot of fence to ride today.”
Five minutes later, all the serving platters were scraped clean. The men cleared the table and carried everything to the bunkhouse kitchen. Jacey had their sack lunches ready to go.
A Baby in the Bunkhouse Page 10