The Third Heaven Series Boxed Set: Books (1-3)

by Donovan Neal

  Do you have passive sentences?

  Are your sentences parallel

  Are your paragraphs properly formatted and laid out?

  Are your scene descriptions moving from out and general to in and specific?

  Dec 3, 2007

  Give Apollyon an internal scene of an earlier failure. Have Saesheal allude to some earlier incident.

  Question: what was Lucifer’s taste in furniture? How about Saesheal’s?

  How about if your angels have distinct combat styles. Lucifer should be refined, graceful and swift. Apollyon brutish forceful. Michael should be a mix of power and utilization of momentum.

  I learned something today to help me with the dialogue piece.

  If you are giving us your characters' exact unspoken thoughts, use italics. If you are paraphrasing those thoughts, use regular Roman type):

  Now what does she want? he asked himself. Isn't she ever satisfied?

  Marshall wondered what she wanted now. She was never satisfied.

  I think I solved the problem of Lucifer attacking El. He as the High Prince is the only one that can pass the seraphim and Ophanim unharmed. He does not fear them.

  Logical Problem: Ok if Lucifer is 1st created and Michael 2nd then should he also not fear them if they (Ophanim) were created after Michael? The problem might be solved if whoever the High Prince is. Similar to the High Priest of Israel. Whoever occupies the title commands the honors that go along with it.

  Problem solved. Lucifer attacks God from the rear and has entered the throne room from the kiln.

  Dec 04, 2007

  I grabbed some ideas from this lil article I saw on http://peacecorpswriters.org/pages/depts/resources/resour_writers/100daysbook/day014.html

  Most novels are written to a formula, especially big best sellers. For example, John Baldwin, co-author of The Eleventh Plague: A Novel of Medical Terror, developed a simple formula that he used to structure his novel.

  His ten-step formula is:

  1. The hero is an expert.

  2. The villain is an expert.

  3. You must watch all of the villainy over the shoulder of the villain.

  4. The hero has a team of experts in various fields behind him.

  5. Two or more on the team must fall in love.

  6. Two or more on the team must die.

  7. The villain must turn his attention from his initial goal to the team.

  8. The villain and the hero must live to do battle again in the sequel.

  9. All deaths must proceed from the individual to the group: i.e., never say that the bomb exploded and 15,000 people were killed. Start with “Jamie and Suzy were walking in the park with their grandmother when the earth opened up.”

  10. If you get bogged down, just kill somebody.

  I got some inspired thoughts from this idea.

  What if Talus and Sariel are at odds over Apollyon being Arelim and Corlus being “another race”…these causes racial tension between the Elohim. Division is created before Lucifer’s war who later simply exploits it. These two must work together and put aside their differences towards the end of the book to overcome the onslaught of heaven.

  Also what if Michael and Raphael become real good friends as a result of their shared experience of Raphael’s kidnapping? This would be my “2 team mates falling in love”

  Lilith becomes an expert in strategy along with Lucifer.

  Apollyon is a leader due to his sheer brute force tactics.

  One of the royal court maybe Jerahmeel might sacrifice himself to save something of great importance.

  There is division in heaven as to Apollyon’s sentence. And tension created between the Elomyic races due to one causing the trouble and the other being the recipient of said trouble. Maybe Lucifer can find a way to use this to his advantage.

  Lucifer’s betrayal must be so devastating as to cause him to be declared an enemy of the state. What if it was possible to feign Lucifer’s helping until the last minute? Then it is revealed he is a traitor. It’s a classical tactic of misdirection. What if no one knew he rescued Apollyon? What if Lucifer rescued him? Set Asmodeus up to take the fall. Has Apollyon kill him to show a body.

  Motive: What does the murderer stand to gain?

  Means:Means is associated with the suspect having the equipment, specialist knowledge etc. to carry out the crime. Ask yourself how the crime was committed and then consider whether the suspects had the capability. Did they have access to poisons? Did they know how to fire a gun? Would they have the physical strength to overpower the victim?

  OpportunityThis is more associated with when and where the crime was committed.

  Lucifer frees Apollyon who kills the guard. Asmodeus shuffles him safely to earth. This is pre arranged by Lucifer so that only Apollyon and Lucifer know what truly happened. Where Asmodeus is killed by Apollyon. Lucifer is released to apprehend Apollyon where in reality he is actually establishing the means to overthrow heaven.

  Why would Lucifer desire Asmodeaus Killed? Asmodeus is simply a tool. A means to an end. His devotion can best be served by dying.

  Lucifer should be shown to lie to Michael and his brethren. They should be shown to trust Lucifer, their trust is betrayed. Maybe Lucifer kills a member of the royal court or has someone killed.

  Gabriel and Raphael should be utilized to communicate.

  Talus and Sariel are soldiers.

  Michael is considered the reluctant general

  Jerahmeel provides support. He could serve like a police/emergency force to heaven

  Lucifer can feign being overtaken by Apollyon who also destroys the guard. He can escape to earth via prearranged transport.

  Lucifer sets a trap for a group of angels who would seek to capture Apollyon and the court doesn’t know Lucifer is responsible for their deaths all in an attempt to undermine their strength so he can invade.

  Maybe Lilith can take out Apollyon’s Grigori. We see how one may destroy another. Lilith might be amused by the new sensations of destroying.

  Lilith stays with Lucifer to document. No other reason. Lilith can reveal to Lucifer how to destroy a Grigori.

  Have Lucifer teach his legions how to open up wormholes” ladders that are not preposted. When opened in heaven they wreak havoc, and destroy structures and any living thing that.

  Dec 04, 2007

  2:20am and I’m at 28,453 words. 2,361 word increase! Who hoo. Time to get some sleep…ugh

  8:44am I’m back at it, looking to see if I need to change the organization of the story. I’m not sure if the betrayal as I have it organized in the story is emotional enough. I think I’ll need to make sure there is a lot of dialogue between Lucifer and Michael to show the severity of the betrayal.

  Ok I think Lucifer’s master plan will be to force God’s hand. El can’t be destroyed. But creation can. El cannot be defeated in the traditional sense. He must be made to step down voluntarily. He can be injured in his heart. When Lucifer sees the grief caused by Apollyon’s actions it is then that he realizes El’s true “weakness” Love. He will use El’s own love for creation against him.

  Lucifer will attempt to make God abdicate by forcing Him to destroy all of his creation (which he is want to do) or capitulate the thrown. If he captures the Kiln he can create enough Elohim to support his position overrun heaven and station his minions like terrorist bombs waiting to explode around the cosmos. So by the time the Lord comes from his self-imposed rest. Lucifer’s forces would be in place. The Kiln will be key to his success. The strategic point of interest.

  Ladder what are other synonyms for a ladder?

  Chute

  Ok I haven’t written a dime today just trying to tighten the plot in my scene editor. The ideas I’ve written in my journal have been great and convinced me that the story is more potent with them incorporated. I wrote the last scene of my book. It still doesn’t quite capture what I want in that last sentence. But I trust that…wait...its ominous…that’s the feeling I want to leave with
the reader at the end: that feeling of portent that takes their mind right into Genesis 3. The Bible itself; now continuing the story.

  Here’s some old text I might use some way.

  He hears the trumpets sound, and then hears the voice of Lucifer.

  “To all inhabitants of Heaven assemble yourselves to hear the word of God. He that hath and ear to hear let him hear. He is the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end the first and the last. Blessed is he who hears the voice of the Lord God.

  28, 803. I cute out a lot of stuff like the text above. I was real pleased with what I wrote.

  Let’s see I wrote 350 words today. Not bad…not bad.

  Day 26

  Set a goal for yourself to write at least four pages a day. That is 300–325 words, double-spaced. Some days you’ll write one page; others you’ll write 15 pages. Try to average at least four pages a day.

  Oh I reread some stuff…remember that when Lucifer comes back to heaven he does not know what happened with Apollyon. So make it so that when the council convenes he requests that El meet with him. And have everyone be quiet. It could be a scene with much power as it is revealed to Lucifer what happened. He could be wracked with guilt. If he had been there perhaps this would not have occurred. His act of releasing Apollyon could be in part an attempt to repay him.

  Ok going to bed. Its 1:45am…night

  Dec 05, 2007

  Haven’t felt like writing much today but finally set myself to get some work done at 3ish or so this afternoon. I had an idea as to how Lucifer could rescue Apollyon. A “blind jump” he transports Apollyon to earth blindly with an Elomyic command. This does two things. They escape, but Hell expands herself and now has a conduit to earth. An intention not originally designed by El. One can now enter hell from earth. What if Charon knows (he doesn’t speak remember!) that Apollyon has fled and hunts him down like a silent bounty hunter. He searches the bowels of hell to find him on earth. Apollyon escapes Earth before he can be captured. And Charon goes back through hell. And he finally captures him at the end of the book! There can be a scene where he walks through heaven ignoring all the destruction. And other Elohim fight around him. Just simply getting out of his way. Fire ignites where ever he treads leaving footprints of flame. Towards the end of the book Apollyon can be captured and hauled back kicking and screaming to Hell. Consigned to be thrown off into the Abyss until he’s released in the 3rd book.

  I thank you Lord for the word that you gave me in tonight’s in Bible Study. I thank you that you won’t release me. I thank you that you sent a word of encouragement and hope. I thank you that you have not forgotten my work and my labor of love in that I have ministered to the saints and do minister. (I saw myself standing in the pulpit and the congregation stood and started to spontaneously clap, and I quoted that scripture from Heb 6:10.) Sister H then quoted the scripture in her message.

  I thank the Lord for confirmation. And believe it shall happen just as I saw it.

  I notice I started the Shaunteel story line but I don’t do anything with it in the scene editor. How do the Grigori fight each other? What role does Lilith play. Should he battle Raphael, those two could be set up somehow to become arch enemies. Their battle could really be shown in book 2.

  Ok after the Sheanteal are formed what then? Maybe their creation is something that is done towards the end of the book during the judgment scene after the war and is left to fully flesh out in book 2? If so what will be Raphael’s role in the war while in heaven?

  Check his character profile to lift his story arch.

  You might want to learn ways to format or “layout” the excel spreadsheet so you can input more information.

  Dec 6, 2007

  Yesterday I learned that the writers edge indicates that 60% of material submitted is publishable. It occurred to me that I could increase my odds of becoming published by utilizing the submission guidelines of I-universe. I copied the guidelines and learned a lot of what I need to do and will need to do to my manuscript to make if ready. It cannot be a first draft when its done.

  I added various pages to it. Acknowledgements, about the author, things like that. I printed the document out and I was pleasantly surprised at how large it was. I’m on track to produce a document that’s around 240 pages. I think ill hit about eighty-four thousand words by the time I’m done. It was helpful to look at the I-universe submission guidelines and then to look at my developing hard copy. I printed the guidelines out. And highlighted areas that I’m aware of what I will definitely have to review when it’s done. It will take some time, perseverance, but the novel is becoming a reality.

  Today I got up thinking I also might need to remove the scene regarding the Sheateal. I’m not sure if it advances the core story at all. I’ll have to revisit Raphael’s character bio I created, and see what I can find. We’ll see.

  Ok I looked up Raphael’s storyline. No help there.

  I guess I simply have to decide how The Grigori battle?

  Usefulness in war: Grigori can supply information. Have access to the collective tome knowledge

  Fallen Grigori can be cut off.

  This has a 2 way affect. You can’t get the information form a cut off Grigori

  To cut off the Grigori means they can be touched. Maybe they can still be invisible but not ethereal?

  Raphael is unique as a Grigori because although he can turn invisible he is not ethereal, the others are.

  4:52pm and I’m at 30,098 words. Just finished writing the scene where Charon was created…omg I just love it. I read it to my daughter she said she could really see the whole thing.

  Whoohoo!!! I just finished chapter three. We are making headway!

  Chapter 4 starts with scene number 40. So I’m done with 39 out of 110 scenes.

  Ok Lucifer should possess a sophistication about him. He is trying to win a battle without assaulting

  I got an idea from reading Sun Tzu

  “when we are near, make the enemy think we are far away” What if the forces of heaven launch an attack to stop Lucifer not realizing that they have left heaven vulnerable as Lucifer’s forces are nearer than they thought.

  Lucifer’s strategy will be to divide and evade heavens forces. He cannot numerically win the battle as he’s outnumbered 2 to 1.

  Only attack what the enemy cannot defend. There are strategic points in heaven to assault. The Elysian Fields is heavens supply. The kiln supplies “troop” the temple is heavens command and control” Note that the kiln is undefended save Charon its lone guard. Only Michael and Lucifer can walk its breadths. It’s a prime target. The Elysian Fields will not be defended at all. The mount of God has the seraphim and Ophanim, that if unleashed would wipe them out. But they are but 6 against legions. What if some of heavens troops were caught on earth? They are in Athor after all. So speed is of the essence. If God can be toppled quickly Lucifer can establish control before the rest of heaven even knows. Also the 12 waypoints of heaven must be controlled.

  Lucifer has two forces one in heaven supplanting heavens defenses and causing strife and division making heaven a softer target to invade. The main invasion force from earth which has been trained.

  What if some Grigori had turned but their charge did not. They could report on what was going on. The command and control of Lucifer’s group would be the hall or records. A spy within the hall could pull any record. Lilith could reassign a Grigori from one angel to another so that they switch. The switch of one could place them in the hall of records, a position where they could monitor the goings on.

  What if something blocked the ladder? I.e. someone kicked the ladder while someone was climbing it? Blocking the waypoints could accomplish this. Preventing Elohim from coming from earth to provide support. This is how things could go wrong for Lucifer’s forces later as a mission to clear the way points allows the legions from earth to come and attack the rearward of Lucifer’s forces.

  Lucifer’s attack to succeed must hinge on the following factor
s.

  Surprise

  Weakening of enemy forces via division.

  Misdirection

  Evade the bulk of heavens forces

  Capture strategic targets

  Speed (Tactical advantage of being able to ladder outside the waypoints)

  There are scores or Arelim that are distraught due to Talus failure to subdue Apollyon. They believe that he should be their new prince, that he has grown too compassionate.

  It was the first war

  The first betrayal

  The first sin

  The first murder

  Heaven was where war was birthed. See how it was conceived in this fascinating tale of betrayal, murder, sin and loyalty.

  Use the intelligence that Lucifer has to have Talus and Sariel’s species attack one another.. He will give the signal to attack in the confusion.

  Heavens forces attack first and then earth’s ladder in destroying a third of the city and sending legions of angels. This tactic alone will whittle heavens forces down.

  What causes heaven to rally? When they see God cast Lucifer down to earth. When they see Charon drag Abaddon. The rebels realizing that El has completed his day of rest surrender.

  Have the story focus on Raphael, Jerahmeel and Gabriel helping to bring normalcy back. Raphael discovers how Lilith has accessed the great hall. Those two have to have it out somehow. Gabriel focuses on marshalling heavens forces to repel Lucifer’s main attack. Jerahmeel focuses on clearing the barriers from the waypoints. Allowing him to lead heavens forces with Gabriel’s to beat back Lucifer’s.