A Flash of Water

by Chan Ling Yap

  “Please, please don’t say that. You can’t mean it. Li Ling is only a child.”

  “Yes, that is what your father said of each and every one that he brought to this house.” She got up. “I have nothing more to say. I am sorry. You will have to find some other arrangements for the girl. With those parting words, Rohani walked away leaving the silver casket and the carefully rolled joint untouched.

  Shao Peng retrieved the box and packed away the betel leaves. She held the box to her nose and inhaled the pungent spiciness of its contents. With a flash, she realised why Rohani was contemplating chewing betel. It was her stepmother’s symbolic attempt to exert herself in defiance of her father’s wish. There were no signs of any red stains on the ground. Her stepmother lips were unstained. If she had chewed betel nut they would be bright red. She took a deep breath; she felt for her stepmother. She was vulnerable to gossip following her father’s death. Shao Peng did not believe that the four women were her father’s mistresses. There must be an explanation. Perhaps finding out could be the project that would help her put aside her thoughts of Jack. Jack, the mere thought of him, overwhelmed her with sadness. How could he, she lamented for the umpteenth time. Yet could she believe all that had been said of him? After all, she could not believe the things said of her father.

  Chapter 10

  IGNORING THE CURIOUS looks cast her way, Shao Peng went into the mill in search of her brother. She forced herself to look straight ahead. Heads turned and a murmur could be heard from the workers assembled in the plant. She maintained a firm set to her chin and clamped her lips tight. Ah Sook had told her of her brother’s whereabouts and had suggested that he accompany her to the mill. He was mortified when she declined his offer.

  “Miss ... you cannot go on your own. You are the boss’s eldest daughter, a tai siew cheh. You can’t go amongst your father’s workers. They are all men. It is not done. Let me go with you.”

  “I have been to China on my own and I have returned unescorted. I am sure I shall be fine. Don’t worry.”

  He had shaken his head, a deep furrow of concern etched between his brows. “Siew cheh, you are not a servant to go hither and thither on your own. Your father, if he was here today, would be most displeased.”

  Shao Peng smiled nervously at the recollection. Ah Sook was right. She could hear the men sniggering. When she was with the Mission, it had somehow seemed fine to go out unaccompanied. Men stared not because she was a woman. They were just astonished to see a Chinese lady in a Christian habit. Now she was keenly aware that it might not be appropriate for her to venture into a man’s domain. She had not felt so ogled even when she was in China. What a difference her nun’s habit had made. She felt and thought differently then. Shedding the habit and adorning her Chinese clothes once more seemed to have made her a different person, more vulnerable; the customs of old closing in on her. She pulled her sleeves down to hide her hands and bowed her head low to hide her face. She should, of course, had known this before striding off without a chaperone. Here in Kuala Lumpur’s Chinatown, men still outnumbered women. She cast her mind back to her journey from China. She had been pleased at the sizeable number of women travelling on the ship. However, their numbers remained small in this corner of the world despite the easing of restrictions on Chinese women’s travel to foreign lands.

  A loud exclamation of surprise jolted her out of her reverie.

  “Sister, what are you doing here? You should not come on your own. Come, come into my office.” Siew Loong threw open a door and waved her in. “I heard a commotion and came out to see. Why didn’t you get someone to come with you? What can be so urgent that you couldn’t wait until I came back this evening?”

  She forced herself into the present. She became immediately defensive when she saw the scowl on her brother’s face. All her careful planning of what to say fell by the wayside.

  “No I can’t wait till this evening,” she retorted. “I need your help now. Mother doesn’t want Li Ling in the house. She thinks that she might be a distraction for you. She compares her to the young women that father brought to the house. Can you persuade her to change her mind? Li Ling has nowhere to go. I promised her parents to take care of her.”

  “How can she think that? She is only a young girl.” Vexed, Siew Loong slammed the door shut.

  “Well she is thirteen and you are only some three, four years older? And of course, Suet Ping, your intended and mother’s choice, is about the same age as Li Ling. I suppose if you look at it like that, you can’t blame her.”

  “Poor mother,” he said. His face softened. “She is angry and hurt and lashes out at everything and everyone. I shall try to persuade her.” A look of resignation settled on his face making him look much older than his years. “I can’t promise she’ll agree. For the moment, keep Li Ling out of her way.”

  “I was thinking of taking her with me to visit the nuns. Perhaps this is a good time.”

  Siew Loong frowned. “Are you considering joining the Mission again? Or are you using this as an excuse to go to the European settlement across the river?”

  She reddened under his scrutiny. “No. I am going just to tell them news I brought from China and to thank them. Li Ling and I will then be out of mother’s way.” She could feel her heart beat quicken; she was sure he could read the guilt in her face.

  He gave her one final searching look. “Take the rickshaw,” he said. “Ah Sook will go with you. Be back early. You are not thinking of seeing him? He ... Jack ... is not in town you know. I told you.”

  She went even redder. “I might try to see Uncle Grime before he returns to Singapore.”

  “You might, but must you?” He glared at her. He was plainly annoyed and irritated.

  “Perhaps not today,” she added in haste.

  “Go if you need to check on what I told you. This will be the last time you go to the European sector. You hear me? Father would wish that. He told me as much. You just have to forget your gwei loh upbringing and be Chinese. The British administration would not have segmented this town on ethnic lines if they wished us to integrate.”

  “What about you? You are half-Malay!” she blurted out even before she could think it through. Horrified, she clapped her hands to her mouth as though she could stifle the words that had already rolled out.

  “Yes, and I am proud of it. Know this, however,” he leaned towards her, his eyes unflinching, “I am also my father’s son. Mother accepted that when she moved out of our old house to this part of town.”

  Her acceptance might now be slowly eroding, thought Shao Peng. She held her tongue. It was not her place. She reminded herself that her little brother was the head of the household. She reined in the resentment that even now surged when dictated to by him. She swallowed hard and looked away.

  Siew Loong gave little indication that he had noticed the resentment that crossed her face. He merely rose and escorted her out of the room and into the main thoroughfare of the mill. They were immediately engulfed. Piles of cassava lined one side of the wall. On the opposite side, sacks of rice lay on their sides in neat rows. Between the stacks of rice and cassava, coolies unloaded more bags of grain from bullock carts that had been brought into the mill. They hurried past to pile them against the wall; their backs bent double by the weight of the bags. Others wheeled in barrows of the brown tubers for stacking. The air was filled with dust and a fine sheet of white covered every nook and cranny.

  Despite its proximity to the house, Shao Peng had never been in the mill before. Snatches of conversation between her father and brother kept her informed of the business. She looked on with round-eyed amazement at the activity. No one stared at her; she was with her brother.

  ***

  The rickshaw carrying Shao Peng and Li Ling bumped gently along the dirt road towards the hilly rainforest nicknamed Pineapple Hill, Bukit Nanas. Shao Peng turned and saw that they had left Chinatown and the River Klang behind. They were on a by-way flanked by forests.

&n
bsp; “Tell him to stop. He needs a rest. The poor man has been pulling this carriage, walking at a trot and barefoot for nearly an hour,” she said to Ah Sook who was striding alongside the rickshaw. “The remaining travel will be uphill. Luckily Sister’s Magdalene’s place is just a short distance up from the foot of the hill. Even then, we should take a break. You too must be tired.” She peered from under the canopy of the rickshaw. Perspiration soaked through Ah Sook’s tunic. She regretted her brother’s instruction to bring Ah Sook along. He must be tired for he was not a young man.

  “I am fine. A short rest, however, is welcome. We shouldn’t stay too long. You have to remain in the rickshaw. Your brother has given me strict instructions. Last month, not far from here, a woman was kidnapped. The perpetuators were caught and they had their hands chopped off. This seems to have helped check the lawlessness around this area. No incidences of crime have been reported since then.” He smiled when he saw the alarm in her face. “Don’t worry. Your brother wouldn’t have allowed you to venture out so far with just the rickshaw man and myself as companions. Look behind you. See the two men following our carriage. They are ours. He didn’t tell you; he didn’t want to alarm you.”

  “I didn’t realise. What about the previous times I visited the nuns? Was I accompanied?”

  “Of course,” Ah Sook said with a smile.

  So my independence was not independence after all, Shao Peng mused. She turned to Li Ling, seated beside her. “I am a fool,” she said in English to her charge, knowing full well that Li Ling would not understand, “don’t be like me.”

  “Your father took great care to ensure your safety to China as well. Didn’t you wonder why the whole trip was so smooth? I know he made contacts in China for your safety and of course the Mission also promised him that they would take care of you. He had done much for them, as you know.”

  Her eyes misted. The revelation took her by surprise. She remembered the heated words she exchanged with her father when she insisted on leaving for China. Once again, she found herself in the wrong. How could she have thought that her father did not love her? She fell silent. She wondered if there was anything that she had done that was right.

  Two women passed the carriage. They carried a tub of laundry between them and seemed in a hurry.

  “Jing-jing,” Li Ling called out waving wildly at the fast receding figures.

  Immediately, Shao Peng stepped out of the carriage, hoping to run after the two women. Ah Sook stopped her.

  “No miss. You mustn’t. We have to leave now. They are heading towards that muddy track. It leads to a small settlement of shanty huts. Not a good area. In any case, we would be late and we have to return home early. We promised Master.”

  ***

  The rickshaw crunched to a stop on the gravel path a short distance from a small wooden building, painted green. Children’s voices rang from within. Before Shao Peng and Li Ling could alight from the carriage, a handful of children ran out from it. They whooped with joy and immediately ran to play in a little sand pit by the side of the building. Two nuns followed them. They emerged from the cool darkness of the interior and stood by the doorway to accustom their eyes to the glare of the sun. One brought a hand up to shade her eyes. A bright smile broke out from her face and her eyes crinkled with delight when she saw them. “Shao Peng, she said. “Come in! It is a long time since your last visit. When did you come back?”

  “Sister Magdalene, Sister Teresa,” Shao Peng cried holding out both hands to them. “I came back less than a week ago. How are you? Where is Reverend Mother?”

  “She is in the classroom, clearing the mess and tidying away the books.” A smile as bright as sunshine lit up Sister Magdalene’s face. “We have about seven pupils now,” she said with pride, “and we are expecting the numbers to increase. Come, this way. She would be very happy to see you. We have such good news. A benefactor has offered to help us get a larger accommodation with potential to house sixty students. Praise the Lord. Just in time before the Monsoon arrives and the dirt floor here becomes a sea of mud.” She turned to look at Li Ling. “Bring her along. Perhaps she would like to join us. She would enjoy the new school. It will be housed in the Victoria Hotel if the fund-raising succeeds.”

  “What a wonderful idea.” Holding Li Ling’s hand in hers, Shao Peng followed the nuns into the building. She looked around. Nothing much has changed since she last saw it. A cupboard, a small table and a scattering of stools were all there was in terms of furniture. Light streamed in from the doorway. There were no windows and the door was kept perpetually open to allow light into the room. Once a large garden shed, the three resourceful nuns had turned it into a classroom.

  Reverend Mother was on her knees by a cupboard, reaching into its bottom shelf when they entered the room. She stood up immediately. Brushing the dust from her habit, she walked to Shao Peng. “Welcome back,” she said. She smiled, a broad beam that stretched from ear to ear, transforming her face. Then the smile disappeared as fast as it came. She dropped her voice. “I am sorry to hear your loss. Your father was a good man.” She broke off momentarily to allow Shao Peng to recover and then ushered her to a seat. “It is good to see you. Tell me all about your trip to China. What are your plans now?”

  Shao Peng hesitated, her eyes clouding over. “First I need to talk to you about Jack.” She looked at her charge. Sister Magdalene saw the hesitation. She bustled forward and led Li Ling away. “I’ll introduce you to the other children,” she said.

  ***

  Throughout the ride home, Shao Peng wrestled with her thoughts. What she learnt from Reverend Mother threw a different light on the stories of Jack recounted by her brother. It was true that Jack was in England with his bride to be. But before he left he went every day to see the Reverend Mother to ask for news of Shao Peng. Reverend Mother had described him as desperate to see Shao Peng. Her heart leapt at the news. “He missed me,” she murmured to herself. She was willing to clutch at any straw that could tell her that he was not the cad her family had made him out to be. “Why did he not wait for me? Why was he marrying someone else?” she had asked.

  “His parents had summoned him back. His father was poorly and wanted to see him settled. You were not here. You had indicated that you would not be able to marry him and were contemplating taking the vows. He had waited almost six years. He was torn between his father’s request and you. The girl was a childhood friend.”

  Shao Peng’s heart softened at the news. How could she deny him his duty to his parents and expect him to accept her duty to hers? Somehow, Reverend Mother’s words eased the pain in her heart. She had felt such shame when she thought that she had been fooled. Her pride had been injured. It had eaten into her very core and self-belief. A tiny whisper of a smile escaped her lip. He did love her.

  She grabbed Li Ling’s hand. “I am a fool you know,” she said in English to her uncomprehending charge. “I am so mixed up that I do not know what I am or what I want to be. Life is so complicated. It is never black or white.”

  Li Ling squeezed her hand in return. She did not understand the words; she realised though that Shao Peng was troubled.

  “Yet,” Shao Peng continued aloud, “it changed nothing. It remains that Jack and I cannot be together.” Her lips trembled. She despaired. It was as though her whole being had been hollowed out and nothing was left except a sense of hopelessness. “Perhaps it is meant to be. If he had just waited...”

  She stared unseeingly at the scenery that unfolded. The carriage wheels rumbled across the rough track accompanied by the soft pattering of the rickshaw puller’s feet pulling ahead of them. The sun was dipping to the west and the river glinted bright under its setting rays. Beside her Li Ling’s head was soon bobbing and rolling with the motion of the carriage. Shao Peng reached over and gently placed an arm around the girl. She drew her close until Li Ling’s head rested in the crook of her neck. She brushed the tendril of damp hair from the girl’s forehead. The warmth of their contact
was comforting. Poor girl, Shao Peng thought, not much of a day for her. I know what I must do; I shall help with the school. I shall teach. That much I can do with the education I have been given. With time and with work, I will heal.

  Chapter 11

  “YOU HELP ME find out more about the women and I might let Li Ling stay.”

  They were in the courtyard. Rohani was resolute when she uttered those words to her stepdaughter. She looked more like herself, more in command and less of the broken distressed woman she was the previous day. She was dressed and combed. There were tiny white jasmine flowers threaded around the coil of hair worn at the nape of her neck. They blended and matched beautifully her white lace kebaya top. She adjusted her sarong and sat down on the wooden bench. She did not invite Shao Peng to sit.

  “What if my findings are not happy ones for you? Would you take it out on Li Ling?”

  Rohani did not seem to hear. “Ah Sook and the servants might tell you things they would not confide in me,” she continued. “I am an outsider in my own house. Yes, you are better placed to get the truth than me.”

  Rohani stared wistfully into the distance. “I feel so lonely here. This part of the town has grown and grown with more and more Chinese people. I am increasingly isolated. Yet not far from here, the British Resident has set up a village called Kampong Baru, and designated it a Malay Agricultural Settlement. It will be exclusively for Malays. Perhaps I should move there. I long to hear my own language spoken, to be with my own people...” Her voice trailed off.

  Shao Peng lowered herself next to Rohani and took both her hands in hers. “Please don’t. You have been so happy here until you found out about these other women. Even if they were father’s mistresses, I am sure that it did not lessen the love he had for you nor the happiness you both shared. Did he at any point make you unhappy when he was alive? I have never seen a cross word between you. When I was a child, I was jealous of the close bond between you two. I felt left out then.”