With a heavy heart he got out of the car and followed the girls into the house. Suet Ping was there to meet him. She was the last person he wanted to see. He felt guilty enough without being reminded. Suet Ping, however, seemed not to notice anything amiss.
“The girls were so excited that you went to fetch them from school. What a lovely idea and surprise for them,” she said, bending down to set his house slippers on the floor.
“There is no need. I can do it myself” He wanted to jerk his feet away. Instead he took the slippers from her and slid them on. Without saying another word, he walked away.
Rebuffed, Suet Ping looked quickly around to see if anyone else noticed the exchange. She went into the dining room. Everyone was already seated around the table. She slipped into her chair and apologised for her lateness. She had to set the example of inviting her elders to eat. Rohani had adopted this practice as she did much of the etiquettes practised by Chinese families. It was what her father-in-law would have liked if he was alive. The young were not supposed to start eating before their elders.
“Nai-nai sik fan,” she said. She stared at Fern to prompt her. To her relief, her children needed little prompting. At least, that part went well, thought Suet Ping. She picked up her chopsticks and began choosing the best pieces of meat for Rohani.
“Your wife is such a wonderful woman,” Rohani whispered to Siew Loong. “She looks after me like a daughter takes care of her mother.”
Suet Ping turned her attention to her husband and began placing food on his side plate. This was what her mother had instructed her to do. “First look after your mother-in-law, then your husband,” she had said.
Siew Loong grunted. “Please don’t. I can do it myself. Just eat, will you? Stop fussing!”
Suet Ping swallowed. She tried hard not to mind what was again clearly a snub, this time in front of the whole family and even the attending servants. She glanced quickly at her children. Fern’s eyes were like saucers and Rose’s lips quivered. Siew Loong saw and was immediately contrite. He tried to make amends and told Suet Ping more kindly that she should look after herself and not worry about others.
He chided himself. It was not his wife’s fault that he had little feeling for her. He should not have married her; he should not have acceded to his mother’s demand. But the water was under the bridge and he should really try to be nicer. He made up his mind that he would go to her that night. Siew Loong stole a fleeting look at the far end of the table. He had tried not to look that way. He just couldn’t resist it. Su Hei was seated there. She saw him look her way and smiled, the dimples deepening in her cheeks and her eyes warm as they engaged his. His heart did a double flip. He returned the smile. Rohani saw the exchange.
***
It was the weekend. Remembering what her mother and Ah Chu had instructed, Su Hei went to Rohani’s room. She knocked and then, on hearing the invitation to go in, pushed open the door with her shoulder and entered.
“What do you have with you?” Rohani was surprised for Su Hei was carrying a basin, with a towel draped around her forearm. Two little wooden implements hung around her shoulder.
“Good morning. I came to ask if you would like me to attend to your feet.” She had observed Rohani’s discomfort when she walked. “My mother taught me how to do it. She said that it is a wonderful treatment for tired feet; it will help improve blood circulation. Would you like that?” She placed the basin down on the floor and fished out a phial from her pocket and handed it to Rohani. “I got some lovely aromatic oils from her.”
Rohani took the phial and inhaled. “Mmmm! Wonderful. Let’s try it. Shall I sit down?” She was eager to try anything to reduce the swelling in her feet and ankles.
“Yes please. I’ll fill the basin with warm water.”
Su Hei took the basin and pattered out to the bathroom. She was excited at her first undertaking. It was a chance to put into practice what she had been taught. She returned with the basin filled with warm water. She placed it on the floor and gently placed both of Rohani’s feet in the basin. The warm steam and scent filled the room. Rohani felt her body relax; she leaned back and allowed herself to be administered to. Su Hei knelt in front of her and gently sluiced the feet, trickling the warm water between the toes. She laid a towel on her lap and placed Rohani’s foot on it; then she massaged it, her thumbs working deeply into its pressure points. A small sigh of pleasure escaped from Rohani. After each foot had been washed, massaged and oiled, Su Hei took out her two little sticks with a wooden ball attached to each. “I am going to gently pummel your soles with this to help improve blood flow. Tell me if it is too hard,” she said. Rohani emitted a grunt. She had nodded off; her shoulders sagged in total relaxation, her head lolled back and her lips parted.
Su Hei was pleased. Quietly she rested Rohani’s feet on a foot stool and gathered her tools. She straightened up and left the room.
***
Suet Ping sat back on her chair. Outside a storm was whipping up the trees to a frenzy. The rain splattering on the roof drowned all sounds in the house. She laid down her sewing. She was on edge. The room felt like a prison, the air humid and cloying. There was nothing for her to do. Her husband was working hard in his office downstairs and would not welcome any interruption. Her mother-in-law was needing her less and less. As the days and weeks passed, Su Hei had taken over more and more of the things that Suet Ping used to do for her mother-in-law. On days like this, Suet Ping felt superfluous.
Suet Ping got up. She felt stifled. She needed to get out. Perhaps she could pop into the kitchen. Someone was bound to be there. She could talk to them and it would help fill her loneliness. Fern and Rose had gone for the day to Shao Peng. If they were in, their laughter and chatter would at least fill some of the emptiness. She went out to the stairway with the sound of rain beating in her head like a drum. Midway down the stairs she paused. She saw Su Hei heading towards the lobby with a tray in her hands. On the tray was a teapot, a teacup and a small plate of sweet mung bean biscuits, her husband’s favourite. The lobby led to a set of rooms to the east wing of the house, one of which was his office. No one was allowed in when he was at work unless it was something urgent. A sudden unease came over Suet Ping. She hastened down the steps. Su Hei heard her and turned around with a wide disarming smile.
“Ah Tai asked me to take this to Master,” she explained. “He had asked for tea. The kitchen is rather short-handed at the moment.”
“I’ll do it.” Suet Ping took the tray. She watched until Su Hei could not be seen. Carefully balancing the tray, she went to Siew Loong’s office. His face lit up and then froze when he saw her. Suet Ping’s heart sank. She saw the guilt in his face. She realised that he was expecting Su Hei and was disappointed when it was her, his wife. She said nothing. She set the tray down and left. She could feel his eyes on her back. Outside the office, she leaned against the door. She breathed deeply to calm herself. She should have expected it. His sudden reappearance at home should have been a warning.
Chapter 46
“SO YOU ARE really leaving?” asked Fern.
“Yes,” said James. “I don’t want to. My parents say that it is for the best. I will hate it I am sure. I will hate being in a big school. I have never been in one. My friends tell me that boarding schools are nasty.” James was downcast. He had been arguing with his parents against returning to England.
“You are not going to a boarding school, James,” interrupted Shao Peng, coming into the room. “Your father and I will be with you. You will be going to your father’s old school. We’ll make sure that you will not be bullied.” Shao Peng went over to James and placed both arms around him. James struggled and broke free. He didn’t want to look like a sissy in front of his cousins.
“I hate you,” he shouted and ran out. He slammed the door.
Shao Peng sighed. “Both of you must come and visit us in England. James would like that very much and we too. In fact, I am sure I can arrange for you to go to school there. Perhaps I could
talk to your father and mother about it, that is of course if both of you are interested. I won’t say a word if you are not.”
Fern looked at Rose. The thought of studying in England had never crossed their minds. It was already a wonderful thing that they went to school and studied English. Not many girls had such an opportunity. The idea of leaving home for a foreign country filled them with both apprehension and excitement. Fern clasped her sister’s hand in her own. “We don’t know if we are interested or not interested,” she said. “Can we discuss it among ourselves?”
“You don’t have to tell me now. We still have a month before we leave, so there is plenty of time. I...”
“Shao Peng!”
Shao Peng spun around at the sound of her name being called.
“Mummy! Why are you here?” asked Rose.
Shao Peng realised immediately that something was wrong. Suet Ping looked distraught. “Why don’t both of you go to James and comfort him?” she asked the two girls.
“Please go,” Suet Ping said.
The girls sensed that it was not the moment to protest or ask questions. Impulsively, Fern went to her mother and threw her arms around her; Rose followed suit. Then they left with a final backward glance at their sobbing mother.
***
“I came here because it was you that brought that vixen to our house.”
“I don’t understand what you are talking about. Surely you are not talking about Su Hei?” What has she done?”
Suet Ping, her face red with anger, shouted. “She is trying to take my place. Why didn’t you tell me that my husband had a history with Su Hei’s mother? I am the last one to know. I had to learn it from a servant! How could you have brought her to my house knowing full well that it could stir up old feelings in Siew Loong? To think that I trusted you! To think that I welcomed her with open arms and asked my daughters to befriend her!”
“Are you sure she is trying to lure Siew Loong away? She is only a young girl for goodness sake! And as for Siew Loong’s so-called relationship with Li Ling, the mother, I wouldn’t call it that. He liked and pitied her. Didn’t he marry you instead?” Even as she protested, Shao Peng was beginning to doubt herself. The strange feeling she had since Su Hei’s arrival had been unsettling her for weeks. She had not been able to fathom its cause. She asked herself if this was what was troubling her. Was she guilty of unwittingly burying her reservations? Had she allowed her desire to make amends blind her to what, with hindsight, seem a possible outcome?
“I don’t know why he married me. It was certainly not because he loved me.”
Shao Peng took a step towards her sister-in-law. She tried to take her in her arms and console her. Suet Ping pushed her away.
“Calm down! Let’s speak to Rohani. I am sure it is not like what you think. Su Hei just wants to make herself useful. She is grateful to be taken in and treated so well.” Inwardly, Shao Peng prayed that what she said was true. She still could not bring herself to believe that her brother would have an affair with someone so young. He was too strong and rational for that. Neither could she believe that Su Hei could be so devious.
“I want her out of my house. You understand? I won’t allow you to bulldoze the issue away by bringing my mother-in-law into it. Rohani is bewitched by the girl.”
Shao Peng flinched. She had never seen Suet Ping so angry before. “I will take her away. Let me talk to Siew Loong. We cannot accuse him without giving him a chance to explain himself”
Upstairs, crouching down on a step and hanging on to the banister, Fern looked at her sister. They heard it all. They asked each other if their father, their stern and upright father, could have fallen in love with Su Hei? What would become of their mother? What would become of them?
***
The house was quiet. The storm had cleared the air. Outside in the garden, an owl hooted and a cacophony of insect sounds filled the night with an urgent buzz. In the distance a dog yelped. Su Hei peered out of the window and looked up. The rain had stopped but water continued to drip from the eaves of the roof; it splattered down to the ground below, bringing sparks of bright silver into the dark. Gradually the drops grew less frequent until everything became still.
Su Hei shivered for the night air was cold. She closed the window. Dinner had been a very strained affair that evening. Suet Ping and the girls were not at the table. Ah Tai said that they had returned from Shao Peng’s and would not be joining them. She wondered why.
She got into bed and pulled the sheets right up to her chin. So far she had done all that her mother had instructed. She had tried very hard to please Rohani. She was friendly to Fern and Rose and respectful to Suet Ping. She had helped the servants in whatever they wanted her to do and above all she had smiled whenever Master Siew Loong looked at her. And it would seem that he looked at her a lot. She was conscious of his eyes following her movements, so much so that she was embarrassed at times. She hoped that it was not obvious to the others. It was not hard to smile at the Master. He made her feel good.
She lifted the sheet and looked down at her chest. Her breasts stood pert, the nipples hard. She was more aware of her body than she had ever been since she moved here. Perhaps it was the Master’s looking at her that prompted it. A warmth spread over her, lodging deep in her groins. She wanted to clamp her legs tight. Ah Chu’s daughters had told her about what would happen between a man and a woman. It had initially filled her with horror; then fascination and curiosity followed. She let the sheets fall and slid deeper into the bed.
Her mother hoped the Master would marry her. How could that be? He was already married. Mistress Suet Ping had been so nice. Wouldn’t she be hurt? Su Hei turned on her side. She was probably worried about something that would never happen. Although Master Siew Loong was always staring at her, he had said little beyond the ordinary polite questions about her wellbeing. She reached out and hugged the bolster to her. How would it feel if he was to hug her? She clasped the bolster even more tightly, rubbing her body against it. What if he touched her?
***
The sun was barely up when Shao Peng arrived at her brother’s home. She went straight into the house and was told that Siew Loong had just finished his breakfast and was about to leave. She walked quickly towards his office and caught him leaving it with a case in his hand. He looked up in surprise.
“Why are you here?” he asked striding forward without stopping. “I don’t have time to speak to you. I have to leave now; I have urgent matters to attend to in the estate. The Port Authorities have released my workers. They will be arriving at the estate in a couple of hours time. There is much paperwork to complete.”
She strode alongside him, keeping pace. “I need to talk to you. It is about Su Hei.”
For a split second, his pace faltered. Then he walked even more rapidly than before. Shao Peng found herself running to keep up with him.
“Nothing to talk about. I suppose it is Suet Ping who asked you to come. I expected this to happen when she came home and refused dinner.”
Shao Peng grabbed hold of his forearm. “Are you having an affair with Su Hei?”
He flung her arm away. The violence of it sent her reeling. She recoiled from the fury in his face.
“It is none of your business. Go home! Pack and leave! Your intrusion into my affairs is not wanted.” He did not raise his voice; the terseness of his speech and his face was enough.
“Don’t you understand? It is my business. I brought her here. I will never forgive myself if my actions cause such havoc for your family. Please, please Siew Loong, listen to me.” She touched his arm again, gently this time, her voice pleading.
He stopped mid-stride. He said nothing. Neither did he look at her. Silence brooded between them. Time ticked by. It was just minutes, may be even seconds; in Shao Peng’s mind it seemed like hours.
“I loved Li Ling. I didn’t know how much until I lost her. By then it was too late and I had married. You know that I married to please mother. I
can’t do it any more. Of course Su Hei brings back all my memories of Li Ling. What do you expect? When I see her, it is as though I never grew older and we are those two young people years ago. I have not touched her. Tell Suet Ping if that would make her happier. I can’t, however, vouch, that I can remain celibate forever. After today, I will not stay at home. I cannot risk the temptation. Perhaps having me consort with other women outside this household is preferable. I am not heartless. I understand Suet Ping’s situation.”
He turned to face his elder sister. “ I cannot bring myself to go near Suet Ping. I tried. I am sorry, truly sorry.”
Shao Peng saw the wretchedness in his eyes. She could feel his hurt like her own. She, the elder by so many years, had been the cause of her young brother’s hurt.
“What if I take Su Hei away. Would that help?”
“Why should she suffer? I’ll go.”
Siew Loong walked quickly away, out of the house and into the car. Shao Peng watched as the car sped away.
***
“What did he say?” Suet Ping asked even before she reached Shao Peng.
With eyes bleak with sadness, Shao Peng turned to her sister- in-law. She was torn between these two young people. They were both suffering and all for that one wrong decision, they married without love. She thanked God for her own situation; she fought for the right to choose her own husband and despite the pains she suffered when she was young, at least in her old age she had the comfort of a husband that she loved and who loved her. These two people had none of what she had. She took Suet Ping’s hands in hers. They were ice cold. “He said he never touched Su Hei.”
Suet Ping’s eyes lit up and her lips trembled with relief.
“He said he’ll not come home any more because he cannot guarantee that he can maintain this for much longer.”
The silence that followed was like a throbbing heartbeat, violent, emotive, silent. The light in Suet Ping’s eyes went out. Her face aged visibly. She turned and made her way up the stairs, the stairway that she had just minutes ago descended in such a hurry, full of fear and yet still hopeful. The hope was completely gone.
A Flash of Water Page 29