The Final KO

by Jessica Florence

  A sort of post-traumatic stress moment had hit me. She took advantage and let me have it. Blow after blow, she pummeled my face and body. I blocked as best I could but couldn’t get her off.

  I was saved by the ending of the round. She was pulled off of me and went to her side of the cage. I went to mine and sat on the stool. Ice was applied to my face off and on, while Coach told me to sip some water and spit it out.

  “She got in your head. Jackson, let it out. You’re leg ain’t gonna break. She’s leading with her right side, and every time she is about to make a move her left hand moves forward slightly. Use your head. You can beat her kid. Take charge. If anything, you know I think of you like one of my own. Now I don’t like seeing my kids getting the shit kicked out of them. Don’t let me see it again.” By the time he was done my break was over and the fight was back on.

  I knew what Coach had said, and I let it sink it. I had to beat her. I had worked too damn hard to let her take me down. My body was running high on adrenaline.

  I felt my face starting to swell and my mouth was still bleeding, but this was my life. I lived for the thrill of the fight. Coach was right, Arson was right. I would beat her.

  At the beginning of the next round, she started to move toward me, this time I unleashed myself on her. One jab to the nose and blood spurted out. She recovered and came at me fast with a kick to the thigh. It hurt, but I wasn’t done for. She kept coming and I watched for her left side movements. Coach was spot on. She went to kick with her right and the left moved first. I was ready and caught her leg.

  I pulled her toward me and together we went to the ground. I was over her and I knew this was it. The moment I had been waiting for was about to end. I maneuvered my way around her hard body while she fought to stay in control, something she had never actually had. I had allowed her to get those punches in on me and now I was putting her back in her place.

  Once her arm was secured between my legs, I had her. I pulled back with all of my strength and that was it. The arm bar did her in. The ref pulled me off and I ran around the cage like a wild woman. I won! I freaking won!

  It was surreal. She was still on the ground, nursing her arm, when I was surrounded by my team.

  Chapter Twenty Five

  I hated myself

  “You did it kid!” Coach hugged me and I felt how proud he was of me. I threw my mouth guard to the ground so I could talk. My trainers hugged me too and then I was being announced as the winner over Tasha. I looked out toward the seats and found him, my eyes zooming in on him. He was smiling while hollering that I’d done amazing.

  I mouthed I love you to him and he did it back. I was back in the game. I had proved to everyone and to myself that I wasn’t done, that nothing could hold me back from my passion. I held my arms in the air in victory.

  Tasha didn’t come to me for a hug, which was what competitors usually did, but who cared? I had beat her and couldn’t give two shits about how she was feeling. I was declared the winner of the match!

  We left the cage and I was swamped with interviews. I had dried blood on my face, along with just being a hot mess, so I answered their questions about how I was feeling, how I’d beaten Tasha, and what was in store for me now.

  I passed Arson on the way to the locker room, and my body launched into his arms as soon as it was able to.

  “I did it!” I screeched. He spun me around in our bliss.

  “I told you.” He kissed me and I felt it down to my toes. I sighed. I needed to get cleaned up and ready for the press conference afterward, where once again I would be talking about how I was feeling. Ugh. Ecstatic? Extremely happy?

  I pulled back from our kiss and rested my head on his chest.

  “I’ve got to go get cleaned up.”

  “Meet me back at the cage when you’re done okay?” he asked, and I agreed by nodding. I had been the last fight so it would be empty in the arena. I wondered why he wanted to meet there; I guessed I would see shortly.

  “I’ll see you soon.” I kissed him softly then went to go get cleaned up.

  My shower felt like both heaven and hell. My cuts stung, but the heat on my muscles was soothing. I knew I would need to ice them later, but for now the heat felt great.

  I swished the water in my mouth to clean it out and spit it at the drain. I lathered myself up really good and then stood under the spray until I felt like I was getting too pruney. I grabbed my towel and dried off quickly. I was eager to see Arson. I wrapped myself up in the terrycloth and stepped back into the empty locker room.

  Or at least it was supposed to be empty.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” I bellowed as I stared down a very posh looking Julianne. She was sitting in one of the chairs next to my stuff. Ew, did she go through my things? Weirdo.

  “You know who I am?” she questioned me. She looked at her fingernails like ambushing women in locker rooms while they were wrapped towels was an everyday occasion.

  “Seriously? You’re the terrible woman who took Arson in and used him for sex, which is so gross by the way. You’re like, what? Thirty years older than him? Then you pushed him into selling his body for you. Yeah you’re that bitch, and you have thirty seconds to get out of my locker room before I knock your teeth out.” She was there, trying to ruin my great life, I knew it.

  “Well I guess I we can skip right to the nitty gritty then.” She looked at me and stood, facing me head on. Her blue eyes were bright and filled with evil. Honest to god, she felt like the real live devil. A shiver ran up my spine, and not the good type of shiver.

  “What do you want?” I spat out. Her chin lifted in defiance.

  “You are going to leave Arson tonight. He’s had his fun, but it’s time for him to come back to me.” I rolled my eyes. Really, she was barking up the wrong tree. There was no way I would leave Arson.

  “Not going to happen. He doesn’t want anything to do with you anyway,” I stated. She waved my comment off.

  “Of course he wants me. I’m the woman who saved him from a life on the streets. I made him who he is today. He will always be mine. He accepted that the moment he first made love to me in my bed.” I hated hearing about how she’d had him in her bed, and I doubted they had made love. I was so done with this.

  “You’re delusional. It’s not going to happen, so I suggest you take my original warning and get out before I do something. Did you not just see me out there? You wanna end up like her?” I tucked in my towel tighter and brought my hands down to my sides. Her eyes flicked down to them and back up to my face. She didn’t looked scared. Why not?

  “You will leave him, tonight, or I might let slip all of the business transactions Arson has done. I kept records, and I even have some videos he doesn’t know about. Yes, let that soak in. Arson’s little dream of opening a children’s dojo would be destroyed. No one would want to take their child to learn from a manwhore. He would be ruined. You leave him, and I will keep his business discretions between us girls.” She winked and I about blew. She was blackmailing me.

  “You wouldn’t do that to him.” I was grasping at straws. I couldn’t give into her demands.

  “Oh dear, don’t you realize? He will come to me on his own. Once his dream is down the drain he will come sulking back to me. He won’t feel good enough for you anymore. He’ll revert back to his old ways. You know what I’m saying is true. Without you, he’ll still have his gym, and his dreams of being a better man than he thought he was. With you, his dreams will be dead. Your choice Rayne.” She was staring at me and I felt like the ground beneath me was disappearing. Was I really debating this?

  I wanted to tell her to shove her deal up her ass, but what she said hit home. He’d worked so hard to become a better man. He was so close to having his dojo opened. If people found out about what he had done, they wouldn’t want their kids near him.

  But dammit I couldn’t leave him. I loved him more than anything. He was my match, my soulmate.

  I thought about what
I had just said and I knew the answer. I was being selfish. I didn’t want to leave him. I wanted him. I, I, I. What about him? I knew he loved me unconditionally, but because I loved him, I had to give him the life he deserved, one where he could fulfill his dream and live a life without Julianne, the witch.

  I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to break his heart, but that was the only way to let him live and have his dreams. He could be without me; he’d done it for thirty years. My mind was a mess, and I realized the bitch was still there staring at me.

  “You win,” I admitted in defeat. I would do as she wished. It was going to kill me, shatter me into oblivion, but that was the risk I’d taken by falling in love in the first place. At least I was being shattered so that Arson could have his dream.

  “I always do,” she rejoiced in her bitchy tone and walked away, leaving me standing there as my world dissolved. I felt many emotions, but what hit me the strongest was anger and despair. I lashed out and punched lockers, threw chairs, anything I could get my hands on.

  That bitch had just ruined everything. She’d won. I wanted to fall to the ground and cry, but I had a job to do. I had to hold it in just a little bit longer, because once I hurt him and felt the true sting of what I was about to do, there would be nothing left. I couldn’t let him see any reason to fight me, to fight for me. I put on my fight face of confidence and got dressed.

  Arson was waiting for me in the cage. I took the time while I walked toward him to commit every part of him to memory—as if I could forget him. He was perfection at its finest. Tall. Dark black hair. A jawline that was so sharp; I loved to run my tongue along the edge of it. His lips were pink and full. I had to stop thinking about how perfect he was; I was really starting to die on the inside.

  “Arson.” I alerted him to my presence. He looked at me with such adoration I faltered in my steps. I took a deep breath, in through my nose, out my mouth. I have to do this. I have to do this. I masked my face with an expression of indifference.

  “You did real good Princess,” he commented as I walked up into the cage and stopped a few feet in front of him.

  “Thanks, I’ve been waiting for this moment for such a long time.” I looked around the empty arena, anywhere but him.

  “Princess. Look at me.” I turned back to him to see him kneeling in front of me. No, no, no, NO! Oh God please don’t be that cruel. My breath got stuck in my throat.

  He took my silence as an answer for him to continue. I couldn’t speak. A knife was stabbing my heart and twisting.

  “It started here for me Princess. Tonight I watched you again as your passion led you and you didn’t let anything bring you down. You inspire me to be a better man. I want to be inspired the rest of my life.” He pulled out a ring from his pocket. It wasn’t super large or flashy, but it was beautiful: white gold with a princess cut ruby and small blue sapphires around the band. It reminded me of the necklace he had gotten me. Tears broke from my eyes, but not tears of joy. How could I do this to him?

  “Marry me Princess.” His green eyes were looking up at me with a smile on his face. He knew I would say yes, that he was the love of my life.

  “I can’t,” I blurted out. I had to do this now. Rip the band-aid off. His face scrunched up in confusion.

  “I don’t want that future anymore.” I was numb on the inside. Everything that came out of my mouth from that point on was not me. I wasn’t even sure whose words they were, but I kept going.

  “After this…” I looked around, drying up the tears.

  “I want this life, I want the fights, the glory, the freedom. What we had was great, but it isn’t what I want anymore.” I lied like I’d never lied before. He stood and put his hands on my shoulders, making me look him square in the face.

  “Rayne what is wrong? This isn’t you. Who talked to you?” He wasn’t mad—yet. He wasn’t believing me.

  “No one Arson.” He flinched at the tone I used to say his name. God I was dying.

  “This isn’t you Rayne.” He shook his head.

  “Do you really know me Arson? You’ve known me for a few fucking months. You came into my life out of nowhere. Sure I’ve opened up about a few things, and you fucked me real good, but do you really know me?” Dying. I was surprised I hadn’t given in and pleaded for forgiveness yet. I wanted to. God I wanted to. He let go of me and ran his hands through his hair, the ring still in his hand.

  “No. You love me.” His voice was quieter, he was believing me. I swore that was worse than what I was doing. He was believing me. I wanted him to, but it hurt so bad that he truly could doubt the love I had for him, despite what I was saying.

  Time to end this. I had to get out of there before I screwed it up and ruined his future—a future without me. I hated myself.

  “I love this more. I got what I wanted from you, but this…” I gestured to the arena. “This is my love, and there’s no room for you in it. Goodbye Arson.” I turned and started to walk off, fighting back the tsunami of tears.

  Arson grabbed me quickly before I could get far. He whirled me around so fast I almost got whiplash. His lips smashed against mine. I fought it; I couldn’t give in. He held me against him with a punishing kiss. This was not for pleasure at all.

  “Well you played your part well then. You made a whore believe he was something more. At least with the other women I knew what was on the line—just my body. If I’d known you were just like them I would have never put my heart on the line for you.” He pushed me away like trash and stormed out of the cage. I wanted to run after him, but my feet were glued to the floor. I’d done what I was supposed to do, and it killed me. I hadn’t just broken him, I had slaughtered him.

  I looked toward where he had left and saw a figure in the door. Julianne. She had a smile on her face. Yeah, you won bitch. I fucking killed myself and broke the only man I’ve ever loved. Glad to make your life complete—not.

  Chapter Twenty Six

  I have given up

  Somehow I found the will to move my feet and leave my heart on the bloody cage floor. Arson wanted us to be the final KO; I just didn’t want it to be the type that you didn’t get up from, the final knockout that destroys your life.

  I looked at the clock on the wall and knew I had missed the press conference. I didn’t care. I thought about what my next move was instead.

  I didn’t want to go back to the hotel room. He could be there—or would he have run right into Julianne’s waiting arms? I didn’t want to know, nor did I want to see Cammy or my mother. I wanted to crawl in a hole and cry until I had no fluids left for what I had done to him. I had made him feel like the broken man he was before. I paid the taxi driver to drive me around for a few hours, just aimlessly, keeping me in solitude. I stared out the window and still hadn’t broken down. I couldn’t yet. I deserved this pain.

  When I finally had the taxi pull up to the hotel, I was feeling like a zombie, a heartless zombie. I took the stairs to the room and when I opened it, I didn’t see Arson anywhere. His bags were gone, there was nothing left of him. I walked over to the little kitchenette island to see if he had left a note or anything. Nothing.

  I was starting to feel the weight of what him not being there really meant. I started to walk away when a glint of something shiny caught my eye in the trash can.

  That moment was when everything came crashing down. I grabbed the ring Arson had gotten for me and fell to the floor. He was gone, and he wasn’t going to come back. I’d pushed and pushed, and he had believed everything.

  Our love, gone. Our futures of little black-haired girls and being together forever, gone. I cried on the floor by the trash can, holding that ring close to my heart. Cammy always said I was a once-in-a-lifetime love type of girl, like a penguin. Well, she was right; I would never love again. Arson was my chance, and I had let him go.

  I cried until the morning sun peeked through the windows. I knew it was only a matter of time before Cammy and my mom would be knocking on my door,; I wanted
to just shut the world out but I still had to make it believable. Arson could be in the hotel lobby.

  I dragged myself up off of the floor and went into the bathroom. I made myself look presentable, like I hadn’t been pouring my heart onto the kitchen floor all night.

  True to my expectations, they did come knocking. I opened the door and immediately they could tell something was wrong.

  “Don’t ask. I’m not talking about it. For now I need you two to act like nothing is different. We are leaving on the soonest flight I can book, okay?” I looked them both in the eye. My mother’s held understanding and sorrow. Cammy’s expression was one of devastation, but she recovered and put a fake smile on her face.

  “Okay,” she agreed. My mother didn’t want to, but agreed as well.

  “Okay.”

  “Now, let’s go get breakfast and get the hell out of this town.”

  We did just that. I hadn’t seen Arson and I wasn’t sure if I was happy about that or not. Truthfully I missed him already. I missed his warmth, his strong arms holding me all night.

  I cut myself off from anymore thoughts of him. It was over.

  We left breakfast and went straight to the airport. I looked out the window as we left Los Angeles, the city of my broken heart.

  I allowed myself one more night to cry once we got back to Sarasota. My mom gave me a kiss on each cheek and promised to check on me in the morning before she left. Cammy stayed. We changed into pajamas and she lay with me, no questions asked while I let the tears loose again. I wasn’t going to cry my life away even though I wanted to do just that.

  I owed Cammy for what she did, just being there, watching her best friend shatter in front of her eyes.

  In the morning I shed my last tears and got up for training, just like any other day. I wasn’t myself, but then again myself had taken on a new identity. I was not happy-go-lucky Rayne Jackson. I was still going on with my life in fighting because it was all I had. Coach knew something was wrong, but I shut him down with “Fine,” “I’m good,” etc. He stopped trying and the other men were wise to give me distance.