“I thought you were in here with her. I didn’t stick around to find out what was happening. So, when you called me I ignored it.”
“Don’t you trust me? I would never hurt you. I told you I would try, and I meant it. I stand by my words, you of all people should know that by now.”
“There’s more. My mom passed away. I was so hurt and confused. I am still hurting. But, it's no excuse for what I’ve done. You aren't going to want me anymore.” My tears start spilling over the brims of my eyes. “I called Brian, and he came here for the funeral. I had every intention to tell him about Jace, but somehow I ended up in his hotel room.”
“Just stop Aria! I don’t need to hear the rest. God!” He spins around and punches the wall. Next, he goes kicking the couch.
“Please Tyler, I need to explain what happened!” I grab a hold of his arm, but he pulls away from me.
“Don’t touch me right now,” he warns, his voice thick with emotion. The vein in his neck is pulsing.
“Please Tyler, just listen to me!” I drop to my knees, my sobs hiccup in my chest as he looks at me with a darkness in his eyes I have never seen.
“Aria, I told you to choose, and if you chose him I would walk away; this is me caring enough to do just that.” His fingers brush the top of my hair and for a moment I think he’s going to stay. “I might have loved you,” he whispers, and I die on the inside hearing those words.
Watching him walk away is so hard. I want to run after him and make him see. I don’t love Brian. I want him and only him. I need Tyler to understand.
I need him.
Jace needs him.
Instead, I stay frozen in place, hoping and praying he will walk back through the door and tell me it’s okay. I keep waiting but he doesn’t return. Dropping to my ass, I didn't think it would hurt this bad.
Why do I ruin everything? It’s as though I sabotage my own happiness at every turn.
I finish out the rest of my shift without seeing him anymore. I am pretty sure he has left for the night. I pick my little man up from Caroline’s even though he is supposed to be spending the night. I don’t want to be alone tonight.
I don’t explain to Caroline, I just hug my son tight to my chest and cry while he sleeps.
Later that night, I’m looking through some old pictures of my mom reminiscing and feeling sorry for myself.
There is a knock on my door, and I get excited thinking Tyler must have changed his mind. He’s come to tell me he that he can forgive me. But it isn’t Tyler.
I open my door to a broken Brian, this is not the way I last saw him. His hair looks greasy; there are purple circles under his once beautiful green eyes. Now they are dull, lifeless even. I don’t need to ask to know why he is here; he knows the truth. I can see it written all over his face.
“What gives you the fucking right to make a decision like that for me? Just who in the hell are you Aria? What kind of person does that, and to their child? I had every right to know! Every fucking right!” Brian goes down on one knee clutching his chest like he can’t breathe. He’s so angry and has every right to hate me.
“Just calm down! Let me explain, please don’t wake Jace.” I take a step towards him and he flinches back, like I disgust him.
“Why don’t you calm the fuck down? Your days of making my choices are over. I want to see him Aria! I want to see my son.” He staggers forward as he gets up.
I hold my palms up. “Okay. You will see him, but not like this. Not while you are upset. And not when you have been drinking. I won’t allow it Brian.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t talk down to me like I am a child you are taking pity on. You can’t keep him from me any longer! Jace, daddy’s here!” he shouts taking a step towards the hall. Tripping over his foot, he catches his balance on the couch.
Taking a step in front of him while holding my hands up, I beg him, “Brian please, just stop and think for a moment. If you go barging into his room shouting and waking him up, you will scare the piss out of him. He doesn’t know who you are. I’m sorry for that, I am.”
He interrupts my attempt at an apology. “Why didn’t you tell me, was I not good enough for you?” He looks so lost right now, the boy I have loved my whole life is staring at me like we are strangers. He is breaking my heart all over again.
“Brian, you were my everything. I wanted a better life for you than what my dad had. Can’t you understand that? I wanted you to live your dream and you did, you still can if you pull your head out of your ass!” I grit my teeth in frustration; this isn’t how I pictured our conversation turning out. “How did you find out about Jace, who told you?”
“Didn’t you see the picture of the two of you sitting next to my boss, Marty Walsh, in the newspapers? It only took me one look at the picture to see that he is mine!” He is pacing the floor and not to swiftly in his drunken stupor.
“Brian, please!”
“It wasn’t your choice to make Aria! You’re a selfish bitch. I would have been, no, I am going to be the best dad. Tomorrow, I am calling my lawyer, I have rights. I won’t try to take him from you, like you have me. But, he will know me, and you can’t stop it.” With one fist clenched and his other hand open, he is pointing his finger directly at my nose, practically ramming it in my face.
“I have wanted to tell you, but I just never felt it was the right time. I was going to tell you when I made the choice to keep him, but I decided to wait. I wanted you to get through school. Then you had been signed to play with the Red Jackets. Then after that you got married. I didn’t want to cause you any problems. Then your divorce happened and the tabloids reported your troubles. I didn’t want to add to it.” I try to calm him and reassure him, but it is of no use, there is no reasoning with him when he gets like this.
“We could have had a great life together, Aria. And damn, if I don’t still just want to take you in my arms and never let you go again. But I don’t know if I can ever forgive this. I want to kiss your lying mouth even though you don’t deserve it. I loved you and you tore out my heart and stomped on it. And now…I find out you pulled this shit!” Tears run down his face, and I ache to make it right, but I don’t know how.
Brian takes me by surprise, grabbing me by the back of my head, and forcefully shoving his tongue down my throat. He smells like a seedy bar. I used to ache for this moment, but not like this. I push him back, but he doesn’t stop smothering me with his unwanted affection.
I bite down on his tongue and he finally lets me go.
“Stop, Brian! Not like this. I don't want you like this. You're angry and you are piss drunk. You can barely walk straight.”
“Tell me you still want me, Aria!” he screams in my face.
“Not like this Brian, I don't want you like this... I am in love with someone else.” If only I could tell Tyler that I love him. “We’ll talk tomorrow when you’re sober.” A tear falls down my cheek. I hate that he looks so lost, so undone.
“You weren't in love with someone else when you climbed in bed with me the other night.” he sneers in my direction.
“Please take a cab back to your hotel, and I will make arrangements for you to meet our son and spend some time with him.”
He takes a deep breath and let’s go of his clenched fist. Without another word, he writes down the name of his hotel on the back of my cable bill that is lying on the kitchen counter.
He starts towards the door; he places his hand on the knob. “Brian, I’m so sorry I lied to you. I hope one day you can understand.”
“Sorry you lied! Well doesn’t that just make you a dirty liar then? Look at you telling me your dirty truth.” he laughs.
He quietly shuts the door. The shock finally hits me that Brian is here. He knows about Jace, and that I have kept him from being a father. What in the hell kind of mess have I made for us? He is never going to forgive me. I can’t blame him. I deserve everything he throws at me. I did this to him—to us, our son. What have I done?
I wish
Faye were still with me, I miss her so damned much. There are moments I forget she is really gone. I can’t bring myself to sit in her chair, but I can’t bring myself to part with it either. Sometimes, I think she is going to be sitting there waiting to lecture me on living again.
I clutch my heart and sink to the floor by the door. Tyler and Brian hate me. Brian is going to take Jace from me and turn him against me. I can’t lose him too. Jace is all I have. I hear tires squealing in the distance and pray harder than I ever have. I pray that Brian isn’t behind the wheel.
Chapter Fourteen
Two days have passed, and I haven’t been able to reach Brian since his outburst. It’s being reported on the news that he’s missing. I can’t turn on the TV, or the radio without hearing about it. God, I hope he is okay. I don’t think I could take it if something happened to him after the terms we parted on. Why did I let him walk away so angry? I keep replaying his last words to me over and over again, “doesn’t that just make you a dirty liar.” The word liar seems to echo through my mind on repeat.
I am sitting on the floor playing cars with Jace while listening to the radio; he loves music.
The broadcaster cuts in with a special report:
This is Chip Morgan interrupting your program with a special report. We are receiving numerous unconfirmed reports that baseball superstar Brian Case has been found dead. It appears at this time that he has died from injuries sustained in automobile crash.
They say they are moments in a person’s life when time actually stops. It stands completely still and you can’t hear or feel anything. This is that moment. I blink, turning off the radio and switching to CNN News on the TV. I see Brian’s picture plastered across the screen. They cut to a live scene showing a wrecker pulling a mangled heap of metal from an embankment. I recognize the car, because it is the same one he rented while he was here for my mother’s funeral.
“Sources will neither confirm nor deny that this car, you see here being pulled from this embankment belongs to baseball star Brian Case.” Brian Case, his name echoes through my head a thousand times. Please God, no! I run to the bathroom and empty my stomach.
Pain hits me with such force, I don’t think I can survive this I put a pillow over my face to muffle my screams. I don’t want to scare Jace.
Oh, God help me.
I killed him.
I killed the father of my child.
Caroline is knocking on my door; I hear her calling my name, but I can’t answer her. She eventually lets herself in with the spare key.
“Aria, its Caroline, are you home?”
I weakly make my way back to the living room and find her hunched down in the floor talking to Jace about his cars.
She takes one look at me and catches me just as I am about to greet the floor with my face. “I, I can’t do this Carol. I can’t watch. What are they saying?”
“They have been reporting the same thing for an hour now. They won’t release anything concrete until they have talked to family. That’s how they handle things like this. How about some tea? Want me to make you some tea?”
“No, I don’t want any fucking tea!” I don’t mean to snap at her. I know she is only trying to help. It’s only been one week since I lost my mom. Fate cannot be this cruel, can it?
“This is entirely my fault, I pushed him too far. I killed him Caroline! I killed Jace’s father!” I cry out unable to hold my emotions back.
“Hush, hush with that talk. You did no such thing, child. You didn’t do that.” She points at the wreckage on the screen. “I’m going to take Jace to the park for a bit, will you be all right if I leave you here alone?”
“Yes,” I sniffle. “I won’t do anything stupid, I’m all Jace has left.”
She places a kiss on my forehead. I can’t bring myself to look at Jace right now. He looks so much like his father. All it took was one picture for Brian to know he was his son. Why didn’t I let him sleep on the couch? I should have offered but he was drunk, and I was afraid he would try to take Jace. He wasn’t thinking clearly. Everyone will blame me, and they have every right to.
My phone chimes, it’s my daddy calling.
“Hello,” I answer through broken sobs.
“Sis, I take it you’ve heard the news.”
“Yeah, but the news hasn’t confirmed anything.” I try to choke back my sobs and talk to him.
“I didn’t want to tell you like this, but it’s true. Brian’s gone. I just talked to his Aunt Reba, the one who works at the bank.”
My phone hits the floor. I just want to curl up right here on this ugly yellow floor and die.
“Aria! Aria! Answer me, damn it.” I hear my daddy shouting my name repeatedly, but I can’t talk to him. He is going to ask me why Brian was here, when he already knows the answer.
“I, I have to go.” I hang up on him. He keeps calling me, but I don’t have the strength to answer.
When Jace is old enough to understand, he will hate me. He is never going to forgive me. And Brian died hating me. “He died hating me,” I keep repeating the words to myself but they aren’t sinking in fully. Losing my mother was fucking hard, but this is unbearable. Faye was in pain; she was ready to go. But Brian, he had his whole life ahead of him. He is supposed to be meeting his son for the first time, not being pulled from a ditch. How will I ever tell Jace about this? He will never understand. Hell, I don’t understand. I just want to hit something or someone. I want to break something.
I shakily pick myself up from the floor. I start breaking anything within my reach. Dishes, mugs, pictures, “NONE OF IT MATTERS!” I cry out with all I have.
I slide back down to the floor sitting in the shards. Flecks of broken glass are digging into my skin, but I can’t feel the pain. I don’t know if I ever want to feel anything ever again. If it weren’t for my son I’d go into my mother’s medicine cabinet and end this hell now.
My phone won’t stop chiming. “Shut the fuck up!” I slam my phone down on the floor. I’m not sure how long I sit here in the floor crying and screaming at myself. I will never be able to make things right now. “It’s not fair, it’s not fair!”
I feel a gentle squeeze on my knee. I look up to see Tyler crouched in front of me.
“Sugar, I am going to pick you up and set you on the table. Then I am going to look at your legs, you’re bleeding.” Standing up slowly he cradles me in his arms. The glass is crunching beneath his feet. Gently, he seats me on the dining room table.
“Don’t move.” I do as he wishes; I don’t have the energy to do anything right now. I’m numb. I almost feel completely dead inside.
“Where’s Jace?”
“Caroline has him,” I answer robotically.
“Here’s what’s going to happen. First, I am going to clean the cuts on your legs. Secondly, you are coming home with me. I don’t want you to be alone right now. Third, I am going to call Caroline and see if she can keep Jace overnight, and if she can’t I will take care of him.”
I look at Tyler, wondering what I did to deserve his kindness. “Why are you here?”
“Because, I care about you and there is nowhere I would rather be. Look at me, Aria.” He firmly cups my chin and holds my red, strained eyes captive. “You matter to me, and right now, I want to be here for you. Let me be here right now, for you. Let me take care of you. You don't have to be strong all the time.”
“I don’t deserve your kindness Tyler. But, I am selfish, so fucking selfish! I do need you, right now. I don't know how to do this. I—”
“Shh...I’m not going anywhere. Things might be awkward between us, but I still love you. I love you, Aria, and Jace. I love you both so much it hurts. My pride got in my way. I knew you needed to see if there was something with Brian, but fuck my pride, it's hurt bad. But, I didn't want this.”
Tyler just said he loves me, I am sure he doesn’t mean it in the way I want him to mean it, but it is something to hang onto right now. God, do I need him right now.
&nb
sp; He leaves me sitting on the words he just spoke, returning a few minutes later with antiseptic and tweezers in his hands.
He lifts the heel of my foot and brings it to rest on his shoulder. There is nothing sexual in his movements, he’s just simply taking care of me. He pours the antiseptic over the tweezers and holds them in the light making sure they are clean. “This may sting a bit. But I need to remove the shards from your legs.” Carefully he removes each piece on by one. A low whimper escapes my throat; it stings but it isn’t unbearable. I deserve pain far worse than this. He repeats the motions now with my other leg, quietly and tentatively.
The way he is looking at me and treating me is as if he fears I may break, like a porcelain doll.
Tyler hands me my purse and my phone, then orders me to go wait in his car. He appears a few minutes later holding two bags in his hands. I watch as he locks the door and sets one of the bags on Caroline’s porch. My heart squeezes tight in my chest seeing him taking the time to look out for Jace.
Sliding into the driver’s side he places the other bag on the floorboard beneath my feet.
“I brought some of your things. I thought you might want some extra clothes. I left some of Jace’s things with Caroline”
“Th-thank you,” I manage to choke the words out.
He places a reassuring hand on my knee and gives it a small squeeze.
How can he be so caring and so giving after the way I treated him? He knows most of the situation with Brian and yet, here he is, being my rock.
Chapter Fifteen
I slide across the seat and bring my head to rest on his shoulder. I bury my face in the crook of his neck. The way he smells is so enticing, he smells like an ocean breeze and leather. I could melt into him right now and never resurface. I am trying so hard to shut all of my emotions off, but my feelings for Tyler keep trying to claw their way to the surface. It isn’t right for me to be feeling this for him right now. It isn’t fair. I don’t deserve any happiness.
We pull into a parking garage, he pulls into a spot, and shuts the engine off. I’m nervous. I have never been to his apartment before. I steal a look at myself in the mirror, and bloody hell, I look like a deranged lunatic. My hair is fuzzed out in ten different directions from the humidity. There are streaks of mascara and smudged makeup running down my face.
Dirty Truth (Fighting Dirty Series Book 2) Page 10