The Loner

by Lindsay McKenna

  Hooking the chair with her foot, she slowly pulled it over to Dakota’s bedside. Because her touch was a powerful healing agent, the least she could do was stay. And allow her touch to give him some peace. As Shelby sat down, she slid her hand across his gowned shoulder to his lower right arm and remembered her dad’s words of warning.

  “He’s a man carrying so much grief and pain he doesn’t know where to put it all, Shelby. He’s seen too much. He’s survived things we can’t imagine. He’s a wounded warrior and the past runs his life.”

  Shelby felt close to tears. Tears for him, for the horror he still carried within him. Dakota was perilous to her heart. And yet she felt driven to be near him. Most shocking of all, she wanted to care for him. Somehow, Shelby knew love was the key to this man who now slept. Shaking her head, Shelby told herself she was crazy. A man like this would be like a black hole, sucking the life out of everything he ever touched, destroying it.

  Or would he?

  Shelby heard her dad’s warning words. “Be careful, Shelby. You care about this vet too much. You have no experience with his kind. If you get close to him, he’ll emotionally destroy you. He’s got a severe disorder and he doesn’t know how to handle himself, much less a woman who’s trying to help him. Stay out of his way, Shelby. Don’t get involved.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  DAKOTA AWOKE SLOWLY to the sound of a robin singing nearby. Dragging open his eyes, he was met by brilliant sunlight coming through frilly white lace curtains. The light hit the pale blue wall opposite of where he lay. His brows drew down. Where the hell was he? What had happened?

  The door quietly opened. His eyes widened when he recognized Shelby. She was dressed in a simple orange T-shirt, body-hugging jeans and a pair of well-worn moccasins. Her hair gleamed like gold as she walked through the slats of sunlight. When she saw he was awake, she smiled.

  “Welcome back to the land of the living. You’re at my home.”

  Dakota pushed himself up into a sitting position. He found himself a helluva lot weaker than he wanted to be. Looking down, he noticed he was wearing a set of blue pajamas. A clean white waterproof bandage covered his left arm. His flesh appeared normal, no longer swollen, bluish or oozing pus. He was no longer feverish, his skin cool and dry to his touch. He looked up as Shelby poured some water from a pitcher.

  “Thirsty?”

  “Yeah,” he managed, his voice hoarse. He took the glass.

  “You’ve been out for two solid days,” she said, watching him gulp the water. Jordana had warned her he’d be thirstier than a camel when he came out of his fevered state.

  Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he handed her the glass. “More?” And then he added, “Please?”

  Shelby poured him another glass. “You had us all worried there for a while,” she said. His hair was spiky and stiff with sweat. He definitely needed a bath. Still, she thrilled to the fact that his eyes were once more clear and he was fully present.

  The water satiated him. “I thought the grizzly was going to get even with me.”

  Her mouth quirked. “Almost did. Dr. McPherson flooded you with antibiotics through an IV. It was touch-and-go for a while because you had sepsis, blood poisoning.”

  “Karma’s a bitch,” he said, his voice stronger. “How did I get here?”

  Shelby sat on the edge of the bed, near his feet, facing him. “Dr. McPherson had you brought over here by ambulance a couple hours ago.” She saw his brows raise. “She didn’t want you waking up in a hospital. She said you didn’t like small rooms. I volunteered my place. It’s close enough to the hospital in case you relapse.”

  Looking around, Dakota felt comfortable in the queen-size bed in the large room. He lifted his chin and met her gaze. “Why are you doing this?”

  “Because I’ve seen your cabin and frankly, it sucks. I wouldn’t put a sick dog up there to get well.” She wanted to add that vets deserved the best, not the worst, when they were injured.

  Her lips twitched, merriment gleaming in her blue eyes.

  “You should have seen it before I got there. It was a dump,” he said.

  “Oh,” she said as she laughed, “I did. Remember? I’ve been to it many times before you homesteaded it.”

  His mind wasn’t functioning fully yet. Frowning, Dakota finally remembered. He moved his hand across his jaw. “I need to shave. And I stink.”

  “Wouldn’t disagree.”

  Smart mouth. Beautiful lips. Dakota appreciated her dry sense of humor. And he was feeling remarkably calm. Almost always, he had anxiety upon awakening. But it was gone. Completely gone, which confused him. “Give me a little while to get my bearings.”

  “Take as long as you need. By the way, I’ve checked on Storm daily. She seems happy to stay outside the cabin. I couldn’t find any dog food for her.”

  “She hunts for her food. And she’d rather be outdoors than in.” He was grateful for her care of the wolf. It told Dakota she cared a lot more than most people did. “Tell me what happened. The last thing I remember was trying to call you.”

  “You did.”

  “I don’t remember your answering. I think I blacked out after punching in the numbers.”

  “My phone rang and I picked it up. There was nothing at the other end, but I could hear Storm whining in the background. I hung up and checked the callback number and I put it together.”

  “And you drove up there?”

  “Yes. When I entered the cabin, you were out cold on the floor. You were burning up, your dressing was oozing pus and smelled foul. Storm was whining and sitting near you. I called the fire station and told them to meet me with an ambulance at the bottom of the mountain. No one would ever know how to get up to your cabin.”

  Nodding, he studied her beneath his lashes. “You can’t be strong enough to haul my ass off that floor by yourself.”

  Her mouth drew into a wicked grin. “I did.” Wasn’t easy, but Shelby did it because the other choice was leaving him to die on that cold floor.

  “You aren’t a Barbie doll after all. I owe you a full apology.”

  Thrusting out her hand, she said, “Apology accepted. Call me Shelby, will you?” When his hand swallowed hers up, Shelby felt his animal warmth, his strength, and yet he monitored how much pressure he put around her fingers. This was the second time he’d touched her. Really touched her. There was incredible masculinity and power around Dakota. It called her and she felt almost helpless not to respond to it—to him.

  “Shelby...yes, I’m sorry I called you Barbie Doll. I guess—” he reluctantly released her long, beautiful hand “—my prejudice about women with blond hair is showing?”

  “Dumb blonde prejudice?”

  “Yeah.”

  Shelby didn’t want him feeling any worse than he already did. There was a sincere apology in his eyes. “Don’t worry about it. Are you hungry, Dakota?” She liked the way his name rolled off her lips. Right now he looked fully relaxed. When would that change? What would cause his anxiety to return? Jason, her older brother, had the same kind of symptoms after three tours in Iraq. And no one had been able to save him. Not even her. Shelby tried to remember her dad’s words of warnings when she’d filled him in on Dakota’s military background. Yet when she met and drowned in Dakota’s gold-and-brown eyes, she felt her heart opening so wide it made her momentarily breathless. Did he realize the effect he had on her? She didn’t think so.

  Rubbing his stomach, he said, “Yeah, a little. But look, I don’t want you going out of your way—”

  “I’ll let you know when you’re a burden, okay?” Shelby said it half in jest and half with seriousness. Standing up, she asked, “What would you like? I’m a good cook.”

  He gazed up at her. She was tall, her shoulders thrown back with natural confidence. Without her uniform on and with that orange T-shirt outlining her upper body to show every curve, he lost his train of thought for a moment. “I...uh... Eggs and bacon sound good.”

  “Toast? Jam?�
��

  He nodded. “If it’s not too much trouble?”

  “Coffee?”

  He groaned. “God, that sounds good. Really good.”

  “Cream? Sugar?”

  “No, black.”

  “Anything else?”

  “You? For dessert?”

  Shocked by his response, Shelby was fully aware of the sudden glint in his eyes, that predatory look a man gives to a woman. Heat surged up her neck and into her face. “Let’s stick to the eggs and bacon, shall we?” Shelby turned to leave and said teasingly, “I think that’s about all you can handle right now.”

  He had the good grace to give her a sheepish smile. “I think you’re right.” He watched her leave as soundlessly as she’d arrived. What the hell was wrong with him? Dakota sat up, pushing the covers aside. Shelby was beautiful, playful, intelligent and smart-mouthed. It all conspired to make him brazen.

  Looking down, he realized he was aroused. Damn. He jerked the covers over the lower half of his body and tried to piece together what had happened to him two days earlier. He couldn’t get Shelby’s body out of his mind. She had nice, wide hips, the kind a man liked to slide his large hands around to hold and guide her. Her breasts were full and he wondered what it would be like to cup them. Shaking his head, he cursed softly. Horny as hell, Dakota didn’t like the fact that his body was acting like some love-starved teen’s.

  Shelby deserved better. When she came back about twenty minutes later with a tray of food, the first thing he said was, “I’m a lousy houseguest. I’m sorry for what I said earlier. You didn’t deserve it.”

  She set the wooden tray across his lap and noticed the bulge beneath the covers. She tried to keep her face carefully arranged. “Apology accepted. You nearly died a couple of days ago. You’re still coming out of it. After almost dying, everyone feels emotionally up and down. In my experience, people say a lot of things in that state.”

  He took the pink napkin and laid it absently across his broad chest. The eggs looked perfect, several slices of thick bacon and whole-wheat toast on the plate. His stomach growled. “You give a person an amazing amount of rope to hang himself on,” he told her wryly, picking up the fork.

  Shelby sat down, facing him. “Being a deputy, you find people teach you a lot along the way. I’ve handled a lot of situations where there’s shock and trauma going on.” There was something satisfying and even healing to her as she watched him hungrily eat.

  He stuffed the eggs into his mouth. Closing his eyes, Dakota simply absorbed their warmth and taste. How long had it been since someone made him a home-cooked meal? For a moment, he felt overwhelmed. He opened his eyes. Shelby sat with one leg tucked beneath her, relaxed, her expression calm. “I imagine you’re a pretty cool dude in a gunfight.”

  “Is that SEAL talk?”

  “Being a gunslinger? Yeah, I guess it is.”

  He ate, starved now. Dakota could tell he’d probably dropped ten pounds, and his stomach was reminding him of that loss in spades. He could feel the food taking hold, reviving his body, replacing his lost strength.

  “Do you miss it? I mean, being a SEAL?” Jason seemed to miss his platoon, always wanting to return and go back to Iraq to be with them, not stick around here to visit their parents or her. The military was a powerful draw, but she couldn’t grasp why.

  Her voice had gone soft and it was as if she had whispered against his skin. Did Shelby know how her husky voice affected him? Dakota shrugged. “Yeah, I miss it.” More than she would ever realize.

  “Do you have family around here?”

  “I did. My parents died in a snowstorm after their truck slid off on a back road and got stuck in a ditch.”

  “I’m so sorry. When did it happen?” Shelby knew of other people who had died of hypothermia during the long, brutal winter across Wyoming.

  Pain filtered through Dakota and he stopped eating. He could tell she wasn’t asking to create social conversation. She cared. “I was eighteen.” As dark rage and grief stirred deep within him, he quickly tried to shut down all feelings. “It was a long time ago,” he said more gruffly than he’d intended.

  Shelby sensed a shift in Dakota. She saw devastation in his eyes and then he quickly dipped his head, breaking contact with her. Moistening her lips, she asked softly, “Do you stay in touch with your SEAL teammates?”

  “Yes, with a few of the guys.”

  “They’re like your family?” He had none of his own, so she could see Dakota regarding the guys he worked with as family.

  “Yes, they are. How’d you get so wise for someone so young?”

  Shelby shrugged, a ribbon of sadness flowing wide and slow through her. “Ever since I found out you were a SEAL, I’ve been trying to understand and learn about them. Because Jason, my brother, was an Army Ranger, never spoke about his life or what he did in the military. When he came home on leave, he never talked about what he did over in Iraq. Not ever.” Shelby felt shut out and disconnected from her brother, whom she loved so much. Every time Jason came home on leave, there was a thick wall standing between him, her parents and herself. No matter what she tried to do to reach him, she failed.

  “Why?”

  “Because you’re a big question mark in my world.” Because you remind me of Jason. I couldn’t save him. Maybe I can save you? The words were nearly torn out of Shelby. Stunned by the powerful, invisible connection Dakota had wielded with her, she was unable to deny it or stop it from happening.

  A rush of desire coursed through Dakota. There was such an openness to her, as if she trusted the world. How could she? There were bad guys everywhere. It was a world covered in camouflage as far as he was concerned. A powerful sense of protection toward her welled up within him. Okay, she was a law enforcement officer and knew how to take care of herself. But here, in her home, in this room, there was a terrible vulnerability that suddenly shone in her expression, especially her eyes. Something had happened to her. That much he knew. It was his sixth sense working. It always did when there was danger or threat.

  Dakota tried to probe beyond her expression. Shelby was good at hiding, he discovered, but she couldn’t stop it from showing in her eyes. If he sensed correctly, something tragic had happened recently to her. But what? He couldn’t ask now. Maybe later. He managed a one-cornered smile, wanting to lift her out of the darkness only she knew about. “Don’t be too curious about me. I’m a dead end.”

  She sighed and wrapped her arms around her drawn-up knee. Dakota was trying to tease her, but right now her gut was a knot. Her heart was squeezing with fresh grief, which wouldn’t stop flowing outward and making her want to cry. “Interested, not curious. There’s a difference.”

  He smiled thinly and picked up the mug of steaming coffee. “Interested why?”

  She took his challenge and tried to deflect the real truth. “I like to learn about people. I see them as my teachers.” Jason had been a hard teacher, nearly breaking her. She’d loved her brother with a fierceness that couldn’t ever be controlled or stopped. They had been so close growing up. So many happy memories until...

  “So, I’m a bug under your microscope of life?” he teased, a grin edging his mouth.

  “I wouldn’t say a bug,” Shelby protested. Jason and Dakota were so much alike, it scared her. The PTSD was their shared, dark connection. Struggling, Shelby forced herself out of her own personal mire and focused on the man in her bed. How handsome Dakota was when he was relaxed. It was a remarkable change from meeting him out in the hospital parking lot. And where had his PTSD symptoms gone? She wondered if he was peaceful because she was here with him. Did one person make that big of a difference to someone like Dakota? Did she really have that much influence over him?

  Shelby had never had that kind of effect on Jason. He grew irritated and irrational when she tried to talk with him. But Dakota was different, or at least, for the time being. The terrible, unanswered questions ate at her. Had she pushed Jason too far? All she wanted was that closeness th
ey’d shared before he’d joined the military.

  “What, then?” Dakota challenged, relishing the fresh coffee.

  Shelby fumbled, avoiding his sharpened gaze. There was nothing weak about Dakota, the beard making him all the more male and therefore dangerous to her emotions.

  “Out of words for once? Or are you carefully choosing our battles?”

  Upon hearing the growl of his teasing, she lifted her chin. Her smile faded. The grief from her past stained the happiness she felt being around him. “I...sensed something about you, Dakota. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I felt your desperation, your need.” Shelby gave him a helpless look. “I knew someone once, who was a lot like you.” She choked back the rest of the admission. It was too painful to say. Too painful and shaming to admit. Finally, her voice husky with emotion, she admitted, “There’s just something about you that draws me.”

  Her softly spoken honesty rattled him as nothing else ever could. Seeing the flush across her cheeks, the sudden, unexpected grief shadowing her expression, Dakota felt like the proverbial bull in a china shop. Before he could think of something to say, Shelby looked as if she was going to cry.

  She quickly uncurled from the bed and picked up the tray from his lap. “I brought some of your clothes down from the cabin the other day and washed them. You’ll find fresh Levi’s, a T-shirt and socks in the bathroom across the hall.” She turned and left the room without another word.

  Well hell! That went well, didn’t it, Carson? Shelby had been generous with him. And he’d acted like a total jerk. Something deeper, more visceral was going on between them. Dakota threw off the covers in frustration. He had to get out of here or he’d do something really stupid. He felt protective toward Shelby. He wanted to hunt her down, pull her into his arms and love her until they both died of pleasure. Snorting to himself, Dakota knew he was no prize. He was a horse’s ass, if anything. Looking around, he felt more like his old self before the infection damn near snuffed out his life. He was strong and solid again. He spotted a towel, washcloth and soap on the dresser, and walked over to pick them up.