Avra's God

by Ann Lee Miller

  They stepped from the pine needle-strewn sand onto the jagged sidewalk. The river scent beckoned Jesse toward the slow-moving water. They walked in silence, as though speaking would shatter the mood the song had woven. Summer-scorched grass crunched under their feet, then turned lush as they neared the water.

  Two ducks skimmed across the water and sloshed to a landing in front of them. Jesse and Kallie settled on a rock on the riverbank, their fingers threaded clumsily together.

  The wind lifted her hair away from her face. He studied the sun-washed green of her eyes, the warm tan on her cheeks, and the glint of sun on her glossed lips. But she gazed toward a flock of birds settling on the trees across the river. The birds startled and pitched into the sky like black confetti.

  Kallie tilted her head toward him, looking at him for the first time since the song ended. He took a deep breath and leaned toward her. Kallie’s eyes widened. His fingers tightened on hers. Her lips were soft, motionless under his. He pulled away and grinned, tasting triumph and strawberry. Behind her the ducks splashed through a clumsy takeoff.

  Kallie stood, her fingers pulling apart from his. “It’s getting late.” She hugged her arms and rubbed them with her hands against the chill in the deepening afternoon.

  A car door slammed in the distance—like the door that just slammed between them. He rubbed the back of his neck.

  Kallie walked ahead, her arms clenched across her chest. She couldn’t have said “Don’t touch me” louder than if she’d screamed it.

  The sun bounced off her hair, and then she stepped into the shadow of her house. He stood in the sun watching her. She put her hand on the doorknob and darted a look at his eyes.

  “Bye.” Her voice was flat.

  “Later,” Jesse said to the empty step. The guys on campus were right. Ice Queen.

  Jesse kicked a stone down the walk and into the street. What was eating Kallie? He sure wasn’t getting an answer anytime soon. Fear rose in his throat. She didn’t want to take things to the next level. What if she wouldn’t go back to what they had?

  Chapter 6

  The sun glinted off the cool green water that foamed on the shore. October marked the tail end of swimming season if you were a native. The aroma of hot dogs floated in the air from a stand, up-wind, nudging Avra toward consciousness. She woke with her face smashed into her calc book. Moaning, she craned her cheek off the page. She squinted at Kallie and rolled onto her side.

  Kallie smiled. “Some calc tutor you are. I’m going to have to dock your pay.” She smeared another layer of lotion on her cover-girl-tanned stomach.

  Avra rubbed her aching back and sat up. She shook the sand out of her book.

  Kallie stared at the rolling waves, her brow creased.

  “What’s up?”

  Kallie raked her hair out of her face. “Jesse kissed me.”

  “Oh?”

  Kallie looked back at the water. “I’ve imagined that kiss since I met Jesse, but when it was over I wanted to wipe it off with the back of my hand.”

  “Uh ... maybe he hasn’t had much practice.”

  Kallie shook her head. “I don’t care whether it was a perfect kiss. I just doubt he meant it. I bet he’ll be hanging out with his harem on Monday morning like every other morning.” She filled her lungs with air and let it out. “I was hooked before I even saw him—when I heard his music—his heart.”

  Avra watched two seagulls chase each other across the waves. “Maybe he feels the same connection and that’s why he kissed you.”

  “Doubt it.” Kallie gritted her teeth. “In a couple of weeks he’ll be over me and our friendship.”

  “Or, maybe not—”

  Kallie fired a shell at a beached jellyfish. “Yeah, right, like that ever happens. My dad—Exhibit A.”

  Avra touched Kallie’s arm. “I’ll pray for you.”

  Kallie glanced sideways at her. “God cares about my love life?”

  Avra slid her textbook into a canvas bag. “He loves you. So, He cares about the things you care about.”

  Kallie lifted one brow. “Pray for a safe guy, one who doesn’t have the power to annihilate me.”

  “Come on, let’s swim.” Avra stood and dusted the sand off her thighs and the seat of her navy Speedo.

  “No way. There could be a shark, stingray, or even an octopus in the water. Where do you think they got the barracuda mascot for the high school?”

  “Sissy.”

  Kallie slipped her MP3 player ear buds into her ears and lay back on her towel. “In more ways than one.”

  Avra turned and ran toward the surf, winging a prayer heavenward for Kallie.

  Drew shouted at her from up the beach. She looked over and waved. Kurt and Cisco stood beside him.

  She ran through the churning water, diving into a wave at her waist. She plunged into a second wave and stroked toward deeper water. She put her feet down on the sandy bottom. Waves sloshed against her chest. The wind whistled in her ears, and diamonds of sun glinted from the water all the way to the horizon.

  Something soft and strong clamped around her waist from behind. Kallie’s octopus sprung to her mind—a giant, sci-fi creature—and she wrenched away with all her strength.

  “Avra!” Cisco held his hand to his lip. A tiny trickle of blood ran toward his chin. “You didn’t have to deck me.”

  She panted and pressed her palm against her racing heart. “You didn’t have to scare me to death! I thought you were Kallie’s octopus.”

  “Kallie’s what?”

  Avra reached for his chin and wiped the blood off with her thumb. “You’re bleeding. Now we’ll have sharks.”

  Cisco licked his lip. “I’ve woken up with worse than this after a night of partying.”

  She looked at him to gauge whether he was serious.

  “Yeah, puking in the sand—my head rolling around like a bowling ball, my skin burned tomato red, tighter than a flipping rubber band.” Cisco swam out beyond the wave break.

  She followed. She touched bottom and felt the sand recede beneath her toes as she stood. “Why did you get that wasted?”

  Cisco shoved soggy corkscrews of hair from his face. “For a few hours I could forget.”

  “Forget what?”

  He shrugged. “Pop’s freak-out—ditchin’ Mamá. I could forget that we moved into the projects, that Mamá’s breakin’ her back cleaning schools.” Cisco hurled a hunk of seaweed toward the horizon. It sloshed into a wave ten yards away.

  “I’m pretty sure killing brain cells with alcohol won’t make the pain go away.”

  He treaded water as a wave rolled through. “Your point is—I’m just gonna be whacked, goin’ nowhere.”

  She watched a seagull take off. “You’re going somewhere.”

  Cisco jabbed his chin at her in challenge. “Where?”

  “Where do you want to go?”

  Cisco focused on the clouds. “I want a life—a family that works. Not the family I was born into.” He darted a look at her, then stared hard at the horizon.

  “There’s nothing wrong with wanting a happy family. That’s what everybody wants.”

  “Ha! Not the guys in Computer Science. In last week’s PowerPoint presentations, they said they want hot girls—not marriage—and definitely not kids.”

  She arched her brows at him. “And you told them what you just told me?”

  “What? Are you loco? I told them I wanted a fast car, homemade chocolate chip cookies—and a hot girl.”

  She shot him a smug look. She’d picked up a thing or two living with brothers.

  He shrugged. “Nobody cares what I do anyway.”

  “I care.” It was out before she realized she’d said it.

  “Yeah, that’s why you gave me a fat lip.”

  She splashed him.

  He walked toward her in the chest-high water, arms dragging behind. “Repeat after me, Cisco is not an octopus.”

  She scooted away, grinning. “Cisco is a barracuda.” She do
ve and sprinted for shore.

  His hands grabbed at her feet. When her fingertips brushed the sand, she put her feet down to stand. But Cisco lunged and tackled her. They fell into the sloshing waves, laughing.

  Cisco’s arm clamped around her middle, his skin slick against hers. His breath warmed her neck, melting her desire to break away.

  A wave crashed behind them, tumbling them further toward shore. Her backside planted hard in the sand. Her legs flowed over Cisco’s.

  They sat nose to nose, Cisco’s arm still gripping her waist. He smirked as though he’d planned it that way.

  Her eyes widened. She felt the blush crawl up her face.

  He grinned and squeezed her tighter against his chest. “What’s the matter, Avra, am I in your personal space?”

  Her heart raced as she sucked in her breath.

  His grin faded, his eyes searching hers. His gaze dipped to her lips and returned to reading her eyes. Water channeled around them and retreated.

  His eyes warmed and softened, reminding her again of hot fudge.

  He relaxed his grip.

  She didn’t move. Finally, she remembered to breathe. She scooted a couple of feet away and wrapped her arms around her knees, her senses reeling. Cool water rushed in where Cisco’s body heat had been. The wind dried the water from her shoulders and arms, peppering her skin with goose bumps.

  Cisco leaned back in the surf. “Are you blushing because I embarrassed you?”

  “No,” Avra said too quickly, then, “Yeah.”

  “You’re such a together girl. It’s kind of a challenge to get you flustered.” He stood and reached a hand out to Avra to pull her up. He held on to her hand. “And I kinda like your personal space.”

  Meredith, Kristyl, Megan, and Jenna surrounded Jesse, laughing at one of his jokes. He looked up and saw Kallie across the breezeway, hurt and questions swimming in her eyes. Jenna poked him in the ribs, smiled at him with straight white teeth, and made him feel ten feet tall. He turned his back on Kallie. How does rejection feel, Kal? Guilt pinpricked the back of his neck. He knew she would be gone when he looked around.

  Kallie hunched against the wind, heading for home. Dark clouds raced across the sky. I’ll be your friend. I’ll listen for your soul in your music. But I will never be one of your bobbleheads, Jesse Wayne Koomer.

  She didn’t hear Jesse approach. The maroon—faded almost to pink—of Jesse’s Neon rolled into her line of vision. Her stomach clenched.

  Jesse leaned his head out the window into the wind. “Hey.”

  She picked up her pace. “Hi.” She nestled deeper into her windbreaker, her shoulders stiff, jaw clenched.

  Jesse inched the car after her. “I wrote you a song last night.”

  Kallie stopped. Her mouth dropped open and she stared at Jesse. Her anger rushed out and whipped away in the wind. “No one has ever written a song for me before.”

  He took a CD from his jacket pocket. “Here.”

  She looked at him, holding a handful of hair out of her face. “A CD?”

  He laughed sheepishly. “Yeah. I wanted you to hear my tone of voice. Don’t be too hard on me.”

  Kallie’s fingers closed around the CD.

  Jesse leaned over to push the door open for her. “Get in.”

  “I’ll walk.” She crossed her arms. She didn’t know why, but walking in a storm felt safer right now than the dry interior of Jesse’s car.

  Jesse pressed his lips together in a thin line. A second ticked by and he pulled forward.

  She watched him weave back onto the street in the wet wind. The CD burned in her palm.

  Avra climbed out of her teammate Tatum’s Honda, dragging her soccer bag. The sweat had long dried on her skin. Her ponytail lay limp on her neck. Shower. Food. Bed. She seriously worked too hard for the city soccer league.

  Cisco sat on the porch swing alone. Odd. “Hey, Avra.”

  “Cisco.”

  Cisco leaned his elbows across his knees. The swing creaked. “Got a minute?”

  “Now?”

  “No, I was thinkin’ like the middle of next week.”

  She perched on the wide porch railing across from him.

  He motioned toward the other end of the swing. “No, sit here. Don’t look too excited about it or anything.”

  She blew out her breath. “I just played a complete game of soccer, and I need a shower. What do you want?”

  “Maybe this isn’t a good time. It’ll keep till you’re not so crabby.”

  “I’m not crabby. Out with it.”

  Cisco stared at his hands, steepling and unsteepling his fingers. “Tomorrow.”

  “Cisco!”

  “My timing is a little off.” Cisco hesitated, then plunged ahead. “Would you be interested in spending time with me—like, just the two of us? I mean like dating? Of course, I don’t have money, so it wouldn’t be dating, but maybe something more than going together in high school? Like maybe, hold hands while the sun sets on the beach, climb trees at the park, watch the automated garbage truck do its thing on Saturday mornings?” He glanced up at Avra from his hands that still held his attention. “Well? Say something.”

  Her eyes widened, shock and adrenaline coursing through her body. “Garbage truck?”

  “Don’t knock it till you’ve seen it.”

  Reality washed over her and quenched the adrenaline. She looked at the deep purple croton leaves growing beside the porch. “Girls like me don’t interest guys like you.”

  Cisco screwed up his face in a comical grin. “Oh, I’m interested, all right. And I asked your dad if it was okay—your brothers told me that’s how things are done around here.”

  Her face felt like a furnace. “Wow.” Did her brothers mention that “things” had never been done around here? “What did my dad say?”

  “He asked me a bunch of questions about my spiritual beliefs, and he said that if I ever laid a hand on you, he’d break it off. But he said ‘Yeah.’“

  “My dad said he’d break your hand?”

  Cisco smiled crookedly. “Yeah, pretty much.”

  She couldn’t imagine.

  “So, will you think about it?”

  She smiled dazedly, with cheeks that had gone Novocain-numb . “Yeah ...” He wanted to go out with her—not just once, but long-term. It felt like all the Christmases of her life balled into one.

  He leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Thanks.”

  Maybe not so numb. She felt his breath somewhere near her ear. She smelled soap.

  “Mmm ... that was nice. See ya around,” he said, his confident self returning.

  She covered her cheek with her hand and watched Cisco jog down the steps and around the corner of the house.

  Kallie pressed “play” and listened to Spinnin’ on a Kiss, for the fifth time. She’d waited till Aly went to Electra’s and her mother to Winn Dixie. Jesse’s voice washed over her. She absently fingered the piano keys in the living room, picking out the notes.

  We’re spinnin’ on a kiss, girl.

  Don’t wanna take a chance.

  I wanna know you’re gonna be there

  Walkin’ ’round in my soul.

  You’re sweetness and edginess,

  The muse in my veins.

  You’re the song I’ve yet to sing,

  The harmony hued to my heart.

  We’re spinnin’ on a kiss, girl.

  Don’t wanna take a chance.

  I wanna know you’re gonna be there

  Walkin’ ’round in my soul.

  Don’t wanna break your heart, girl.

  Don’t want you body and soul.

  Just wanna be your friend, maybe your best friend.

  Don’t wanna say good-bye. I wanna hang on.

  She pressed “eject.” She mattered to Jesse. He felt their connection the same way she did. He didn’t want to lose it any more than she did. She held the CD in her hand, staring at the words written with blue marker in Jesse’s tidy, slanted printing. Don�
�t give up on us. She was safe now.

  Chapter 7

  The notes of the song faded. Avra hit the power button to shut down the band’s sound board.

  “Quitting time,” Jesse yelled.

  Cisco vaulted off the stage and moved up the aisle toward Avra. “‘Bout time. Been working on one dang song the whole afternoon.”

  Jesse squatted on the stage to put his guitar in its case. “Quit your griping. You’ll be happy when all the girls go wild over that tune.”

  Cisco bent over the soundboard and whispered in Avra’s ear, “I’m only thinking about one girl.”

  Avra’s stomach somersaulted. They had to talk. Soon.

  “Hey, Billy,” Jesse said, “don’t forget to break down the keyboard and haul it back to the music room.”

  Billy dropped his backpack and dismantled the keyboard. “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

  Avra grabbed her bag, ran her hand along the last row of auditorium seats, and stepped out into the glaring sun.

  Cisco leaned against the building, waiting. He shoved off the wall and fell in step with her.

  She had rehearsed this speech in her head a hundred times. “Um ...”

  “Come on, girl, spit it out. You’ve left me hanging for three days already. So, do you like me—maybe just a little—enough to give me a shot?”

  “Of course I like you. I like you a lot. I’m just having a hard time believing that you’re into me.”

  Cisco paused and turned toward her. “Why?” He seemed so serious.

  “Because good-looking, popular guys don’t go for girls like me.” She looked him in the eye, daring him to disagree. Her gaze dropped to the sidewalk.