Avra's God

by Ann Lee Miller

  Kallie had sat on the loveseat with Kurt and Drew fanned around her like the queen and her subjects all evening. But Kurt had gone upstairs and Drew slept on the floor. She’d looked at Jesse for the briefest second when Avra let him in, no expression in her eyes, how she’d been since Denny’s.

  He glanced toward Kallie. Did she even notice he was leaving?

  Kallie caught his gaze and held it. “Remember the night you quoted those Bible verses to me on the stadium bleachers?”

  His gut clenched. Are you talking to me now? “Yeah, I remember.”

  “Those were the verses that connected me with God.” Her eyes sparkled and swept over Avra and Cisco, stopping on him.

  She looked so radiant he had trouble focusing on what she said.

  “It didn’t seem like a big deal at the time, but my life has been completely different since then.” Her gaze didn’t leave him. “You said you were trying to stay out of God’s way because you didn’t want him running you. Well, I like him running me. It’s a relief. I don’t feel like part of me is MIA anymore. And—” Her glance took in Avra and Cisco. “You’ll be glad to hear, I’m less whacked than I used to be.” She laughed softly.

  Cisco reached across the coffee table and connected palms with Kallie. “Let’s hear it for Jesus and not being whacked.”

  Avra scrambled off the couch and nearly knocked Kallie over with her hug. “I’m so happy, Kal!” Tears glistened in her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

  “I didn’t know it would be important to anyone but me.” She grinned. “Guess I was wrong, huh? Anyway, thanks for helping me.”

  Jesse felt like he’d been run over by a Hummer. Nothing from Kallie for six months, then she dumps God on him.

  Cisco jabbed him in the ribs with an elbow. “Say congratulations, Jess. Be polite.”

  Jesse laughed. “I remember the last time you told me to be polite.”

  Cisco grinned smugly. “That turned out pretty dang good.”

  “Happy for you, Kal.” He crossed the room, reached for her shoulders, and pulled her toward him. He smelled summer rain. “You’re making me think about things more than I want. Like always.”

  The door closed behind Jesse and Cisco. Kallie bent to gather the discarded paper plates and cups. She barely held it together. Jesse hugged her, the songs rushing around them like seawater.

  “What made you spill tonight?” Avra still had a smile on her face.

  “I haven’t been within a hundred yards of Jesse in months, much less talked to him. But when just the four of us were left tonight, I couldn’t help remembering that night. And I owed it to you guys to let you know you helped me.”

  “This is better than if Cisco had gone ahead and kissed me tonight.”

  “Why didn’t he?”

  “He hasn’t said it, but I know he’s waiting for me to make the first move.”

  “So, make it.”

  Avra looked at the black garbage bag in her hands. “What if he cheats again?”

  “Yeah, I get what you’re saying.” She tossed a two-liter bottle into the bag Avra held open. “I fell for a player too. I wish I hadn’t seen Jesse tonight. I’m going to have to exorcize him from my system all over again ... let’s move to Miami.”

  “What?”

  “I could try to reconcile with my dad.”

  “You’re running from Jesse.”

  She choked up. “I have to.”

  “Pray. Ask God what he wants you to do.”

  “What if he tells me you have to move to Miami with me?”

  “Not happening.”

  Her shoulders slumped. “Yeah, I think Cisco really loves you this time.”

  The New Smyrna Beach High bell rang, and Avra’s last class of student-teaching kids clambered out the door. She rubbed her temples.

  Her cousin, Rachel, breezed in, a whistle strung around her neck on a lanyard. “Hey. Rough day with the freshmen, huh? Should have majored in P.E. like I told you.”

  “Would you marry a guy who wasn’t a virgin?”

  Rachel sobered. Her gaze went out the window toward the coconut palms that slouched against an afternoon squall. A pained look flashed across her face.

  What was that about?

  “Marry Morgan, if that’s—”

  “Be serious. I’m not marrying Morgan.”

  Rachel swished the eraser across the board, removing a swath of numbers and letters. “God gives us a clean slate. But the past is still there.”

  “What if God meant for me to end up with someone else? Maybe I fell for the wrong guy and I just can’t undo the feelings.” Avra stood and pulled her purse out of the desk drawer. She picked up the teacher’s edition of Algebra I. “I thought it was a small thing, going out with someone who didn’t share my faith. But it wasn’t.”

  The dark look crossed Rachel’s face again, but Avra knew better than to dig. Rachel would spill if and when she wanted.

  “I want to be certain this time that I’m obeying God.”

  Rachel erased the rest of the board. “What if Cisco is the one for you, but you went out with him too soon?”

  “You mean, I could have avoided getting cheated on if I’d just waited for the green light from God?”

  “I mean, maybe Cisco is the right guy.”

  Jesse pressed Send on the Daytona State College library computer. What was the use? Kallie had talked to him last week at Avra’s, but she didn’t answer his e-mails or voice mails. He wouldn’t be surprised if she blocked him. He’d have to go by her house.

  Kallie passed between the library security posts and dumped her books onto an empty table. Jesse’s spine connected with the hard plastic chair back.

  She slipped into a seat and flipped open a textbook.

  He bee-lined toward her. “Hey, Kal.” He sat across from her.

  “Hi.”She glanced at her watch. “I have to go soon.” She lowered her eyes to the carpet, where a paper wad lay beside the trashcan.

  “You still have that neon green dress?”

  Her eyes went to his.

  “Want to wear it again? Go to the graduation after party with me.” Please.

  Her eyes registered surprise. “You don’t dance.”

  “Teach me.”

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  Don’t shut me down, I’m begging you. “Look, the dress can say ‘friends,’ like it did at Fall Fling.”

  “No.”

  “Are you going with someone else?”

  “It’s just a bad idea.”

  He clamped down on the inside of his cheek with his teeth. “I’m sick to death of your good-bye-forever in Denny’s.”

  She shut the textbook and placed the notebook on top of the stack.

  He stood and moved to her elbow. “Don’t bother. I’ll leave.”

  “I’m moving back to Miami. It really is good-bye-forever this time.”

  Jesse stared at her, feeling the shock course through his body, the blood drain from his face.

  He bent beside her, his lips close to her ear, his hand against the back of her head. He breathed in the scent of rain. “Don’t count on it.”

  All the air emptied from Kallie’s lungs.

  Jesse strode across the library and slammed the push bar by the exit door too hard, making heads jerk up.

  Her whole body quivered. No matter how she fortified herself, his touch unnerved her.

  Jesse opened the door to the darkened shed where he and Kallie had spent so many Saturdays. He’d used every ploy to hear her voice, throaty sandpaper sweetness like the sapodillas Mom raised in his yard.

  Kallie moving. Gone. Everything in him screamed no! He smacked the attic floor so hard the heel of his hand ached.

  His chin dropped toward his chest. Light from the bulb in the roof picked up a long, blonde hair clinging to his navy Daytona State College T-shirt. I love her. The thought flashed through him, leaving him shaken. He lay back on the floor letting the truth soak in.

>   In some unmistakable way, Kallie was his and he was hers. It had been that way from the beginning, a connection that defied explanation. She felt it too. That’s what Denny’s had been all about.

  He rolled his head to the side and his eye caught on something white where the floor boards stopped short of the roof. He crawled over to look. A Skechers’ shoe box had been tucked almost completely under the flooring. He pulled it out and lifted the lid. A piece of paper folded into eighths lay inside. He shook the sandy dirt off the paper and unfolded it.

  The copy of “Neon Green” he’d given Kallie.

  He didn’t know what she was thinking when she stashed the song here, but it couldn’t have been good.

  It was time to win Kallie. She had enough issues for a sorority full of girls, and nobody knew better than he did. But she was a winnable war. Good-bye forever? Not if he could help it.

  Hello, forever.

  Chapter 32

  Jesse dug into his home fries. So far Dad’s campaign to become a better father was pretty sweet—breakfast once a week and occasional e-mails following up on things they discussed.

  “How’s your music coming, now that you’re bandless?”

  Jesse grinned. “Writing a song for a girl.”

  “Oh?”

  “I’m going to get this one, or die trying.”

  Dad smiled. “Sorry, you’re on your own.”

  Jesse downed the last of his omelet. “Actually, I could use some help.”

  Dad held up his hands. “Don’t look at me. It’s a miracle your mother even went out with me.”

  “Actually, I’ve put some thought into this. You counsel people all the time.”

  “Not on how to get a girl.”

  “All my life I’ve heard people at church say talking to you helped them with whatever. Kallie is making noises about moving to Miami. I think she’s running from me because she’s got issues with her father. If I can convince her to call you, will you counsel her?”

  “What about the free counseling up at the college?”

  Jesse grabbed the back of his neck. “Have you ever had an idea that comes out of nowhere? It’s a really good idea, and you know you didn’t think it up yourself?”

  “That’s how I’d describe the times when God speaks to me.”

  Jesse leaned forward. “Really? That’s bizarre. I’ve had this happen twice with Kallie, the most recent was to urge her to go to you for counseling. I didn’t think God and I were on speaking terms.”

  “Maybe He’s on speaking terms with you, but you haven’t been paying attention.”

  “If that’s the case, when I suggest the idea to Kallie, she’ll bite. Anyway, I wouldn’t trust Kallie to just anybody.”

  Dad chuckled. “You just made yourself a sale, Son.”

  Avra walked out of the restroom and along the back wall of Ocean Center toward the bright lights of graduation. Air conditioned air wafted against her skin. Her program slipped from her hand and sailed to the floor beside the doorway into the arena. She ducked in the shadows to pick it up.

  As her hand connected with the paper, she heard the rumble of Cisco’s low voice and a girl’s voice coming from above her, around the corner.

  Avra stilled. Their words drifted toward her.

  “Isabel, it’s never gonna work for us—ever. I love Avra. I’ve always loved Avra. I can’t imagine not loving her.”

  “That’s how I feel about you.” There was a plaintive note in Isabel’s voice. “I’ll wear you down like I did last time—”

  “I’m sorry, chiquita. My heart belongs to God first, then to Avra. What we did was wrong. God’s forgiven me. Ask Him to forgive you. He wants—”

  Isabel’s disgust split the air with Spanish.

  Avra stood, stepped into the light, her chin lifting a fraction.

  “Ladies and Gentlemen, I present the graduates!” Prolonged applause, punctuated by shrill whistles, framed the moment. Jesse leaned forward and grinned at Kallie, three seats down. He warmed himself in her returning smile like December sun.

  Jedediah Turcott raced to the front of the class, bowed to the stadium audience, and mooned their class. DS had been painted in black letters across his baby-white bottom. The class roared with laughter and exultation.

  Jesse grabbed the mortarboard from his head and sailed it high into the glaring lights of the arena. Cool air connected with his sweaty scalp. Shouts and hats rained down around him—the defining end of his glory years, Jed’s naked rump and all. Jesse waded through the backslapping and handshaking, wanting it to go on forever.

  His father, flanked by his mother, Cal, and Missy met him at the edge of the floor. He hugged his mother, inhaling the scent of childhood, then spun Missy around while she squealed.

  “Good job, Son,” Dad said, shaking his hand and pulling him into a hug.

  The force of his father’s words dampened his eyes and he hung on. “I’m talking to Kallie tonight—she doesn’t know it yet.”

  “I’ll pray for you.”

  He released Dad. “I could sure use it.”

  “I hope you get her, Jesse. I really like this one.”

  “She came for counseling and you didn’t tell me?”

  Dad smiled. “Three times.”

  Jesse reached for Cal’s hand, his eyes on Kallie parting from her mother and Aly.

  Cal followed his gaze. “Congrats, Bro. And hook me up with the hottie little sis, would ya.”

  Jesse laughed. “If I marry Kallie, Aly will be your sister.”

  Cal blinked, momentarily stunned. “In-law.”

  “Thanks,” Jesse said to his family. For coming. For making me feel like I’m ready for whatever Kallie throws at me. He waved and headed toward Kallie, Cisco, Avra, Billy, Kurt, and Drew, who leaned against the wall, waiting for the crowd to thin.

  He brushed against Kallie’s graduation gown as he walked up.

  Billy knocked knuckles with him.

  Cisco grabbed him in a bear hug till Jesse wondered if he’d ever breathe again.

  More congratulations darted around the group.

  “Coming to Billy’s party?” Drew asked.

  “Maybe later.” Jesse turned toward Kallie. “I need to talk to you—alone.” Arena lights ex’d daggers across the field of chairs behind her.

  He grabbed the back of his neck and waited, sweat forming in his armpits.

  Avra walked close beside Cisco toward the parking lot.

  Waves crashed in the distance.

  People filtered toward their cars in the nearly empty parking lot.

  Her eyes skimmed the palms lining the street like sentries. Her hand was close enough to grab his. Her heart quickened. But the tiniest capsule of doubt held.

  He stopped and turned to face her, took a step closer. He bent his arms to reach for her, then dropped them. His old impatience flashed in his eyes and was chased away by something pure and sweet she couldn’t name. “Avra, it’s graduation. How long are you going to keep me hanging?”

  God, I want him. I’m sure of it. What I don’t know is what You want. I’m waiting till You show me this time. She pushed her desire down. “I thought you said, ‘If it’s anything short of not in this lifetime,’ you were in.”

  “Yeah, I said that. I still mean it. You’re worth waiting for.” He tugged a tuft of her hair the way he used to and opened the car door for her. He sat in the driver’s seat and shut the door. It had been a long time since she’d been in a car alone with Cisco, and his presence filled up the space.

  “Would you make up your mind before we’re too old to have kids?” He gave her his lopsided grin.

  Oh, God, that look. Please give me Your answer soon. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  Jesse motioned with his head for Kallie to follow him. He climbed several steps of the emptied seats, his footfalls solid against the cement. He turned around. “Are you going out with Kurt?”

  “No ‘Hi, how are you’?”

  “Just answer me. Then I’ll
play nice.”

  “Whatever. I haven’t said I’d go out with him yet.”

  He smiled at her as she brushed past him. “Hi, how are you?”

  Kallie swatted him on the shoulder. Her eyes caught on his chin. Her hand reached up toward his face, then stopped and fell to her side in slow motion. Her eyes softened.

  Jesse rubbed his chin. “Pizza sauce?”

  “Five-o’clock shadow.” Kallie started up the steps again. “You weren’t growing one when I met you.” The fingers she combed through her hair trembled. She sank onto a seat halfway up the arena.

  He sat beside her, his hand running across the trace of stubble on his cheek. The corners of his mouth turned up.

  The last of the graduates and their families ambled out of sight through the exits. Men stacked folding chairs from the floor onto rolling carts.

  His eyes studied her, hungry after so many months of deprivation. Adrenaline zinged through his veins. How had he not known he loved her till now? He settled on her eyes that were the same green as the dress peeking from her graduation gown. “You’re beautiful.”

  Kallie’s forehead crinkled. “You’ve never commented on my appearance. Ever. Why am I beautiful now?”

  He caught her around the neck in the crook of his elbow and raised his brows. “Have you always been so pretty?”

  “I’ve looked like this since I met you.” She gripped the hard plastic seat with both hands. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

  He dropped his arm. “It’ll keep. Can’t we reconnect a little first?”

  “I’ve just spent the last six months disconnecting from you.”

  As if on cue, the lights doused, and blackness drenched them.

  Kallie sucked in a breath. They heard voices in the distance, then nothing.

  He chuckled. “I paid them to do that.”

  As his eyes adjusted to the dimness, the exit signs glowed red. White light seeped from around the bottom row of seats. He breathed in Kallie’s fresh scent. “You told me to let you know when my full-court press was coming.” He gripped her hand on the seat between them. “This is it.”