Sad Love

by Mj Fields

  “I pay the utilities,” she said.

  He laughed. “We can move in anytime Tessa, I think maybe you should tell your parents.”

  “What am I supposed to say?”

  “I’m going to move in with a room mate?” he laughed.

  “Or how about Lucas and I are young and stupid and having a baby when we usually break up every three months,” she said quietly.

  He didn’t respond he just shook his head and raised his eyebrow. He pulled into a steakhouse. He opened her door, and she got out. She looked up at him apologetically; she hadn’t meant to say it out loud.

  He kissed her and then lifted her chin, “You’re definitely going to be a lot of fun, let’s go eat.”

  ~

  When they got back home Lucas dropped her off and headed back to Ryan and Jades, he was going to study, finals were this week.

  Tessa walked in and lay on the couch and fell asleep.

  Ben walked in and saw her sleeping; he saw the ring on her finger and closed his eyes. He couldn’t believe she was going to have a child with him and marry him. He shook his head as he continued watching her sleep. She opened her eyes and saw him sitting there.

  “So you’re going to marry him?”

  She sat up and yawned, “I love him Ben, and now, well, yes I am. Please don’t tell anyone. We’re going to wait until I’ve gone to the doctors and after the first trimester is over.”

  “What about school Tess? What about you, God-- you don’t even look happy?” He was angry. “You know you don’t have to marry him just because you’re pregnant.”

  “Ben, I told you I love him,” she said softly.

  “How can you when he has hurt you so many times?”

  “I just do, and now I don’t have a choice, and even if I did, Ben-- I don’t know… it is what it is,” she said and stood up and walked in the bathroom and she threw up again.

  She walked out, and he walked downstairs with his bags.

  “Where are you going?”

  “To camp,” he said.

  “Ben, please talk to me.”

  “Tess, I can’t watch him screw you up anymore,” he walked past her to the door.

  “Ben, please.”

  “Tess, please stop crying,” he dropped his bag and hugged her.

  “Please don’t hate me,” she said quietly.

  “I would never, but I need to go, your secret is safe with me. Get to a doctor,” he kissed her cheek and left.

  She sat and thought about Ben, she knew he didn’t hate her. She just hated that he was THIS disappointed in her.

  CHAPTER 9

  Lucas finished his finals and Christmas was only a week away. Tessa was moving out of the farm house. Lucas had slowly been moving things in for a week. Maggie and John had gone to a few counseling sessions and had decided to make things work. Molly announced that she was pregnant a week after Thanksgiving. Everything was changing, but for the better this time.

  “Now why do you need three bedrooms?” Maggie asked Tessa.

  “In case we get a roommate… Lucas and I won’t be sharing a room.” She laughed.

  Maggie shook her head, “You’ve never been a good liar.”

  ~

  Tessa and Lucas walked into her doctor appointment together. She was anxious, and he was too, he just didn’t let her see it.

  They did blood work and sent her into an exam room. She changed and laid waiting for the doctor. Lucas wanted to go in, but she insisted that he wait until the exam was done. She remembered the last time she had been on the Vagatron 5000 and didn’t want him in there to witness it.

  “I was in the room when Jade had her baby,” Lucas whispered.

  “It’s different,” was all Tessa had said.

  The exam was done, and the nurse brought Lucas back to the room.

  “Are you alright?” he asked.

  “Yes I’m fine,” she said softly.

  The doctor told them that based on the date she was seven weeks-- more than half way through the first trimester. She told her what she should and should not be eating and what activities to avoid.

  “So everything looks alright?” Lucas asked.

  “Everything seems fine,” she smiled.

  ~

  “You are so quiet lately Tessa, please tell me what you are thinking.” Lucas asked.

  “I’m just a little overwhelmed.”

  “Are you unhappy, I mean you are so distant it makes me, I don’t know baby, are we okay?” he looked like he may burst.

  “We’re good Lucas, okay?” she said and touched his face. “We’re very good”

  He hugged her, “I just miss you.”

  "Sorry,” she started to cry.

  “Sorry for what, Tessa?”

  “All of this, I’m sorry if you feel trapped, or if you feel like this is too much to deal with. I’m just… sorry,” she said and he stepped back.

  “I don’t feel that way, but obviously you do,” he said with hurt in his eyes. Hurt quickly turned to anger, “I need to take a drive.”

  He left, and she cried.

  Lucas was gone for an hour, and she began to worry.

  She sent him a text

  -And this is exactly why…Tessa

  She went to bed wondering where he might be.

  He lay down next to her and kissed her.

  “Don’t,” she said.

  “Why?”

  “Where have you been?” she asked and sat up.

  “Shopping,” he smiled.

  “Goodnight Lucas,” she rolled her eyes and lay back down.

  “It’s five thirty Tessa,” he laughed.

  “And I am tired. Go back to where ever you ran off to,” her voice cracked

  “I told you I went shopping,” he laughed and got up.

  She laid there and fell back to sleep.

  She smelled something cooking downstairs. She got up to use the bathroom. She needed crackers her stomach was off. Tessa walked down, and he was cooking dinner. She opened the cupboard and grabbed for the crackers. Lucas looked at her and shook his head as she gave him a dirty look,

  “Baby I’m making you dinner, can you wait like ten minutes?”

  She looked at him and ran into the bathroom and threw up. This sucks she thought.

  He pulled her hair back and rubbed her shoulders, “You need anything?”

  “Crackers,” she snapped and grabbed them and walked outside.

  “Tessa, talk to me,” he said from behind her with a smile in his voice.

  “Where did you go?” she asked and shoved a cracker in her mouth.

  “Shopping I told you that,” he said quietly. “I’ve told you I wouldn’t hurt you again. I’m here Tessa, all in Baby. You need to start trusting me again.”

  “Lucas I feel like garbage all the time, I’m either tired or sick. And then I think about how much I miss you. And as far as making you happy, I can’t when I feel like this and then I say things that either hurt you, or piss you off. And I just feel awful, and it makes me lash out more and I don’t mean it. I just don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.”

  He smiled as she rambled on and on and then laughed, “I knew you’d be fun.”

  “It’s not funny,” she scowled.

  “Okay I’m sorry. Let’s go eat dinner,” he kissed her cheek and went inside.

  She went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth and washed her face. She walked into the dinning room there were flowers and candles, it was sweet very sweet. She smiled as she looked up and he carried dinner in.

  She smiled at him, “Thank you Lucas, I’m sorry.”

  He kissed her and set her plate down. She looked at the chicken, and he watched her face. She was trying to hide the disgust, and laughed and he took the plate and brought it out to the kitchen. He brought her in a new plate with crackers and a glass of milk.

  “I am so sorry, it looked really great,” she said quietly.

  He laughed, “Really?”

  She smiled, “
Sorry.”

  She fell asleep on the couch next to him, and he grabbed one of the baby books off the coffee table.

  "Hi," she said and kissed his cheek.

  “Hello baby,” he said and smiled, “You look better, I mean not that you looked bad, you just…”

  “Lucas I have two perfectly good eyes’ I know how awful I’ve looked,” she laughed.”But right now, I feel a lot better.”

  “Good,” he grabbed the book, “It says here you are supposed to start feeling better at the end of the first trimester and you, “she kissed him.

  “I feel good right now,” she kissed him again.

  “Oh, are you…” she kissed him again.

  “Lucas will you be quiet,” she laughed.

  “Really?” he asked and his eyes green eyes danced.

  She smiled and shook her head up and down. She rubbed down his stomach and under the waistband of his running pants, “That was quick.”

  Lucas’s breath hitched, “Yeah.”

  She wiggled out of her pants as she stroked him, his hand was up her shirt gently kneading her breast and she climbed on his lap, holding him in her hand she gently eased down on him, “Damn Baby.”

  His mouth crashed over hers as she rode him.

  When they had finished they went upstairs. They took a shower and got into bed.

  “Now you look better,” she laughed.

  “It’s been a rough couple weeks,” Lucas laughed, “You alright?”

  “Yes, I just have to go to the bathroom,” she whispered.

  She came out and snuggled into him and fell asleep.

  ~

  She woke up and ran downstairs. He was warming up milk for oatmeal.

  “Good morning,” she hugged him. “Do you want to go for a run?”

  “Are you sure?” Lucas asked.

  “I feel great right now, please,” she smiled and jumped up and down.

  “How about a walk?” he said knowing it would piss her off.

  “Fine,” she stomped.

  They held hands as they walked and talked about nothing and everything. Every time she walked faster he found a way to slow her down.

  “What do you want to do today?” he asked smiling at her as they walked in the house.

  “You,” she laughed and squeezed his ass.

  “Doesn’t it worry you?” he grinned.

  “No,” she laughed. “I mean we could wait for six more months if you like? Lucas check out my boobs, they have grown.” She lifted her shirt.

  “Yes they have,” he laughed.

  “So I want to invite a bunch of people over tomorrow for your birthday, can we?”

  “If you want to,” he looked at her and smiled.

  “Well, it’s your birthday. What do you want to do?”

  He smiled and looked at her mouth, “Whatever as long as it’s with you.”

  She shook her head and laughed, “Please help me out here Lucas.”

  “I think inviting some people over would be good, but what if you spend the night in the bathroom?” he asked. “You ready for all those questions baby?”

  “No, I don’t know. It’s your birthday Lucas please tell me what you want to do,” she pleaded.

  “I want to spend it with you,” he smiled.

  ~

  He woke in the morning to Tessa under the covers.

  “Damn, what’s going on baby?” he asked, “I thought this was never an option again.”

  He laid back and enjoyed.

  “Happy birthday Lucas,” she said as she emerged from under the covers.

  “Yes it is,” he hugged her and laughed lazily.

  “Okay I am going to take you to enjoy one of my favorite things ever, besides you of course,” she smiled. “Let’s shower.”

  She was full of energy again and he was glad she was feeling better, real glad.

  ~

  They walked into the nail salon.

  “You're seriously going to make me do this?”

  “You will love it,” she held his hand tighter.

  When they finished and were walking out the door Tessa smiled at Lucas, “Did you like it?”

  “I don’t want to answer that.”

  “Why?” Tessa laughed.

  “Because if I admit I do, I’m afraid you’ll make me do this all the time, or worse-- tell people I like it,” Lucas laughed.

  “Okay, onto our next activity.”

  They pulled into the massage parlor down the road. The blonde walked out and called his name. He looked at Tessa’s face and knew she was a bit jealous.

  “My fiancée’ will be in the room with us,” he dragged her behind him.

  “Did you enjoy that?” she said as they walked out.

  “Did you?” he asked laughing.

  She shook her head no.

  “Yeah I got that, how about we buy some oils, and we can rub each other down sometime,” he said and kissed her.

  She smiled, and he saw her eye’s flash desire.

  “You are feeling better aren’t you?” he laughed.

  ~

  They parked in front of the townhouse, got out, and started walking in the house; Lucas picked her up as he opened the door.

  “Now we are going upstairs for the rest of the night,” she covered his mouth and jumped down.

  “Surprise,” they all yelled.

  Lucas looked around. Ryan, Jade and baby Luke were there. Alex, Phoebe, his mother and her fiancé’, Jose and Miles and some others from the team. He smiled broadly and laughed.

  “Thanks baby,” he kissed her.

  Ryan and Alex had made steaks, and Jade and Phoebe had brought shrimp and potatoes. His mother had brought enough drinks all non alcoholic and Tessa ran to the basement and grabbed the chips, breads, and dips she had made late last night.

  They hung out and celebrated Lucas’s birthday and Tessa held baby Luke when he wasn’t being fed. Lucas watched her as she looked at him and smiled. She was a natural at this, and he knew their child would have the best mother in the world. She took him upstairs after his ten o’clock feeding. She rocked him and sat him in the pack n play, and then lay next to him on the bed and fell asleep with his tiny little hand wrapped around her finger. Jade and Ryan were spending the night.

  “Hey baby, it’s eleven thirty,” Lucas said quietly “Would you come down with me?”

  She stood up and gently released her finger from baby Luke’s grasp.

  “Isn’t he beautiful?” She said.

  “Yes he is,” Lucas smiled.

  She took his hand and they walked down the stairs together.

  They walked into the kitchen to get drinks, and there was a knock on the door. Tessa and Lucas opened it, and Jenny and a few girls walked in.

  “Miles called and invited us over,” she said.

  Lucas looked at Tessa, “Because he is here it’s alright this time, but not again.”

  “Did you catch that Jenny?” he asked sternly.

  “Yes,” she said sarcastically.

  He walked into the kitchen, and she was annoyed, “Baby, I’m sorry.”

  “I know it wasn’t you, I just hate that bitch.”

  “Me too,” he hugged her.

  “Let’s get drinks to everyone, it’s almost time. Would you mind if I spit in hers?” she asked and smiled.

  “I guess if you want to,” he said looking down.

  “It was a joke, that’s gross,” she giggled, and they walked into the living room.

  At midnight they kissed and he held his forehead to hers, “This is where I want to be forever.”

  “Me too Lucas,” he kissed her again.

  They sat on the chaise together, and everyone was talking and laughing, the party was still in full force. Tessa began to nod off. He played with her hair and kissed her head. She leaned back into him and fell asleep.

  “Wow, she can fall asleep anywhere,” Jade laughed.

  “It’s great isn’t it,” Lucas smiled as he watched her sleep.


  “How are you two doing?” Alex asked.

  “Never better.”

  Miles and the others from the team left, and so did Alex and Phoebe. Lucas’s mom gave him a kiss and kissed Tessa’s head, and they left. Jade had gone upstairs to get ready for bed. Jenny and her girls walked into the living room.

  “Ryan-- you want to show them out,” Lucas asked sternly.

  “Can we stay,” Jenny smiled.

  “No,” he said.

  “Your loss,” she said and walked out.

  Ryan went upstairs, and Lucas fell asleep. Tessa woke up and looked at him, she looked around, and everyone had left. She got up and cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. She was sweeping the floor when he walked in.

  “Tessa-- it’s three in the morning what are you doing?” he yawned.

  “Our house was a mess, the bathroom needed to be disinfected because there were dirty girls here and I made a breakfast casserole for breakfast,” she said still sweeping.

  He grabbed the dust pan and picked up the dirt.

  "Let's go to bed," he kissed her and his hand ran up her side. She yawned and he laughed. “Let’s go to sleep”.

  They lay in bed talking about baby Luke and their baby. Tessa wanted a boy and Lucas was sure he would have a little girl.

  “I hope he or she looks just like you,” she kissed his nose. “Perfect.”

  “No baby, just like you. And she better damn well act like you cause if not, we are so screwed,” they both laughed.

  “Lucas you’re going to be such a good Dad,” she hugged him.

  “We’re going to be good parents together Tessa,” he said softly.

  “Forever,” she said and looked in his eyes.

  “No less,” he shook his head.

  “Lucas I am happy I really am. I think we should tell people, screw the twelve weeks I want to share this with everyone we love,” she smiled.

  “Sounds good, are you sure?” he smiled back, “I’ve been ready to celebrate, I was waiting on you baby”

  “Sorry Lucas I just…” he kissed her.

  “I know Tessa, no more talking baby,” he groaned and they made love.

  ~

  She woke up two hours later with cramps. She cried out softly, and he woke up.

  “Are you okay?”

  “No, Lucas,” she cried. “It hurts.”

  Lucas sat up, and he flipped on the light, “Okay tell me what to do.”