Shades of Dark

by Linnea Sinclair

  “He’ll leave the Karn when we hit Dock Five,” Sully said. “Distance will solve a good portion of these issues.”

  That meant I only had to survive another five to six shipdays of Del’s brotherly love. Two and a half in jump. And four more to the A-B. And hope Philip didn’t die smiling in the meantime.

  Chasidah. Please. I love you beyond all measure. I’d never hurt you. Or anyone you care about.

  I didn’t lift my face from my hands. I couldn’t look at the pain on his face. I couldn’t let him see the emotions on mine. I know, Sully. I know.

  “And in the meantime?” Philip asked quietly. “Are you strong enough to keep him away from Chaz? From taking control of this ship?”

  “I’m going to have to be.”

  I raised my head, straightening. “That’s not an answer.”

  Sully looked at me, a flicker of surprise. He hadn’t heard that tone from me in a while. It was the captain of the Meritorious speaking. Not his ky’sal, his angel-mine.

  “We need a plan of action,” I continued, “a strength assessment, damage probability assessment, and options if the original plan doesn’t work. Do you realize, Mr. Sullivan, that if both you and Regarth are somehow incapacitated, no one else can take this ship out of jump?”

  He stared at me for two, three heartbeats, while next to me, very much under his breath, Philip said, “Welcome back, Captain.”

  I sat forward. “Our paramount responsibility is the safety and protection of those on board. That includes keeping command staff alive and functioning. Which also includes you. Unless you tell me you can’t handle a Kyi-gate transit without Regarth.”

  “I can do it alone.”

  “Noted. Can I be taught to handle a transit?”

  “You can’t find the gate markers. Once I have those, yes, you can assist. But you’re not a Kyi.”

  “Can Ren be taught to find them?”

  A thoughtful pause. “Doubtful, and definitely not in the next two days.”

  “I think you’d better sit down, Sullivan,” Philip intoned. “I’ve been in on these sessions with her before. She’s annoyingly thorough.”

  Sully lowered himself into the chair, planting his elbows on the tabletop, hands folded. Ren departed briefly to tell Marsh it would be another half hour or more, then returned. I was into the question of alternate gate exits at that point.

  “Besides Dock Five?” Sully leaned back, frowning, thinking.

  “Within three hours, six hours, even ten of our current position? One of the big negatives in this equation is jumpspace. The other is time. Six days gives Regarth far too much latitude. I want him boxed in and if not neutralized, then with less options than we have.”

  “He’s a Kyi.”

  “So are you.”

  Sully nodded. “Point well taken. But exiting in Baris, which is where we are now, brings the danger of Fleet and Tage into the equation.”

  “Lesser of two evils, Mr. Sullivan. Or maybe known and workable evil against unknown one.”

  “Del’s not evil, Chasidah.”

  “He’s misguided? Had a tough childhood because someone broke his wubbie-toy?” The sarcasm slipped out before I could stop it. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled-for and unproductive.”

  I know you’re angry with me.

  I’m not angry with you. I’m just…angry. And I need a solution.

  “There are other exits, yes,” Sully said out loud. “I just want to make very clear the Karn’s been able to survive because of my knowledge of gates. Duck and hide. If we come up against a destroyer and a couple of cruisers, we have no chance. I don’t even have a shuttle left to dump on them as a diversion.”

  He stared at me. I stared back then nodded. “Point well taken. Admiral?”

  Philip had been sitting quietly beside me except for my comment about Del’s childhood, at which point I was fairly sure he choked back a snort. “We need the option of alternate exits. Our being in a Kyi-gated jump is one more thing in Regarth’s control column. We need to shift things into our favor.”

  “Thirty, forty minutes.” Sully pursed his lips. “I can have that data for you.”

  “We’ll meet back here then?” Philip asked.

  “Our cabin,” Sully said, shaking his head. “I have fail-safes, can lock out the bridge from there, if need be.” He tapped the access button for the deskscreen. It slid up from the table as he rubbed a spot between his brows with his forefinger. And not happily.

  Philip swiveled his chair around. Ren was already heading for Sully. He clasped his hand on Sully’s shoulder, sending rainbows, I was sure. Small sparkles I could see only out of the corner of my eye flashed and disappeared.

  “Go play fish, Ackravaro.” Sully gave him a wan smile. “I know you’re tired.”

  “Chasidah. Admiral Guthrie.” Ren nodded. “Things will get better.” He exited into the corridor.

  I pushed myself to my feet. Philip lightly touched my arm, guiding me away from the table. “Let Sullivan work in peace. I was reading over your notes on Tage earlier. I’d like to—”

  The door to the bridge slid open. Del.

  “A party and I wasn’t invited. You have no idea how terrible that makes me feel.”

  I froze then took one step slowly back, letting my body movement cover my hands dropping—innocently, I hoped—to my waist. Sully was upright, stiffly, the silver haze once again drifting over his skin. Philip’s movements had mirrored mine but he’d stepped forward, feigning a cough, one hand now down by his gun.

  “Captain Regarth,” I said, keeping my chin up and my right hand poised to activate the Grizni. I didn’t know what the pistol would do with two Kyi in the room, but my dagger had never failed me.

  Chasidah. If I tell you to leave, leave.

  I didn’t answer Sully. I couldn’t afford the distraction.

  Del had his hands clasped behind him, his long braid forward over one shoulder. He was still all in black.

  Sully rose to his feet. I could feel the power pulsing from him. Power, anger, determination. Disillusionment, almost as strong as Ren’s had been earlier.

  Del ducked his head slightly as he came through the doorway. “Power down, Gabriel. Please.” His tone and demeanor shifted abruptly.

  Sully slowly shook his head. “No.”

  Del switched his gaze to me, his eyes not as dark as I thought they’d be. Not like Sully’s. He glanced at Philip then back to me again. “Captain Bergren, I’d like to speak with you.”

  “No.” From Sully and Philip simultaneously.

  Del snorted softly and one side of his mouth twisted. “I should have such friends. Well.” He dropped his gaze for a moment then looked back up. “I have been an unforgivable, unmitigated ass. A petulant and petty little boy.” He extended his right hand, palm down. “Have you a metal rod? That’s how they used to punish me in school.”

  I stared at him for a very long, hard second. “I’m not amused.”

  “Yes, I know.” He lowered his hand, his gaze following it again then returning to me. “Women used to find me amusing, witty. I’m decent enough looking. But I’ve failed miserably with you. The cultural differences.” He shrugged. “You are so Delkavra at heart, Chasidah. When I’m around you, I forget you’re human. I forget you weren’t raised with the verbal jousting that is the hallmark of every Serian courtship. Not that I’m courting your ky’sara,” he said quickly, with an apologetic gesture to Sully. “Other than for her friendship. Her companionship as an equal. Worthy captain to worthy captain. If you’ll grant me that much,” he said, turning back to me with an expression that was damned near angelic.

  Sully? He’s lying through his teeth, isn’t he?

  Oddly, no.

  No? I had to catch myself. I almost blurted my denial out loud.

  Sully shifted in his stance, facing Del more squarely. “You’ve caused serious problems on my ship. Neither my ky’sara nor Admiral Guthrie take threats lightly. Nor do I. You’ve lived among humans long en
ough to know that.”

  “But they’re not like you. They’re not like Chasidah.” Del drew his arms out in an exasperated gesture then let them fall by his side. “I swear, Gabriel. If I could take you back to Estaciar, to Stol, and let a lifereader see her, she’d tell us Chasidah is a reincarnated Delkavran queen. At the very least, a princess. She has such…” And he clasped his hands together, placing them at the center of his chest. He bowed his head.

  I didn’t know whether to laugh or to applaud.

  Philip coughed lightly. Laugh, then. But I still held on to my Grizni.

  That made Del lift his head. “You don’t believe me, Philip.”

  “I’ve studied the Serians, Regarth. I’m aware of your lovers’ duels. And the maze at your palaces where the couple’s wedding night starts with a hide-and-seek game, and live ammo.”

  “Ah, the thrill of the chase,” Del said softly. He looked at me. “Kyi heal very quickly, you know. It’s the mutual sharing of energies afterwards. So sweet. But of course you know that.” He gestured toward Sully. “You shot him only last week.”

  Philip was leaning forward, staring at me.

  “We weren’t…it wasn’t…I’ll explain later.”

  “I think you’ve said enough, Del.” Sully’s voice was firm.

  “Yes. Sorry.” He bounced lightly on his heels.

  “There will be no more verbal jousting, playful threats. Chasidah and I don’t find them amusing. You will not, at any time, be alone with Chasidah. You will stay out of her thoughts. If I find out you’ve even as much as whispered to her—”

  “But, Gabriel—”

  “Whispered to her, you will be fortunate if all I do is banish you from our ship and our lives.” He paused. “You’ve told me many times I still need training. That a rogue Kyi like me is capable of utter destruction if I’m not careful. Then heed your own warning. Don’t force me to find out just what I’m capable of. Because when the dust settles, I will be the one left standing. And you know that.”

  Del’s eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly, then his expression shifted and was bleak when he faced me. “Forgive me. I erred grievously. And I—well, I think I shall see if Dorsie needs some help in the galley.”

  Sully nodded, tight-lipped.

  Del turned and retreated to the bridge and, judging from the sound of bootsteps, out the hatchway to the corridor.

  I realized my right hand gripped my Grizni dagger. I let it go.

  Warm lips brushed my ear and trailed down my neck, stopping at the point of my shoulder. I slitted one eye open. Morning, already? No, two hours yet.

  Lean hands slid around my waist then between my thighs, pulling me back against a familiar throbbing hardness. A sweet fire traced the edges of my body, spiraling over my most sensitive spots. I shuddered out his name in a sigh. “Sully.”

  Gabriel. A deep, masculine whisper in my mind.

  I peeked again, saw the glow surrounding us in bed, saw the muscled arms around me lightning-flashed, his touch so…incredibly…ohsweetstars!…electric. I squeezed my thighs against his hands, felt the surge of electricity in his own body at my response. Felt his own heart rate speed up, his own breath as ragged as mine.

  Slow, he said though the sensations racing through our bodies would argue with that dictum. This morning I want to show you, I want you to feel everything.

  He turned me on my back, the mattress warm where his body had been. Hands moved to my shoulders, tongue to the aching bud of one breast…then images. Memories. A much younger Chaz Bergren on the bridge of the Meritorious and an ache of a different kind from the man watching her from the bridge of the Boru Karn. A respect, a longing, a this-is-what-I-want-but-never-shall-have. A joy. Ah, I found her again. A search for reasons to continue the contact. Shall we feign engine trouble? Or would a handful of synth-emeralds spark her interest?

  The docks at Port Chalo. A younger Chaz Bergren walking, laughing with her crew. Risk it? Approach her? The longing intensifies.

  A kiss now, hard, fierce. You’re here. There are times I still don’t believe it, that I walk into the cabin and expect it’s been a dream. Your scent will be missing, your laughter, your touch. A void will open inside me.

  Then an illogical thought. I’d wish I’d known you as a child, ky’sara.

  No, Gabriel, you don’t. I laughed softly then a gasp because he’s filling me with long, slow, pulsing thrusts and with each one the wave of pleasure rises that much higher, the sensations that…much…keener…

  Nibbling kisses, erotic in their tenderness until I’m moaning, “Oh, God,” against his mouth, my fingers grasping sweat-slicked skin, and suddenly I love you beyond all measure is not just words but a heart, a soul bursting open, a stripping raw of all pretense. It is Sully, it is Gabriel, it is his tears on my face, his body in mine, our minds seamless. It is hopes and dreams and failures. It is apologies and a prayer for redemption. It is heaven and damnation.

  All that I am is yours pales beside it.

  It is everything.

  It is love.

  “Is Del leaving the ship?” In a few hours it would be a shipday since our confrontation in the ready room and his apparent capitulation.

  Sully twirled a long strand of my hair between his fingers. My hands were splayed across the dark mat of hair on his chest. The bedcovers were twined about us. I had thirty-five minutes yet before I had to play captain.

  “I didn’t close off that possibility when I talked to him,” he said. Training and talking with Del had been much reduced yesterday. Sully had identified three other gate exits, then had reviewed what we had on Burke and Tage with me and Philip. And admitted to Philip about copies of a conversation with Sophia Rossetti Sullivan that could be damning.

  “More than the fact you’re a Kyi?” Philip had asked.

  “More fuel for the fire,” Sully answered. “But obviously, that’s now pushed far down on my list of problems.”

  So with all that, I didn’t think he’d spent more than four or five hours with Del. Not much, considering. But enough to determine what His Royal Highness Prince Regarth Cordell, Serian-Prime, Blessed of Delkavra, intended to do.

  “Everything he knows about Burke and the lab ship, he downloaded to the Karn,” Sully continued. “I double-checked. Other Kyi gates, Ragkir contacts, the few Kyi besides us. He’s trying to make amends.”

  “Will you be angry if I admit I don’t trust him?”

  “No. I think someone must have taken away his wubbie-toy as a child, so now everything he sees is his as compensation. That, and the fact he’s a Serian. What did he tell me yesterday? ‘I am a prince and I shall walk among kings.’” Sully shook his head. “I was raised on Sylvadae where that’s not an uncommon mindset. But I also know it’s not a functional one, especially in this situation.”

  “Do Kyi lovers really shoot each other for pleasure?”

  “I thought it was an exaggeration. Evidently not. Let’s not try that again, though, okay?”

  I gave him a wry smile. He answered with that trademark Sully-grin.

  “So,” I said. “He was trying to, what, get some kind of sexual thrill by provoking me?”

  “We’re—he’s very attuned to emotions. It’s like listening to a symphony. The more intense the music becomes, the more you enjoy it.”

  “Threatening to kill someone?”

  He sighed. “Chasidah, your emotions run very deep. When you get in that angry-but-protective mode, it’s such a mixture of the masculine and the feminine properties. An invincibility. A belief in what’s right. You have that like no one else I’ve met. And it’s…don’t laugh at me, but it’s exciting. Arousing. Your entire aura just shimmers. I call it your ‘captain in charge’ mode.”

  “You get hot when I play captain?”

  Hooded eyes met mine. “I get very hot when you play captain.” He moved closer, draping his leg over my thighs, showing me just how hot he did get.

  “Well, in that case, I may have to ask for a raise.” I l
ifted the sheet. “Oh, look. I already got one.”

  I made it onto the bridge with barely three minutes to spare before the start of my duty shift.

  This time when we prepared to exit the Kyi gate, Sully had me work navigation with him. Del was at the helm—two days without a whisper or even a wink, amazing!—and Marsh at engineering. Philip sat weapons. Verno took communications and would work bogey check with Philip as soon as we hit realspace. Ren and Dorsie were peeling more vegetables and cooking up something else she wouldn’t tell me about, but only smiled and promised I’d like it.

  I felt/saw the edges of the gate as we approached, felt/saw its strength, knew by a sensation that was almost a hot-cold when we were on a true course to exit and when we were off, even slightly. Sully resonated with the gate markers. That’s the best way I can explain it. It was not unlike music, not unlike a symphony.

  The Kyi recognizes a part of its own, he told me.

  This was an orchestra he belonged to. I didn’t, but I could still appreciate the skill and the music.

  We slipped flawlessly through the gate, Del’s hand sure at the helm, taking his cue from Sully. I could feel their link but it was light now, even lighter than when Sully linked with Ren. I guessed someone has constructed a filter, but no one confirmed that.

  “Bogey check, bogey check.” Philip’s resonant tones filled the bridge. He’d been stopping everyone on board from calling him “admiral” the past two days. But damn, if he still didn’t sound like one.

  And that wasn’t a bad thing. Sully was my wild passion, my celebration of life. But my friendship with Philip was a solid rock I knew I could always lean on.

  I even came upon Philip, Sully, and Ren playing cards in the galley yesterday, and trading the usual male jibes and epithets. Life had just swung from horrible to honestly decent. I still felt Thad’s loss, acutely. I shed tears in the shower the night before because it was cleansing in more ways than one. But life was unfolding, if not as it should, then at least not totally as it shouldn’t.