by Cathy Glass
While Alex was with his family I took Adrian and Paula to eat in the neighbouring town again, and then had to drive back along the poorly lit, unfamiliar country lanes with a frost settling. I was relieved when we were all safely home.
On Wednesday morning Alex took his overnight bag into school with him, as Rosemary would be collecting him that afternoon and taking him home. Adrian and Paula came with me to the school office that morning, as I wanted to check that the school knew of the arrangements. They did, and the school secretary suggested that Alex left his bag in the office for safekeeping. We said goodbye to him and that we would see him the next day, and he ran off happily to breakfast club. The secretary smiled.
Shortly after I’d returned home from taking Adrian to school, Debbie, who had now finished the court case she’d been attending, telephoned for an update. I said that everything was still going well. She confirmed that Rosemary would collect Alex from school again on Friday, when he would spend the weekend at his new home, and then I would collect him on Sunday afternoon. Sunday night would be his last with us, as he moved on Monday. Debbie said she’d spoken to the Head of Alex’s school, so his teacher was aware of these arrangements and that Alex would be having Monday off. She thanked me for all I was doing and said to phone if I needed anything.
With Rosemary collecting Alex from school that afternoon there was less rushing around for me as I just had Adrian to collect, although once home Alex’s absence was obvious. He hadn’t been with us for long but he was such a dear little chap and had fitted so easily into our family that it felt as if he had been with us for much longer. He would be dearly missed.
The following day, Thursday, when I collected Alex from school, he came out with his overnight bag and looked at me, slightly puzzled. ‘Where’s Mum?’ he asked.
‘She’s at her house. Did you think she was going to meet you?’ He nodded. ‘I know it’s a bit confusing, but not for much longer. You’re coming back with me tonight and then your mum will collect you tomorrow and every day after that.’
He smiled, and Paula, pleased to see him, threw her arms around him and gave him a big hug.
Jill telephoned shortly after we arrived home, having spoken to Debbie. She said they’d agreed that it would make sense if Rosemary stopped by my house on her way to collect Alex from school the following day (Friday) and took his overnight bag and also some of his other belongings, including his bike, so they didn’t have it all to move on Monday. It would also help Alex to feel more at home, as he was spending the whole weekend there. Debbie had cleared this with Rosemary and I said I’d have Alex’s belongings ready. Jill wished us a pleasant weekend, and once I’d finished talking to her I told Alex what was happening. He was very happy that his bike was going. ‘I’ll be able to ride it at the weekend,’ he said. And I felt guilty that he hadn’t had a chance to ride his bike while he’d been with me as I’d originally said, but we’d been so busy there really hadn’t been an opportunity.
When his family telephoned that evening much of his conversation with James was about riding their bikes and other things they were planning to do at the weekend: two boys on a big adventure. Edward wasn’t home from work, so just James and his mother spoke to Alex. Rosemary also spoke to me and confirmed she’d stop by around 2.30 p.m. the next day for some of Alex’s belongings.
The following morning Alex was beside himself with excitement at the thought of spending the whole weekend with his family and going for a bike ride. Adrian was looking a bit envious, so I told him that if the weather was good we would take his bike to the park.
‘Perhaps my dad could take me bike riding?’ Adrian said, which stung me as such comments always did.
‘You could ask him,’ I said. ‘Although he took his bike with him when he moved.’ When he went to live with his secretary, I thought but didn’t say. ‘You do other nice things when he takes you out,’ I added. ‘And when Paula is older the three of us could go bike riding.’ But I doubted this would make up for not going with his father.
We took Alex to school that morning, and as we said goodbye we wished him a nice weekend. The next time we would see him would be Sunday afternoon (before his move on Monday) and I was planning a special goodbye tea. When children have been with the same foster carer for some time it’s usual to give them a little goodbye party, but Alex had only been with me a few weeks and had never met my parents, brother or my friends, so it seemed more appropriate that it was just us. I would buy him a leaving present and card the following day and make his last evening with us special. Goodbyes are always difficult, but thankfully Alex, like many of the children I’d fostered, was leaving us to go to a loving forever home, so there was plenty to be happy about.
When Rosemary arrived that afternoon I had Alex’s cases, some of his toys – in the boxes – and his bike ready in the hall. Rosemary was surprised he had so much, especially when I said there was as much if not more again, which I would pack ready for Monday.
‘I always thought that foster children didn’t own many possessions,’ she said as we loaded her car. This was a mistake many people made and I explained to her that while this was sometimes true when a child first came into care, once they’d been in care a while they had as much as any other child – sometimes even more, as the carer made up for what they’d missed.
‘I see,’ Rosemary said. ‘I’ll have to explain that to James. I told him he’d have to let Alex have some of his toys, but really there’s no need.’
‘No, but it’s still nice to share.’
‘Oh yes, I’ve already told James that.’
Rosemary didn’t stay for a coffee, as she wanted to leave in plenty of time to collect Alex from school. Paula and I saw her off at the door and then I had to try to explain to Paula why Rosemary was taking Alex’s belongings: that she was his mummy now and Alex was happy he was going to live with his new family on Monday. But of course it was impossible for a small child to understand and she slipped her hand into mine and said, ‘My mummy.’
‘Yes, I’m your mummy forever and ever.’
Chapter Nine
Unwelcome News
‘Can’t I stay?’ Alex protested when I collected him on Sunday afternoon.
‘No, love, you have to go back with Cathy for just one more night,’ Rosemary said to him. ‘Then you come to stay with us.’
‘Forever,’ I added, smiling encouragingly at Alex. ‘I’m going to make us a special tea with jelly and ice cream, and we’ve bought you a present.’
‘A present!’ Rosemary exclaimed, helping Alex into his coat. ‘You can’t miss that. Enjoy your evening and we’ll see you tomorrow morning.’
She kissed the top of his head and Alex came with us, a little reluctantly, while Rosemary and James saw us off. Edward had gone out for a while. As I settled the children into their seats I saw that Adrian was looking a little hurt that Alex hadn’t wanted to come with us, and I threw him a reassuring smile. But of course it was a good sign that Alex had wanted to stay with his family, and confirmed that during the introductory period he had successfully transferred his affection and sense of where home was from us to them. By the time we arrived home Adrian was chatting happily to Alex and they were both looking forward to our party tea.
I’d hung balloons and streamers in the living room and had set the table ready with a colourful tablecloth, matching napkins and paper party cups. In our absence Toscha had managed to pull down one of the streamers and was playing with it, chasing it around the room, which made Alex laugh.
‘Do you think my mum will let me have a cat?’ he asked me.
‘I don’t know, you’d have to ask her. Not everyone likes pets.’
‘I’ll ask her tomorrow,’ he said.
I organized some party games that worked with just the few of us – hide and seek, hunt the thimble, sleeping lions, pass the parcel (in which I’d hidden a wrapped sweet between each layer of paper and a prize in the centre). Then I set the party food on the table: sma
ll sausage rolls, slices of pizza, little samosas, cheese straws, crisps and bowls of finely sliced cucumber and tomatoes, which we ate with fizzy lemonade. Once we’d had our fill of the savouries I brought out the individual jellies and ice cream, and a plate of chocolate biscuits and cupcakes. Then we gave Alex the presents we’d bought him and which I’d previously wrapped – boxed games of Guess Who?, Operation and draughts, which he’d enjoyed playing with us, together with a card signed by us all. There was also a good-luck card from my parents containing a five-pound note, even though they’d never met him, which was kind. There was a card from Jill sent on behalf of the agency wishing Alex luck in his new home. Once he’d finished admiring the cards and gifts, I packed them in one of his cases so they wouldn’t be forgotten. Then we settled in the living room to watch a children’s movie, popping to the table every so often to help ourselves to another biscuit or savoury. By the end of the evening most of the food had gone.
Although Alex didn’t have to be up for school the following morning – it was his moving day – Adrian had to be, so I took the children up to bed at a reasonable time; Paula first and then Alex and Adrian. Alex’s room was looking bare now with everything packed apart from his nightwear, one soft toy and a change of clothes for the morning.
‘This is my last night here,’ he said as, after a wash, he climbed into bed. ‘Will I remember it?’
‘You may,’ I said. ‘But I’ve taken a photograph of your room and put it in your Life Story Book, as well as some of us. It’s packed in one of the cases.’ Alex knew about his Life Story Book from being with other carers. It is a record of the child’s time with the carer and includes photographs and memorabilia – for example, cinema tickets, the child’s drawings and merit certificates from school – and is considered part of good fostering practice now. It’s an aide-memoire that the child takes with them to supplement their own memories so they can retain a sense of their past. Having to move around so much can blur memories, as they don’t have their birth parents to keep a treasure chest of memories alive.
‘Will my mum and dad put photographs in my book too?’ Alex asked.
‘You can decide that with them. They will certainly take photographs, but they may put them in photograph albums. That’s what we do here.’
He nodded and snuggled down, and appeared to be taking the end of his stay with us in his stride. ‘Well, goodnight then, love,’ I said. ‘It’s a busy day for you tomorrow, so get some sleep. Would you like a goodnight kiss?’
‘No, thank you,’ he said with a small, embarrassed smile. ‘I’m saving all my kisses for my mummy.’
‘I know.’
He turned onto his side and with one arm around his polar bear gave a little sigh of contentment as he closed his eyes ready for sleep.
The following morning Alex was up and getting dressed when I went into his room. ‘It’s all right, you’ve got plenty of time,’ I said. ‘They’re not coming until ten-thirty, after we’ve taken Adrian to school.’
‘I know, but I want to be ready,’ he said excitedly.
‘OK. But stay in your room and play while I get Paula up.’ Which he did.
For Adrian it was another Monday morning, and because it was the middle of winter the dark and cold outside added to his feeling that he’d rather be in bed than getting ready for school. It took a few reminders before he was up and dressed and downstairs having breakfast.
‘This is my last breakfast here,’ Alex announced with a child’s ability to state the raw truth.
It didn’t help, and Adrian nodded glumly while Paula stared at Alex, not sure what to say.
In the playground I discovered that Paula’s nursery was closed until further notice due to a burst water pipe, so she would have to come home with me. However, a friend of Adrian’s handed him a party invitation, which brightened his spirits.
‘Can I go?’ he asked eagerly.
‘Yes, I should think so. I’ll check in the diary and then we’ll return the acceptance slip.’ Adrian would have done it there and then.
When the klaxon sounded for the start of school Adrian knew he had to say goodbye to Alex and he did so quickly. It was Adrian’s way of dealing with the separation.
‘Bye,’ he said. ‘It was nice having you stay.’
‘Bye,’ Alex said.
I said goodbye to Adrian, wished him a good day and said I’d see him at the end of school. He gave me a quick hug and then ran off to join his class, but I saw him turn round for one final glance at Alex. We returned home, where Alex played with Paula and her toys while I gathered together the last of Alex’s belongings and packed them in the cases. I could hear them laughing and chuckling as they played. Alex was very good with little children and I was pleased we were ending on a happy note.
At ten o’clock I made us all a drink and a snack, which we’d only just finished when the front doorbell rang – at 10.20.
‘That’s them!’ Alex cried. Slipping from his chair, he ran down the hall and then waited for me to open the front door.
‘Good morning,’ I said brightly to Rosemary and Edward. James was at school.
‘Good morning, Cathy,’ Edward returned equally brightly. ‘How are you?’ Rosemary said to Alex as they came in.
‘I’m good,’ he grinned, and gave her a big hug.
‘What a lovely welcome!’ Rosemary smiled, clearly pleased.
Edward was in his suit, so I guessed he was going straight to work after the move. We all knew we should keep Alex’s departure short, as it was generally felt that to prolong this final goodbye could be upsetting for the child – although Alex was so focused and looking forward to starting his new life that I didn’t think leaving us was going to be a problem for him. Not like some children I’d looked after, who for various reasons really didn’t want to leave and move on.
I waited with the children indoors while Edward and Rosemary loaded the car. Then, once it was packed, they returned inside and we stood in the hall ready to say goodbye.
‘Well, thanks for everything,’ Edward said, shaking my hand warmly. ‘Look after yourself and say goodbye to Adrian for us.’
‘Thank you, I will.’ Paula was holding my hand, so I told her to say goodbye to Alex.
‘Bye,’ she said sweetly and the adults smiled.
‘Bye, Paula,’ Alex said and gave her a little hug.
‘Goodbye then, love,’ I said to him. ‘It’s been great having you stay. Your mummy and daddy are very lucky to have you.’
He smiled.
‘That’s kind,’ Rosemary said.
‘Bye, Cathy,’ Alex said, and slipped his hand into his mother’s.
‘Thanks for everything,’ Rosemary said to me, kissing my cheek. ‘You’ll phone us in a couple of weeks?’
‘Yes.’ This had been agreed at the planning meeting. It was usual for a carer to phone at least once after a child left and to hopefully see them. ‘But do phone me if you have any questions or problems,’ I added. ‘Although I’m sure you won’t.’
‘Thank you.’
As it was cold outside I slipped Paula into her coat while we saw them off. We stood on the pavement just the other side of our garden gate and waved as the engine started and the car began to slowly pull away, Alex’s little face beaming at us through the rear window.
‘Bye!’ Paula and I called, waving.
We continued waving until the car had disappeared from view and then we returned indoors. Yes, I had a twinge of sadness that Alex had gone, but I knew he was going to the best place ever – a loving adoptive home. I also knew it wouldn’t be long before I was fostering another child, for sadly foster carers are always needed for children who can’t live with their own families.
I played with Paula for a while and then, as I was reading her a story, she dozed off on the sofa. While she slept, I took the opportunity to telephone Debbie to tell her Alex’s move had gone well.
‘Excellent,’ she said. ‘I was going to phone you later. So there weren’
t any last-minute hiccups?’
‘No. It was a textbook move. It went perfectly smoothly.’
‘Good. I’ll let Lin know. She will be seeing the family regularly until the adoption goes through.’ This was normal practice.
Debbie thanked me for all I’d done and we said goodbye. I then telephoned Jill to update her, but she was out of the office, so I left a message with a colleague saying that Alex’s move had gone to plan. Jill telephoned back an hour later, by which time Paula was awake and playing with the building bricks on the floor of the living room, where I took the call.
‘So you survived your first placement after your break,’ Jill said lightly.
‘Yes, although it wasn’t much of a survival test. Alex was lovely and no problem at all.’
‘Even so, he could have become unsettled and angry after all his previous moves. It’s down to your good fostering that the transition to his adoptive family was so successful.’
‘Thank you, but I think it was the promise of going to his adoptive family that saw him through.’
‘Nevertheless, you played your part. And you’re ready to foster again?’
‘Yes.’
‘Good. Because this next lad could be more of a challenge.’
I gave a small laugh. ‘Yes, go on.’
‘Connor is ten years old and the social services are going to court on Thursday to try to bring him into care. His family are well known to the social services. He has a number of half-brothers and sisters who are already being cared for by relatives, and Connor is the last to go. His father is in prison and his mother obviously doesn’t want to lose him, so she is opposing the social services application. Connor has challenging behaviour, but his social worker told me she’s sure it’s because there are no boundaries at home. His behaviour is reasonably manageable at school.’