by Cathy Glass
‘Similar to the ones you describe?’
Rosemary briefly hesitated before replying, ‘Yes.’
I nodded and finished the last of my coffee. ‘Is there anything else worrying either of you?’ I returned my cup and saucer to the coffee table.
‘Not really. I was concerned by James’s behaviour and what he said about Alex, but I suppose we just have to be patient.’ I nodded. ‘I think it will be easier when Alex starts at James’s school. I’m spending so much time in the car with the school run at present.’
‘Welcome to my world,’ I said with a small laugh. ‘Some of the school runs I do see me in the car for more time than I’m at home during the week.’
‘I don’t know how you fit it all in. We had such a smooth routine before, but now I seem to be all over the place. There’s never a moment to spare. I was so organized at work.’
‘I think you’re doing fine,’ I said. ‘Just concentrate on what’s important and leave the other stuff – like housework. Alex isn’t expecting superwoman. Just a mum.’
Rosemary smiled. ‘I know. But it’s difficult changing what you’ve been used to for so long. James just fitted in.’
‘Alex will too. And Rosemary, all those hugs and kisses Alex wants to give you, it’s his way of showing how much he loves you. He didn’t want a hug or kiss from me. He was saving them for you.’
She gave a small sigh. ‘He’s such a dear little chap. I hope we can live up to his expectations.’
‘You already have. You have given him a family of his own who will love and care for him forever. That’s all he’s ever wanted for a long while.’
I drove home with that warm frisson of satisfaction that comes from a job well done – a mission accomplished. The concerns Rosemary had raised were completely natural, and the problems – not really problems at all – were to be expected, and would rectify themselves with time. I thought that she and Edward had perhaps set themselves too high a standard, and as I’d told Rosemary they just needed to relax into their new roles and ensure that both boys had their fair share of attention. As I thought might have happened, Rosemary (and possibly Edward too) had panicked at the first hurdle – when the reality hadn’t completely matched up with their ideal of their new family. I hoped my words and sharing my experiences had helped – they seemed to have done.
When I arrived home I found Mum, Dad and Paula snug on the sofa in the living room playing a game. Paula was so involved and enjoying the attention that she just about managed a glance in my direction. Mum said that Paula had been fine and Lin had telephoned and asked that I call her as soon as I returned. Mum also said that she’d left some lunch plated up for me in the kitchen. I thanked her, but went first into the hall to make the call, as I knew Lin would want feedback on my visit to Rosemary as soon as possible.
‘They’ll be fine,’ I reassured Lin as soon as she answered. I then explained Rosemary’s worries and told Lin of my responses.
‘And that’s all?’ Lin asked, relieved.
‘Yes, assuming Rosemary told me everything. She’s going to have a chat with Edward about the suggestions I made.’
‘Thank you so much. I’ll phone Rosemary shortly, but I wanted to talk to you first. In the preparation course we discussed the impact adoption was likely to have on them all, including James, but I guess the reality is different.’
‘Yes. And, of course, their routine has been turned upside down. Rosemary had everything running so smoothly before.’
‘If it would help, we could change Alex’s school sooner,’ Lin suggested. ‘He was going to move schools anyway after Easter.’
‘You could mention it to Rosemary. It might help if she knows she has the option, although there are only a few weeks left in this term.’
‘I’ll see what she thinks. Hearing your perspective and the way you adjust to the children you foster must have helped enormously. Thank you so much.’
‘You’re welcome. I’m sure everything will be all right, but I’m happy to talk to Rosemary again if she wants me to. Then once they’re more settled it would be nice if we could visit.’
‘Yes, of course. I’ll phone Rosemary now.’
We said goodbye and I went into the kitchen for the lunch Mum had plated up for me and took it into the living room to eat. Paula continued playing with Dad as Mum talked to me. Fifteen minutes later Jill telephoned, and I went into the hall to speak to her. I told her what I’d told Lin and she, too, was relieved that the problems were nothing more serious. She thanked me and said she’d be in touch when a new referral came in. As I was no longer on standby for Connor, a new child could arrive at any time, and Jill would telephone me when they received a referral from the local authority. It could happen very quickly. The unpredictable nature of fostering – as well as looking after and helping the child – appeals to me. No two days are ever the same, although I never forget that each child I look after comes to me as a result of a family in crisis.
Mum and Dad took Paula with them when they went to meet Adrian from school, and then once home again Dad helped Adrian with his homework while Mum played with Paula. They stayed for dinner, after which Mum helped me with Paula’s bath and bedtime routine, while Dad began teaching Adrian chess. Both children loved the time spent with their beloved nana and grandpa, and Paula was delighted when Mum read her lots of bedtime stories before she fell asleep. They finally left just before nine o’clock, once Adrian was in bed, so what had started out as a day of some uncertainty had ended very happily indeed.
On Wednesday I received a telephone call from Jill advising me that it was likely a five-year-old girl would be brought into care on Friday. She’d telephone again when she had more information. I didn’t mention this to Adrian and Paula; I’d wait until it was definite and I had more details, as I knew that arrangements in fostering can and do change at the last minute. It can be unsettling for birth children if there are too many false starts. However, when Jill phoned again it wasn’t about the five-year-old girl who might be coming into care but another matter entirely, and it shook me to the core.
Chapter Eleven
Rejection
I already knew Jill well enough to recognize when she was about to impart bad news. Usually upbeat and positive in her manner, she now gave a heartfelt sigh and then paused before continuing, as though bracing herself and preparing me for what she was about to say. It was Thursday and Paula and I had had lunch and were in the living room, where I’d been helping her complete an early-years puzzle. I’d perched on the edge of the sofa to take the call as Paula continued playing on the floor. Jill continued, ‘Cathy, I’m very sorry to have to tell you that Alex is being returned into care.’
I heard what she was saying but didn’t fully grasp her meaning. ‘For respite?’ I asked, which seemed the only explanation – that Rosemary and Edward were asking for a short break from Alex. Highly unusual in an adoption and so early on, but the only reason I could think of, and Jill was going to ask me to look after Alex for a few days.
Another small pause before Jill said, ‘No, not respite. I’m afraid the adoption has failed. Rosemary and Edward are returning Alex into care.’
‘No, they can’t,’ I said. ‘That’s impossible. It doesn’t happen in adoption. Adoption is for life. It’s a permanent commitment, like having your own child.’ My stomach churned, sick with fear.
‘I know. Lin and Debbie are very upset too. They invested a lot in this. I’ve just finished a long telephone conversation with Lin.’
‘But what’s happened? Perhaps if I talk to Rosemary again …’
‘Lin suggested that, but Rosemary and Edward are adamant it won’t help. Edward telephoned Debbie first thing this morning and said that they now realized adopting was the wrong decision. That James was happier as an only child, and it was better that they admitted their mistake now rather than later when Alex had settled in.’
‘I can’t believe I’m hearing this.’
‘I know. Lin discus
sed James’s feelings during the adoption process, and of course he was interviewed and his views included in the assessment on their suitability to adopt. There was nothing to suggest this might happen. Apparently there was a minor fallout last night between the boys. Debbie and Lin have spoken to Rosemary and Edward this morning and tried to persuade them to give it some more time, but they’re adamant that Alex should be removed as soon as possible.’
‘Removed,’ I repeated numbly.
‘Lin has told them that the earliest it can be is tomorrow.’
‘Where is Alex now?’ I asked, trying to come to terms with what I was being told. ‘Does he know yet?’
‘No. He’s at school. Rosemary took him as usual this morning.’
‘That’ll be a nice surprise when he gets back!’ I said caustically. ‘I really don’t believe this. I just don’t. They seemed so committed. And now they’re returning Alex like an unwanted product. He’s going to be devastated. He believed this was his last move – his forever family. I reassured him it would be.’ I stopped as my eyes filled and I choked up. ‘Sorry, Jill,’ I said, my voice breaking. ‘Give me a moment, please.’ I reached for a tissue from the box and wiped my eyes. ‘It’s OK, love,’ I said to Paula, who was looking at me very concerned. I wiped my eyes again, took a deep breath and then picked up the handset. ‘I’m here, Jill.’
‘Are you all right?’ she asked kindly.
‘I just can’t believe this. Poor little Alex. How could they?’
‘I know,’ Jill said stoically. ‘We feel the same. Debbie will call a disruption meeting in a few weeks to see what went wrong and if any lessons can be learned, but for now we need to concentrate on Alex. Debbie or Lin will talk to him about what has happened and reassure him it wasn’t his fault, but will you be able to take him back?’
‘As long as I don’t have to meet Rosemary or Edward again, yes.’
‘Thank you. I’ll get back to you when I know what the arrangements are for returning him to you.’
‘And Rosemary and Edward didn’t give any other reasons apart from James being happier as an only child?’ I asked. I was still struggling to make sense of it and I was angry.
‘Not really. Rosemary said Alex wasn’t like James and they didn’t believe he’d fit into their family long term. I think they must have had totally unrealistic expectations.’
I bit my bottom lip to quell my anger and thought that was probably the understatement of the year.
Jill repeated that she’d phone again once she’d spoken to Debbie and knew the details for Alex moving back to me, and then we said goodbye. I replaced the handset and sat on the sofa, brimming with anger and sorrow. That poor child. At present ignorant of what awaited him. Had it been better to admit they’d made a mistake now as they’d told the social worker? I didn’t know. A mistake shouldn’t have been made at all. If their expectations of adoption had been unrealistic then surely that should have come out during the assessment process. Clearly it hadn’t or they wouldn’t have been accepted to adopt. Had I seen anything that might have suggested this could happen? Not really. Alex was different from James, but that was to be expected given his life experiences. The boys were close in age – that had been one of the factors matching Alex to the family – so some sibling rivalry as well as comradeship was natural and to be expected. But that didn’t explain their complete rejection of Alex, for rejection was what it was and how Alex would doubtless see it.
The more I thought about it, the more I felt that Alex had been cruelly deceived and I’d been part of that deception – persuading him to accept and love what was supposed to have been his forever family. Now what would I tell him? I’d no idea. It was beyond my experience, as it would be for most foster carers. I was aware that some adoptions did fail – or ‘disrupt’ as the social services preferred to call it – but that was usually after many years, often when the child reached puberty. They started acting out all their early suffering and torment, and then the parents, unable to cope with the child’s very challenging behaviour, contacted the social services and asked for help. Sometimes, even with support and therapy, the adoption irretrievably broke down and the child had to leave, but that wasn’t true in Alex’s case. It hadn’t had a chance to fail! He had only been there two weeks. It had been more ‘try it and see’: a brother for James, a playmate – no, thank you, we’ve changed our minds!
My eyes filled again as I gazed on little Paula, so loved and cherished. How different her life was to Alex’s. All the promises that were made to him now lay in pieces. Not only of the love and security of a forever family, but of the outings and activities he was so looking forward to: riding his bike on a Sunday morning, sailing, horse riding, the planned trip to Disney World, learning to play a musical instrument, and the myriad of shared experiences that bond a family and help it to flourish. I thought back to the planning meeting when Lin had said that it was lovely Alex would be having so many opportunities but Jill had warned that he shouldn’t be overloaded, as he would need time to settle in first. Overloaded! Settle in! He hadn’t had a chance to settle in or become overloaded! I also remembered Alex’s worries just before he met his parents for the first time, when he’d run upstairs and hidden in his bed, anxious that his new mummy and daddy wouldn’t like him, and I’d reassured him they would. ‘Supposing they like me to begin with and then after a few months they change their minds and stop liking me?’ he’d asked, fearful of another rejection and move. I’d knelt beside his bed and reassured him that couldn’t happen, that adoption was a commitment for life and his new mummy and daddy would love him forever, just as they did James. How bitterly ironic those words seemed now.
I was devastated, and I felt the cruel deception played on Alex personally. I needed someone to talk to, to share the burden; that’s when couples who foster have the advantage – there’s someone to share the good and bad times. Paula, perhaps sensing my unhappiness, came over and scrambled onto the sofa beside me. I put my arm around her and then picked up the telephone and pressed the key for my parents’ number. Although they hadn’t met Alex, they knew I’d been looking after him and he’d been adopted. I wasn’t going to pour my soul out; I just needed to talk.
‘Hello, love, everything all right?’ Mum asked. I usually phoned in the evening for a chat, not during the day.
‘We’re OK,’ I said, ‘but I’ve had some bad news. You remember I told you about Alex, the little boy who was going to be adopted?’
‘Yes. How is he?’
‘His adoptive parents have given up on him. They’ve changed their minds about adopting and are sending him back into care.’
‘What?’ Mum gasped. ‘I thought adoption was permanent – for life.’
‘It should be. But they’re saying they made a mistake and that their son is happier as an only child. He’s coming to live with me again.’
‘I hope they’re not allowed to adopt another child,’ Mum said.
‘No, they won’t be. But Alex will be so upset. He doesn’t know yet.’
‘Oh dear. But probably best he’s coming back to you. They don’t sound very nice people to me to do that.’ Which I’d been thinking too. Since Jill’s phone call my opinion of Rosemary and Edward had plummeted dramatically, and apart from their lack of commitment I wondered what else they hadn’t told the social services. ‘When’s he moving to you?’ Mum asked.
‘I’m not sure yet, I’m waiting to hear from his social worker. Probably tomorrow.’
‘How long will he be with you this time?’
‘I’ve no idea. The social services won’t have had a chance to consider long-term plans yet. This has all happened so quickly.’
‘At least he knows you,’ Mum said. ‘It would have been even worse for him to have to go to another new home.’ Mum’s a gem and can always find something positive to say, even in the most awful situations.
‘Yes. I was on standby for another child, but she’ll be placed with other carers now.’
&nb
sp; ‘Well, love, once Alex has settled in your dad and I must come and visit so we can meet him, or you can visit us. Let us know if you need any help at all.’
‘Thanks, Mum.’
‘And try not to worry. I’m sure he’ll recover staying with you.’ Her words helped a little.
During the afternoon Jill, Debbie and Lin all telephoned and I learned of the arrangements for Alex coming back to me. Debbie was going to see Alex once he was home this afternoon and, with Rosemary present, tell him what was happening. ‘It’s going to be very difficult,’ Debbie said. ‘Rosemary didn’t want to be present, but I told her it was important. I wasn’t going to let her off that easily.’ Debbie also said she’d spoken to the school and told them the bad news. They were obviously shocked and saddened, but would help support Alex in school. ‘At least he didn’t have to move schools,’ Debbie added. Which was certainly a blessing, as it was now the one constant factor in Alex’s otherwise very unsettled life. His teacher had shared his joy at being found an adoptive family and I knew she would share his sorrow and try to help him through this difficult time.
Debbie said that the following day Rosemary would pack Alex’s belongings while he was at school, then collect him from school at the end of the day. Once home, she, Edward and James would say goodbye to Alex and then Debbie would collect him and his belongings and bring him to me. ‘Rosemary wanted me to collect him from school and bring him straight to you so she didn’t have to face school or him again, but I told her that saying goodbye was important, upsetting though it will be.’ Debbie then thanked me for looking after Alex again and said she’d see me on Friday evening.
When Jill telephoned she confirmed the arrangements and said I should call their out-of-hours service if I needed help over the weekend, and that she’d visit us the following week. ‘I didn’t have a chance to meet Alex on the bridging placement,’ Jill said. ‘It wasn’t necessary. But when he’s a looked-after child again I’ll be seeing him regularly.’ Jill, as my support social worker, visited every month while a child was with me. She wished me luck, thanked me and we said goodbye.