Nobody’s Son

by Cathy Glass

  ‘I’m sorry if that was the impression, it wasn’t the intention,’ the chairperson said evenly. Debbie nodded. ‘If we could let Alex’s social worker finish her report. You and Mrs Andrews will both have a chance to speak later. I find it’s useful if we hear the background information from the social workers involved in the case first, before the rest of us speak.’ Said in such a calm, non-confrontational manner, it would have been unreasonable for Edward to object further. He clearly didn’t like it and gave a small humph, but then, folding his arms across his chest, he sat back in his chair. ‘Thank you,’ the chairperson said, and looked to Debbie to continue.

  ‘I’ve nearly finished,’ Debbie said. ‘In respect of Alex at school, I’m in regular contact with his teacher, Miss Cork, and the school are being very supportive of Alex. It’s the same school he attended before the move. Lin was the social worker involved in placing Alex and she’ll be able to say more about that process. The care plan now is to find a suitable long-term foster family for Alex.’ She briefly consulted her notes and then said, ‘I think that’s all for now.’

  ‘Thank you,’ the chairperson said. Then, looking at Edward and Rosemary, ‘I’d like to hear from Lin next and then it will be your turn.’

  Edward gave a curt nod and the chairperson now asked Lin to speak. She began by explaining her role in the adoption and said she had been involved from the start. She gave a brief résumé of the selection process for would-be adopters, then more specifically in respect of Edward and Rosemary. She said they were a strong family unit who presented as being in a good position to give Alex an adoptive home and to meet his needs. She said that Edward’s parents lived nearby and that she had met them and they had backed the adoption. Rosemary and Edward had attended the preparation course for would-be adopters and then, during the assessment, she had met with them eight times. She had also met James – with them and separately. During the assessment they had discussed their lifestyle and how different it was to that of any child who was likely to be placed with them. Rosemary and Edward appreciated this and the lasting impact that early-years experiences could have on a child. Lin said that they were keen to adopt a boy of a similar age to James. This was discussed at length and James was asked how he would feel, having been an only child. He had no cousins, although he did have friends who were invited home from school. All James’s responses were very positive and he said he was looking forward to having a brother, as it was lonely being an only child. I could see Edward shifting in his seat, clearly uncomfortable at having his family discussed in front of him, which was understandable, although Lin was being as tactful as possible.

  Lin then gave the date when she had taken Rosemary and Edward to the adoption panel, where they had been approved as adopters – there were no concerns from the panel members. By now Alex had been matched to Rosemary and Edward, although he was still living with his previous foster carers. Lin then covered Alex’s move to me as an emergency bridging placement in some detail, as this could be relevant: the upheaval might have had a knock-on effect on Alex’s behaviour after the move to Edward and Rosemary. She then mentioned the adoption planning meeting, which I’d attended, and described the introductions, which had gone very well. She said there was nothing in Alex’s behaviour to suggest he’d been distressed from the last move.

  ‘And Alex didn’t display any behavioural problems during the bridging placement with Cathy, despite the sudden move?’ the chairperson asked as the minute-taker wrote furiously.

  ‘No,’ Lin said. Debbie confirmed this to be so.

  I glanced at Rosemary and Edward, who continued to stare at Lin with grim, fixed expressions. Although everyone was being very tactful, I knew this wasn’t what they wanted to hear. Lin poured herself a glass of water from one of the jugs in the centre of the table and took a sip before continuing. A couple of others poured themselves water too.

  ‘There were no real issues during the introductions beyond a bit of sibling rivalry,’ Lin said, ‘which was dealt with by Rosemary – the main care giver. Alex’s move continued as planned and he went to live with Rosemary and Edward on –’ She gave the date. ‘Difficulties began almost immediately – mainly as a result of James and Alex. I received a phone call from Rosemary on the Thursday morning. She was very distressed and said that the boys weren’t getting on at all – not as they had done during the introductions – and she didn’t know how to deal with it. I spent some time talking to her on the phone and then visited the family that evening. I had hoped they would all be present, but there was only Rosemary and Alex. James had gone to his grandparents and Edward was going to collect him on his way back home from work later that evening. Rosemary said she felt it was better that the boys spent time apart.

  ‘During my visit’, Lin continued, ‘I talked to Rosemary and Alex together and also separately. Alex was quieter than usual but appeared to be unaware of any problems between him and James. He said he loved his brother and missed him when he wasn’t there. I asked Rosemary if she thought it would help if she talked to Cathy Glass, who is an experienced foster carer and also knew Alex from having fostered him. She thought it might, so I arranged for Cathy to visit Rosemary the following Tuesday. She spent two hours with her and was able to suggest some strategies to help with the boys. She also told Rosemary that she’d found in fostering it took time to bond with a child when they first arrived, and to gel as a family. Cathy told me afterwards that she felt her visit had been useful, and that Rosemary had mentioned the long school runs she was doing. We were considering changing Alex’s school when the placement was terminated.’

  ‘It is unusual for a placement to disrupt so quickly,’ Lin’s manager, who was seated beside Lin, now added.

  This was the green flag Edward needed. ‘That’s because Alex wasn’t the child you said he would be!’ he snapped. ‘You’ve just admitted that all those moves to different foster carers could have unsettled him, yet you are still trying to blame us! The boy couldn’t relate to James or us, and I doubt he ever would have.’

  There was a brief silence before Lin’s manager spoke again, addressing Edward. ‘Going to live with a new family is a huge life-changing experience for any child. It takes time for them to understand the new routines, expectations and customs of the family, before they start to relax and feel at home.’

  ‘We had two weeks of introductions so he could get to know our “customs”, as you put it,’ Edward said, agitated. ‘Unless you were expecting us to come down to his level?’

  ‘His level?’ Lin’s manager queried.

  ‘Yes. You know what I mean,’ Edward retaliated. ‘The boy has clearly been through a lot. I know he can’t help that, but don’t make us the scapegoats. We should have been made more aware of the significance of his early-years experience and the effect it was likely to have on him later.’

  ‘What early-years experience exactly?’ Debbie’s manager now asked.

  ‘His mother going to prison, for one,’ Edward said.

  Rosemary nodded vehemently. ‘You can’t leave all that behind. It’s not his fault – it’s in his genes.’

  I leaned slightly forward to speak. I couldn’t let this assassination of Alex’s character continue. Jill didn’t stop me this time. ‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I really don’t understand what is being said here.’

  ‘You may not be aware of all Alex’s history as we are,’ Rosemary said tersely, which was true. Adopters usually have access to all the child’s history, whereas foster carers are given information on a ‘need-to-know’ basis. ‘Alex’s mother had been to prison a number of times for drug offences. She was a heavy drug user. That’s bound to have affected him deep down.’

  The chairperson looked to Debbie. ‘Do we know if Alex was born with neonatal abstinence syndrome?’ she asked. This is the term used to describe babies born with a drug dependency as a result of the mother being a drug user during pregnancy. The baby can suffer dreadful withdrawal in the first few weeks of life and, depe
nding on the severity of the drug abuse, can go on to suffer development and behavioural problems later in life.

  ‘He wasn’t,’ Debbie said. ‘His mother managed to stay clean while she was pregnant.’ I didn’t know this and I thought it was very sad that his mother had managed to stay off drugs long enough to deliver a healthy baby, but not long enough to parent him.

  Rosemary and Edward were now on the offensive. ‘You said yourself that the damage can come out much later,’ Edward said to Lin.

  ‘Our early-years’ experiences – good and bad – shape us all,’ she said evenly. ‘But as far as I’m aware Alex wasn’t displaying signs of disturbed or challenging behaviour.’

  ‘No, he wasn’t, not with us,’ I said.

  ‘You didn’t have him that long,’ Rosemary said. I wanted to reply, ‘Neither did you,’ but stopped myself. The meeting was becoming very heated.

  ‘What about his previous carers?’ the chairperson asked, looking at Debbie and her manager. ‘Did Alex show signs of disturbed or challenging behaviour there?’

  ‘No,’ Debbie said. ‘There were no concerns.’

  ‘The carers might not have told you,’ Rosemary said.

  I shook my head in dismay. I was sure this wasn’t about Alex’s behaviour but more about Rosemary’s and Edward’s unrealistic expectations of him, and they were now trying to justify their actions.

  ‘No one is blaming you,’ the chairperson said again to Rosemary and Edward. ‘But it would be helpful if we could establish the reasons for the placement breakdown, as it could affect where Alex goes next.’ It certainly would have an effect if Alex was labelled as having difficult or disturbed behaviour, which he didn’t – even now, with his angry outbursts.

  Edward and Rosemary fell silent.

  ‘Perhaps we could let Lin finish her report,’ the chairperson said, ‘and then return to you.’ Edward shrugged acquiescence.

  Lin continued by saying that before the decision was made to move Alex, Rosemary and Edward were offered support, but they didn’t think it would make any difference. Two days later they asked for Alex to be removed and Debbie took him back into care. As I was free he came to me.

  ‘How did Alex react when he was told he was leaving?’ the chairperson asked.

  ‘He was very upset and confused,’ Debbie said. ‘Since then he’s been quiet and withdrawn at home and at school, with occasional angry outbursts. He’s also been trying to run away.’

  ‘There!’ Rosemary said, and Edward nodded, as though this proved their point.

  The chairperson finished writing, asked Lin if there was anything else she wanted to say – there wasn’t – and she then looked at Rosemary and Edward. ‘Would you like to speak now?’

  Rosemary glanced at Edward, who took the lead. ‘It was clear to us from early on – even before Alex moved in – that he wasn’t the child we were expecting. He appears and acts much younger than his age, and is not at all like James or his friends, so it was difficult for James to relate to him.’

  ‘Did you tell Lin or Debbie this during the introductions?’ the chairperson asked.

  ‘My wife and I didn’t think it was appropriate with all the hype going on of meeting him, and then the move. And it was possible the lad was just shy and would be different once he’d moved in.’

  The chairperson gave a small nod, although I doubted it was in agreement but rather for Edward to continue.

  ‘He wasn’t any different after the move,’ Edward said. ‘In fact, he was worse, despite my wife’s best efforts. I work long hours, so much of the childcare is left to Rosemary. You may not agree with this, but it’s how we run things in my house. When the boys started fighting it all became too much for Rosemary and I came home from work one evening to find her in tears.’

  ‘When you say fighting, were the boys physically fighting – intending to do each other harm?’ the chairperson asked.

  ‘No. More squabbling,’ Rosemary put in. ‘James didn’t like it that Alex was always following him around – “in his face”, as he put it.’

  ‘Couldn’t James have gone to his room if he wanted to be alone?’ the chairperson asked.

  ‘He could,’ Edward said. ‘But why should he? It was his home.’

  There was a poignant silence before Lin said what I was thinking: ‘When Alex moved in it became his home too.’

  ‘And Rosemary did all she could to make him feel at home,’ Edward snapped, clearly annoyed. ‘But it was obvious after a week that it wasn’t going to work. We felt it was better if we said so rather than let it drag on indefinitely, so Alex could be found a new home where he would be happy.’

  ‘What made you think he wasn’t happy with you?’ the chairperson asked.

  ‘Well, he couldn’t have been, could he?’ Rosemary said. ‘With James rejecting him.’

  The chairperson made a note and then waited for them to continue.

  ‘The rest you know,’ Edward said. ‘Rosemary telephoned Debbie. She and Lin both visited, so did the foster carer, but the situation didn’t improve and Alex went back to his carer.’

  ‘And how is James now?’ the chairperson asked.

  ‘Fine. Normal. Although he said he missed Alex.’

  Beside me I heard Jill sigh in exasperation.

  ‘You don’t think that if you’d given it longer the problems between the boys might have been resolved?’ the chairperson asked. ‘Not that that is an option now.’

  ‘No,’ Edward said. ‘To be honest I had doubts about the whole adoption thing from the start. I probably should have said sooner.’

  ‘Yes,’ the chairperson said dryly. I saw Debbie and Lin exchange a pointed look. ‘Do either of you wish to add anything?’ the chairperson asked.

  Edward shook his head, while Rosemary said, ‘I hope Alex is happy in his new family.’

  ‘Thank you,’ the chairperson said, and managed a weak smile. She consulted her list of those present and then looked at me. ‘I think it will be useful if we hear from you now, Cathy. You provided the bridging placement prior to Alex’s move to Mr and Mrs Andrews and are Alex’s present foster carer.’

  I straightened and sat upright in my chair, but embarrassingly, given the opportunity to speak, with all those faces looking at me my mind went completely blank for a moment before I found my voice. ‘I have been fostering for over eight years and I have two children: a boy of Alex’s age and a girl of three. I know the situation is different between a temporary foster placement and a permanent home – Alex might have been on his best behaviour with me – but I can only tell you what I saw. Alex didn’t show any signs of disturbed or difficult behaviour while he was with me on the bridging placement, despite the abruptness of his move to me. He fitted in well and was looking forward to having a permanent family of his own. That’s all he talked about.’

  ‘Can you tell us a little about what it is like to look after Alex?’ the chairperson asked.

  ‘Yes. He is a sweet, kind, gentle and likeable child who is usually happy. He has no malice in him. He has age-appropriate self-care skills and washes and dresses himself competently. He was sleeping and eating well before the move and making good progress at school. He played nicely with both my children and joined in with family activities and adapted well to our routine. I took over from the previous carers just before the adoption planning meeting, and the introductions went well. Alex was a bit quiet and nervous to begin with, but that was only to be expected. One time he mentioned that he usually had to play what James wanted, and that James thought his soft toy – which he took to bed at night – was babyish, but he wasn’t upset by it. I didn’t think any more about it – no siblings get on all the time – and the move went as planned.’

  ‘Did you have any contact with Alex after the move?’ the chairperson asked.

  ‘No, we were going to wait to visit until he’d settled in – that was decided at the planning meeting.’

  ‘Did your children miss Alex?’ the chairperson asked.
r />   ‘Yes, especially Adrian – they are the same age.’

  ‘And you say they got on well? I appreciate Alex wasn’t with you for very long on the bridging placement, but there weren’t any problems?’

  ‘No. Adrian is used to having other children in the house and Alex fitted in easily. When my support social worker telephoned and said there were problems I was very surprised. I went to see Rosemary and I thought my visit had helped. The problems she described appeared quite minor and similar to many experienced by new carers. I was shocked to hear that Alex was returning to foster care. I’ve fostered children before with behavioural difficulties and in my opinion Alex didn’t have any behaviour that was likely to cause a problem between him and James. Although Alex is finding life difficult now.’

  ‘In what respect?’ the chairperson asked.

  ‘He is very quiet and withdrawn and doesn’t want much to do with any of us, although we try to involve him. As Debbie mentioned, he has angry outbursts and he’s also started running away. I’ve tried talking to him, but he doesn’t say much. What he has said suggests he is blaming himself for what happened, although I’ve told him it wasn’t his fault.’ I was about to continue when a chair scraped back and Edward rose to his feet.

  ‘Come on,’ he said to Rosemary. ‘We’re not staying here to listen to any more of this.’ She also stood.

  ‘Mr Andrews, if you could –’ the chairperson began.

  But Edward turned his back and, touching his wife’s arm, led the way out of the room. The door swung shut behind them with a bang.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I didn’t mean to …’

  ‘It wasn’t your fault,’ Jill said.

  The room was quiet as the chairperson wrote and the others concentrated on their papers on the table in front of them. I felt awful. I’d tried to be tactful and sensitive, but it had been difficult not to implicate Edward and Rosemary while giving an honest account of Alex as he had been before and now after the move. The chairperson looked up at us all. ‘It’s a pity that Mr and Mrs Andrews didn’t feel they could stay.’ Then addressing Debbie: ‘Would you pass on my thanks to them for attending?’ Debbie nodded and made a note, and then the chairperson asked me to continue.