I play it for her. She listens attentively, beaming at me the whole time, like she still can’t believe it.
When I finish, I extend my hand and pull her up to me, wrapping my arms around her. “Are you ready to call it a night because I want to take you home and make love to you.”
She slides her hand into mine. “As if I could ever refuse such a tempting offer.” She pecks my lips, grinning. “Take me home, lover boy.”
This time is different, and I know she’s feeling it too. Every other time, we’ve fucked like wild animals, frantic and overly eager for one another, but not tonight. Tonight, I want to show her all the things I’m still too afraid to say. Candles flicker softly in the bedroom as I slowly undress her, removing layer after layer like I’m peeling a ripe peach. My nose grazes along the elegant column of her neck, and I savor her delicate smell. I lay her down on the bed, never taking my eyes off her as I quickly shuck out of my clothes. Then I start a slow perusal of her body, tenderly kissing every inch of her skin, worshiping her with my mouth and my hands, reveling in all the pleasurable noises she makes. She’s quieter than usual as I explore her body, my hands trembling as I think about how lucky I am that she allows me to touch her like this.
When I finally push her thighs apart, I drink up her essence like it’s nectar from the gods, gently licking and sucking instead of my usual thrusting, greedy approach. I leisurely pump two fingers in and out of her pussy as I suction on her clit, lavishing it with slow, swirling strokes of my tongue until she falls apart.
I move up her body, kissing her tenderly, and just take a minute to look at her. With her hair fanned out all over the pillow, her swollen lips and telltale flushed face, she looks like a goddess, an angel, a beautiful creature sent to love me and save me in all the ways I needed saving. I kiss her mouth softly. “You undo me, beautiful. In all the best ways.” Her answering smile is full of adoration and much more, and my heart surges at the thought she feels it too.
This connection.
This deep passion building between us.
The start of something profound. Something permanent.
Taking my time, I roll a condom on and slowly edge inside her. Gently pinning her arms above her head, I drive into her in slow, precise, measured thrusts, whispering how beautiful she is as I tenderly make love to her. I’ve never taken so much care with a girl, and I’ve never felt the sensations coursing through my body ever before. Our eyes are locked in a heated gaze, and our moans are understated as we take our sweet time with one another.
The expression on her face mirrors how I feel inside, and I want to tell her I love her, that I want to love her forever, but I can’t force those words out.
Not until she knows I’m Shawn Lucas.
Not until she can accept every part of me and all that comes with owning my heart.
After, she lies in my arms, both of us quiet but contented. “Levi,” she whispers after a bit, and I look down at her.
“What, baby?”
“That was …” Tears well in her eyes and I hug her closer.
“That was everything.” My voice is choked.
“It was,” she whispers, pressing a kiss to my chest. “No one has ever made love to me like that. I … I’m scared.”
I twist around on my side so I’m facing her. “Scared of what, beautiful?” I wind my fingers through her gorgeous hair.
“Scared of feeling too much.”
I nod. “I know. I’m the same, but I think that’s the way it’s supposed to be.” When you’re in love. “When you’ve found your person,” I add instead, hoping she hears the underlying message.
“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before,” she admits, and I love how truthful she is, even when she’s afraid.
“Me neither. You make me feel so much, Dakota. So, so, much.” I press a kiss to the top of her head, hauling her back in close to my chest.
“Usually I’m more of a “go with the flow” kind of girl, but I don’t want to be like that with you. I want infinity with you, Levi. Never-ending moments of blissful happiness. If that’s what you want too.”
“It is, beautiful. That’s exactly what I want.” But as she sleeps peacefully in my arms, I’m terrified those blissful moments are already drawing to a close. And I know if this ends, if she can’t accept what I’ve hidden in the interests of her safety, and she leaves me, I’ll be completely and utterly destroyed.
I can’t lose her. I can’t lose this connection. Not when I’m finally starting to feel like me. Not when I’ve finally found a girl worth living for.
Reluctantly, I leave Dakota sleeping as I slip out of the bed at six a.m. to call Devin. I know he’s an early riser and he’ll be awake. Despite having the woman of my dreams in my arms all night, I didn’t sleep well. I’m like a ticking time bomb about to explode, and I know I’m going to have to confess soon, because I can’t continue like this.
I also had time to analyze a few things, and I need to discuss something with Devin.
“You’re up early,” he answers by way of greeting.
I’m out on the balcony, looking over a city still largely sleeping, the crisp air raising goose bumps on my bare arms. “Couldn’t sleep. All this stuff is weighing on my mind, and I wanted to ask you something.”
“Fire away.”
“You said before you thought my stalker was a man, but you didn’t exactly rule out a woman. Did you do a full check on my assistant, Calista?” I ask.
“I’m pretty sure we did, but let me just consult my file.” I wait a few minutes as he walks to his home office and powers up his laptop. “Yep, we did a complete background check on her, and she came up clean. What has you reconsidering her?”
I had given him a brief rundown of my history with Calista when I handed over the list, so it doesn’t take long to bring him up to speed on the latest events. “She seems to be getting clingier, and something is off about her. I can’t put my finger on it. Call it a sixth sense, but could you dig a little deeper?”
“Consider it done.”
The more time I spend with Dakota, the more my secrets eat away at me. It’s cowardly to hold off telling her, so I promise myself on Monday that tonight’s the night. “Hey,” I say, as I sit with my arm around her in the cafeteria at lunchtime. “Do you want to take that rain check on dinner tonight?” I haven’t had nearly enough time with her, and we haven’t had any proper dates thanks to my desire to remain incognito around the town. But, if things are going to turn sour after I tell her everything tonight, I want to have many special memories to hold close to my heart.
“Sounds good. Count me in.” She tweaks my nose and pecks my lips, and I can’t help taking it further, holding onto her lips and drawing her into a deeper kiss.
“Some of us are trying to eat,” Tabs pipes up. “So, cut that shit out. You’re making me horny, and it’s killing my appetite.”
Dakota and I break apart, sharing grins. There is never a dull moment with Tabs around. You never know what’s likely to come out of her mouth.
“You’re relentlessly horny,” Elsa retorts. “That’s not anything new.”
“Once you get a taste of cock, you’ll understand,” Tabs replies with a salacious wink. “Cock is my crack cocaine.”
“Oh my God.” Dakota busts out laughing, kissing Tabs on the cheek. “You, my friend, are one of a kind.”
Tabs sends her a cheeky smile as I stand. “I’ve got a few things to do, but I’ll come by to pick you up at seven.” I tell Dakota, before pressing my mouth to her ear. “Wear something sexy.”
“I will if you will.” There’s a naughty glint in her eye.
“Challenge accepted, Kota baby.” I capture her lips in mine, kissing her passionately, uncaring we have an audience. When I break the kiss, we’re both flushed and breathing erratically. Kissing this girl is like kissing a piece of heav
en. I can hardly bear to leave her, but I want to get things set up for tonight. I’m only going to get one chance to do this, and I want to do it right.
I caress her cheek. “See you later, beautiful.”
“Bye, babe.” She blows me a kiss, and I’m still grinning by the time I reach my apartment.
A few hours later, I’m freshly showered and wearing clean jeans, standing in front of my closet wondering which shirt Dakota would find sexiest when my cell pings. Glancing at my watch, I’m tempted to ignore Devin’s call, but it could be urgent.
“’Sup?” I answer, putting my cell on speaker so I can rifle through my shirts as we speak.
“We need to get to L.A. asap. I’ve organized a private plane for you, and my guys will escort you to the airport. How fast can you be ready?”
“Wait here a sec. What’s going on? Why do I need to return to L.A. at such short notice?” The words rush out of my mouth as a horrible sense of foreboding creeps over me.
“There’s no easy way to say this, Shawn, so I’m just going to lay it all out. Your stalker has struck again only this time you weren’t the intended target.”
Everything locks up inside me as I guess where this is going. “No!” I slump to the ground, shaking all over. “Please tell me it’s not my family.”
“It’s your mom, Shawn. You need to come straightaway.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
ShawnLevi
“Is she … is she still alive?” I force the words out of my mouth. My chest tightens to the point of pain.
“She’s okay, Shawn,” Devin placates me, and I release the breath I’d been holding. “She’s traumatized after the experience, and medics are checking her out as we speak. I only know the basics thanks to an old police buddy of mine. He transferred to L.A. a couple of years back, and he’s been assigned to the case. He called me the instant officers arrived at the scene.”
I close my eyes, offering up thanks to a God I’ve long ignored. Then I’m on the move as I ask Devin exactly what happened, pulling on a shirt and toeing on my sneakers as I make my way out to the kitchen.
“Your stepfather had taken the boys away for the night on a camping trip, and your mother was returning alone to the house when she was ambushed at the front door by three men wearing masks. They brought her into the house, tied her up, and subjected her to a battery of questions about you. They wanted to know where you were hiding out.”
“Fuck.” I slam my fist into the wall as knots of guilt twist and turn in my stomach. “Is it the same three who broke into my house?”
“Looks like it.”
“Shit. This is all my fault.”
“This isn’t on you, Shawn. You didn’t ask for this.” He pauses briefly. “Look, we’ll talk on the plane. Just get in the car with my guys, and I’ll meet you at the airport. We’ll know more when we get to L.A., but your mom is okay. She’s very shaken up, but she’s okay,” he continues to reassure me.
“Okay. See you in a bit.” I kill the call, grab my wallet, keys, and jacket, and hightail it out of there.
I sit in the car with my head in my hands the entire journey. All I can think is if something serious had happened to Mom while we weren’t speaking I would never ever have forgiven myself. All the shit that’s gone down between us pales into insignificance in light of the situation. Tears sting my eyes as I struggle to hold it together. Images of Mom and me when I was a little kid flit through my mind, and I wish I had a magic wand and I could be there with her already, pulling her into my arms and telling her how sorry I am for all the shit I’ve put her through.
“How badly do you want a drink right now?” Devin asks once we’re strapped into our seats on the private jet waiting to take off.
“So fucking badly I’d almost kill for it.”
“I hear you, man, but it wouldn’t take away the pain, and you’d feel like complete shit after.”
“I know, and I’m not going to cave, but times like this are hard.”
“I can relate.” I know he can, and it helps having him here in more ways than one.
“Shit!” I look at my watch as the plane starts moving, cursing again. “I fucking forgot about my date with Dakota. She’s got to be wondering where I am.” I pull out my cell and tap out a quick text, explaining I’ve had to go back to L.A. at short notice and I’ll be back as soon as I can, promising I’ll tell her everything and make it up to her. I repocket my cell and grip the armrests as the plane takes off into the air. “You still have someone watching over Dakota, right?”
“Twenty-four-seven,” Devin confirms. “Don’t worry. Nothing will happen to her while you’re gone.”
The three-hour plane ride seems to drag on forever, and I’m a complete basket case by the time we land in Los Angeles.
Luke is waiting at the side of the runway, lounging against a blacked-out SUV. Walking to meet me, he pulls me into a silent bear hug, squeezing me tight. We break apart and get into the car without a word. Tires squeal as the car speeds away from the airport. “How is she?” I ask, anguish lacing my tone. “Have you spoken to her?”
“Very briefly. All she did was ask for you. Repeatedly. I told her you were on your way.” He pats my arm. “Your momma needs you Shawn.”
“I know you’re worried and on edge right now,” Devin butts in, “but we have to consider this could be a trap to lure you out of hiding. I booked the jet in false names, and my police buddy will keep a team of men outside your mom’s while you’re there, but you need to stay inside the house and keep away from the windows.”
“Whatever,” I snap. “I just want to see my mom.”
My nails are bitten to the bone by the time we pull up to Mom’s Malibu house. My nerves are strung tight, and I clench and unclench my hands as we glide slowly up the drive. Cops guard the entrance to the house, and right now I’m so fucking grateful for Devin and his connections.
Devin throws a blanket over my head and only lets me out of the SUV once he’s conversed with his friend and checked to ensure the coast is clear. I’m bundled out of the car and into the house.
“Shawn! Shawn!” Mom’s anguished cries are like a knife through my chest, but my heart soars at the same time too. It’s been too long.
“Mom!” I holler, racing down the hall and into the living room. The family photos that used to line the walls in the hallway lie in broken shards on the tiled floor, and I have to weave a path around the debris to get to her. Most of the rooms are trashed, furniture overturned and drawers upended, as if an earthquake had struck. But I know this was the work of those assholes. I run into the living room, and my breath stutters in my chest.
Mom is propped up on the couch with a myriad of cushions at her back. Her legs are outstretched with a blanket thrown over her. One arm is in a sling, and her lower lip is swollen and cut, and a large purple bruise is on her right cheek. She has clearly looked better, but she is still a sight for sore eyes. I don’t think I’ve realized quite how much I’ve missed her until this moment.
“Mom!” My voice is strangled, and tears sting the back of my eyes as I walk toward her.
“Shawn!” She bursts out crying, and I sink to my knees in front of her, hugging her gently, mindful of her injured arm. She sobs on my shoulder, and her whole body is wracked in pain. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she whimpers in between bouts of crying. “I was so afraid I wouldn’t see you again. Wouldn’t get to tell you how sorry I am for everything.”
“Sh, Mom.” I smooth a hand over her long blonde hair. “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m the one who caused all this, and I’m more sorry than you could know. If anything had happened to you or Steve or the boys, I would never have forgiven myself.”
“Shawn, baby, let me look at you.” Her tears dry up as she lifts her head, cupping my face. “You look so different,” she says, scrutinizing my altered look, “but every bit a
s handsome.” She kisses one cheek and then the other. “I have missed you so much. It’s felt like part of my soul is missing.”
“Mom.” I’m trying my best to hold back tears. “I have missed you all to death. I was planning on visiting and making amends, but I wanted this crazy caught first because I didn’t want to drag you into this mess.” I press my forehead to hers. “I thought because we were estranged that they’d leave you alone. I’m so sorry, Mom. Please tell me you’re okay.” I lean back and check her face. “Did they hurt you in places I can’t see?”
She shakes her head. “No, honey. It’s nothing like that. They wanted to know where you were. Every time they asked me and I said I didn’t know, they hit me. I’m glad you didn’t tell me and that my neighbors noticed the suspicious man in my yard and called the cops, because I don’t know what would’ve happened otherwise.”
“How badly do you hurt?”
“It’s not that bad, sweetheart.” She takes my hand. “My shoulder is dislocated, but the medics gave me painkillers and strapped it up. My face is a little sore, but it should heal in a few days. It could’ve been a lot worse.”
“Did they take much stuff?” I ask, looking around the strewn room.
She shakes her head. “Most of our valuables are in the safe, and they didn’t find that. They took any spare cash I had lying around, but that’s all.”
“I hate that this happened to you, and if I ever get my hands on those responsible, they’ll have me up for murder.” Devin coughs very loudly, subtly motioning at the cops keeping watch in the room. His expression cautions me, and I try to rein my anger in. Luke has made himself busy in the kitchen, and he appears now, carrying a tray with coffees, offering them around.
I refocus on Mom, and it’s so unbelievably good to see her. “My security guy is here with me, and he’s going to assign a team to protect you and the boys in case they have plans to come back. He already sent a car to bring Steve and the twins back. They should be here soon.”
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