The message cuts out and the room is silent. Everyone tries to gauge my mood, and they are too afraid to say anything. We all just look at one another until Tabs decides to break the ice in her own inimitable style.
“Well, fuck this depressive shit. We should be celebrating. Our girl’s gone and bagged herself a sexy rock star, and we all know him. He’s not the shithead the media makes him out to be. He’s a good guy.” She kneels in front of me. “That’s what he means, sweetheart. The name he goes by is irrelevant. You know he’s one of the good ones, and he’s crazy about you.”
“He fucking lied to me!” I holler as powerful emotion surges to the surface. “He had months to tell me the truth! Months! And he said nothing.”
“He was trying to protect you,” Tabs protests.
“Don’t you dare fucking defend him. He made love to me when I had no clue who he really was. And he put me in harm’s way by keeping me in the dark about this stalker. How could he do that to me? He knows what happened to my sister, and he should have let me make that call. Bringing me into his life could have put me in danger!” I hop up, anger fueling the adrenaline coursing through my body. “How can he say he loves me in one breath and then put me at risk in the other? And now every fucking scumbag reporter is probably looking for me.”
Air is ripped from my lungs, and I bend over, wheezing. Daisy is beside me in an instant, rubbing my back and encouraging me to take deep breaths. When I can speak, I look up at her. “You’re Shawn Lucas’s biggest fan! How the hell didn’t you figure it out?”
“I told you I thought he looked familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. It was only last night, when I heard him sing that I worked it out. There is no way I’d not recognize his voice.”
The penny drops. “That’s why you were acting all spaced out.”
She nods. “He realized I’d worked it out, and he mouthed at me. He said, ‘Let me tell her,’ and I presumed that’s why you stayed there last night. I would have told you if I knew he didn’t confess. I promise.”
“It’s okay, Daise,” I say, patting her hand. “I know you would. I trust you.”
“I can’t believe he did that last night and then didn’t tell you,” Elsa adds. “He must’ve known what would happen.”
I rub a hand over my aching chest. “To be fair, he was trying to tell me, but I wouldn’t let him. We were going to talk this morning, but then I got the call about Mom and had to leave.”
“You need to give him the benefit of the doubt,” Tabs says.
“I don’t need to do fucking anything,” I hiss. “I believe he was going to tell me last night, but it was already too fucking late. He’s put my life at risk for months. What if that stalker had followed him here and done something to me?” I slump to the floor again. “Jesus Christ. I’ve been dancing on the roof of that abandoned building for months. It would’ve been so easy for someone to take me.”
A loud knock at the door startles us all. Elsa goes off to answer it while Daisy helps me to my feet. I take a quick moment to apologize to the girls. “I’m sorry if I’m taking it out on you. It’s not you I’m mad at.”
“We know, babe.” Tabs slants me a sympathetic look as Elsa pops her head in the door.
“There’s a guy named Devin Morgan here to see you. He says Levi sent him.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Dakota
Composing myself, I smooth a hand over my crumpled shirt and walk out to meet Devin. My friends stay close behind me. Devin offers me a guarded smile while standing in the middle of our living room. “Dakota. I’m sorry to barge in here like this, but I was waiting at the penthouse for you. Tom told me you asked to be brought here instead, so I took the liberty of coming to you. I hope that’s okay.”
Tabs is devouring Devin on sight, and it looks like she’s getting ready to come out with one of her special Tabitha-isms, but I impale her with a deadly look, and she zips her lips.
“That depends on what you have to say.” I gesture toward the couch, not wanting to be a bitch to the man when he welcomed me so hospitably into his home. “Please take a seat.”
I sit down beside him, and my friends hover in the background.
“I expect you’ve heard the news by now.”
“You mean the fact Levi Quinn is actually Shawn Lucas or the fact he has some crazy stalker on his ass and he just made me a target or the fact every scumbag reporter in the country is trying to locate his midnight dancer a.k.a. me?” I pierce him with a serious stare. “That news?” He clears his throat, looking awkward as hell. “And now he sends you to do his dirty work for him?”
“It’s not like that, Dakota. I assure you.”
“Then what is it like, Devin? And don’t tell me you didn’t know. You did. Ange did. And neither of you said anything to me.”
He has the decency to look ashamed. “Ange was furious with me for days over that, Dakota. She didn’t want any part in the deception, and neither did I, but I was conflicted. Shawn is one of my clients, and it wouldn’t have been professional to advise him otherwise.”
“One of your clients?”
He nods, running a hand through his hair. “I own a security consultancy company called Morgan Security. Shawn hired me a few months ago to help provide personal protection while he was hiding in Iowa. I was also investigating all leads in an attempt to discover the person or persons who have been stalking him and making death threats on his life.”
“He’s had death threats?” I ask in a low voice, worry forming in my gut.
He nods solemnly. “Repeated threats, and he made the decision to go into hiding after someone shot at him.”
“Oh my God.” I clamp a hand over my chest. “That’s horrible and so frightening.” The thought of anyone trying to hurt Levi freaks me out, and even though I’m mad at him I can’t bear the idea that he could be harmed or seriously injured. And I hate that he was dealing with all this alone.
“I know you are upset and angry with him right now,” Devin continues, “but he was trying to keep you safe the best way he knew how.”
“That’s not very reassuring.” He should have come clean, and we could’ve handled it together.
“This may upset you further, but you should know Shawn has been paying for twenty-four-seven protection for you since you came into his life. He truly cares about you, Dakota, and he would never do anything to willingly place you in danger.”
“What do you mean?” I croak, butterflies somersaulting around my chest cavity.
“I’ve assigned bodyguards to watch over you all the time. You haven’t been in danger. If anyone had come near you, they would’ve been dealt with immediately.”
I slouch in the chair, unsure if my heart can take any more revelations today. I’m so conflicted. On the one hand, there’s no denying Levi cares for me and he’s taken measures to ensure I’m protected. But it still doesn’t take away from the fact he has lied to me. Lied to my face. Time and time again. I don’t know what to think. What to feel.
“I can’t deal with this.” I close my eyes and rest my head back. “It’s too much.”
“I’m sorry about all this. Shawn wanted to be here to tell you himself, but we think we’ve caught the stalker, and he had to return to help the police pin this guy down. He didn’t have a choice.”
That should go some way through reassuring me, but it doesn’t detract from the fact he lied to me for months. He let me fall in love with him when I didn’t have the full story. I gave him every part of me, and he didn’t do the same for me. He asked me to trust him, to believe in him, in us, but how can I do that when he couldn’t even share who he was with me?
Relationships that aren’t built on complete honesty can’t survive.
I’ve already experienced that reality.
“Oh my God!” Tabs shrieks unexpectedly, startling us all.
&nbs
p; “What?” I ask, arching a brow.
“I’m just remembering our conversation from the first frat party. Remember where he kissed you the first time?”
“Oh, shit. Yeah.” Despite how mad I am with him, I can’t help giggling. “We totally insulted him to his face.” I snort.
“Oh, this I gotta hear,” Devin says, grinning.
“If I remember correctly,” Elsa says, also grinning, “Kota said his music made her want to vomit and he was a giant bag of dicks.”
“And you said he was a train wreck and into threesomes and kinky shit.”
“And we won’t even mention what Tabs said,” Elsa adds, trying to smother her laughter.
Devin busts out laughing. “That is classic. I love it.”
“It’s a wonder he didn’t hate me,” I muse.
“Trust me,” Devin says, having composed himself. “Shawn has a healthy ego. I’m betting those comments barely made a dent.”
“And that’s what I’m talking about,” I supply quietly, all humor gone from my tone now. “The guy I know isn’t arrogant at all. Every time he played for me, I complimented his talent, and he was almost shy about it.” Of course, now I know he was only acting like that because he was lying. I shake my head. “He said I know him, but I don’t know him at all.”
“I don’t think that’s true,” Devin says, drilling a look at me so I’m forced to look him straight in the eye. “He’s a different man from the one I first met. I thought he’d changed, but now I realize he’s just rediscovered himself. You helped get him there, and I’ve no doubt he showed you as much of himself as he could.”
I’m so screwed up, and my head is all over the place. I honestly don’t know what to think anymore. “Thank you for taking the time to see me, Devin. I do appreciate that, but I just need some time alone to think.”
“Of course.” He stands. Removing a card from his pocket, he hands it to me. “If you need anything, anything at all, please call me. And you don’t need to be worried or scared. Until we have the stalker in custody, my men will continue protecting you.”
I walk him to the door and open it. “Thank you, Devin. I’m grateful.”
He turns around to face me one last time. “He’s a good guy, Dakota. He may have gone about this the wrong way, but his heart was in the right place. He loves you. Let him make it up to you.”
Offering him a feeble smile, I nod. He strides down the hall, and I stare blankly after him. After a bit, I close the door and lean back against it.
Tabs comes forward, snatching Devin’s card from my hand. “Did you see that guy? Holy hot older guy alert. I need his number.”
I snatch it back. “Quit it, Tabs. He’s happily married with two kids.”
“Fuck, all the sexy ones are always taken.” She winks as she mock pouts, and I know she’s only trying to lighten the mood. I appreciate it so much, but it’ll take a lot more than that to pull me out of the funk I’m in.
“What are you going to do, Kota?” Elsa asks.
“I don’t know,” I admit, pushing off the door. “My head is a mess, and I have Mom to worry about, so I can’t get hung up on a guy who couldn’t be honest with me. He knew I was trustworthy, that I’d keep his secret, so I don’t understand why he wouldn’t tell me? Why he would continue to lie and deceive me like this?”
These questions and more continue to haunt me all night long, and I spend a fretful night analyzing everything he ever said to me.
I feel so stupid for not picking up on the signs. Now everything makes sense. How he tried to keep to himself. How he never wanted to wander far from his apartment. How attached he was to his ball cap and hoodie. How he averted my questions any time I tried to get him to open up about his music.
His last words to me haven’t been forgotten, but how can I trust he was telling me the truth about his feelings when it was clearly so easy for him to lie? And aren’t all musicians and performers just skilled actors anyway? He asked me not to give up on him, but since the message and texts from earlier, he’s made no effort to contact me. He must know by now that I know the truth, and what? He’s too chicken to call me? That’s not who I thought he was, and now I’m second-guessing everything.
Worst of all, it’s brought my sister’s murder to the forefront of my mind again. I can’t help wondering if this is how she felt when she found out her boyfriend, the guy she’d been sleeping with, had this whole other life she knew nothing about. Yes, I know it’s not a comparable situation—Levi isn’t a serial killer and I know, deep down, that he wouldn’t physically hurt me—but he’s kept a huge part of himself hidden from me, even knowing what he did about Layla’s death.
The only conclusion I can draw is that he didn’t trust me enough to risk telling me the truth.
And that leads to another ugly realization.
Was I only a distraction?
Something to pass the time while he was here?
Guys like him have girls falling all over them, and he didn’t earn his party-boy man-whore rep for nothing.
I can’t believe I fell for all his lines. That I believed him when he said he loved me, when, all along, it was just a ploy to get me in bed.
Daisy comes with me to the hospital the next day and I’m very grateful for her company. I’m terrified to set foot outside our dorm, for fear I’ll be accosted. I know it’s only a matter of time before some student outs me to the media. Devin said he had someone watching over me, but he must be damned good at his job because I haven’t spotted anyone shadowing me.
Either that or he lied.
I don’t think Devin’s that kind of guy, but my judgment is obviously not to be trusted, and he’s on Levi’s—Shawn’s—payroll, so it’s not totally implausible.
Mom seems more alert today, and she’s even talking. It’s only a couple of sentences, but that’s a massive improvement over recent months. It seems the seizure didn’t just scare me.
Daisy and I are waiting in the hall outside to speak to the doctor while Mom is napping. She hasn’t said one peep about Shawn so far, but I know she’s just biding her time. She clears her throat. “Have you heard from him?”
I shake my head. “Nope. No new messages.”
“Maybe he’s waiting for you to call him.”
“Hell will freeze before I call him. I’m not the one who needs to apologize.”
“I know I wasn’t around you guys that much, but I saw the way he looked at you at the party, and I heard the adoration in his voice the day he came to our dorm to wait for you. He really cares about you, Kota, and I know you care about him too. I don’t think you should give up on him.”
I snort. “Of course, you’d think that! You’re his biggest fucking fan. He can do no wrong in your eyes.”
“Don’t be a bitch,” she snaps, uncharacteristically. “I’m not talking about Shawn Lucas the popstar, I’m talking about Levi Quinn. Your boyfriend.”
I pat her arm, instantly regretful. “I’m sorry. That was an unfair comment, and I know you didn’t mean it like that, but he’s one and the same, Daise. Levi Quinn is Shawn Lucas.”
“If they are one and the same doesn’t that mean you do know him?”
“I don’t know.” I sigh, leaning my head back. “All I know is I’m sick of thinking about it over and over. If he meant what he said, he won’t give up on me. That’s how I’ll know.”
But as the days pass, with no contact from him, I realize he didn’t mean any of it. All he cares about is getting back to his life, going on TV and singing his new song—my song—and watching the cash pile up in his bank account as the song storms to the top of the charts.
At least Mom is out of the hospital, back at the facility, and doing much better. The seizure was caused by an adverse reaction to some of the medication she was on. Thankfully, it was only a minor seizure, and it hasn’t caused any permanent dama
ge. If anything, it’s had a positive effect on her. She’s more lucid and communicative than she’s been in ages. I think it reminded her of her own mortality and the things she has left to live for.
I’m returning from the hospital Saturday night when I’m waylaid by a different ex. Cole is wrapped up in a Hawks scarf and a heavy black jacket as he lounges against the wall of my building.
“What are you doing here?” I ask in a weary tone when I reach him.
“I came to see how you are, and I heard about your mom. Is she okay?”
“She’s doing better.”
“And you?” He cups my cheek, but I take a step back, forcing his hand to drop away.
“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”
He sends me a pitying look that pisses me off. “You don’t have to pretend with me. I tried to tell you he was no good for you, but you wouldn’t listen.”
My heart hurts at his words, and I look at the ground, blinking the sudden rush of tears away.
Cole pulls me into his arms, and for a brief, fleeting second, I allow him to comfort me before I come to my senses, untangling myself from his embrace. “I’m betting you’re loving this.”
“What? No! Of course not. I figured the guy would slink away when I posted that video, but I didn’t realize quite how spineless he is.”
“Wait.” Blood turns to ice in my veins. “You uploaded that video?”
“It was for your own good, Dakota. I didn’t realize who he was when I recorded it on my phone that night, but the girlfriend of one of my football buddies was in the house when I got back, and she made the connection instantly. We spent all night comparing the guy on the video with YouTube videos of Shawn Lucas until we were in no doubt it was the same guy. I can’t believe he didn’t tell you who he was. What a prick. All those rock stars are interested in is getting laid. It’s better you found out now.”
“Screw you, Cole!”
He sends me a saucy wink, reaching for me again. “Happy to oblige anytime, babe. No one gives head like you.”
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