Shrinking Violet

by Danielle Joseph

"I'm in love already." I laugh. "Whoa, what happened to Gavin?"

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  "Nothing." I sit down on the carpet and try the sandals on. "I love him, too."

  "You're crazy." She laughs. "So you want to go to the mall?"

  "Yeah. My mom wants to take me, but I'd like you to come, too. Safety in numbers."

  "Your mom? That's good. You guys made up, then?"

  "I guess. She apologized." I pace around my room in the wedges. They pinch my baby toes. I kick them off.

  "Then what's wrong?"

  I rub my feet. "I don't know. It's weird. She was so emotional. I've never seen her like that before. What if she does an about-face?"

  "Give her a chance. People can change, you know."

  "True, I just don't want to . . get hurt." I mumble the last part.

  "Take it one step at a time," Audrey offers.

  "Hmmm." I'm not too convinced.

  "First, let's find you the perfect dress."

  "Okay, I can handle that. We'll pick you up in a little while." I hang up the phone before I change my mind.

  "I thought we'd start at the Aventura Mall." Mom checks her lipstick in the mirror before she cranks up the car. "Sure." I nod.

  Mom reaches for the radio dial. "Mind if we listen to SLAM?" I ask.

  "No, go ahead." Mom lets me take over. "So, I was thinking 249

  of a halter dress for you. Maybe coral or red."

  "I guess." I roll my eyes. "Can we wait until we get there? Until I see what jumps out at me?"

  "Sure." She pulls at a loose strand of hair poking out of her ponytail.

  We pull up to Audrey's Casa de la Selva. We call it that because they have so many overgrown trees surrounding their property that you'd half expect jungle animals to jump out at you any minute. My favorites are the mangos. The fruit is juicy, and Audrey and her mom make the best mango bread. Audrey's waiting for us on the front steps.

  She climbs in to the backseat. "Hi, Delilah. Hi, Tere."

  I fill Audrey in on where we're going, and we hit the expressway. It's already after eleven and all the primo spots are taken, so we park toward the end of the mall lot. I'm nervous. Maybe I shouldn't have eaten breakfast. That could've probably saved me a whole two pounds.

  We hit Macy's first. Mom tries her best not to hover, staying a few feet away from us.

  "What about this one?" Audrey holds up an eye-straining pattern of swirled yellows and oranges.

  "Not." I make a gagging sound.

  "Be daring." She pulls out a bright-green silky one that looks perfect for the Victoria's Secret runway show.

  A stick-skinny girl with platinum-blond hair is ogling over the same one.

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  "I'm going to the prom with a complete stranger. Isn't that daring enough?"

  Audrey doesn't say a word. She knows it's true.

  I pull four blacks off the rack and a turquoise dress just to add a little color. Mom throws in two red dresses, and we parade to the dressing room. I've never had an entourage before. It's usually me following Mom or Audrey around. Being the leader is pretty neat.

  I need some breathing room, so I make them sit outside.

  I try on one of the red dresses that Mom suggested first. It makes my boobs look like stuffed sausages. Not a pretty sight. I rip it off and throw on a long black dress next. I like the way the bottom of the dress dusts the tops of my feet.

  I open up the stall and walk toward Mom and Audrey.

  I put my hands on my hips. "Well?"

  "It's nice." Audrey looks me up and down.

  "Too safe," Mom says.

  Audrey bites her lip. "I'd have to agree with your mom. It's not doing anything for you."

  "Okay." I turn around and climb back into my box. Stuffed Sausage is out. Safe is out. I rummage through the pile of dresses. There's got to be something wow in here.

  I try on a couple more black numbers, but they're too everyday. I realize I'm tired of being blah. I reach for the shiny turquoise one. I zip it up and stare into the full-length mirror.

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  Okay, the color is nice, but it's not me. I'm afraid one of my boobs might pop out. I still have to be myself. Mom knocks on the door. "Any luck?"

  "Be right out." I'm standing here in my pink bra and underwear. I feel so vulnerable.

  Instinctively I cross my arms over my breasts.

  "Try the sexy red one," she says.

  I quickly grab another black dress, this one strapless with a pink sash. I zip it up and look into the mirror. It hits me just right at my knees. Not too long and not too short. And I can breathe in it. I feel it in my bones--this dress is it. Of course, the fact that I don't immediately have the urge to tear it off is a good sign, too.

  I swish back and forth and sneak peeks in the mirror. I look good. The dress de-emphasizes my stomach and accentuates my boobs. It's like this dress was custom-made for me.

  It's definitely worthy of leaving the comfort of my stall, so I step out and twirl around.

  "Ta-da!" I stand in front of Mom and Audrey.

  They both look me up and down. Mom pulls at the fabric. I knew it. She hates it.

  I look at Audrey and frown.

  "It's nice," Mom says.

  My eyes bug out. "Really?"

  "Yes. It fits you well. They have it in white, too. Let me get it for you."

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  I put my hands on my hips. "Mom, you can't expect me to travel too far out of my comfort zone. The black is good."

  "I like it," Audrey proclaims. "And it's great for dancing."

  Dancing? No one said anything about dancing. Is that in my contract? I shake my head.

  "Don't worry," Audrey says. "It'll be dark and half the school will be drunk. No one will know if you dance like a toad."

  "Thanks, that makes me feel much better." I roll my eyes.

  "All right," Mom agrees. "It moves well, and black is always in style."

  "Good, then I'm going to change." I point to my back. "Can somebody unzip me?"

  Mom gently picks up my hair and loosens the zipper. Her fingers are cold against the skin of my neck. I shiver. "I should just be glad you're not wearing sweats, right?" She lets go of my hair.

  "Uh-huh." I hold on to the sides of the dress. I can't believe I'm wearing this to my prom.

  Unlike my mom, I never thought I'd really be going.

  "Sure you don't want to try the shimmery red one?" Mom asks.

  I don't bother turning around. "I'm sure." When you find something you like, don't push it.

  I quickly throw on my jeans and tee. I hand Mom the dress and meet Audrey over by the handbags.

  I pick up a black Juicy bag and read the price tag. Three hundred 253

  dollars. Double the price of my dress. "I still don't know if I should go through with this contest. I could become really sick the night before the prom."

  "Or Contestant Number 13 could be the man of your dreams." Audrey unzips a blinding purple purse with a pocket for everything.

  "I already thought of that, and the other possibilities, too." I pretend to slit my throat.

  "It's just one night, and if Gavin's meant to be, it'll happen," Audrey says.

  "He didn't even ask if I was going. I'm sure he assumes I'm not, but still . ." I look down at my shoes. "That can't be a good thing."

  Audrey pats my shoulder. "Maybe he didn't want to know."

  "I never thought of that." I drape a sheer black scarf over my head.

  "See, that's why you have me, to think of the things that you don't."

  "Okay, evil twin sister." I hang the scarf back up. "I hope you're right."

  "And if I'm not, you can make me disappear with your laser gun." She makes zapping sounds. *

  "I'll remember you said that." I watch as a plastic-surgery addict runs her fingers over a cream-colored Coach bag and licks her collagen lips.

  "Really?" Audrey puffs out her lips behind the woman's back.

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  We both giggle
and run to meet up with my mom. We find her looking at shoes.

  "I thought you were paying," I say.

  "You didn't think I'd let you wear sneakers to the prom, did you?" she asks. "No, not really."

  She hands me a few boxes, and I obediently try the sandals on. We actually agree on a pair of black strappy two-inch heels. It's a miracle. Hopefully I can dance in them. Too bad they don't come with lessons.

  It's not too late to change your mind, half of me says as we wait in line at the register.

  The other half says, Oh, yeah, it is. Still, I'm a bit freaked about the whole situation, but hopefully it's something I can laugh about later. Yeah, like in fifty years, when I've successfully found a way to live harmoniously with the aliens on Mars. Speaking of aliens, does Plastic Surgery Lady know that she'd need a passport to get back to Earth if she ever left the planet?

  Mom pays and hands me the shopping bag.

  "Thanks." I gulp.

  "You're welcome," Mom says and walks toward the escalator. "Now come on, girls, let's grab some lunch." We follow her down a level and end up at The Cheesecake Factory.

  That's so unlike her. Maybe she has changed.

  We walk over to the glass case with the cheesecakes while we wait for a table.

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  "Oh, I want that one." Audrey points to a slice of cookie dough.

  My eyes go wide. "No, I like Macadamia Nut."

  "Carbs galore." Mom waves her finger. "Salads only. You want to fit in your prom dresses, don't you?"

  Okay, I was mistaken. The good fairy did not sprinkle my mom with a layer of sweetness.

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  chapter TWENTY-FOUR

  Where is she?" Mom's pacing back and forth in the front foyer like an expectant father on an old sitcom. "Relax. She's only five minutes late. We have plenty of time." I throw myself onto the living room couch in an attempt to relax. I haven't sat down since the end of school when the bell rang at two-thirty. I don't know why they had to have the prom on a Friday. Everyone was rushing around like crazy, and all my classes were half empty. Even the teachers seemed distracted, discussing where they were going to get their hair done and if their dresses from last year would still fit.

  I can't even get comfortable on the couch. My insides are churning, and not because Pop-Tart is late. I'm freaked because

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  if she does show, it means I really have to go through with this. She'll be one more person cheering me on all the way to the finish line. One more person stopping me from ditching the prom and becoming the next face on a milk carton.

  Mom peers through the peephole in the front door. "I knew we should've used Pamela."

  "Mom, Kelly will be here. Trust me." I hope. I turn to the window and stare at the circular drive. It's still a couple of hours until sunset, but the moon is already in place. Maybe it's a sign. This night is all so surreal. "Who needs the sun when you're around? You're a natural satellite, always shining bright..."

  In less than two hours I'll be meeting my Prince Charming. Okay, maybe that's going a little overboard. I only have to act like he is for the photos and the four hundred other people attending prom. After the last song, we can each ride off into our separate sunsets and never lay eyes on each other again.

  A blue convertible zips into the driveway. Kelly's boyfriend is dropping her off since we'll be riding in style in the limo.

  "It's about time," Mom calls to me.

  "Be nice, Mother," I warn and step up to greet Kelly at the door.

  I move in to give her a hug. She puts down her huge makeup bag and wraps her arms around me. "You're going to look awesome, Tere."

  "Thanks," I murmur into her shoulder.

  Mom's standing in the doorway. "Hi, Kelly, come in." I'm glad 259

  she doesn't make any cracks about Kelly being a receptionist, not a licensed cosmetologist like Pamela.

  We bolt up to my bedroom. Kelly's eager to get started. My nerves are in overdrive, so I run to the bathroom while she sets up. I splash water on my face and peer into the mirror. "You can do it," I whisper. It's only one night. In less than twelve hours it'll only be a memory. "Just don't make it a bad one, Sweet T." I stare at my reflection.

  I'm sad that I won't even get to share one dance with Gavin. Even if he isn't my date, I'd like him to be a part of the experience. He doesn't know the impact he's had on me these past few months. He's helped me come out of my shell by accepting me for who I am. He never questioned why I was so shy, never expected more from me than I could handle. And I can't forget that I shared my first kiss with him, even if it only lasted a second.

  Once I'm out of the bathroom, I flop down at my desk that Kelly has set up as her makeup station.

  The smile on Kelly's face shrinks when she looks at me. "What's wrong?"

  "It's pointless," I say and sigh.

  "What?" She lays out a few eye-shadow brushes on my desk.

  "Even though I love the winning song, I still wish I was going with someone else.

  Someone that I know. That's all."

  "Could it be the kid from your English class?" She raises her eyebrows.

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  "Yes." I look down at my freshly manicured toes, painted pink with New Horizons polish.

  I chose this color, hoping it'd give me good luck. I must be pretty desperate if I'm getting my fortunes off of nail polish bottles. "He's the one going to see Speed Bump tonight."

  "Right, that could be a problem." Kelly dips a cotton ball into a bottle of cleanser and wipes my skin. "Exactly."

  She pulls out a powder brush and stops short. "Unless . ." A huge smile overpowers her face.

  "Unless what?" I perk up like she might be the sole owner of a real crystal ball.

  "Oh, this is brilliant," she squeals.

  "What?"

  "Why don't we swing by the concert before the prom and lure Gavin out of there?" She runs the powder brush over my face. I cough.

  "No, I'm serious," she continues. "We've got the limo to drive us around."

  "But what if he doesn't want to leave the show?" I slide my silver bracelet up my arm as far as it will go. And what, if Gavin does come with us? How would Moon Guy feel being the third wheel? Even if he is the biggest freak on Earth, he still deserves to be my date.

  After all, he won fair and square. Just thinking about whether he's a nerd, a jock, or an underwear model is totally playing with my head. The anticipation is overwhelming. But it's

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  only a three-hour event. People have survived a lot worse. I immediately think of Helen Keller. She spent most of her life in the dark. I'm only spending one night.

  "After he sees you all dressed up, trust me, he'll want to leave." No one has ever had so much confidence in me. It's scary.

  "I dunno." I slump my shoulders.

  "Well, think about it. Now close your eyes." Kelly applies liner to my top lids. If I could keep my eyes closed for the rest of the night, I'd be fine. That way I wouldn't have to read people's expressions when they find out that I, Tere Adams, am Sweet T. I know Helen would say be happy with who you are, but the concept of self-esteem is all so new to me. I've never been the guest of honor before. I'm always one with the wallpaper.

  For the next few minutes neither of us says anything. Kelly's busy designing my mask, and I'm playing twenty questions with my nerves. Will the bathroom be close by? Can you guarantee my stomach won't give way when I'm called onto the stage? Will I tuck my underwear into the back of my dress by mistake? Should I take a detour to the Speed Bump concert and kidnap Gavin?

  Mom pokes her head .in the room. "How are you doing, girls?"

  "Making good time," Kelly says.

  I look up. Mom's dressed already. She has on a red shimmery halter that stops at her knees. "I like your dress, Mom."

  "Thanks. I couldn't decide on the color. I also brought it home in white and aqua."

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  "Definitely red," I say.

  "Ye
s, it's beautiful." Kelly gives her the thumbs-up. "And Tere's going to look gorgeous.

  You're quite a team."

  "Great," Mom says. "Just make sure to keep it bright. She can look a little pale at times."

  Wait until I puke, I'll look really pale then.

  Mom peeks into Kelly's makeup bag. "Ohh, I like this one." She points to one of the blushes.

  I roll my eyes. "Okay, Mom. Kelly has it all under control."

  "I know. I was talking about for me." She dips the tip of her finger into the container and tries the reddish-brown color out on her hand. "This is my first prom, too, you know."

  I'm so glad Rob is taking her to dinner first or I'm positive she would've ridden to the hotel in the limo with us.

  Kelly tells her to pick out whatever she wants to use for herself. Mom takes advantage of that and heads to her room with a few samples.

  Maybe Kelly is right. Maybe I should go to the concert, bust open the front door, and sweep Gavin into the limo--it's so movie star--like. But at the same time Gavin never asked me to the prom. For all I know he could be slamming with another girl in the mosh pit. Moon Guy is waiting for me, and any guy who can write lyrics like "The Moon Stops for You" has my vote.

  "Thanks for the offer, Kelly, but I'm going to stick with the contest winner tonight," I say.

  "I owe it to the station. To my listeners."

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  "That's very admirable of you." She steadies my chin. "Now look up; I'm applying the liner under your eyes."

  I thought she'd be more disappointed. Maybe she never expected me to say yes. But it's like Helen Keller said, "Never bend your head. Hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye." And I don't want to go back to where I came from. I need to do this. For me.

  It's both terrifying and exhilarating that my secret identity is going to be revealed tonight. I'm scared that people will feel let down when they find out it's me behind the mike. But at the same time, it's thrilling to finally expose the real me. To say this is who I am; I'm not hiding anymore--take it or leave it.

  When Kelly's done with my makeup, she pins up a piece of my hair with a silver clip. The rest stays down. I followed all her pre-hair instructions and washed with a special de-frizz shampoo and conditioner. My hair actually looks lively and as an added bonus, it smells like fresh mangos.