by KB Winters
My eyes squeezed shut. “Rach, please, no more. Not right now.”
She sighed. “At least talk to Jack. What you’re doing is just…”
“Just what?” I asked, shifting my gaze to her.
“It’s wrong, Holls. I love you, but you’re being a bitch.”
I reared back as though she’d slapped me. Rachel rarely cursed and she’d never called me a bitch before.
“I’m sorry, girl, but you need a reality check here. Everyone else seems to be content to walk on eggshells and not upset you, and I love you and don’t want to upset you either, but I can’t watch you do this. I can’t stand by as you throw your whole future away because you’re scared.”
“Who said I was scared?”
“Duh! You think I’m that stupid? You pushed Jack away before he could leave you, before he could hurt you. But look at where you’re at now—alone, getting ready to have a baby, and these walls you’ve been building between you guys are only getting thicker.”
Tears swelled up in my eyes. “No. I don’t want to be alone, Rach. This isn’t really my choice. I said yes to Jack. So many fucking times. He wanted to go to Germany and I said yes. I put everything on hold to be with him. Then, he asked me to marry him and I said yes again. He wanted to come back to Holiday Cove, buy a house, plan a future. I said yes over and over and over again. But when it came right down to it, I found out I’d been betting on the wrong horse all over again.” The tears slipped past my lashes, hot and fast. I didn’t even bother to wipe them away. “I didn’t want to breakup with Jack, and I certainly don’t want to raise a baby as a single mom. None of these things were in the plan. I picked up the pieces after my divorce, built a business, learned to be alone, and then bam! Like lightning, here’s this beautiful man who seems too good to be true. I put everything into our relationship and what did I get out of it? A broken engagement and once again, a broken fuckin’ heart. No, I’m not scared, Rach, I’m fucking angry. I’m sad and I’m frustrated. Got it?”
“Hey, I didn’t mean to rile you up girl and I’m not taking sides here. I barely know the guy, but I saw you fall in love with him. And I saw him fall in love with you. You can’t deny that. Don’t you think maybe he’s feeling pretty messed up as well? What if he wants to—”
“No! He’s happy. He told me so himself the other day, right before all this shit happened. He says he’s happy and wouldn’t change a thing about his life.”
Rachel frowned. “Then what’s he doing camped outside your room for the past three days, begging anyone who walks by to ask you if he can see you? That doesn’t seem like the actions of a happy man. You know he canceled his flight back to New York?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t, but I don’t think that matters. Who knows, maybe he just feels guilty because we were arguing right before the accident. Maybe he wants to screw Busty again? That and he wants to talk about the baby.”
“And you don’t think he has a right to do that? To have some kind of say here? It’s just as much his baby as it is yours, Holly. You’re not being fair.”
The fight drained from me and I sagged back, my head lolling against the pillows. I stared up at the ceiling, focusing on the spots and texture. “Maybe not. Maybe I’m being a raging bitch. But right now, I don’t care. I’m not going to have another showdown with Jack here in my hospital room.”
Rachel sighed. “It’s not going to be a showdown.”
She was probably right. Deep down, I wasn’t even entirely sure why I was blocking Jack. All I knew was that the thought of him walking through the door was more than I could handle. I wasn’t ready for what would happen after that. My thoughts and emotions were still too jumbled. If I couldn’t even make sense of it, what hope did I have in explaining it all to Jack?
Beyond that, there was the dark fear in my heart that told me he would say the same things to me—he was happy and didn’t want me back.
Letting him back in scared me to death, but the thought of him walking away again crushed me.
Rachel was waiting for my reply when I glanced over at her, her normally smiling face set in a firm frown. “I hear you, Rach. I’ll think about it. Okay?” I replied, feigning a yawn. “I’m feeling tired right now.”
Rachel arched a brow at me but didn’t comment as she gathered her purse and headed for the door. “All right. You get in a nap and I’ll sneak you in something decent for dinner. Trust me, you’re gonna want it. Meatloaf on the menu.”
I stuck out my tongue. “Blech.”
Rachel laughed softly as she waved and exited the room.
I sighed and laid my head back on my stack of pillows. My eyes darted to the door as it swung shut and I wondered if Jack was still there on the other side, holding silent vigil in the hallway. The thought was both comforting and heartbreaking.
****
The following morning I was given another thorough check-up and then discharged with instructions to take it easy and stay in bed as much as possible. Not that I had much argument. Even the small laps around the hospital corridor had about done me in, the pain in my ribs was there with every step and movement. Carly and Rachel were there to take me back to the house.
“I still don’t understand why you won’t stay with me,” Carly said as she helped me into the passenger seat of her car.
“I need to be home, in my own space,” I replied, wincing as I swung my legs into the car.
Rachel hopped in the back. “We made up the couch and brought down all of your bathroom stuff and a few days’ worth of clothes so you won’t have to go upstairs.”
“Thank you.” I smiled at her in the mirror on the visor that was pulled down to block out the sun. “Are we stopping to pick up Hunter on the way?”
Carly slid into the driver’s seat. “Aaron said he’s bringing him over. I’m not sure what time. But soon.”
“Okay.”
We set off for my house. On the drive, both Carly and Rachel made small talk. It felt forced but I appreciated the fact that they’d finally given up on coercing me into seeing Jack. I’d halfway expected to see him outside my room when the nurse took me for a walk but the hallway was empty. As much as I hated to admit it, I had a deep pang of sadness knowing he wasn’t there waiting for me. Not that I could blame him. Hell, I’d have probably taken the hint after the first few hours, but according to Gemma, Carly, and Rachel, Jack had been posted outside my room pretty much straight through the three and a half days.
God, I am a bitch.
My house came into sight and a wave of relief crashed through me. I wanted my own food, real clothes, and a big, comfy fire for Hunter and me to lounge beside. I also wanted my work laptop…although I doubted Rachel or Carly would allow it.
Carly pulled into the driveway and threw her car in park just as an unfamiliar car pulled up beside us. I glanced over and saw Hunter’s face hanging outside the passenger window. My heart leapt only to crash again as I realized the man in the driver’s seat beside the oversize dog was not Aaron.
It was Jack.
Chapter Thirteen
Holly
“Jack’s here?” I said, using Rachel as leverage to get up out of Carly’s low riding car. “Did you two set this up?”
Rachel shook her head. “I swear, Holly. We didn’t.”
That only meant one thing—Aaron Rosen was gonna end up with a size eight-and-a-half stiletto up his ass as soon as I was healthy enough to wear them again.
Carly went to Hunter as Rachel helped me around the front bumper. “Now, baby Hunter, you need to be extra nice to mama. No jumping!”
I would have laughed at her earnest instructions but my eyes were fixed on Jack as he rose out of the car and shut the driver’s door. Everything else melted away as his eyes found mine. A dark shadow lingered behind his eyes and I knew immediately that he hadn’t slept. Lines rimmed his eyes and aged him. A pang of guilt sparked in my stomach for not letting him in to see me at the hospital. Maybe Rachel was right. Maybe he was just as de
vastated and broken by the way things ended up as I was.
Carly opened the passenger door and let Hunter out. He raced over to me and I broke away from Jack’s stare long enough to greet Hunter as he danced around at my feet, barely able to keep himself from jumping up on me. I bent as much as I could without pain and scratched his head. Tears sprang to my eyes as Hunter licked my bare legs and pawed at me. “I missed you too, Hunty.”
“Holly,” Jack said softly.
I looked up and blinked away the tears. “Thanks for bringing Hunter.”
“Anytime. I was hoping I could stay for a little while. We need to talk.”
I glanced at Carly and Rachel and then returned my eyes to Jack. “Okay.”
“Do you want us to stay?” Carly asked.
“No, that’s all right. I can get situated.” I reached over and hugged each of them gently. “Thank you for everything.”
“Call me later?” Rachel asked in my ear as we embraced.
I nodded. “Of course, I will.”
They waved and then piled back into Carly’s car and backed out of the driveway. Hunter barked at the car as it pulled away and started down the street. Jack snapped his fingers. “Come here, Hunter. We don’t need you tripping Holly. Want me to put him out back?”
“Sure. He’d probably like that.” I scratched his head and then started for the door. After a few steps, my legs swayed. The pain was nearly blinding with each step. Jack stopped and rushed back to help me. I glanced up at him reluctantly and then took his arm. “Thank you.”
“Let me carry you.”
“No, I got it. Just hold on.”
Jack nodded and we shuffled slowly toward the door. I was panting by the time he got me to the couch. He piled up some throw pillows and got me situated before calling Hunter to go outside. Hunty resisted and circled back to the couch and parked himself on the floor by my side.
I laughed softly and dropped my good hand to the top of his head. “I guess not.”
Jack smiled and took a seat on the cushioned ottoman on the other side of Hunter’s enormous body. “Guess not.” He leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his thighs, and laced his hands together. “How are you feeling?”
“Well, I haven’t personally been run over by a truck before, but I imagine it would feel a little like this.”
Jack winced.
“I can’t really take too much for the pain because…well, because of the baby.”
“Right.” Jack nodded and then dropped his eyes to his interlocked hands.
I sighed and his eyes bounced back up. “I don’t know how to do this, Jack. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. We’re so far off course right now that I can’t see the coastline anymore.”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry for keeping you out at the hospital. I was overwhelmed and needed some time to get myself back together. At least, as much as possible, considering the situation.”
Jack straightened. “It’s all right. I understand. Our last conversation didn’t exactly give you much reason to talk to me. I was an asshole.”
“You were—”
“No,” he interjected, holding up a hand. “There’s no excuse for it. I was angry and frustrated and confused but I shouldn’t have let that take over and say those things to you. The truth is, I’m not happy. I fucking miss you. I got to New York and even on the plane ride there, thinking about everything, I knew. I knew I was making another mistake. I knew I was running away and if there’s anything I’ve learned, running away doesn’t solve one fucking thing. I swore to you that I’d always be there, to protect you and take care of you. To love you with everything I’ve got inside.”
Tears welled up once again. “Jack—”
“I broke those promises to you. And, I’m sorry. You have every right to get pissed off and tell me to fuck off. I have to accept that you want nothing to do with me anymore.” He paused and let out a long breath. “You know when you said I’d flake out on our child, I was pissed, ‘cause you’re wrong. I messed up with you, Holly, and I’ll regret that for the rest of my life, but I swear to you that I won’t let you raise our child alone. I will be here.”
I looked down at Hunter, unable to hold Jack’s gaze anymore. Hunter licked my hand and rested a paw on the couch beside my legs. “I don’t want to do this on my own, Jack. That was never the way this was supposed to go. I’m sorry I said our baby would be better off without you. I was hurt. I’m still hurt. We might not have worked out, but I know you’ll be a great dad and I’m not going to try and take that away from you. We’re just going to have to work together—instead of fighting one another—to figure it out.”
“Thank you,” Jack replied, his voice soft. “I want to figure it out. Aaron and I were talking about the charter idea and I think I’m going to take him up on the offer. It’ll take some time. I’ll need to find some investors who can help me get the plans off the ground, but I’ll figure that out. I want to be here, for you and for our baby.”
“Good.”
All the worries about whether or not he’d resent me—or even our child—for tying him down, for anchoring him in one place when he’d been hell bent on being free, vanished at the earnest look in his eyes. I hadn’t forced his decision and it was relieving to hear he hadn’t really been having the time of his life in New York.
A sadness came over me as I realized neither one of us said anything about our relationship or getting back together, but having him back in Holiday Cove, and here for our child was far more important. I could wait it out and I knew time would eventually heal my heart. But the idea of depriving my baby of his or her father was a burden I couldn’t carry.
Jack scratched Hunter’s head and then pushed up from the ottoman. “Are you hungry? I can make you something. Carly told me that she and Rachel stocked your fridge.”
It was jolting to get yanked out of such a serious conversation into something as mundane as food, but my stomach disagreed, growling at the thought of a full refrigerator. “Sure.”
From my place on the couch, I watched Jack as he stepped into the kitchen and flicked on the pendant lights that hung above the island. Hunter raced into the kitchen, eager to see if he could wrangle a treat out of Jack and I laughed, immediately regretting it. I pressed my hand on my ribs and waited for the pain to pass.
“You okay?” Jack asked, turning at my sharp inhale.
I nodded and took a slower breath. “Sore. That’s all.”
“They really can’t give you anything to help?”
“I don’t want to take anything. I’ve put this little guy or gal through enough,” I replied, shaking my head. “I’m lucky my injuries weren’t worse. I can’t even think about what might have happened. If I’d lost…” my words broke off and tears overwhelmed me.
Jack hurried back to my side and wrapped an arm over my shoulders. I leaned into him as the silent tears slid past my lashes. “It’s okay, Holly. You’re all right and the baby is strong and healthy.”
I nodded and swallowed the lump in my throat. “I know. It’s just…scary. You know? It’s not just me anymore.”
“I know.” He brushed my hair out of my face and my heart jumped in my chest at the sudden realization of how close we were. It felt like it had been ages since he’d held me in his strong arms. The smell of his body wash and after shave washed over me, familiar and somehow new at the same time. I breathed in as deeply as I dared and then rested my head against his shoulder. “I’ve been worried sick. Can’t sleep, can barely eat.”
“I’m so sorry, Jack. I shouldn’t have done that to you.”
He stroked my hair, running his fingers through the strands and then sinking deeper to massage my scalp. It was one of his favorite things to do when we were watching a movie or show and my eyes slid shut as the sensations danced over my skin. He used to tease me that he expected me to start purring.
Jack’s lips brushed my temple. “It’s okay. I’m a pretty tough bastard, remember?”
I smiled up at him. My heart slammed around in my chest as our eyes met. For a split second, the past melted away and it was like none of it had ever happened. We were just Holly and Jack, together, peaceful. It was almost like a bubble formed around us, freezing us in time. Jack’s eyes drifted to my lips and my heart raced faster. He leaned down, moving in slow motion, but stopped short of my lips.
He pulled back, almost like he was startled, and then hurried to get off the couch. “Looks like Carly brought enough sandwiches and wraps to feed an entire squad and there’s a huge bakery box in here that I’m a little scared to open,” he told me, tracking his steps back to the fridge.
A sting of disappointment pricked at my heart and then a wave of irritation with myself. What did I expect? Just to fall back together? To pretend like we hadn’t broken up and we could just pick up where we left off? Nothing had changed. Had it? I knew couples ended up staying together or getting married upon finding out about a baby, and sadly, most of those relationships had ended in disaster. I didn’t want that for Jack and me. We’d finally reached a truce. That had to be good enough.
But, damn it, I wanted my old Jack back.
****
Jack stayed most of the day, helping me get around and keeping my mind occupied with an HGTV marathon on TV. He ordered pizza from our favorite place for dinner and we ate together, each sitting at opposite ends of the couch with Hunter sprawled between us. When the last slice was gone, Jack gathered the box and plates and went back to the kitchen. I listened to the sound of the water running as he washed up the dishes. He returned to the living room a few minutes later, wiping his hands dry on his dark jeans. “I probably should get going,” he said. “Was there anything you needed before I headed out?”
“Actually…well…no. No, don’t worry about it.”
“What is it? Come on, name it.”
I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and peered up at him. “I was kind of hoping to take a bath. The nurse said it would be easier than trying to cover up my arm to keep it from getting wet in the shower. Besides that, I think a nice soak would do me some good. But I’ll call Carly and have her come help me. I don’t wanna hang you up from any…plans…” My own statement conjured the image of him and Bitch Busty. Jack hadn’t mentioned her, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t anything going on with them. Maybe she was the reason why it was easy for him to leave our relationship at co-parenting and not pushing for more. It would certainly explain the way he’d practically levitated off the couch right before it looked like he was ready to kiss me.