SAGE

by Jessica Caryn

  He motioned for two men to go with me.

  “I’m not giving up my gun.” I told him.

  “I’ll shoot your brother in the head.”

  Scott rested the gun on Billy’s neck.

  “Don’t try me.”

  The men walked up to me.

  I turned around.

  I had to make a move before we hit the car.

  If I didn’t they would know there was no money.

  I heard the sound.

  The unmarked cars sped towards us.

  “Hurry up! “ Scott yelled.

  The men moved forward.

  It was the space I needed.

  I grabbed one of them shot the other.

  I turned quick.

  A bullet hit me in the side.

  We stumbled.

  The gunfire rang out.

  I shot the men with Scott.

  Scott shot Billy.

  I fell to the ground hard.

  The man I had broke my hold.

  I shot him twice.

  I tried to shield myself from Scott’s gunfire.

  A bullet hit me in the shoulder.

  I shifted and let off two rounds.

  Billy scrambled away.

  I pushed the dead man off me.

  I fired and jumped to my feet.

  I heard the noise behind me.

  The wind became a whirlwind of dust and dollar bills.

  The gray clouds shifted and blotted out the sun.

  A storm was coming.

  My eyes darted to the ridge.

  Billy was on the move.

  My side hurt.

  I put my hand over the gunshot wound.

  The blood seeped through my fingers.

  I was tired. So damn tired.

  “Lower your weapon!”

  “Put the gun down!”

  I ignored the FBI agents and kept my gun on Scott.

  His gun was on me and his men lay dead at his feet.

  I couldn’t let Scott live.

  Billy wouldn’t stand a chance.

  I could feel the bullet in my shoulder.

  It was lodged against my collar bone.

  It didn’t hurt as much but my aim would be off.

  The agents shouted at us.

  I heard the fear in their voice.

  They were right to be afraid.

  I was quicker than them.

  It didn’t matter because this is how it ends.

  Scott should want to shoot it out.

  I counted on him to be emotional.

  In that second I knew it was time.

  I winked at Scott.

  I saw the anger in his eyes and he flinched.

  I shot him dead.

  The agents shot me from behind.

  I collapsed on the ground.

  I turned my head.

  Billy made it to the top.

  Ramsey pulled him over the ridge.

  I would’ve smiled if I could.

  The pain was insane.

  I deserved to die but it was worth it.

  I rested my head to find comfort in the bloody dirt.

  The dust turned the color of wet red clay.

  I thought it was beautiful

  CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

  RAMSEY

  We found the road.

  We drove in silence.

  Adam asked if I was good.

  The pain was bad but I wasn’t worried about it.

  I glanced out the window.

  A storm was coming.

  The wind howled.

  I saw the canyons on my left.

  We were almost there.

  I heard the sound of gunfire.

  We sped down the road towards the black smoke.

  We pulled to the side of the road.

  I jumped out the car and rushed to the ridge.

  I covered my eyes and braced myself against wind.

  The sand made it hard to see.

  I could make out the wreckage.

  I saw the dead bodies.

  There was movement on the ridge.

  Billy was on his way up.

  Where is she?

  I heard the faint sound of voices.

  I saw her with Scott.

  Their guns were drawn

  I heard gunfire.

  They both fell.

  I saw the agents with the guns.

  I stared at Sage.

  C’mon Sweetheart please move.

  “Ramsey!” Billy yelled

  I ignored him.

  I stared at her body.

  C’mon. Please. I need you.

  I heard Billy yell again.

  I glanced down.

  He was a few feet below me.

  He held out his hand.

  I looked at Sage.

  I wasn’t ready to accept it.

  I heard the sirens.

  “Ramsey!”

  She wouldn’t want me to leave him.

  I grabbed Billy.

  I pulled him over the ridge.

  The sirens were closer.

  “We gotta go.”

  Adam helped Billy up.

  I looked at Sage one last time.

  I turned and went to the car.

  I got in and leaned back in the seat.

  I closed my eyes.

  The drive back was quiet.

  We met up with Brian and Sal at a hotel.

  We got out of the car.

  Brian helped Billy out of the backseat.

  “Where’s Sage?” Sal asked us.

  Adam shook his head.

  She burst into tears.

  I walked past them.

  I went inside.

  The nurse waited.

  Brian started on the duct tape.

  He peeled it off of me.

  The nurse asked if I wanted something for pain.

  I didn’t respond.

  Brian gave me a bottle of whiskey.

  I drank some, wiped my eyes, drank some more.

  I gave the bottle to him.

  He took it and poured liquor on the bullet wounds.

  The nurse went to work.

  Brian gave the bottle back to me.

  He knew what it was.

  I drowned my sorrows while the nurse patched me up.

  The grief was too much.

  It hurt so fucking bad.

  The nurse removed the bullets. She stopped the bleeding but would have to stitch me up after she took care of Billy. I sat there and waited.

  I needed Sage.

  I couldn’t live like this.

  An hour later I was stitched up.

  I had clean bandages.

  Sal made me stop drinking.

  The nurse said I could bleed out.

  They told me to rest.

  I didn’t want to sleep.

  Sal and the nurse left.

  Brian and Adam came in the room.

  I asked Brian where Greg was.

  He told me he was still at the diner in Oklahoma

  I told him to call.

  I wanted Greg to tell Scott’s men he was dead.

  They wouldn’t be paid.

  I wanted them out of town by nightfall.

  Brian knew where I was with it.

  I asked Adam to find out where Sage’s body was. If she was taken to a local morgue, he should pay the medical examiner. If it became a problem he should do whatever it takes. If the F.B.I still had her, we would need a location and the travel route.

  We would take her in transit.

  I told her she would come home.

  I wouldn’t go back to New Orleans without her.

  They left the room.

  I was alone with my memories of her.

  Damn, I had some good times with Sage.

  There wouldn’t ever be another woman like her.

  I loved her so fucking much.

  I’m mad that I didn’t make it to her.

  She died in the dirt alone.

  Fuck it hurts so bad.

  I w
anted one last ride with her.

  We could fade into the sunset.

  Brian and Adam rushed into the room.

  Sal was behind them.

  She grabbed the remote and turned on the t.v.

  There was news coverage.

  Someone had shot video with their phone.

  I saw the desert.

  The angle changed.

  There was a shot of wreckage and bodies.

  I sat up. There was noise and the picture shook.

  Sage came into view.

  She was on a stretcher.

  The paramedics were working on her.

  They put the paddles on her chest and shocked her.

  Her body jerked and then went limp.

  Blood was everywhere.

  They used the paddles again.

  Her body seized and then went limp.

  “Turn it off!” I told them.

  “Wait!” Sal said.

  I watched for few more seconds.

  They hit her again and then checked for signs of life.

  She lay there limp.

  One of the paramedics grabbed the doors.

  I said a silent goodbye to my girl.

  “Look!” Sal screamed.

  The doors closed but I saw it.

  Sage moved her arm.

  CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

  SAGE

  It was pitch black.

  I knew the light wouldn’t come.

  The cold was the worst and the pain was raw.

  Maybe this was a place or space before hell.

  Like a waiting room.

  I felt sharp pain.

  It clawed at my insides.

  I felt heavy and empty at the same time.

  I choked and the darkness spun.

  The sound exploded in my head.

  It caused a new pain.

  My body shook.

  It was terrible. It hurt.

  Hell is a fucking horrible place.

  I heard voices.

  Oh great. I had roommates.

  I would take the silence and cold over that.

  The darkness faded.

  Now I wanted it to stay.

  I was used to it.

  It felt familiar.

  It changed to a dull black and then gray.

  I guess my soul was being taken.

  I don’t know.

  I’ve never been dead before.

  The noise was louder.

  The light broke in.

  I took a breath and choked.

  I could hear the voices clear now.

  “I didn’t touch her.”

  “I need to check her, give me space.”

  “What does this mean?”

  “Step back.”

  “Is she waking up?”

  “I said stepped away.”

  There was pulling and more pain.

  I hit my limit.

  My insides felt raw and it hurt to breathe.

  The light broke through.

  I tried to breathe and choked more.

  “Calm down, you’re in a hospital.”

  The nice voice.

  My body relaxed.

  “Can you open your eyes?”

  I forced my eyes to open.

  I shut them tight.

  The light hurt.

  I heard movement.

  “Try again.”

  I opened my eyes.

  A pain shot through my head.

  The light was dull.

  It felt better than before.

  My vision was blurry.

  I blinked until the room came into focus.

  I glanced over.

  I saw machines and a white coat.

  “Can you squeeze my hand.”

  I felt a hand in mine.

  I touched it.

  “Good. We’ll work up to the hard movement.”

  “Are you in pain?”

  I touched his hand.

  “Enough of this!” I heard angry voice.

  “I want her up and ready for transport.”

  “Lower your voice.”

  “Some good men lost their lives out in the desert. She deserves to die.”

  “The ballistics from her gun didn’t match.”

  “Shut the fuck up George.” Angry voice told him.

  “I don’t care what happened.” Nice voice said.

  “I took an oath to preserve life. My patient will answer your questions when she is able. ”

  A new voice. “Doctor, can I speak with you?”

  The woman said something else I couldn’t hear.

  Nice voice told me he’ll be back.

  My eyes adjusted to the room.

  I saw the monitors.

  They made an awful noise.

  “Hey we should wait for the doctor.”

  “Shut up George.” Angry voice said.

  I felt him move closer to the bed.

  I turned my head.

  He grabbed the tube and clenched it.

  I felt light headed.

  I stared at him.

  He pulled on the tube.

  It scraped the inside of my throat.

  I choked and my body shook.

  “Bitch, I know you can understand me.”

  He squeezed the tube hard.

  My body seized.

  “You’ll tell me what happened. I want details.”

  The monitors went off.

  The light started to fade.

  “What are you doing!”

  There was noise.

  My head was heavy.

  I couldn’t see but I didn’t fight it.

  I wanted to be back in the darkness.

  I felt when I slipped away.

  CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN

  SAGE

  A month later...

  I was on the mend.

  It was time for me to leave.

  Larry still had an angry voice.

  Federal agent or no, he was a real asshole.

  I told George he should put in for a new partner.

  Larry didn’t have any authority in the hospital.

  I pretended I didn’t remember. My fake memory loss included the events in the desert, who I was, how old I was, where I’m from, where I lived, and whatever else they asked me. I didn’t know my favorite color. It was hilarious. I was fingerprinted for identification.

  It came back blank. I didn’t exist.

  George told me I didn’t kill the agents. I knew that but I had to keep with the “I can’t remember” thing. He also said Larry would be up for promotion if he closed this investigation. George tried to report him before but his superiors gave him a hard time. George gave me facts. He said I killed the bank robbers. He meant Scott and his men. He said I would spend the rest of my life in a federal prison. George believed in the law and in justice.

  We needed more like him.

  I was handcuffed and discharged into federal care.

  I was put in a wheelchair.

  The nurse wheeled me to the front entrance.

  Larry snatched me up and threw me in the car.

  I hit the backseat hard.

  George asked if I was alright.

  I nodded. Larry said something nasty to the nurse.

  He got in the car and bragged that this was his show.

  If my hands weren’t cuffed I would break his neck.

  The car turned a corner.

  I felt the raw pain.

  The bandage on my side felt wet.

  I would bleed through.

  My stitches had to be repaired twice.

  Larry was rough with me when George wasn’t around.

  He wanted my wounds to stay fresh.

  Larry hit me twice in the hospital room before we left. He said I would be kept in pain until I told him what he wanted to know. I had high tolerance level for pain so Larry was fucked.

  We drove for a few minutes.

  Larry told George to stop the car.

  They argued until George pulled over.


  Larry got out and went to the trunk.

  He opened the back door.

  Here he comes with his shit.

  Larry leaned in and smiled.

  He had a chain and locks in his hand.

  George told him it wasn’t necessary.

  Larry told him to shut the fuck up.

  He pulled hooks out on both sides of the seat.

  He wrapped the metal chain around me.

  I flinched as he pulled it tight.

  He ran the ends of it through the hooks in the seat.

  He put locks on and secured me in place.

  “I’m gonna make you suffer.”

  He touched between my legs.

  I stared him straight in the face.

  He gripped me tighter.

  “What the fuck are you doing?”

  George was out the car.

  Larry pushed him.

  “I’m your superior, shut up and get back in the car.”

  George pushed him back.

  “Touch her again, I’ll fuck you up.”

  “You better think about your family.”

  Larry warned George.

  “I’m alright.” I said.

  George glanced at me.

  “C’mon it’s okay.” I told him.

  George shook his head.

  They got back in the car.

  George peeled off and hit the brakes.

  Larry hit the dashboard.

  I smiled because it was funny.

  The metal chains created a new kind of hurt.

  I didn’t care. I wanted to enjoy the ride.

  We got on the highway.

  I watched the cars pass by.

  The sun hadn’t ever felt so warm.

  I thought about Ramsey.

  What I wouldn’t give for one last ride.

  I would fade into the sunset with him.

  George hit the brakes.

  I flinched. The chains hurt.

  He glanced in the rear view. “Someone cut me off.”

  “It’s alright.” I smiled.

  “Drive!” Larry yelled at George.

  “Fuck you.”

  George said the words calm and with purpose.

  I laughed.

  “I’ll have your ass fired!”

  Larry glanced over his shoulder.

  “And you bitch…”

  He stopped in mid-sentence.

  “There’s a car coming way too fast…”

  The car sped up to us.

  I glanced over and saw them.

  Ramsey had a bandana tied over his face.

  He gave me a sexy wink and pulled out his gun.

  “Ambush!” Larry yelled.

  The car swerved and then picked up speed.

  I couldn’t brace myself.

  It hurt but I knew I was about to be free.

  The cars sped down the highway.

  Ramsey motioned for George to pull over.

  I know he wouldn’t.

  George would follow protocol.

  Larry fumbled with his gun.

  I tried to duck but couldn’t.

  He would kill me and George.

  I could tell Larry had zero experience.