by Bradon Nave
“Jessie,” the nurse said softly, noticing my oncoming breakdown.
“Yeah,” I whispered.
“Are you okay?” she asked as she took my hand. My father had left to the hall and was speaking with either another nurse or getting the news from the doctor. I felt horrible for him, having to lose me too.
“I’m so scared,” I said in a shaky voice as I looked toward her. I recognized her. She was Dalton’s mother; she knew me, she knew Cory.
“Talk to me, sweetheart,” she said kindly. “Tell me why you’re scared,” she said as she wiped a tear from my face. Her motherly touch nearly sent me into a complete breakdown.
“I’m afraid of what he’s gonna say. I’m afraid of what’s in my head,” I said softly as tears streaked down either of my cheeks. I noticed her eyes were tearful too.
“Jessie. He’ll…he’ll be in here in a second to talk to you about that,” she said. “You’re fine, sweetie,” she continued in an almost inaudible whisper.
“Do people beat brain cancer? Is it a beatable type of—?”
“Sweetie, the scan was clear. I just left the doctor’s station. You’re okay…I promise. The radiologist said it looked beautiful,” she said lowly.
I nearly lost my breath as I felt a smile cascade across my face. I leaned forward as I felt her gently rub my back. Trying to compose myself, I looked back to her. “Thank…thank you so much,” I said, still smiling.
“Ssshhh,” she replied with a smile as she dipped the rag in the warm water and continued cleaning my face.
“Please don’t say anything to Dalton or—”
“Jessie, I would never do that…ever.”
“I know people think I’m crazy.”
“Sweetheart, Dalton, and anyone I’ve ever talked to, has nothing but respect for you and your family. We all process things differently. You have nothing to be ashamed of, okay?”
“No, you don’t,” Dr. Gillium said. To my surprise, Dr. Cline was standing behind him.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“What time is it?” I asked as I awoke in the hospital room.
“It’s almost noon,” my father replied from the corner of the room in an uncomfortable-looking chair.
“What time did I fall asleep?”
“Oh, it was about four. Dr. Cline left right after you zonked out.”
“I hope he didn’t have patients today. Poor guy must be exhausted,” I said as I propped myself up. “Are you sleepy, Dad? Did you get any sleep?”
“Don’t worry about me, bud. I’ve taken the rest of the week off. I’ll have plenty of time to rest.”
“I’m sorry,” I replied.
“No need for that, bud.”
“I need to email my teachers and—”
“They know you’re going to be out the rest of the week too.”
“The…the rest of the week?” I muttered.
“Doctor’s orders, Jess,” my father said, smiling. “Duke called your phone earlier…over and over. I hope you don’t mind, but I told him we were up here.”
“I don’t mind, Dad. Did you tell him what happened?”
“I didn’t really have much of a choice,” my dad said as he chuckled.
I instantly thought of Kacey. So stupid. Right now I could be sitting with her in class—but no, I freaked out like an idiot over a damn nosebleed.
“Dr. Cline is a nice guy,” my dad said.
“Yeah. I thought he was helping,” I said as I looked away from my father, out the window.
“He is, Jess.”
“Obviously not.”
“Dr. Gillium said for a nosebleed you were actually bleeding quite a bit. He understood your concern to some extent. You used bleed like that all the time in the winter when you were younger.”
I continued looking out the window. “How long do we have to stay here?”
“We’re being discharged within the hour.”
Of course I was relieved I wasn’t dying of brain cancer. But I was disgusted with myself for adding the emergency room visit to my father’s extensive list of medical bills. I was even more disappointed in the fact I wasn’t in Kacey’s vicinity. She more than likely knew what happened. She knew I was a freak.
“Jess!” Duke shouted from the hospital room door. My spirits instantly lifted slightly as my friend walked through the door.
“What’s up, D?” I asked.
“We couldn’t let our boy starve on this hospital food,” he said as he walked to my bed. “Holy bedhead, dude,” he said as he ruffled my hair.
“We?” I asked as I looked to see Lily walk in, followed by Kacey. I was instantly embarrassed by her seeing me in such horrendous circumstances, but more thankful that she’d come to see me.
“Hey, Jess,” Lily said sweetly.
Kacey said nothing initially; she only smiled and walked to me hastily, kissing me on the cheek. “You okay?” she asked as her gaze met mine, inches from my face.
“Yeah. I’m better. Thank you for coming,” I said as she hugged me.
“You must be Kacey,” my father said from behind us in the chair.
She instantly turned red. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Kasper. I didn’t see you there,” she replied as she walked to him and extended her hand to shake his.
“No need to apologize. And please, call me Joe.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Joe. I didn’t know what kind of burrito you would want, so I just got you the same thing I got Jessie.”
“Burrito?” my dad asked.
“We went to Chipotle before we came here,” she replied.
“Well, thank you. That was nice of you.”
Kacey smiled sweetly as she walked to the sack on the bed, taking the massive meals out to distribute.
“Man, I went to all your teachers this morning. I’ll have all your assignments for the week, and I’ll swing by this afternoon,” Duke said.
“You guys are awesome,” I said as I took the foil-wrapped burrito from Kacey.
“You feel better?” Lily asked.
“I do. Just…more embarrassed than anything,” I said as I unwrapped my lunch.
“Don’t be,” she replied, smiling.
“Nope, don’t be.” Kacey confirmed as she sat down on the end of my bed.
It wasn’t until I bit into my burrito that I realized how hungry I was. “Steak, rice, and black beans…how did you know?” I asked while chewing.
“Either I’m psychic or you and Duke eat there enough that he knows what you get every time,” Kacey replied. “If it’s okay, I was going to come by this evening and go over some of our assignments,” she said as she looked toward my dad.
“Anytime,” he replied as he ate his food.
“That would be awesome,” I replied. The simple visit had completely lifted my spirits. I was all smiles as I ate the lunch they’d brought my father and me.
“We gotta get back, bro,” Duke said as he motioned at me for a high-five.
“Yes, can’t be late for Humanities,” Kacey added as she rolled her eyes.
“Well, thank you kids for lunch,” my dad said as he stood from the chair.
“You’re welcome,” Kacey replied. Duke walked to my father, shaking his hand. As the two made small talk, Kacey took the opportunity to lightly kiss me on the lips while she cradled the side of my face with her soft hand. “It’s gonna be okay…you know that, right?” she said as she smiled. Her words, her gestures—she gave me the impression that it was okay to stop worrying about her going anywhere. She gave me the impression that she really did like me as much as she said—and she was willing to wait until I worked through whatever the hell I had going on.
“I know,” I said as I set my food down, grabbing her other hand. “Thank you for coming. You have no idea how much it means,” I continued. My gaze never left her.
She smiled, leaned forward, and kissed me on the forehead. “Rest. I’ll be by after school.”
“Ready?” Duke asked from the door.
“Bye, k
ids,” my dad said as they walked out. I couldn’t stop smiling—neither could my dad.
“Well, well, there, son. She’s beautiful,” he commented as he walked to my bed.
“She really is,” I replied as I continued eating my food. It tasted even better just knowing it came from her.
“You’ve got a great group of friends, Jess. We’re all going to make sure you get through this.”
“I want to more than anything, Dad. I mean that.”
“I know you do, Jess. You have no idea how proud I am to be your father. I’m so proud of you,” he said as he handed me a napkin.
“Thanks, Dad. I’ll get through this…no matter what it takes. I’m bigger than this.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
I wasn’t exactly sure how she expected me to concentrate on the assignment she’d been attempting to explain. Her perfume, the way her hair fell across her shoulders as we laid belly-down on the floor of my room reading from the textbooks. She was too distracting.
“Are you even listening?” she asked as she smiled. She was wearing dark-rimmed reading glasses, and she caught me staring at her literally every time she glanced in my direction.
“I am,” I said. “I’m trying to.”
“This is important stuff. You’re not going to be able to get into any good colleges without fully digesting the mass devastation and the anthropology surrounding the Black Death.”
“Okay. I think I got it. Four pages, single spaced…concentrate on the people or the society rather than the outbreak itself,” I replied.
“Good.”
“Speaking of colleges. Are you really going back to Louisiana to go to school?” I asked, studying her smile as she pretended to read the textbook.
“Um…that’s the plan,” she said as she gently bit her bottom lip. “But plans can change, ya know?” she asked as she looked to me.
“Yeah. Well, I hope they do,” I said.
“Are you staying here for college?”
“Yep. Literally right here. I’ll probably end up buying the house right across the street when it’s all said and done,” I replied.
“And that’s okay. It’s beautiful here. I’m sure your dad likes the idea of you sticking around.”
“He does…I like the idea of you sticking around,” I replied, propping my head on my hand.
“And…I really like your ball cap.” Not the response I was looking for. “I’d have to check it out, Jess. Besides…you haven’t really made mention of us being anything other than prom dates. I don’t know where your head’s completely at,” she said, totally baffling me.
“Other than prom dates? Kacey, I like you…like, a lot. I’m still trying to wrap my brain around the fact you’re even here in my room right now.”
“You’re such a dork, Jessie. I don’t know what I have to say or do to convince you that I like you,” Kacey said as she looked to me. “I don’t know about college. I want to be a nurse…if they have a good nursing program, I may check it out. I don’t know, but that’s neither here nor there.”
“I wasn’t trying to aggravate you,” I said softly.
We sat silently for a few seconds. “I’m not…you didn’t.”
“With everything going on…and we’ve only hung out a few times. I didn’t wanna rush things. I’m not good at this stuff. I’m afraid I’m going to say or do something that scares you off. I’m surprised I haven’t already.”
“And that’s the issue, Jess. I’ve told you repeatedly that I like you. I’ve made the effort to show you that I do, but you just don’t get it. I don’t see why you don’t get it.”
“I just don’t understand why you do or how,” I blurted out.
“What?” she asked with a curious look on her face. I immediately looked away from her.
“I don’t know why you would be interested with all the issues I’ve got going on right now. It’s a lot of baggage.”
“That’s stupid, Jessie. That’s ridiculous, actually. Everyone has baggage. You’re so worried about what everyone is saying about you, but the only one that has anything negative to say is you.”
I swallowed hard—now I was pretending to read the text. I felt my cheeks flushing from the harshness of her tone. Then I felt her gently kiss my ear. The words flew from my mouth before my mind allowed me the time to rethink them. “Date me,” I said abruptly. Before I could regret the request, she turned my face to hers and began kissing me, nearly knocking my cap off as she pulled slightly away.
“Okay,” she said softly with her eyes closed. One word, one little word, but it was the most outstanding word I’d heard in a while.
“Really?” I asked happily, smiling uncontrollably.
“Really. Now slide that class ring off your finger, boy. I’ve been eyeing that thing since the pizza place.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I replied jokingly as I removed my class ring, handing it to her proudly.
“It may be a tad big,” she chuckled. The ring slid easily over her knuckle.
“I’ve got electrical tape,” I joked.
“Is that what they use? I’ve never worn a guy’s ring before.”
“Well, neither have I…other than my own,” I replied as we began laughing.
“Here…at least for now,” she said as she removed a chain from around her neck. It had a pair of dog tags attached. She slid the ring on the chain next to the tags.
“Are those your dad’s?”
“They are,” she replied proudly.
“Wow. You didn’t tell me he was a hero too.”
“Two tours. I told you he was awesome,” she said, smiling.
“I bet he was. I bet he was proud of you.”
“I hope so. I hope I make him proud every day,” she replied as she looked at the tags and my bulky ring.
It suddenly hit me—it was official. I was dating the most beautiful girl in school; I was dating the most beautiful girl on the planet.
I leaned over, bracing myself on my elbows, and kissed her on the cheek. For the very first time in my life, I was hanging out with my girlfriend. We then heard a knock on the door.
“Can I come in?” my dad asked from the hallway.
“Yeah,” I said.
He opened the door to see us in the floor, books open in front of us. He then seemed to notice the chain with the tags and my ring and instantly started smiling. I knew I was about to be embarrassed. “Is it official now?” he asked, stepping into my room.
“Really, Dad?”
“Yes, Joe…it is,” Kacey said as she smiled and sat up, putting the chain around her neck.
“Good,” he said happily. I was hoping he would leave it at this. “Pizza just got here. You want me to bring it up here?”
“Nah, Dad. We’ll come eat at the table with you,” I replied.
“Definitely,” Kacey added as we picked ourselves off the floor.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-ONE
Facing Dr. Cline in his office, I felt for certain I had something more than just myself to work for. I knew I had to work diligently in order to maintain what Kacey and I had begun. There was a new momentum; I found myself poised and ready to answer anything the man asked—even if it opened partially healed wounds.
“Tell me what happened before you presented at the emergency department for your nosebleed. Tell me about the events leading up to seeking medical assistance,” he asked.
“Okay,” I said, clasping my hands together tightly. “I was hanging out with friends…I ate supper with some friends, went home, and…I went home and went to bed. When I woke up, I knew something was off.”
“Off?” he enquired.
“Yeah, off. When I went to the bathroom and saw all the blood, I just…I just couldn’t calm myself down. No matter what I did, there was no calming myself down. There was no saying that I was bigger than it. I wasn’t…I wasn’t bigger than it. It was in total control,” I said—being as truthful as possible.
“That’s okay, Jessie. You made a con
scious effort. That’s what’s important,” he said as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his desk. “The human body…our bodies are fantastic systems that are constantly replenishing and working in unison to maintain us. Sometimes something might get a bit out of whack. We’re going to have nosebleeds, odd cramps and pains, it is part of life. You have to remind yourself that not every ache or pain is indicative of a malignancy.”
“Yes, sir,” I replied.
“Jessie, I’m pleased with your support system. I’m confident you’re going to make substantial progress in the coming months.”
“I really hope so. It seems like it’s one step forward and five back,” I replied.
“Why…tell me why you feel that way.”
“Well, because I’ll have a few good days and then something will happen or I’ll read something or have a damn nosebleed and it tears up everything I’ve been working toward.”
“Okay. So when you’re in that moment and you’re having difficulty convincing yourself that you are in fact bigger than it, I want you to look at the facts—the facts that you have.”
“Huh?”
“Let’s take the nosebleed, for example. You’ve been to the emergency room several times. You’ve had multiple sets of lab work drawn and completed. You know for a fact that your labs are perfect. Everything is in range; correct?”
“Yes, sir.”
“You also know you have suffered from similar nosebleeds in the past during similar times of the year; correct?”
“That’s right.”
“It’s important to remain vigilant when these fits of anxiety occur. Remind yourself of the facts. If you had a malignancy in your body, especially a metastatic…spreading cancer, more than likely your chemical panel or blood count would be affected on your lab work. There would be a tell of some sort. Your belly pain when you came to see me, you were convinced you had an abdominal cancer. Does your stomach hurt now?”