by Bradon Nave
“Nope,” I said, slightly smirking.
“Exactly. Rather than reflect on the facts…you’d visited the gym and completed an extensive abdominal workout the previous evening, you allowed your anxiety to completely ruin your entire day.”
“I know…you’re right,” I said, looking toward the floor.
“Jessie, I’m not saying this to discourage you. I’m telling you this because I want you to develop new tactics to deal with your anxiety. The facts are that you are young, active, and healthy.”
“I will. I promise I’ll try.”
“Good. Jessie, are you sexually active?”
This completely threw me off guard. I wondered if he knew about his niece and I—even though we weren’t yet sexually active, I found the question awkward. “No. I mean…I have before. But I’m not now.”
“That is where your concern should remain in regard to your health, Jessie. Sexually transmitted diseases can be just as deadly. An unprotected, sexually active teenager is at greater risk of acquiring an infection than colon cancer. I assure you of that.”
“I am careful. When I do…I’m careful,” I said, avoiding eye contact.
“Do you feel your emotional stability is strong enough to maintain a healthy sexual relationship at this point in time?”
“So you do think I’m crazy,” I said while smiling.
“No, Jessie, I don’t. But I do think you are vulnerable and impressionable at this point in your life. Make sure you surround yourself with healthy individuals that have your best interest at heart.”
“I do. I really think I do,” I replied.
“Good. That will be all today. Remember the facts, Jessie.”
“Yes, sir.”
“And what else?” he asked.
“I’m bigger than this.”
CHAPTER
TWENTY-TWO
It was finally Friday. Normally, I didn’t concern myself with trivial things like weekends. This Friday was different. I was going on a date with my girlfriend. The term girlfriend—such a commonly said thing, yet when I said it repeatedly in my mind, it stirred things around to the point where it all felt odd and unreal.
At school, Kacey seemed to take pride in the fact that we were officially an item. She took the opportunity grab my arm, kiss my cheek, and take my hand when she could. As we walked the halls together, I was met with nods of approval from classmates—even from a few of the football players, wrestlers, and my former basketball teammates. I’d anticipated questioning glances of curiosity or even disapproval. I’d anticipated them wondering what the hell Kacey was thinking dating someone like me. That wasn’t the case at all. Within eight hours, it had fallen naturally into place. They looked at us as though we naturally fit into the scenario.
I was no longer the third wheel left to awkwardly lurk and look away as my friends made ridiculously inappropriate gestures and advances toward each other. She was more than my first actual girlfriend; she was another piece of normalcy.
“So where are you going again?” I asked her as we exited the school.
“It’s a surprise,” Kacey replied. “I’m kidding. I’m going to Sarah’s with Lily.”
“Sarah’s?” I asked. I felt a lump develop in my throat as we approached Lily’s vehicle.
“Yeah, they’re taking me to some boutique to look for some new jeans. Is it too much to ask for a mall?”
“I need to tell you something,” I said as I nervously bit the inside of my cheek.
“You need to tell me what? That you and Sarah almost hooked up right before we started dating but both realized it would have been a horrible mistake and decided being friends was a much better alternative for both of you?” Kacey replied, leaving me speechless and dumbfounded. “Sarah told me…it’s cool.” She kissed me on the cheek and turned me to her. “I’ll pick you up at your house at eight.”
“Okeydokey, then,” I replied, smiling.
“Jessie and Kacey. That will be enough of that on school grounds.”
“Sorry, Ms. Davenjer,” I replied as the woman walked past us to her vehicle.
“I’m kidding, Jessie,” she replied without looking back.
***
“What are you and Lily gonna do?” I asked Duke as I wiped chocolate milkshake from my mouth.
“She wants me to help her bake a cake for her mom. Dude, like…for real…with eggs and everything.”
“Is it her mom’s birthday or something?”
“Sunday,” Duke replied as he sat his milkshake in the cup holder and squeezed his temples, closing his eyes tightly as we sat at the drive-in eatery.
“You okay there, big guy?”
“Brain freeze.”
“Highly doubt that,” I replied jokingly.
“Ha. Get this; she won’t let us buy one of those cakes you can just make from a box. Oh no, it has to be made completely from scratch,” Duke said as he looked at me, shaking his head in disappointment.
“What? Why? Dude, no offense, but there is no way in hell I would ever eat anything you made from scratch…ever,” I replied, sipping my shake and smiling.
“Yeah, me either. But she says only the best for her mom.”
“Clearly, a homemade cake isn’t the best option. Tell her to buy one from one of the professionals.”
“That’s what I said. I didn’t say anything to Lily, but I told Mom to stick around tonight…I have a feeling we’ll be needing her culinary expertise.”
“I wonder how many you’ll burn or just completely mess up before you come up with something that resembles something edible.”
“I dunno, Jess. That poor woman will probably have the shits for days if Lily makes her actually eat a piece of it.”
I had to laugh at my friend’s comment. “Not to mention you won’t score many points with her if you give the girl food poisoning. But hey, you never know…it might turn out okay.”
“Nah, man, there’s no way it will. My mom won’t even let me try to make a damn grilled-cheese. The last time I tried, we almost had Larry and the rest of the fire station called to our house. I would seriously starve if it wasn’t for my mom and Chipotle.”
“Yeah, man, and the massive quantities of fast-food burgers you consume.”
“Truth.”
“D, you must really like this girl,” I said, removing the lid from my shake and tipping the cup to my mouth.
“Ya think?” he snapped sarcastically, thumping my raised cup, nearly making me spill the contents. “She’s a good girl, Jess. I like being around her. She doesn’t get on my nerves within the first five minutes of hanging out…and she does this amazing thing with her hips when she’s on top—”
“Dude!” I objected. “Too much info.”
“I’m just messing with you, Jess. Yeah, Lily’s awesome. She’d have to be to have me spending my Friday evening baking.”
CHAPTER
TWENTY-THREE
The doorbell rang downstairs as I applied my aftershave—the finishing touch. Kacey insisted on picking me up this time for whatever reason. I didn’t mind. I could be happy anywhere as long as I was near her; I didn’t care how I got there or even where we were going.
“Jessie!” my dad called up to me as I looked at myself once more in the mirror. My complexion was bright, my eyes looked clear—I looked healthy; I looked rested, happy, and healthy.
As I headed for the staircase, I found myself anxious to rest my gaze on her. I knew she’d look fantastic; it wasn’t about that. There was something soothing about knowing I was in the same room as her. I glanced down the stairs to see her peering back up at me. She looked stunning in the new jeans she’d purchased with the girls. I couldn’t take my eyes off her; she was perfect.
I found I was falling—not in love, but down the stairs. I’d been watching her rather than my large, clumsy feet in front of me. I was used to taking the stairs barefoot, not in laced sneakers. The two seconds from near the top of the stairs to the bottom were a blur of side railing
and my knees. As I came to rest at the bottom on my back, my shoulder and tailbone were riveted in pain; I forced myself to laugh as I looked toward the ceiling.
“Jess!” my father yelled as his face appeared in my view. “Boy! Are you okay?”
I didn’t know what to say initially. My father was a good-looking guy by any human standard, but the horrified facial expression he displayed as he leaned over me was absolutely atrocious. I began laughing even harder. Kacey soon joined my dad; her hands covered her mouth in shock.
“I…I think I’m okay,” I said in between chuckles.
“Move your arms, Jess,” my dad demanded. Lifting both in front of me and waving them around slowly produced no pain. “Okay, good. Legs too,” he continued. My feet were resting on the bottom stair, but I was able to lift either of them.
“I think they’re fine,” I said, trying to smile as I looked to Kacey and my father.
“Does anything hurt?” my dad asked.
As I moved my shoulders around while lying on the floor, I was thankful to find the pain was fleeting. Nothing felt out of place. “Can you break your ass?” I asked as I held my hand up to my dad, motioning him to assist me up. He simply pushed my hand aside and squatted down beside me, looking me over from head to toe with a semi-frantic look about his eyes. Gently grabbing either side of my face, he turned it to him slowly, looking at my eyes. I tried not to smile or make eye contact as he used his fingers to feel my head—presumably for bumps.
“I’m okay, Dad…promise,” I muttered.
“What about your ribs?” he said as he released my head and quickly worked his hands down either side of my rib cage, causing me to laugh uncontrollably.
“Dad…dude, I’m good.”
“Nothing feels out of place,” he said softly.
As I grabbed his hands, my gaze set on his directly. “I promise, Dad…I’m good.” He smiled back at me, shaking his head. He stood from me and helped me up off the floor.
“Who the hell taught you how to walk down the stairs, bud?” he asked, dusting my shoulder off.
“Same person who taught me how to walk…you,” I said as I turned from my father and looked to Kacey. She seemed hesitant to make eye contact. When she finally did, her beautiful nostrils flared slightly, and the gorgeous smile she’d been attempting to conceal was finally revealed as she began laughing. At first her laugh was petite and containable. It quickly escalated to something much more boisterous. My father joined in as I watched the two turn from me, laughing hysterically.
“I’m…I’m so sorry,” Kacey made out as she turned to me with tears in her eyes. “Your feet!” she blurted out. “Your feet were straight up in the air!” she proclaimed as the two continued laughing at my expense. I couldn’t help but laugh too. I also took the opportunity to prod around near my tailbone. I was thankful the pain there wasn’t as prevalent, either.
“I’m sure I looked like a complete idiot,” I concurred as Kacey walked to me. Wrapping her arms around my waist, she hugged me gently as she continued laughing.
“Kacey…please do not take my son anywhere where there may be stairs,” my dad said as they continued laughing.
“Wow. You two are hilarious,” I said as I laughed along.
“I promise, Joe. He’ll be safe.”
***
“You still haven’t told me where we’re going,” I said from the passenger seat of Kacey’s mother’s vehicle.
“It’s a surprise,” she replied. The vehicle smelled of delicious food. I wondered if she had stopped prior to picking me up and grabbed something for us to eat.
“’K,” I replied as I raised her hand to my mouth and kissed it. “I’m starving,” I muttered.
“Good. I got you,” she said while smiling.
“Did you grab food?”
“I cooked.”
“Really? That’s awesome. I wish I could cook.”
“You’d be surprised what you can do if you just try, Jess.”
I smiled. My grasp on her hand remained firm. “I think I got it figured out,” I said.
“Oh yeah?” she replied. The moonlight reflecting off her eyes and teeth was enticing.
“The park. A picnic in the park,” I said as she turned to me and smiled.
“Too lame?” she asked, scanning my face for approval.
“It’s perfect,” I replied as the vehicle approached the park. There were several lit streetlights aligning the front of the park in front of the tree line and sidewalk. “There’s quite a few picnic tables.”
“Oh, I brought a huge blanket so we can watch the stars, if that’s okay.”
“Sounds awesome, actually. What did you make us?”
“I baked chicken and rice and made a salad.”
“It smells fantastic,” I replied as Kacey parked next to the curb.
“Fantastic is the only thing I know how to cook,” she said as she removed the keys and turned to me. We took a moment to make out. She seemed wary of touching the back of my head, as if she were unaware if the fall had injured the area. “Help me unload,” she whispered as she pulled away.
She sat that last dish on the blanket I’d spread out over the soft earth. She looked at me and smiled, her breath barely visible as it ascended into the chilly evening sky. “C’mere,” I playfully said as I motioned her to me. I gently sat down, wincing slightly as my butt met the blanket.
“You okay?” she asked as she covered her smile.
“Yeah,” I replied as she sat down in front of me between my legs, her shoulders resting against my chest. Her hair smelled like some flower, or possibly some soap my mother used at one point. I liked the way it made me feel—happy and warm even though it was a little nippy out.
“So what’s with the stars?” I asked as I watched her gazing toward them.
“You don’t think they’re beautiful?”
“I do…but you really seem to like them.”
She leaned into me further, nudging her soft head into my cheek. “They never change. No matter what changes in my life, they never change.”
“Well, they do, we just can’t see—”
“I mean they aren’t affected the same way we are, Jessie. They’re constant. That star right there,” she said, pointing to God only knew which one, “that star will look the same when I’m forty, or even eighty. It looked the same five years ago.”
I took a second to not only take in what she’d said, but to recall five years prior. How much my life had changed since then. “I guess I envy them, then,” I said.
“I can see that,” she replied.
“It’s like they get to just sit up there unaffected while we break apart.”
“I’ll never break apart,” she said as she kissed my cheek.
“Must be nice,” I replied.
“I may be fractured…just fractured. But I’ll never break apart.”
“So, what am I, a cast?” I asked jokingly.
“You’re fractured too. We all are in our own way, Jess. Everyone has a sad story. It just depends on how you spin it,” she said softly as she rested her head completely on my shoulder.
“I don’t want a sad story. I never did. I don’t want it to be spun that way, either,” I said, nearly defensively. “I’m tired of being tired and worrying about things that…well, that aren’t even there. I’m tired of feeling guilty for something I had no control over. I’m ready to actually have a normal story…for real.”
She slid her hand down my arm and grabbed my hand. “I want to be in this normal story you speak of.” She turned her face, kissing me on my neck. Her warm breath instantly sent my blood rushing southward.
“Oh, wow,” I said, slightly leaning forward. “You can stick around as long as you want.”
“Good. Let’s eat,” she replied as she jumped up from between my legs and walked on her knees to the dished food.
She reached for a plate, pushing her dark hair behind her ear. I found myself thankful, yet again, that she was with me. “I
hope you stick around a while, Kacey…I mean that.”
She looked at me as she opened one of the dishes. “I already told you that I thought you were going to be good for me,” she replied.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-FOUR
I was exceptionally happy as I walked down the street to Duke’s house. It wasn’t even eight in the morning on a Saturday, but my spirits were lifted. As Duke’s driveway came into view, I jogged to it and up his porch steps. It was chilly out, so I wore sweatpants and a large gray hoodie—we were planning on going to the gym. Judy’s vehicle wasn’t in the drive, so I simply walked in the house—just like ours, it was rarely locked. “D!” I yelled out, making my way to the stairs.
As I ascended, I thought I heard snoring. I opened the door to find my friend facedown in his pillow, wrapped up like a caterpillar in his comforter.
“Duke,” I said, pulling my phone out to capture the tweet-worthy moment. He didn’t respond with words, only a moan as I snapped the picture.
“Duke,” I repeated as I walked to him, shaking his shoulder.
“No…please.”
“Duke…it’s Saturday, not Faturday…your saying, dude.”
“Jessssieee,” he whined. “I was up until four in the morning making that stupid cake,” Duke said into the pillow.
“Oh, shit. My bad, man. You should have texted me.”
“You’re okay,” he said as he removed his face from the pillow to look at me. “We can go around noon…or one…or two.”
“Just text me when you get up, bro.” Duke’s face was red, puffy, and had pillowcase impressions all over it.
“Will do, Jessaroonie,” he muttered
“Did your cake turn out?”
“Hell freaking no!” he said hatefully as he buried his face back into the pillow. “And Lily’s mad at me. Last night sucked.”
“She’s mad at you?”
“I think we were both just done. She wants this beautiful cake, and we kept screwing it up. We were frustrated.”