Before We Fractured: Books 1-3

by Bradon Nave

  “We just did. We just did pull over.” His reply was riddled with despair. His gaze set upon me as tired as a soft wave sliding onto the east coast—stretching itself out across the sand in an exhausted effort to simply cease. I couldn’t; I couldn’t hurt him anymore.

  “Okay.”

  “I’m…I’m too tired, Kacey. My head’s so tired. My head’s not feeling right and I’m tired.”

  “I’ll drive, Jessie. Just pull over and let me drive. You can sleep. When you wake up we’ll be there—”

  “My dad! And Duke…I don’t know what the hell to do, Kacey. What the hell did we do? If we turn ourselves in now—”

  “Sshhh…Jess. You’re okay…we’re okay.” My hand reached between legs for his crotch. He may have been jumbled mess—but he was a man. To calm, collect, contain, reward, or escape a man a girl only needs to know her way around his genitalia—this was something I learned at a very early age. As I began rubbing him, I was surprised to find my hand abrasively diverted.

  “Stop it, Kacey!”

  The dust came sailing through the open windows as Jessie slammed on the brakes, sending me into the dashboard.

  “I won’t tell you again. Don’t touch me. I freaking mean it.” His eyes hurt me. His gaze was like a steel arrow—piercing through me.

  “I’m…I just want to help you relax, Jess.”

  “Relax? Are you kidding me right now? We just killed a man. I walked in on your uncle…my doctor. And what he was doing…and we killed him, Kacey. We killed him!”

  His forehead rested on the steering wheel as his lip quivered and the car idled in the middle of the dirt road.

  “And you think grabbing my junk is gonna make it all better? Please…I don’t want you to touch me.”

  His soft tone and defeated posture left me wilting inside. I didn’t have to hurt him any harder. I’d taken everything from him…my uncle was right. I was toxic to everything that ingested me. I was nightshade.

  “Okay, Jess. Let’s go. We’ll turn ourselves in at the next town.”

  As his gaze met mine I noticed a small resurrection of hope—and then it went black.

  Glass shattering—metal crunching—and he was screaming. I’d always imagined what it would be like, or how I would respond if I were in an accident. It happened so fast there was no time to respond. I opened my eyes, we were in the ditch, and my neck was radiating in pain.

  My hands instantly reached for his seatbelt buckle. I wanted him free of the wreckage and away from the car as quickly as possible. The thought of him being trapped in a burning vehicle horrified me.

  “Kacey! What the hell happened?”

  “You’re okay, Jess.” My hands frantically worked to free him—finally, the buckle clicked.

  “Jessie, get out of the car!”

  As he reached for the handle his door opened from the outside. Crouching down and gazing in on us was large muscular man. He looked to be in his early forties and possibly a farmer of some sort.

  “You kids okay?” To my surprise, he wasn’t upset. The accident was our fault, yet his voice didn’t sound angry in the slightest.

  Jessie’s hands shook as he reached for the steering wheel, his head resting backward into the headrest. Tears etched down the outer corners of either eye as he looked toward the ceiling of Cory’s car. “No.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  “No it was a cat. I didn’t even see it. Darn thing ran out in front of us. We couldn’t save it so we moved it to the side of the road after it died. We were going to stop at the next gas station and wash the blood off of us…but then this happened.”

  “That’s too bad. I don’t much care for cats but I don’t like seein’ the damn thangs get killed.”

  Avery was large—his biceps were as big as my head. His truck was huge and the guard on the front of it looked basically untouched by the tail-end of the Mustang. I sat next to Avery and Jessie sat next to me, his head resting on the passenger window as he continued to shed a few silent tears.

  “Hey, bud…it’s gonna be okay. It ain’t totaled or nothin’. We’ll get ’er loaded up this evenin’ and pulled to the house. If needed, the Dunhams live not too far from here. They’re good friends of mine. We can at least get her there.”

  Jessie’s small smile was the only acknowledgement he offered Avery as he continued his gaze out the window.

  “He okay?” Avery’s genuine concern and beautiful teeth had my mind distracted.

  “He’ll be fine. It’s been a rough week for both of us.”

  Avery—he was at least twenty years older than me but handsome just the same. His hairline was slightly receding but not to the point that it was bothersome. His chest was broad and boasting hair from atop his tight t-shirt. His waist was tight and lacking any pudge.

  Unpolished and heavily scented with the day’s work in the field or whatever he’d been doing prior to the accident—Avery was every bit a man. I felt a strange comfort in his presence; a comfort I was yet to determine as being healthy or not—there was something fatherly about him.

  “Here she is.” The truck pulled into a well-kept driveway lined with willow trees and boasting a blue and white trailer house at the end of it.

  “Do you live here alone? Are you married?” I immediately felt foolish for asking such a question.

  “Divorced…and no kids. Doc says I shoot blanks.” Avery’s laughter coaxed me to laugh as well.

  As he put the truck in park, Avery looked past me to Jessie. “Hey…um, Jessie. Do you wanna help me load the trailer up to this ol’ truck and we’ll try to go get your car? That sound like somethin’ you can do?”

  “Yes sir.”

  “Well…If you kids would like to eat a bite first…yea. Let’s eat a bite of supper.”

  I turned my attention from Avery and back to my boyfriend. “Jessie…you need to eat something. Let’s go eat something, okay?”

  ***

  “Thank you for being so kind to us, Avery.”

  “Not a problem, little miss. I don’t get much company out here. This is nice.”

  His home was quaint. It boasted the necessities only—but what else would a forty-year-old bachelor need? Avery seemed genuinely happy with his life.

  “Not hungry, Jessie? I got some leftover fried chicken in the fridge if you don’t like sausage.”

  “I’m good, sir. Thank you though. I’ll eat this.”

  Jessie’s fork lifted to his mouth in a pained fashion—as if the piece of meat were a piece of rotten flesh.

  “If you don’t mind me askin’, what the hell was you kids doin’ in the middle of the road?” Avery’s smirk gave me the impression he believed Jessie and I were engaging in inappropriate acts.

  “Talking…just talking. We were lost and trying to figure it out.” I was actually thankful that Jessie chose to remain silent and allow me to do the majority of the talking. It was easier to keep the explanations straight.

  “I tell ya…even I couldn’t live without my phone. I’d feel like I was cut off from civilization if not for the darn thing. I’m real surprised you two don’t got phones with ya.”

  Avery talked with his mouth full of food. The way he chomped didn’t gross me out—I liked it. It was real and raw. He was completely comfortable being himself in front of complete strangers.

  “We’re broke kids…we have to prioritize. And our generation is so heavily involved in social media, constant documentation, and the thousands of apps, and…it’s seriously an addiction.” I stuffed a half a piece of roll in my mouth as an excuse to stop talking.

  “Well, had you hit a Holstein or a deer and done been stranded out on a backroad for spell…that woulda’ been bad news bears.”

  “Point taken.” I truly hoped he would change the subject.

  “Soon as you two polish your porcelain we’ll get your Mustang. Spare room is in the back and the guest shower is in the hall. You can wash the cat blood off ya.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  The Mustang lo
oked pathetic in the yard of our host as I looked at it out the window of the guestroom. It was as if some monster had taken it and held it up high, dropping it to its demise. Loading it up, Jessie appeared as though he were going to become physically ill at the sight of his brother’s car.

  It took Avery and Jessie about twenty minutes to load the vehicle onto the trailer. I remained in the truck the entire time. I was certain our host was suspicious of us. It didn’t matter. Nothing really mattered anymore. I knew what I had to do.

  Finally I found how to comfort Jessie physically without reaching for his zipper. Running my fingers through his hair while under the comforter on the bed in the guest bedroom put Jessie to sleep in a few minutes. I gently massaged the top of his scalp and kissed his forehead. I was thankful when he drifted off—he needed to recharge.

  Leaving him—I didn’t even want to imagine the pain associated with it as I viewed the perfect V of his upper-lip. I couldn’t walk away from him—I had to run from him as if he were kerosene and I a lit match. This was best for him. He still had a shot at life and I couldn’t allow him to burn with me.

  I continued to run my fingers through his hair as the thunder from outside the trailer house captured my attention. Within seconds the rain was beating down on the roof. The last time I’d been under a trailer house roof I’d been violated by my grandfather…and it was raining.

  I looked to Jessie once more as tears flooded over my eyelids—streaming down either side of my face. I knew not what life was truly about. I knew nothing of normality or how to achieve it; but I knew for certain that I loved him. I knew for certain I would give everything to protect him. I would easily die for him. I had to rid his life of this toxin. I had to rid him of me.

  I kissed his sleeping lips once more, and lifted myself from the bed.

  As I walked down the hallway I was thankful to hear Avery humming in the kitchen as I entered.

  “Oh, hey Kacey did you find everything you needed—”

  “Please sit down and be quiet…I need to talk to you.” I watched Avery’s facial expression change rapidly as his smile uncurled and his glistening eyes dimmed.

  “Okay.”

  Pulling the metal chairs from the flimsy table I inhaled deeply and sat down. “I need something from you…I need several things from you, Avery.”

  “What? I…”

  “Please, Avery, just listen.” I ensured my tone was sharp and authoritative. I had to guarantee Jessie’s well-being was met after my departure.

  “I have to tell you something…and then I’m going to ask you a few favors. Okay, Avery?”

  “Okay.” He cautiously sat in the chair next to me, eyeing me as if he should be concerned by his decision to bring me into his house.

  “That old Toyota…does it run?”

  “Yes.”

  “I need it. I need to leave tonight.”

  “I can’t let you take my car—”

  “It wasn’t cat blood it was my uncle’s blood.” The words tore from my lips like a scab from a gym sock.

  “What?”

  “I killed my uncle. My uncle violated me…and I killed him for it.”

  Avery’s blank facial expression assured me I put him in a state of shock—just where he needed to be. He was pliable and easy to manipulate this way. If needed I’d reach between his legs too—but only if needed.

  “The police…have you—”

  “I will. I will go to the police after I kill my grandfather. He has to die as well. We were on our way there when the accident occurred.”

  “Holy…shit…what the hell have I gotten myself into?” The beads of sweat formulating on Avery’s brow assured me he was churning on the inside.

  “I was seven the first time my grandfather touched me. How was I supposed to know grandpas and granddaughters didn’t do that stuff? I was only seven, Avery. He has to die.”

  “Oh my…oh my god…and the boy? Was Jessie—”

  “Jessie knows everything. He walked in on what my uncle was doing to me. He punched my uncle a few times…he kicked him. But it was me that bashed his head in with the metal rod. I killed him, not Jessie. That’s why I’m leaving Jessie here with you.”

  “What?”

  “Listen to my words, Avery…I’m taking your car to my grandfather’s shitty trailer house outside of New Orleans. I’m leaving my boyfriend here and you are going to take care of him and make sure he makes it home to his dad. I’m so thankful for what you’ve done, but this is happening and if anything happens to Jessie I swear to god—”

  “Whoa…now you listen here, Kacey.” His tone and fierce gaze were coupled with an erect index finger pointed directly at my face.

  Plan B—I reached my hand for his leg, making my way along his thigh. “I’m willing to bargain with you, Avery.” Almost to his package, my hand was grabbed forcefully. He turned his face from me and immediately developed a disgusted look.

  “You have some serious issues, young lady. Take your hand off of me…now!”

  “I’ll do whatever you want—”

  “I want you to keep your hands to yourself, young woman!”

  It didn’t make sense. He wasn’t pliable. I couldn’t bend him as easily as planned. I began to crack.

  “Shit…shit. It’s all screwed. I’m so screwed.” Tears began pooling in my eyes as Avery turned his head to me.

  “What? Yea, sweetheart, I’ll admit this situation is a little outta my league. I’m just a country boy.”

  “Please…please let me take the car. I’m over anyways. It’s over for me. Let me finish my last chapter. Let me end my book the way I want to end it…I want to break what fractured me!”

  “What the hell are you talking about? You’re just a baby. It’s not over for you. If what you say is true then you’re looking at probation…maybe a few years if the district attorney is a hard ass…and that’s if they find you wasn’t acting in self-defense. Now you go off to your grandpa’s and snuff that sick bastard…honey that’s premeditated murder.”

  “You sure know your stuff for being such a stupid redneck retard.”

  “Hey!”

  “I’ll walk if I have to!” My voice—aching and annexed, flooded the kitchen, overpowering the heavy rainfall on the tin roof.

  “Keys are by the door. I’m going to bed. If you’re gone in the morning then you’re gone. I never gave you permission…and we never had this conversation.”

  “Fine.” My arms crossed as I smiled victoriously. “I’ll just wake up Jessie and we’ll be on our way—”

  “You’re not taking that boy a damn place, young woman. Leave him where he lies.” Avery sat up—leaning at me from across the table. His eyes squinted and cold—displaying a solid look of intent as he glared me down.

  “O…okay. You’ll take care of him?”

  “Leave him where he lies.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Fourth gear was a bitch but I was thankful my dad taught me how to drive a standard. The windshield wipers were in need of replacing at best. Avery had softened some once I headed for the door. My hesitation was met with reluctant tears. He handed me a one-hundred dollar bill and told me I could turn around at any point in time. The three of us could sit on the couch—call the police and wait there until they arrived to collect me and Jessie.

  I simply smiled and left his house. Calling the police may have made the most sense. How would that be fair? I rot in jail while my grandfather walks around with my innocence in his pocket? Hell no.

  My Jessaroonie. I imagined the tyranny lifted from his being when he woke to learn he was free of me—he was free of what had further twisted him. I understood I was doing what was right. I was delving deeper into my own tragedy—he was surfacing. It didn’t make it any easier. My face seemed nearly as wet as the boggy backroad I was attempting to navigate under the darkened sky.

  I attempted to focus on the positive. In the morning Jessie would wake up with his crazy bedhead and a rejuvenated opportunity. All h
e had to do was tell the truth. He wasn’t the one that killed the beloved Dr. Cline. He really wasn’t even an accessory. In all honesty, even if charges were filed on my boyfriend, once the jury learned of how completely screwed his sweet mind was—they wouldn’t subject him to anything more than the psychological help he obviously needs.

  I had to replace his face with my target’s face. I had to think of my grandfather. I imagined all the possibilities. The ways to end him. My plan was not to inflict pain—not that I have anything against barbarism toward molesters and pedophiles, but my actions would be plastered all about the six-o’clock news. My primary objective was to end life, not inflict suffering.

  Still, he would know well before his last breath that it was coming. I would make sure he was scared—shaking and saturated in his own urine when he drew his last gasp. I would leave him the way he left me so many times.

  A pillow, a strategic knife thrust or perhaps something more personal—perhaps strangulation with my own hands. Regardless, he would know. His hands may have once held mine and led me down narrow trailer house hallways to tiny back bedrooms—but now they were brittle and weak; now they could do little by means of defense.

  Turning quickly to the right produced an almost unbearable pain in my neck from the accident. I was once again thankful for Avery and his kind actions. I was actually thankful the accident had occurred. It was in a sense Jessie’s reprieve.

  It was becoming increasingly clear to me that my control over the male sex was not as solid as I had believed. Perhaps it was only because Jessie was so distraught and Avery was old enough to be my father—but that never stopped Uncle Patrick.

  As I approached a stop sign, I was pleased to see a blacktop road. There was no longer a need to stay on backroads as the Toyota I was driving wouldn’t catch the attention of passing patrol vehicles.

  My heart physically hurt. As my hand rested on my chest I felt his ring on my father’s chain. His class ring was still around my neck. It was enough to bring my emotions to an explosive climax—I began bawling. He was so flawed yet so perfect.