by Bradon Nave
“Bullshit.” Standing abruptly, Jessie sent his chair crashing to the floor behind him as he marched for the door.
The initial drive to pursue him sent me standing too, but returned to my chair—I knew he needed time. He could be as angry as he wanted to be; I wouldn’t allow him to go down for something I did.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“Hey boy. You’ve been out here over an hour. You ready to talk to me?”
“No.” His whimpering tone and puffy eyes assured me he wasn’t angry; rather, he was hurt. Sitting on the ground with his back resting next to the wooden barn and picking at dead grass, he failed to make eye contact with me.
“Jess…” I sat down in front of him, resting my elbows on his knees, which were sticking up.
“Maybe you’re right, Kacey. I’m weak. I’m out here crying like a bitch because my girlfriend brings up a few facts…men don’t cry. I’m weak—”
“Hush that, Jessie Kasper. You’re not weak. And look at what the hell we have been through. And you know what? My father was a damn surgeon in the military. He was the strongest man I know and he cried when he needed to cry. Men can cry and that’s okay. You’re not weak because you cry. You have an anxiety disorder because life is a total bitch sometimes. And I’m going to make sure that you make it through this okay…no matter what.”
“I don’t…I don’t wanna be without you. Now that everything is out in the open and I know why you acted the way you acted I just wish I could go back…I am glad he’s dead; but I think we had a shot. We really would have had a shot.”
“I know Jess. I feel the same way. I want to go to college and hang out with you and your dad on Sunday afternoons…I want prom…but its changed now and this is what we get. There’s no point in both of us being punished for this. I did this, Jessie.”
“It just sucks! It really does freaking suck! Maybe we would last sixty years…maybe we would breakup next month, but it’s not fair that we don’t get to find out and it’s because the adults in our lives are either sick sonsofbitches or too damn self-absorbed!”
As he turned his face from me I raised the cuff of my sleeve to capture his tears. My primary focus had to be on his well-being. The primal survival tactic that people like me have—I would channel that into a protective device. I would protect him at all costs—even if that meant I had to kill again.
“Jessie…we have a vague idea of how tomorrow morning is going to go. But we don’t know how the rest will fall. There are so many factors at play. The justice system is completely crazy and anything could happen.”
Leaning closer I ran my fingers through his hair—instantly his head rested into my palm. “I love you, Kacey.”
“I love you too…let’s walk, Jessaroonie.”
Rising to my feet, I helped him from the ground.
As he wiped his eyes his gaze fell upon the large barn behind us. “Let’s check this out.”
“Really, Jessie? A barn?”
“Yea.” His chipper voice had me following him to the sliding wooden door. It opened surprisingly easily and we stepped inside.
Pigeons fluttered above us as loose feathers and dust made their way to the dirt-covered floor.
“Holy shit, Kacey. Look at all the boxes.”
Boxes lined an entire side of the barn, completely covered in dust and bird droppings
“Jessie…this one has been opened recently. You can see the fingerprints in the dust.” I pointed to the medium-sized box on the floor next to the door.
Crouching down, Jessie cautiously opened the lid flap as we peered inside. Sitting on top of several belongings was a picture of a younger Avery standing next to a beautiful brunette woman and a young boy that looked like a twelve-year-old version of Avery.
“What the…Kacey, didn’t he say he couldn’t have kids? That he shoots blanks or some shit?”
Grabbing the picture I brought it closer to my face. “Jessie that has to be his son…there’s no way this boy isn’t his son.”
“Ssshh, Kacey you hear that?”
Quickly I replaced the picture in the box as we excited the barn. No sooner had we gotten the door closed and made our way across the yard was Avery’s truck barreling down the driveway.
“What the hell? I thought he said he’d be gone all day…that he wouldn’t be back until this evening.” Jessie’s voice was riddled with concern as Avery was driving recklessly.
Slamming on his brakes, Avery sent dust circling both Jessie and I as he exited the vehicle.
“Kids! Inside, we need to talk!”
Following him indoors, Avery produced a torn cover page to a newspaper article. Jessie’s face was on the cover. Wanted was written in red.
“What the hell!” My voice nearly gave out on me as I yanked the article from Avery. “Where is the article, Avery?”
“I just…it was a paper in the trash…I tore the picture off. It said he was wanted for kidnapping and…and for murder!”
“Oh my god!” My hand slapped across my mouth as Jessie collapsed backward to the couch.
“My internet has been out for days…and we haven’t been watching the news…this paper is two days old, kids.”
“Avery! What the hell do we do?” I began crying as Jessie retreated to the back bedroom.
“Listen, sis…this is an all-out manhunt. They think that boy killed your uncle and kidnapped you. They’re gonna tear him to pieces!”
“No! Avery no! We can’t go tomorrow…I can’t! What if he gets hurt?”
Avery’s hands went behind his head as he looked to the ceiling. “You don’t go…not yet anyway. You don’t go, Kacey.”
“What?”
“They don’t know you kids are here. Let’s let this thing calm down some. Let’s get our heads on straight and when we can get a decent plan developed, we’ll go from there.”
“That…that would require us to stay here longer, Avery. Are you willing to let us—?”
“Kacey we can’t give them that boy. No. No ma’am. That’s a sweet-hearted boy but his head’s too fragile. It took me a far piece of time to calm his butt down this morning…rambling on about a tumor pushing his ribs out. Somethin’ ain’t right there, Kacey and you know it. He can’t handle what they’re gonna give to him.”
“You’ll let us stay?”
“You have to stay, Kacey. I like you, and I really like Jessie. He can’t…I can’t let him go to them. They’ll rip him wide open.”
“Thank you, Avery.” My arms wrapped around his waist in total gratitude. His generosity would spare Jessie—at least for the time being. I needed time to orchestrate a plan to prove his complete and total innocence.
***
Finally, at nearly three in the morning, I was listening to Jessie’s soft snores. My back to the wall as I sat on the bed, Jessie’s head was resting in my lap while I ran my fingers through his hair. Prior to around two, he’d been a ball of nerves—totally inconsolable as he paced the bedroom in a nervous trance. Avery had to physically sit him down and talk him through a hypothetical scenario that had both Jessie and I coming out decently on the other side of this nightmare.
Watching him sleep I couldn’t help but associate him with his adolescence. True he was a man and I would respect him as such, but his innocence was so blatantly displayed in all his actions. He’d been hurt—his pain was something I connected to; but he hadn’t been scarred the same way I had. My armor was my recognition of my pain and what caused it. It was a sweet callus that I would use to assure both Jessie and I would be okay…but mostly him. I had to make sure he came out of this okay.
“Is he out?” Avery’s whispering voice trickled in through the slightly opened door.
“Yes. Thank you so much for everything, Avery.”
“Don’t mention it, Kacey. That’s a good boy right there. We gotta take care of him.”
“I’m glad we’re on the same page there, Avery.”
“I’ll be here all day tomorrow. The three of us can sit down
and start thinking of ways we might be able to dig you two out of this. Maybe I can actually get the lights back on.”
“Even if you get them back on I don’t want Jessie to watch the news…and I don’t want you telling Jessie any details you learn from this point on. Just keep me in the loop and I’ll tell him if needed.”
“Sounds good. My damned ol’ internet still ain’t working on my phone so I’m just as out of this loop thing as you.”
“Good night, Avery.”
“Night, Kacey.”
As he closed the door I looked once more to Jessie. I wasn’t necessarily comfortable in the position I was in, but he looked completely relaxed—finally. I didn’t want to move him. Resting my head against the wood-paneled wall, I closed my eyes and attempted to silence the day from my mind.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“I’m glad he’s still sleeping…I honestly wish he could just stay asleep until I figure this out. It seriously kills me a little to see him hurt like that. I wish I could make it all better. I hate that he has these mammoth-sized problems. I have got to figure it out. Something has got to give.”
“You’re one girl, Kacey. We’ll figure something out together.”
“Avery I don’t know what we would have done without you. You have no idea how much I appreciate you helping us. I don’t…I guess I just feel safer knowing you have Jessie’s best interest in mind.”
“Kacey…we go through life meeting random people all the time. Occasionally we’ll come across an individual that just draws us in and demands a certain attention and respect. Jessie is a great person.”
“He really is. That’s why we have to protect him, Avery.”
“We will. When he gets up and around we’ll start talking about what it is we need to do next.”
“You two are worse than my dad…I’m not a little kid.” Jessie appeared groggy as he approached the table.
“Morning, Jess.” Raising to kiss his cheek, I was thankful to find him smiling.
“Eggs and bacon?” Without waiting for a response, Avery stood from the table and made his way to the stove.
“Hell yea…I doubt I’ll be eating bacon from where I’m going.” Jessie sat down next to me, resting his head on the table.
Rubbing his shoulders lightly I momentarily envisioned the two of us camping out at Avery’s indefinitely—no one would ever look for us here. “You’re not going anywhere, Jessie.”
“No you’re not, bud. Neither of you kids are. Not until we can find a way to prove you’re innocent and relay that to the authorities in a safe way…there’s no need for you two to be toted off in handcuffs after what you’ve been through.”
Turning his head to the side, Jessie scooted the entire side of his face onto the table as he gazed up at me.
“You’re gonna be okay, Jess. I promise.” My soft words did little more than force him to provide a fake smile.
“Nah…let’s say we get this all worked out and you and I don’t end up in jail or some psych-ward…we’re still going to have to face our friends and family and we’re probably going to have to repeat senior year.” His proclamation was true—however, I felt I would be tickled if repeating senior year was the extent of my worries; especially if I was with him.
“What if…what if we wrote a letter? We could write a letter to the police department detailing what actually happened and letting them know we’d be willing to come in as long as it was done right.” As I thought out loud, the idea made perfect sense to me. A letter was more difficult to trace and it would give us a few more days.
“Kacey, Jessie…I think that there is a fine idea.” Avery sat Jessie’s plate in front of him. Jessie sat back, eyeing the food.
“Boy, you need to eat. A man can’t live off of cereal.”
“Yes sir.” Jessie picked up his fork and picked at the scrambled eggs.
I appreciated the tone and fatherly position that Avery took with Jessie. It seemed to put Jessie’s mind at ease some.
“I’ll draft something today then…something that lets them know that I’m not kidnapped and tells them what actually happened.” My heart raced as a glimmer of hope fell about me. A strategically written letter just might prove to be an effective tool.
“I have pens and paper in my bedroom. I’ll be happy to help you write it…and I’ll drop it off while I’m in town tomorrow.”
“Thank you, Avery. This way I’ll be able to plead for Jessie’s innocence and take the heat off of him. It will give the authorities time to let it sink in and lose the Billy-badass ridiculousness.”
***
To whom it may concern,
My name is Kacey Monroe and I’m writing this letter on my own freewill. I am safe, secure and I am with Jessie Kasper by choice.
Let it be known that Jessie Kasper did not kidnap me. I left with him only after I begged him to take me from the area. Jessie walked in on me assaulting my uncle, Dr. Patrick Cline, after Dr. Cline molested me. This abuse has been ongoing since my mother and I relocated to the area from Louisiana.
I need it to be completely clear that Jessie Kasper had nothing to do with the murder of my uncle and in my opinion, I acted in self-defense. Either way, I am willing to turn myself over to the law on the condition that Jessie Kasper remains free from incarceration and he is not charged in the murder of my uncle or in my kidnapping. The only thing he is guilty of is leaving the scene of a crime. I basically dragged him away from it.
I will be watching the T.V. for your response. If I get the answers or reaction I am hoping for, you will receive another letter with instructions regarding my surrender.
Kacey Monroe.
***
Perhaps it was the being around Avery, perhaps it was the fact that I was officially in the most desperate situation of my life—but something had me missing my father on a level I wasn’t mentally capable of dealing with. Attempting to remain strong for Jessie had me so focused that a miniature breakdown was able to creep up and bite me on the ass.
Sometimes I literally have no idea how I make it through a single day without my father—even the normal days. The best parts of my days were typically filled with my father’s goofy faces and crass jokes. Telling myself I was strong and offering testimonial-like explanations for my source of strength seemed to do little for me when moments like these came. These weren’t typical days; these were the worst days. I needed my dad now more than ever. I understood he was watching me but he wasn’t in my face, red-cheeked and angry—telling me how to fix the situation at hand. I needed that. I need his tough love. I needed his hug.
He tried to teach me to be strong, but he also taught me that the strongest structures always have a bit of give to them. Fractured or not, my give allowed me this momentary breakdown. My give allowed me to release a bit of the pain before I refocused on what was to be done.
I almost told him—my father. I almost told him what my grandfather had done to me. I was fourteen years old, it was the day after Thanksgiving, and my father and I were shopping like the other idiots.
Once things slowed and we were eating candied apples, I nearly told him. If only I would have told him then—none of this would be. True, I would have never met Jessie, but then Jessie wouldn’t be sleeping in the back of a stranger’s house while on the run for murder.
I trusted my father more than anything or anyone…I should have told him.
Drying my eyes on my sleeves while Jessie slept like a baby. I nodded my head in agreement—the psychological setback was done, over. I was allowed this one, and now it was time to put my game face on once more.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“I’ll drop this off at the post office before I head home.”
“Thank you, Avery.”
“You need anything while I’m in town?”
“Not that I can think of.”
“Well I’ll be home in a few hours. I’ll grab lunch for you and Jessie.”
“He’ll probably still be sleeping at this rate.” My t
one showcased my sarcasm—but Jessie had been sleeping a great deal.
“Let the boy sleep. When I was his age I was in bed when I wasn’t in school or on the football field.”
“I know…he’s good.”
“Have a good day, Kacey.”
“You too, Avery.”
Closing the door, I crept back to the bedroom to ensure Jessie was still sleeping. He was. As soon as I heard Avery’s truck leave the driveway I slipped my shoes on and made my way to the barn. Once inside, I was dumbfounded to find the box Jessie and I had been looking through was no longer there. I gazed about the mountain of boxes until my sight settled upon the same box with disturbed dust on the top and sides of it. I went to it quickly—feeling as though I were trespassing.
Opening the box, I was instantly met by the same picture. I set it aside and began snooping through the remainder of the contents. There were several pictures of this brown-haired boy and this woman. Perhaps Avery was divorced and his wife wouldn’t allow him to see their son—but the boy in the pictures had to be at least eighteen or older by now. If Avery was his father, there could be nothing stopping him from seeing him.
A piece of orange construction paper caught my attention—it was letter of some sort; a child’s letter.
Dab,
You are the bestest Daddy in the hole wide world.
The words were spelled out in brown crayon and it was signed Brock. I continued my search and nearly lost my breath when my hand slid across Brock’s obituary. Pulling the folded paper from the box I was horrified to learn that Avery was in fact the boy’s father, and that the boy was born one year before me. He would be almost twenty had he not passed away.