Heart Fate

by Robin D. Owens

  “Lahsin, I learned something in the last few minutes.” An ironic smile flickered on his lips, then vanished. “I always learned as much or more from you than anything you’ve learned from me.”

  As images flashed of their lessons, their talks, their sex, pain ripped through her.

  His gaze was strong, level, serious. “I learned that I love you,” he said.

  She was still shuddering with sweeping emotions, couldn’t cope with such change, so words just fell from her lips. “I don’t love you.”

  His mouth thinned, but he showed no pain he might be feeling. She put her hands against her head to settle her spinning wits.

  He nodded. “I will wait, Lahsin. We are HeartMates, and I will wait. Come to me when you’re ready.”

  She saw that flash of anguish again. Her mouth dropped open, and before she closed it, he was gone.

  D’Sea came up and wrapped Lahsin in a hug against her soft body, sending waves of calm, and Lahsin realized how stiff and hurt her muscles were, how cold she was. She began to quiver, then tremble, then shuddered and wept.

  “You’ve been too isolated,” D’Sea said, stroking her hair. “Going through all this on your own. Alone.”

  Strother barked. I was with her!

  D’Sea didn’t understand Lahsin’s grief. It was because she hadn’t been alone that she wept. Because her sanctuary had been perfect with a beautiful garden, great Fam, wonderful love, and all that had been an illusion. Tinne had only come to her, cared for her because she was his HeartMate.

  That sounded strange, but she was too confused to sort it out and cried some more.

  “Tell me where your hidey-hole is, dear, and I’ll send someone to get your things.” D’Sea patted her on her back. “You need a good place to stay.”

  The words brought Lahsin up short. D’Sea obviously believed she’d taken shelter in some deserted building in Druida. She hadn’t. Lahsin had to keep FirstGrove secret and safe.

  She drew away, swallowed tears, forced herself to speak calmly. “Thank you, but I’d prefer to do that myself.”

  D’Sea frowned, then said, “All right.” She lifted a hand. “I’ll get you an escort.”

  “That won’t be neces—”

  Tab Holly was there, taking D’Sea’s hand in his own and bringing it to his mouth in a bow, then he let it go and turned to Lahsin. “Don’t know if you recall that we’ve met. Tab Holly, Tinne’s G’Uncle and mentor. Owner of the Green Knight Fencing and Fighting Salon.” He held out a hand that was hard with calluses. “I’ll accompany the lady,” he assured D’Sea.

  Lahsin eyed him. He probably knew a whole lot about what was going on. About Tinne, if she wanted to ask. She didn’t. “Thank you,” she said, taking his hand. Tab smelled a little like Tinne. Or because the man was so much older, Tinne smelled like Tab. Or they both smelled of the Green Knight Fencing and Fighting Salon.

  No, the common scent was that of the ointment she’d first made for Tinne. Tears started again.

  Tab gave her a huge linen softleaf.

  Strother projected loudly, I come. I am strong and tough.

  “I welcome your company,” Tab said. He met D’Sea’s gaze. “I think it’s time that Tinne lives in T’Holly Residence. GentleLady Lahsin Rosemary can stay at the Turquoise House.”

  D’Sea’s eyes widened, then she nodded. “I agree.”

  “Good,” Tab said. “Good with you, Lady?” he asked Lahsin.

  She didn’t see any way out of it, so she sighed. “Yes.”

  “I’ll inform Tinne of the change,” D’Sea said.

  When they’d reached the teleportation area, a rectangle of hard, dry earth, Tab said, “You visualize the coordinates, Lady, and send them to me. I think you’ll find that we have a bond.”

  Because of Tinne. She gulped, nodded, wiped her face. Taking eight deep breaths to calm herself, she set the image of the northernmost door of FirstGrove in her mind. The dirty paved courtyard between the wall and abandoned warehouses. The light was so.

  She sent it to Tab. He was right, there was a connection between them. He wrapped a sturdy arm around her waist, determined nothing would go wrong. That made her smile faintly. She held onto Strother’s collar.

  “On three,” Tab counted down. “One, true HeartMates.” Lahsin flinched. “Two, HeartBond dear, three.”

  They arrived at the door without a sound, barely disturbing dust. Tab frowned. “I don’t recognize this area. Where are we?”

  Lahsin gestured to the wall to their left a few meters away. “The North Wall of Druida, near the northeast corner.”

  Tab frowned. “Still don’t know.” He turned in place, scanning the buildings, the brush, the narrow alleys, the wall. Then he nodded. “I’ll find my way around.”

  I can help, Strother said.

  “Appreciate it,” Tab said. “How long will it take you to pack and return, GentleLady Rosemary?”

  Lahsin said thickly, “Call me Lahsin, and not long.” She wondered how many ructions BalmHeal Residence would make. She didn’t know how much she could stand. But no one else could get her things. She really wanted a long soak in the Healing pool, to go to bed and hide under the covers but that wasn’t going to happen.

  I will wait here with Tab Holly, Strother said. She got the idea that he didn’t want to be around the Residence, either.

  Hands on his hips, Tab stared at the wall. “Looks concave.”

  “It is, it curves inward, not quite a triangle.”

  “Huh. Think I’ll follow it along for a bit.”

  “It won’t help you, you’ll still forget.”

  He nodded. “Don’ think I’ll remember this, but may as well do a little explorin’. I’ve seen many an odd thing in m’life, this is jus’ one more. Interestin’.”

  “All right. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  Once inside the estate, Lahsin teleported to her bedroom. She still had too much energy, too much Flair, though she landed exactly where she’d envisioned, in the middle of the room.

  “Residence . . .” She didn’t know how to explain.

  “I have heard of everything that has transpired since you left.” BalmHeal Residence was subdued.

  That surprised Lahsin. She got her few clothes and her thin sack from the wardrobe. “How?”

  “I am now tied into a network of communication with other Residences. And the starship.” It sounded sour.

  “That’s good.”

  “It’s not enough. I know you’re leaving.”

  “I had no choice. Tab Holly is waiting outside the walls to take me to another place.”

  “Hrumph. To that stup Turquoise House. I heard. Don’t you forget your promise to me, Lahsin.”

  “I won’t.”

  All the windows rattled. She wet her lips, thought of the lip balm and other jars and bottles of remedies she’d made. “I’d like to take my work that’s in the stillroom.”

  “Take it, then.”

  She thought of something else. “I’d like to leave my HeartGift here. It’s well placed in the greenhouse to get light and water. I’ve funded those spells for a few months. Could you look after it for me, please?” The little garden in the planter with sexual markings, the small holly sprigs twining into a heart shape. Her mind had cleared to let her know what it was, now.

  “You would leave something so precious as your HeartGift with me?” BalmHeal sounded stilted, or choked. Lahsin decided not to tell the Residence how little her HeartGift meant to her.

  “You’ll keep it safe, and you’ll have surety for my word.”

  It didn’t deny that it wanted surety.

  “Very well. I will watch over it for you and alert you should anything happen to it.”

  “Thank you.” She’d finished gathering the other bits and pieces of her life. She’d put her drum at the bottom of the sack where she couldn’t see it, but she couldn’t leave it behind. Saying a spell to shield and strengthen the sack, she walked to the front great hall door and h
esitated. “Thank you for your hospitality.” She bowed. “Merry meet.”

  “Merry part,” the Residence said.

  “And merry meet again,” she ended.

  “We’d better,” the Residence said.

  Lahsin stopped at the stillroom building to pick up her jars and shoved them in the bag, then ’ported back to the door. She couldn’t bear to look at the Healing pool before she left. Though from the way she felt, FirstGrove would open to her touch for a long, long time.

  Tab and Strother were at the door, and they all teleported to the Turquoise House without a word. Tab opened the greeniron gates for her, and they walked through the short courtyard to the pretty pastel house.

  “Tinne’s already gone,” Tab said.

  Lahsin swallowed. “That’s good.”

  “He didn’t lie to you.”

  “He didn’t tell the truth, either.”

  Tab snorted. “An’ you were ready to hear he was your HeartMate? He wasn’t.”

  “I can’t talk about this now. Too much . . .” Her voice rose.

  “Sorry,” Tab said, then bent down and surprised her by kissing her forehead. “You’ve had a hard day. Rest. Take care of yourself. Spend time with your Fam. Don’ let the Turquoise House talk your ear off.”

  That made her smile, but it faded when she saw his piercing stare fixed on her. “You be good to my boy, Lahsin Rosemary. And think on this, those who have HeartMates are blessed, and you’re only seventeen. Got more’n a century to live. Don’t throw away what you’ll want later.” Then he watched her open the door. When she closed it behind her, she sensed he was gone.

  His words rang in her ears.

  Tinne was gone, but his scent remained.

  She dragged herself straight to bed—in a guest bedroom instead of the MasterSuite Tinne had used. Always a guest, never a good suite of her own, she thought tiredly. Only midday, and she needed sleep. The nervy energy from her Flair had vanished with the last teleportation, leaving her with barely enough to walk.

  The Turquoise House, “TQ,” was blessedly quiet, playing beautiful, soothing music. To “Recover from Passage and Emotional Events,” it’d said in a wonderful male voice, almost crooning itself—himself.

  Emotional events. She half laughed, half choked as she crumpled onto the bedsponge and drew an ultrasoft cover over her.

  Tinne had left a faint imprint in here, too, as had his FamCat. Tinne. How much of him was true and how much false? Was he friend or HeartMate? She didn’t know. He’d deceived her, she didn’t know him now.

  She was adult and Flaired. She’d killed a man. She didn’t know herself.

  She felt betrayed.

  Thirty-five

  Tinne arrived at the teleportation pad in the entryway of T’Holly Residence a few minutes before his parents. His life had fallen to pieces once more, and he wasn’t ready to deal with his HeartMate and her shock and rejection of him.

  He was ready to deal with his Family who had controlled his life. He had let them, fearing falling, fearing failing, fearing change. Lahsin had become a woman, it was time he became a man.

  T’Holly and his Mamá had arrived as soon as he’d flipped the switch on the teleportation pad to show it was free.

  “You have a HeartMate! How wonderful. She’ll change her mind soon about wedding with you! We’ll make sure of it!” His Mamá rushed toward him and hugged him tight, and for an instant he allowed himself to love her unconditionally as he had all his life, to savor her warmth and her scent and her love. Then he stepped aside, back into his moving balance, not to be swayed again by them. “No.”

  He met his father’s eyes. “I will handle my HeartMate and my love life and my whole damn life. By myself. As a man.”

  “Well, of course—” his Mamá started.

  “No!” He made a cutting gesture. “You will listen to me. I have always preferred to follow your lead, take your instruction. Only when I had no choice, when you failed to listen to me did I go my own way. That will stop now. I will conduct my own life as I see fit. You will accept that.”

  Tears filled his Mamá’s eyes, she stepped back and held out her hand. T’Holly took it, drew her into his arms. She buried her face in his chest. His face went stony. “I am listening, I hear an ‘or else’.”

  “Or else I move from T’Holly Residence permanently.” He didn’t know where he’d go, since Lahsin was at TQ, but he’d find a place. He knew how to live by himself, or by himself and with his Fam. He glanced around for Ilexa and found her sitting in a corner, claws spread, cleaning dirt from her pads. She preferred living here, of course, but radiated support.

  His father eased, and Tinne realized the man had been braced for a threat to disinherit himself. Tinne shook his head slightly and a corner of T’Holly’s mouth quirked. He patted his HeartMate’s shoulder. “All sons must grow up, Passiflora.”

  Tinne’s Mamá said a muffled, “My baby!”

  He winced.

  “Our fine son, a man to be proud of,” T’Holly said. His eyes were steady. “So?”

  Tinne lowered from the balls of his feet. “So I want the tower rooms. I’ve always wanted the tower rooms.”

  “But they’re so far away—” his mother protested.

  “I can play my drums in there and not have to muffle the sound.

  Play ’em all night long if I want, and no one else will hear them. You’ve kept those rooms filled with storage just so you couldn’t give them to me. Holm and Lark’s child can have my suite.” Let them redecorate.

  “But your HeartMate might not like the tower—”

  “We will not discuss my HeartMate. Ever. Unless I bring up the topic. You will not interfere in her life. Your Vows of Honor on it.”

  Both flinched, so much had gone wrong last time they’d given Vows of Honor and broken them.

  T’Holly’s eyes had gone steely. “Do you realize that except for my Oath of Office as Captain of All Councils, no one has asked me for my Vow of Honor?” His smile turned ironic. “As if I couldn’t be trusted to give it again and keep it. Thank you, son.” He raised the hand that had been stroking his HeartMate’s back. “I solemnly swear on my Vow of Honor that I will not interfere in my son Tinne Holly’s life.” He hesitated. “Without being requested by him to do so.”

  Tinne found his own lips curving, the man had to add a qualifier. He gave a short nod and said, “Particularly with regard to Tinne’s HeartMate, Lahsin.”

  “Particularly with regard to Tinne’s HeartMate, Lahsin,” T’Holly repeated.

  “Good. Mamá?”

  “Oh, very well.” She turned in her husband’s arms. “I-solemnly-swear-on-my-Vow-of-Honor-that-I-will-not-interfere-in-my-son- Tinne-Holly’s-life-particularly-with-regard-to-Tinne’s-HeartMate-Lahsin,” she said so fast that he barely heard the words. Then she made a moue. “But you know, we can help—”

  “No, Mamá. She is young and finding her own way.” Tinne took both her hands and kissed them. “I’m older and finding my way. We’ve both had great upheavals in our lives. Let us deal with them ourselves and grow.” He flashed a smile. “You will have to limit yourself to interfering in the lives of the rest of the Family. I think the cuz who’s been my driver needs help.”

  Her face lightened. “Yes? Come, Holm Senior, let’s go find him.”

  “I have other plans.” T’Holly lifted his wife in his arms, and they disappeared.

  “That was mean,” Tinne’s brother, Holm, said. He and his wife, Lark, stood on the teleportation pad. “You never did forgive him for ferrying you around, did you?”

  Tinne shrugged.

  Lark walked to him, gaze searching. “How are you?”

  The last thing he wanted was to tell a Healer, even his sister-in-law, how he was feeling. He looked at his brother, who just put his hands in his pockets.

  Clearing his throat, Tinne said, “Shocked. Numb.” He rubbed his hand over his chest. “It’s been a rocky few weeks.”

  “A lot of change,” Holm
agreed. He winked. “I have no doubt that things will settle down for a while and in a few months I’ll be attending your wedding.”

  Tinne managed a choking laugh. “I don’t know—”

  Lark put her hands on his forearms, rubbed up and down once. Tinne felt the infusion of Family energy, from her, his brother, and even a tiny spark from the babe within. That awed him.

  Lark said, “Everything has turned out well. Lahsin is away from that cruel T’Yew, has survived her Second Passage, and is an adult with Flair to control and mend her life. Tinne is free to HeartBond with her when they are both ready. And he is home.” She rose on tip-toe to kiss his cheek. “With time, everything will straighten and smooth out.” She sounded a lot more optimistic than he felt. “Now you go drum.” Making a face, she caught Holm’s hand in her own. “We need to survey your old suite for our child and see what colors and furnishings we might keep.”

  “He or she might like growing up in a Yule box,” Tinne said helpfully.

  Holm buffeted him on his shoulder as he went by.

  “Welcome home, Tinne,” said the Residence.

  “Thank you, Residence. May I say that I missed you and will never take you for granted again? The Turquoise House is a good place, but exhausting, and BalmHeal...”

  “Thank you, Tinne. The rest of us Residences are working with BalmHeal. Despite what you humans do, BalmHeal will not be forsaken and alone again.” A note of exasperation came to T’Holly Residence’s voice. “It was only its pride that kept it from reaching out for help until it was too late.”

  “A lesson for us all,” Tinne said.

  There was a second’s silence. “Yes, a lesson for us all.”

  Then the Residence said, “But I would inform you that the tower rooms are now free of all storage items. The rooms are currently furnished with old pieces arranged in the way that you prefer. Between myself and the Turquoise House, we have moved the personal items you left there to that space, including your drums.”

  Tinne smiled and picked up the pace, until he was bounding up the stairs. “I’m glad I’m home, too. This calls for a celebration drumming.” Better to say that than think of a despair drumming, or just plain drumming to let the pain out.