Love/Fate
Page 20
Born looked at her, truly proud of what she’d done for herself. “So, do you ever get tempted to use drugs now?”
Jada looked at him, knowing that he wondered if she was clean for good this time. “No. I don’t get tempted at all. When I think of all the things I did to get high, and to stay high … I would never put myself or my child through that again. Sheldon is all the reason I need not to ever go back to that life again. I love him too much for that. When I look at him, I don’t see his father. I see my baby, my son. I was so far gone that I put his life in jeopardy. I owe him my very best for the rest of his life. I don’t want to let him down like I did in the beginning. He’s my everything.” She felt herself getting a little misty-eyed, and she looked away briefly before continuing. “I never want to be without him again.” Jada told Born about her mother helping out with Sheldon while she got her life together. “I went to college, and graduated with a degree in journalism. Me and Sunny are collaborating on a book now. I think it’ll be a bestseller.”
Born smiled. “I bet it will.”
Jada smiled, too. “I’m living a very different life than the one I once lived. I’m not gonna fuck it up again.”
Born listened quietly, soaking all of it up. His mind was like a sponge, absorbing each detail. He had known that Jamari had taken custody of Jada’s son. But he had not known the lengths to which Jamari had gone to ensure that Jada was humiliated every step of the way. Knowing her story—knowing that Jada had been subjected to humiliation at the hands of men for most of her life—he felt sick to his stomach with pity. He was mad at himself for all the pain he had caused Jada. He was also somewhat mad at her for falling prey to a nigga as corny as Jamari. He hated Jamari for taking her child away from her, because Born knew that Jada—like him—needed her child to survive. Born felt that Jamari had taken advantage of Jada’s weakness, and had used it to feel powerful for the first time in his life. His rage was evident on his face, and Jada spoke on it.
“Cat got your tongue?” She sat back, drained her glass, and looked at Born dead-on. She smiled at him, looking relaxed from the effects of the rum.
Born recalled saying that same thing to her so many times over the course of their relationship. He used to always use the phrase when an awkward silence fell between them, because he knew that Jada would be far off in her mind, deep in thought. Hearing her say that now—“Cat got your tongue?”—it made him smile inside.
Jada read him perfectly. “I remember,” she said. “I remember everything.” She stared at him, wondering about Anisa. “Earlier you said your heart is off-limits because of how I hurt you. So how is it that you have a son with the woman who took my place?”
Born grinned a little, flattered that she was still jealous after all this time. “Nobody ever took your place. That’s first of all. And Anisa never even came close. She just got pregnant.” He loved Ethan with all his heart, and took the role of fatherhood very seriously. Born had always felt like his own father had disappeared when he needed him the most. He was determined not to disappear from Ethan’s life, despite the fact that his relationship with Anisa was basically over. “Anisa takes pretty good care of him. But, even though she may not have been the woman I wanted to have my child …” Born looked at her suggestively. “I’m glad she had him for me, because he made me want to turn my life around.”
“How is he? Is he bad, or is he a good kid?” she asked, wishing all the while that he was her child.
Born noticed the sadness in her eyes as she asked the question. “He’s good. Ethan really has a lot of my ways, a lot of my habits. He’s something else.” Born smiled, thinking of his boy. “How is Sheldon doing? He’s healthy and all that?”
“He’s great.” Jada, too, smiled. “He’s so beautiful, and so smart. He has such a crush on Sunny that it’s ridiculous.” She laughed.
Born laughed, as well. He could see how a little boy would have a crush on Sunny. She always dressed sexy, and D.J. had told Born about his “funny feelings” whenever Sunny came around. Sunny had remained a part of D.J.’s life after Dorian’s death. When he and D.J. got together, he often told Born about his visits with Sunny and his little half sister, Mercedes. But Born hadn’t had the pleasure of crossing paths with Sunny in years. “Good ole Sunny! How is she? She still the same live wire she always was?”
Jada nodded, as their second round of drinks arrived, a rum and Coke for her, Hennessy straight for him. “She’ll never change too much. Having Mercedes calmed her down, but Sunny still has the same loud mouth she always had. But I love her to death. She helped me out a lot with Sheldon when I was in trouble.”
Born smiled. He cleared his throat, and tried to sort through all the things they’d discussed. “What do you tell your son about his father? Does he ask you about him?”
Jada nodded. “Yeah, he does, sometimes. Like any kid, he wants to know what his father looked like, and why he’s not around anymore. Of course he was too young to remember Jamari, because he died when Sheldon was a toddler. I just try not to talk shit about him around my son. That’s not easy to do, because I still have hate in my heart for him. I just tell Sheldon that his father loved him very much. But he wasn’t living his life right, and he died young. That’s all I can tell him right now. Someday, when he’s older, I plan to tell Sheldon the whole story. I know it won’t be easy. But I’d rather him hear it from me than from anybody else.” Jada often worried about the day that she would have to explain her past to Sheldon. She and Sunny went about raising their children, and Sheldon and Mercedes didn’t know about the past that both their mothers kept secret. Sunny often joked that one day she’d tell her daughter the story of her life, and poor little Mercedes would never be the same. Jada, however, dreaded the inevitable day when she would have to reveal to her son that she’d once been a crackhead. But she took comfort in one simple fact: She wasn’t a crackhead anymore. And she never would be again.
“You know, I named him after the only two men I’ve ever loved in my life. My father, and you.”
Born put his drink down, and looked at her. “Are you serious?” Born looked at her as if he wasn’t sure if he should take her seriously. He was flattered, though, and he smiled, once more revealing those beautiful dimples Jada loved so much.
Jada nodded. “Yup. His name is Sheldon Marquis.”
“Wow,” was all Born could think to say in response. But he couldn’t stop smiling. He knew that must have made Jamari sick!
Finally, their food came. Born, as usual, bowed his head, and prayed. Jada prayed, too. “That’s the first time I’ve ever seen you pray, Jada. You born again now, or something?” He asked this as he poured salt on his mashed potatoes.
She looked at him, and spread butter on her potatoes. “I pray every day. I used to go to church with my mother back when I lived with her. She was really into church, and all that, and I guess some of it rubbed off. I know that I wouldn’t have been able to get clean and stay clean if it wasn’t for God. He’s important in my life, but I wouldn’t say that I’m born again. I don’t wanna lie like that. I don’t want to pretend to be so devout, and then do dirt when the prayer is finished … like some people.” Jada winked at him, suggestively, and shoved a forkful of chicken in her mouth.
Born laughed, loudly. “Wow!” he said. “I forgot that you got all that mouth. You really do know how to put a nigga in his place.”
She smiled. “I was only speaking hypothetically,” she lied. “I wasn’t talking about you in particular.”
True to form, Born filled his mouth to twice its capacity, and proceeded to chew with his mouth half open. Jada frowned in disgust, and he seemed pleased by this, smiling as he chewed.
“I missed your old stankin’ ass,” he said.
Jada laughed. “I missed your old stankin’ ass, too.”
Born drank some water. “So, tell me this. I know you told me you got your degree, you’re writing a book, you bought a house, and all that. So you got a man?”
Jada nodded. “Yup. His name is Sheldon. My son is my man, and I’m totally committed to him.”
Born smiled. “I hear that.”
Jada laughed. They shared their meal, and some small talk about the other aspects of their lives from the time they’d been apart. And they began to reconstruct the friendship they had once had, before disappointment got in the way. Born told Jada about how he’d been arrested and incarcerated. He told her about the time he’d spent in solitary confinement, rethinking the direction of his life. He explained that he had gotten out of prison, and opened a sneaker store, then bought a barbershop. How he’d continued doing business with Dorian’s crew until it became apparent that D.J. had a gift that couldn’t be ignored. He told Jada about his new role as D.J.’s manager, and about how that had been enough to finally get him out of the drug game.
Jada smiled. “You’re the perfect manager for him.”
Born smiled, too. “Yeah, I got love for the kid. I won’t let nobody take advantage of him, or exploit him. I feel like I owe it to Dorian.” He looked at Jada, knowing that she had witnessed him mourning the loss of his boy. Jada knew his history. She had held him when he got weak enough to cry over the loss of his friend, and she didn’t need any further explanation. Born was glad to be sitting there with Jada, enjoying a meal and making amends. He was amazed at how mainstream their lives had turned out, with him working in the entertainment industry and Jada having a career of her own. It seemed that they had both learned from their mistakes, and made the best out of bad situations.
By the time they finished eating, they had fallen back into their old ways—somewhat. Their conversation had turned to the good old days. They reminisced on the times they had shared when they had been happy, and such a good team. They laughed at old jokes and recalled things that had been special to both of them. Jada realized how much she had missed him, and their love. She enjoyed watching the way he moved, the way he talked, his voice, and his laughter. And as they ordered another round of drinks, Born found himself wishing that things had turned out differently between them. No one had ever made him feel the way Jada had. He had never loved a woman as completely as he had loved her. Seeing her now reminded him why he had loved her so much.
Jada stared at him, wishing they had never parted. She had one more bone to pick with him, though. “When you threw me out, it seemed like you had Anisa waiting in the wings to take my spot. Are you sure you never cheated on me with her?”
Born frowned. “I never cheated on you, Jada. I was faithful to you always.” He saw the skeptical look on her face, and got defensive. “Is that what you thought? That I cheated on you?” He shook his head. “I never played you. Never.”
“Well, shit! You started seeing her damn near the day after me and you broke up.” The contempt was so evident in Jada’s voice as she spoke. In her mind, she thought, You didn ‘t even wait!
Born sensed her disdain, and he looked at her dead-on. “I know you’re mad at me for that.”
Jada started to deny it, but it would have been pointless. “You gave it all to her, Born. Everything that used to be mine. She got your attention, your lifestyle, your friends, your son.” Jada fumed inside. “I hated her. I hated you. You would see me, and you just walked on by like I was a stranger. Like I was never your girl, and we were never in love. You kicked me out of that house, and out of your life. All our mutual friends became your friends and her friends. I was on the outside looking in. And I thought you were being so cruel. It took me a long time to stop feeling like that. I had to understand that you just moved on.”
Born heard the pain in her voice. “I was hurt, Jada. You made a fool out of me. Niggas in the street were coming to me, and telling me that they saw you high, that they saw you embarrassing yourself. I felt betrayed. And I guess Anisa helped me forget about the hurt I was feeling.” Born stared at her intently. “I never loved her the way I love you,” he said. “Anisa looks good, she gets attention. But she’s not you. She doesn’t move me anymore. It’s been a long time since I can honestly say I felt any type of love for her.”
“Do you still feel love for me?” Jada surprised herself that she’d asked the question.
Born was also surprised. He thought about the years without her in his life. He realized how much he missed her input, her smile, her voice. He wondered if she had any idea how difficult it had been for him to walk away from her all those years ago; wondered if she knew how hard it had been for him not to call her or go after her. He had watched her blossom from a young lady to a woman over so many years. And leaving her behind had been no easy task. Looking at her now, all grown up and standing on her own two feet, he was so proud of her. Jada had been his ride or die chick. And sitting with her in the back of that soul food joint, he realized that she still held his heart after all these years. Their love had been a fairy tale, only their story’s ending had had a sordid twist. “Yeah. I still love you a whole lot.”
Jada smiled, glad to know that Born still had a genuine love for her; glad to know that her feelings hadn’t been hers alone. “I still love you, too.” She blushed slightly, feeling vulnerable. “Do you forgive me, Born?”
He nodded. “Yeah. I forgive you,” he said. “Do you forgive me?”
Jada smiled. “Yes. I do.”
Born reached for her hand, and kissed it. Both of their hearts were comforted being in one another’s presence after so long. They finished their drinks, and Born paid the check. Yet the two of them sat there, not moving, neither of them wanting to end the evening. Finally, Jada reached for her purse, and slid her chair back. “Thanks for a lovely meal,” she said, half jokingly. Things had never been that formal between them. She smiled. “I have to admit that I don’t want to go right now—”
“So don’t.” Born smiled back at her. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but he held back. He couldn’t believe that he was with Jada after all these years. Yet, despite the affection he felt toward her, there was still a wedge between them of pain and disappointment.
She was thinking the same thing. So many years ago, this man had made the kind of love to her that makes you want to kick up your leg like one of the Rockettes. She remembered how she literally had felt every nerve in her body respond to Born’s touch. He had loved her perfectly, once upon a time. Jada shook her head, trying to break free of the memory. “I have to,” she said. “If I don’t leave now, I probably never will.” Jada stood up, and Born followed suit.
Jada stepped around her chair, and walked closer to Born. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and pulled him into a firm embrace. He hugged her back, and held on tightly. “You can call me, and I plan to call you, too. I’m glad we’re on good terms now, Marquis.” He smiled at her calling him by his government name. “I missed you,” she said.
Born got a little choked up, but kept his game face on. “Yo, I missed you, too. A whole lot.” He hugged her tightly, grabbed her by the hand, and led her out of the restaurant. They said good-bye to the friendly restaurant staff, and walked out hand in hand. Jada showed Born where she’d parked her car, and he walked her toward her silver Buick Rendezvous. He complimented her on her taste in SUVs, and then they stood awkwardly beside her truck.
“Jada, I want you to know that I wish I would have reacted differently when I walked away from you. I wish I had been strong enough to help you through it. I didn’t know how to handle that. But now I know that if I really loved you, I should have tried to help you. I didn’t have it in me to help you, so I shut you down. I’m sorry, baby girl.” He moved closer to her face, and caressed her cheek with his hand. “I’m so sorry.”
Jada tried to control her runaway heartbeat. She felt flutters in her gut, as she felt his warm breath on her face. Then he kissed her gently, and she let go, kissing him back fully. His tongue tasted sweet in her mouth, and she kissed him with an intensity that surprised both of them. Their kiss lasted several moments, and not once did they stop to think about their public display of affection.
Jada’s eyes were tear filled, and she looked away in order to blink back the waterfalls. She laughed uneasily, and said, “I need to go.” She took her keys out of her purse, and looked at Born. “I’ll call you,” she said. Born watched her climb inside her truck, and she rolled down the window to talk to him.
“Think about this,” he said. “This don’t have to be the end of our story. It might be the start of a whole new chapter. We said we’d always be friends, right?”
Jada nodded.
Born smiled at her. “Well, if you ever need a friend, holla at your boy.” She smiled, as Born walked away backward. He winked at her. Then he put his hands in the pockets of his jeans, turned around, and walked away. Jada sat watching his familiar stride as he walked. She put her key in the ignition, and started to drive away. But she couldn’t help feeling like her heart was breaking all over again. She called out his name, and Born stopped walking and turned back to her.
“Why don’t you come by my house? I think Sunny would be really happy to see you.”
He nodded, grinning that same irresistible grin he always had. “I’ll follow you,” he called out. Jada smiled, and waited for him to pull his car up behind her, so that they could drive to her place. She wanted to jump for joy, but she contained her enthusiasm as they headed for her house.
41
UNFINISHED BUSINESS
Born followed Jada inside her house, and they were immediately greeted by two kids. Sheldon and Mercedes ran to Jada, and hugged her. Born looked at the two happy children and smiled. Sheldon looked so much like Jada that it was obvious to him that this was her son. She introduced them, anyway.
“Sheldon, this is my friend Born.” Sheldon shook Born’s hand, and Born smiled at him.