Restless Storm

by Jamie Summer

  Hope. Despair. Pain. Love.

  How could one person feel so much? How was it possible to not succumb to an overload of feelings?

  I had no idea.

  No freaking idea.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Maddy

  I walked to where Anna sat, my heart racing. It was merely a few steps until I reached her, her bed and my former one only a few feet apart, but I felt her regarding me closely, probably wondering what had gotten into me.

  Truth be told, I had no idea myself. The moment Jake had started talking to me, I felt myself wanting to respond. Without questions, without accusations. It was nice.

  It reminded me of the way we used to be.

  Talking had never been one of our issues. We always had the most random conversations, but he didn’t mind, and neither did I.

  “Jake said to move our beds so they aren’t so far apart.” I didn’t look at her as I spoke, not wanting her to see the smile I currently sported.

  “Is that what Jake said?” There was humor in her voice. I didn’t blame her for the tone. How could I?

  “Yes, he did.”

  “Well, if Jake said so, I guess we’d better do that.”

  I finally glanced at her, seeing her eyes shining with mischief. I didn’t want to add even more to that with every remark on my lips.

  It was nothing. We merely had a civil conversation. Nothing more. It was nice. My heart didn’t race as fast as a Formula One car or a roller coaster. Nope, not at all.

  Anna moved around, pulling her bed a little closer to the now empty area. I snapped into action, following her movements with my own new bed. Jake had since walked off, obviously to dispose of the splintered wood.

  “Jake has been a big help when it comes to the shelter. He helped built a lot of it,” Anna commented nonchalantly.

  “He said there were a few workers George hired to set this up,” I said, biting my lip when I saw Anna grin like a fool. Yep, I had fallen for that one.

  “There were, but he was the one who found them and bossed them around, making sure everything was built the way he wanted it. George once mentioned to mom they couldn’t have done it without him. It’s also how Scott ended up on the island. He was one of the workers.” The shine in Anna’s eyes returned, and I nodded, smiling.

  “Jake didn’t quite explain it like that.”

  “I’m not surprised. He never wanted any thanks for the work he did. Countless hours helping without any compensation. George offered to pay him more than once, but Jake always waved him off, saying he cared about the people on this island. He wanted them safe. I think it was only part of the reason. I have a feeling it also gave him something to think about other than the fact your dad died and you left.”

  Guilt rushed through me like a tidal wave, catching me off guard. It wasn’t the first time I had felt a certain amount of culpability for leaving, but having Anna tell me this story did something else to me.

  “He loved the work, and everyone was more than thankful to him for all he did.”

  I focused on the bed in front of me as I got out a blanket and pillow provided by the shelter. I neatly laid it out, carefully putting them in the right place. Anything to keep me from having to face Anna.

  “Anyway, for what it’s worth, I’m glad you guys talked,” she whispered.

  “Me, too,” I replied, surprising myself. It was the truth. It had been nice to talk with him about things other than the million reasons we couldn’t be together.

  “I’m gonna see what I can do to help around here. Do you need anything?” Anna asked.

  “No. I think I’m going to go outside and walk around a bit. I’ll be back later.”

  “I heard Betty will be by with dinner later, and I know my mom’s helping her. That means we have to eat here for the time being.”

  “No problem at all.”

  She smiled, then waved to me before walking off to where Scott and a few others, including Jake, were still trying to fix the broken pipe.

  I grabbed my scarf and hat, put them on, and walked out of the shelter. The few people I saw greeted me with big smiles, some even stopping for a quick chat. With everyone who waved me over, my nervousness about staying behind lessened. It was exactly like Grace and Jake had said. No one blamed me for leaving two years ago. No one treated me differently now that I was back.

  It was as if I had never left in the first place.

  As I finally made my way out of the shelter, darkness greeted me. I knew it was only shortly after four, but the days had been getting shorter, the sun setting earlier. The clouds had parted, giving way to the clear, starry sky. The cold, frosty ocean air seeped into my bones.

  The ocean.

  I turned, coming face to face with the reason for so many of my nightmares over the past two years. It glittered in the distance, the moonlight shining through the trees illuminating the water. I took a deep breath and walked the dusty path through the small forested area. It would lead me directly to the beach. Directly to my spot.

  The sight made part of me want to run in the other direction, just like it had ever since my dad died. However, there was another part now, a stronger part, that propelled me forward.

  I didn’t know where it came from or why I thought it was a good idea. Maybe the mere fact I was stuck here with a deadly storm on the horizon made me reckless. Who knew?

  I reached my destination before I had talked myself out of it. My hands felt clammy as I stood on the beach, the sand crunching under my sneakers. I took off my shoes, my bare feet sinking into the cold as I continued toward the dark shore. The air was like ice, but I didn’t feel it. My whole body froze the moment my toes touched the water, the moment I let myself realize what it meant to be here.

  Touching the very thing that killed my dad. The very thing I had avoided for so long.

  Despite the chill, sweat formed on my forehead, a single droplet creeping down my face. My breathing became ragged. I bent down, resting my hands on my knees.

  Calm. Stay calm. Nothing is going to happen to you here. You’re safe.

  I repeated the words in my head, hoping it would keep the panic at bay. I stayed like that for a few seconds, my heart slowly starting to calm. I was vaguely aware of the soft waves rolling ashore, the cold wind playing around my nose.

  It’s all okay. Everything is fine.

  With another deep breath, I stood straight. I was determined to not let panic win anymore. My father had taught me to be strong, and dealing with a panic attack because of the very thing he treasured wasn’t what he would’ve wanted for me. He loved the ocean. Honestly, so did I.

  I needed to find that love again.

  A yearning woke within me, a feeling I had managed to keep at bay with the hatred and fear I felt toward the open waters after Dad died.

  “I can do this,” I whispered into the emptiness.

  I scanned the ocean before me. The illuminated abyss showed no signs of an incoming storm.

  Was it this way when Dad went out? No sign of any danger lurking on the horizon?

  I tried to remember that day, but I had pushed it so far into the back of my mind, I wasn’t able to recall the memory.

  If it were calm, how could things go wrong so quickly? He was a brilliant fisherman, almost more at home on the ocean than on land. How could he have missed a storm brewing?

  It didn’t make any sense. No matter how often I went over it in my head, nothing about what happened that day made any sense. I had tried to let it go, accept that it had been fate. Being here now, though, brought back all those questions I had no answers to. And probably never would.

  The noise of an animal sneaking through the bushes in the distance brought my attention to the present. I started to walk a bit, hoping the movement would clear my head in some way. My steps were slow, hesitant, the closeness to the ocean something I wasn’t used to anymore.

  The more I moved, the more at home I felt.

  This had been my refuge. It had bee
n where I spent most of my time, where most of my hopes and dreams were born. This was how I needed to remember it.

  Minutes passed as I let myself get reacquainted with the ocean. With every step, one more worry fell off me. One by one, they washed away like the waves on the shore. The invisible weight I carried on my shoulders the past two years slowly lifted. I wasn’t sure what exactly prompted it. Whether it was the closeness of the ocean or the fact I was finally ready to face it, I couldn’t help but feel relieved, as if one of the missing pieces finally fell back into place.

  I was far from being whole, my heart still trying to mend, but it was progress. I’d take all of that I was able to get.

  I breathed in the fresh air, a smile on my lips at the content feeling slowly starting to move through me, filling my every pore.

  The outcropping of rocks I used to sit on came into view, so I decided to take the few minutes I had to myself and enjoy the view from up there. I climbed up, careful to avoid the cracks in between. My bare feet protested against the harsh feeling, but I pushed on. It had never made any difference to me. The rock collection, about five feet high and ten feet wide, always held a special place in my heart. I had no idea how often I had sat here, but at least half of my time had been spent on those rocks, looking out at the ocean. Whether I waited for my dad to return, for the ferry to get here, or simply for the sun to set, it had always been a calming place when it seemed like everything else fell to pieces.

  Until the very same thing that had always brought me the calm I needed killed the only family I had.

  Now, two years later, I was finally ready to see that side of the ocean again. The one that had given me so much energy and helped me along the way.

  My happy place.

  My savior.

  I returned to the shelter eventually. I had no idea how much time had passed, but when the cold got to be too much, I headed back.

  The closed quarters brimmed with activity. There were more people now, most of them congregated around the kitchen area. The smell of fresh rosemary potatoes hit my nose, so I made my way over.

  Grace saw me, a huge smile on her lips. “There you are. Anna said you left but had no idea where you went.”

  “I walked on the beach for a bit.” That made a few heads turn in my direction, and I saw the surprised look on some faces. “I needed some fresh air,” I explained when Betty’s head popped up in the crowd.

  “You went to the beach? By yourself?” There was a hint of awe in Betty’s voice, but she couldn’t hide the skepticism.

  “I did. It was nice. It’s a little chilly outside, though,” I replied, my gaze meeting Betty’s over the crowd of people.

  “Good girl,” she said, barely audible over the distance. She nodded, a surge of pride running through me.

  “Let’s eat, shall we?” Grace suggested. My growling stomach agreed. We joined the crowd in line, and while Anna—who had stood by quietly—stayed in line with me, Grace went up to help Betty.

  “Did they cook their famous pork roast?” I asked Anna, who laughed in response.

  “What do you think? Given the chance to cook for a whole bunch of people? Of course they pulled out the pork roast. With the amount they made, it’ll last us a few days.” She rolled her eyes, and I couldn’t contain my own laugh. Knowing Grace and Betty, it didn’t surprise me at all.

  “Are you sure? There are so many people here.”

  Anna shrugged. “You know my mom. She doesn’t know how to cook small portions. Everything she does, she goes all out. Same with Betty. We still had some provisions in the pantry, so she got out some of the stuff to use. These people are in for a treat when it comes to the food. And so is everyone else who’ll join us sometime today or tomorrow.” We moved forward until we ended up at the front of the line, a plate being pushed into our hands.

  “Now, ladies, no complaints. I want you to finish your plate. Understood?” Betty announced.

  I looked from her to my plate and back, my eyes widening. “This is way more food than I’ll be able eat in a week!” I told her.

  She patted me on the shoulder before pushing me away with a laugh. “You’ll eat, Maddy. Are we clear?”

  Her voice left little room for argument, so I simply took my plate and walked over to where a few tables had been set up. Most of the space was filled already, but I saw one next to Scott, Jake’s friend. Jake, however, was nowhere to be seen.

  “Hi,” Scott greeted, then he looked behind me, excitement crossing his face. “Hi,” he said again. I turned my head and saw Anna approach.

  “Hi. Do you mind if we sit here?” she asked. Scott instantly shook his head, grabbing his plate and scooting a little farther down the bench to make room. I left the spot next to him for Anna and got comfortable.

  “How’s the pork roast?” Anna asked him.

  “Perfect. But did you expect anything less?” Scott replied, making Anna smile.

  “Considering the cooks, not at all.”

  I tried to let them have their space and focused on my own food. It was delicious, as expected. The savory taste of the meat, paired with the potatoes and the beans, was a treat.

  “Do you mind if I take this spot?” someone asked, the voice instantly making me perk up. The shiver running down my spine was just as much a natural reaction to Jake as my dry throat.

  Would that ever change?

  I managed to shake my head in response. He took the seat, putting his plate down in the process. “I can’t remember the last time I had this. The number of times I’ve spent fantasizing about it is embarrassing.”

  “You’ve had Grace’s pork roast before?” I asked in surprise, trying to remember when exactly that would’ve been.

  He nodded. “She made it during one our festivals last year. It was the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted.”

  I glanced over at Scott, who said something eerily similar to me seconds earlier.

  “So I heard,” I replied, unable to hide a grin.

  “Are you laughing at me?” Jake asked, arching a brow.

  “Nope. It’s just that your friend over there said the same thing about the food. Maybe that means you spend too much time together,” I told him, eliciting a laugh from Jake.

  “I wouldn’t even argue with you there. However, ever since he and Anna started hanging out, he’s dropped me like a hot potato.” He lowered his voice, mock pain in it. “I’m a little hurt.”

  “I’m sure you’re perfectly okay on your own,” I said. He glanced at me for a moment before returning to his plate.

  “I’m doing all right.” There was a subdued message in those words. One I was reluctant to hear. “I heard you went out to the beach earlier.”

  It shouldn’t surprise me the news had traveled fast, but something about Jake having that knowledge was different.

  I may have worked through my fear of the ocean, but it didn’t change anything else. At least I didn’t think so. Did it?

  Sitting here, Jake’s body next to mine and his eyes focused solely on me, it was easy to forget there were ever doubts or fears within me.

  All I saw was him. Everywhere.

  And there was nothing I could do about it.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Jake

  I tried not to watch her, but it was difficult. Harder than it had been the first day she was back.

  I wanted to tell her how amazing I thought it was that she went to the ocean and conquered her fear. There was something about the way she carried herself now that made me think the ocean had done what it had so often in the past—healed her.

  Not completely, but it was a start. Her smile came easier. Her shoulders weren’t as slumped as they were before. The air around her seemed happier overall. It was hard to describe.

  I never noticed those things before, but with Maddy, I seemed to pick up on every little thing.

  Then she mentioned me being perfectly fine on my own. The words stung, a piercing ache I wanted her to fill with warmth and love
. I knew she hadn’t meant anything by it.

  “Living here, you’re never completely alone. There’s always someone around. You know that better than anyone.”

  Maddy’s life had consisted of being either on the boat with her dad or at the harbor. Workers were usually present, and Betty’s café was right there, which was crowded at various times of the day. I didn’t think there was ever a moment she was alone. Unless she wanted to be.

  “Yet it’s nice to be able to get away. I realized that when I stopped by the beach earlier.”

  I watched her, waiting.

  “I haven’t been back since it happened.”

  I nodded, knowing she didn’t need me to do anything else.

  “I don’t know why, but for the first time in a long time, I didn’t run at the sight. Believe me, the urge was there, but I managed to fight through it. I know my dad wouldn’t have wanted me to despise the ocean for being what it was created to be.”

  I silently agreed with her.

  “I walked up to our rock outcropping. You remember? The one we always used to sit on?” she explained, sounding unsure whether or not I remembered. How could I forget? I had sat on those very rocks earlier, staring out at the ocean, as if it held all the answers in the world.

  “I’m proud of you,” I whispered, focusing on my food in front of me instead of the smile on her face.

  “Not sure it's something you should be proud of me for. I just think it was long overdue.”

  “You needed time to grieve, Maddy. No one blames you for that. We all do it differently. For you, the ocean is a place of both pain and solace. It has to be confusing.” I snuck a glance at her and saw her nod. Her gaze was focused on her food, but she was merely playing with it rather than eating it. Was she not hungry?

  “It is. I want to hate it, but I don’t think I ever completely did. I ran from it, from what it represented, but I don’t think I ever hated it as much as I wanted to,” she admitted, defeat lacing every word.