by Olivia Fox
But the panic-lull wasn’t to last. She emerged from the en-suite to find Ana, waiting on the bed, holding what looked like a heap of cream satin and silk. Ana’s face was a picture of excitement. “You came! Oh - well done, Lily. You're very brave. Oh - I'm so excited for you! It's hard, I think, for someone like you to come to something like this. And yet here you are!”
“Someone like me?” Lily asked, though she was pretty sure she knew what Ana meant. Physically plain, mentally average, sexually unadventurous. Suffice to say, since the break-up, Lily's self-esteem had hit an all time low.
“Yes, someone like you,” said Ana. “Young, attractive, inexperienced. You must feel very vulnerable.”
"Well, I'm not that inexperienced. I've tried... stuff..." Oh Christ, how ridiculous do I sound...
Ana smiled. "Well of course. And perhaps you'll choose to tell us about the stuff you've enjoyed... That could be fun. But in pleasure party terms you are very much a virgin.”
Oh there's that v-word again.
“Which means some party goers, those wanting easy gratification, may not give you much attention. Don't be surprised by that. Whereas, others will see you as a very attractive prospect.”
“O-Kay…” Oh shit, what am I doing??
“But the most important thing to remember is you don't have to do anything. Just watching is fine. Some people love being watched. I'm not ashamed to tell you, I fall into that category. But you don't even have to watch if that's too uncomfortable. Alright?”
“OK. Good. I mean really, that's good to hear.”
Seeming satisfied that she’d done her best to reassure Lily, Ana got down to business. She insisted that Hatherly was still in semi-Bacchanal mode, holding up a whole whoredrobe of skimpy cream-coloured garments, for Lily to choose from. Some were vaguely toga-ish, some less so, but all were appropriately inappropriate.
Lily was cornered. She didn’t want to offend Ana, but she didn’t want to wear any of these outfits. Then again, she didn’t want to stick out; a lone strawberry in a sea of cream. With a pang of guilt, she put aside Emma’s little red dress, and chose the most modest of Ana’s outfits; a too sheer halter-neck, which fell to her mid-thigh. She was, thankfully, able to remove the straps from the Thrills bra, so wore it under the dress. A small but much appreciated mercy.
“So beautiful!” Ana gushed, clapping her hands together dramatically. “Seb won’t be able to resist!”
Lily audibly gulped.
"Tell me, Lily. Am I being intolerably pushy?" Ana said, gathering the unwanted clothes, preparing to leave. "Shall I tell him you need some time to yourself?"
“What?! What do you mean?”
Ana looked puzzled, “Well - he wants to see you of course… but I can tell him it’s too soon?” She hovered in the doorway, waiting for an answer.
"No, don't say that. Or... maybe - yes - I don't know.”
“Lily, whatever’s the matter?”
Lily crossed her arms defensively and tried to maintain eye-contact.
“It’s just - you're so sweet to me, and then - well - you say this stuff like it's totally normal, but it’s not. Not to me. I almost want to believe that you wouldn't mind. But I can't imagine how anyone could not mind."
Ana, smiled a little. Then she took Lily's hand, gave it a gentle squeeze, and whispered, "I'll send him in."
Oh. Crap.
With Ana gone, Lily found herself unconsciously surveying her exits. Never a good sign. This was a crazy situation to be in. Waiting, barely dressed, for her friend's husband to come fuck her senseless. Lily stopped herself mid thought. She realized she'd not thought of Ana as a friend before, and the notion felt all wrong. Whatever was going on here, she was fairly certain she wasn't getting the whole story.
"Lily, it's me. Can I come in?" Seb's deep velvet voice lacked it's usual warmth.
"Er - sure - come in..."
Lily felt ridiculous. But she told herself she needed to be clear with him. If he wanted sex - and truth be told, she really hoped he did - then this is how it would have to be. Honest, and open. Not hidden from his wife in a cold dark alley.
He came in. Lily crossed her arms protectively, leaning back against the large window frame. He watched her from the doorway, then quietly shut the door behind him and crossed his own arms.
"You shouldn't have come here," he said.
The words were crushing. But of course, she thought, he didn't really want me. Why would he?
"You’re unbelievable," she said, looking away. She could feel him watching her, the heat of his eyes on hers.
"You're full of surprises too, Lily Wilde. I never would have pegged you for one of Ana's party recruits."
Was that the issue? Was he pissed that she’d come to see him on Ana’s terms, not his? "I guess you don't know me well enough to peg me as anything,” she asserted, finally looking him in the eye. No way was he going to make her feel ashamed for coming. How dare you judge me?! She thought. Hadn’t he lived this lifestyle for years?
“So let me get this straight,” she said. “After years - literally years, right? - of screwing about, you’ve finally had enough, and you want me to feel bad just for dipping one little toe in the water? Seriously?"
She was pressing all the right buttons. Seb’s jaw set tense.
“No, you’re right. I don’t know you,” he said. For a moment, his eyes were icy cold, as he stared at her. Then finally he closed them, and when he looked at her again, some of the ice had thawed. "You’re out of your depth,” he told her, his voice softer. “Jesus - the thought of them all over you... Why are you doing this?"
Lily shuffled her feet. She felt about ten years old. “I wanted to see you.”
Seb laughed, “You thought we'd fuck here? Seriously, Lily? You thought we'd do it here?”
“But Ana said…” Lily stopped herself. Someone was playing with her; Ana or Seb? She couldn’t tell. Her embarrassment turned to fury. “Why do I feel like I'm the one doing something wrong here?! I'm not hiding. If you want a mistress, it's not going to be me." Lily walked to the bed and grabbed her bag. She’d made a mistake coming here.
Seb was at her side in an instant. “Lily.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, shaking his head. “I misunderstood.”
OK. Good start… Lily thought.
“I wanted to see you again,” he said.
Keep going…
“And I don’t want a mistress. It’s not like that,” he said. “I just… I wish you hadn’t come here tonight. I can’t be with you here.” He stood back and looked her over, frustration rolling off him in waves. “I mean - for fuck’s sake - you’ve even let her dress you.”
Oh that’s right, the dress! That’s the problem! Not your self-centred, control-freak ego… Lily took a deep, calming breath before trusting herself to speak. "Oddly enough I don’t own any bacchanal outfits of my own," she said. Sarcasm wasn't her strength, but she was willing to give it a try. “Now, if you’ll excuse me…”
She picked up her bag and began stuffing her belongings back inside. Seb clearly wasn't interested in doing anything other than fighting. Well sod that. Time to go home.
Then she stopped herself. Wasn’t that exactly what Seb wanted - for her to storm off home? She was the single one here. Not him. Why was she letting him call the shots? Hadn't she promised herself some fun?!
"I guess that's us over before we began then," she said, placing her bag gently down by the side of the bed. "Either way, I'm staying.”
His stare burnt into her, threatening her resolve. She stared back trying her damnedest to stay poker-faced, refusing to bend to intimidation. Without switching off his 200 watt glare, he offered Lily his hand. She hesitated. He hardly looked in the hand-holding kind of mood. Tentatively, she placed her hand in his.
Seb tugged her close, gripped her upper arms, and kissed her, as a little hallelujah chorus played in her head. He’d listened. He knew she meant it, and he was going to let her have it her way. Lily me
lted into him. It was happening. Oh, God, it was happening.
Within seconds Seb had maneuvered them both onto the four poster bed. He lay above her, propped up on his elbows, spreading her legs with his. He’s going to fuck me… I’m going to fuck Seb Harper… We’re going to… Oh, God… Lily arched her back, pressing into him, feeling his straining stiffness through the sheer fabric of her dress. She brought her knees up around Seb’s hips, clasped his face in her hands, and kissed him. But he pulled back, moving down the bed, stroking her belly, kissing her thighs instead of her lips, then hooking his thumbs around her knickers, and tugging them down to her knees.
Lily squirmed.
"Don't you want me to lick you?" Seb asked, pushing the hem of her dress up to her hips.
"I - I don't know. I've never done that - I mean - I've never had that done to me before." She cringed at her own words.
Seb's jaw dropped in disbelief. "Never?"
She shook her head. Tom hadn’t wanted to. End of story.
“Really? Never?!”
“Never.” For fuck’s sake?!
His fingers trailing the length of her thigh. "Do you want me to stop?"
Lily shook her head again, just a fraction.
For the first time that evening, she saw Seb smile. He bent low, kissing beneath her knees, working his lips along her inner thighs, licking her, breathing warmth onto her cool skin. He paused at her sex. He slid his hands underneath her, clasping her buttocks, holding her in place, then flicked his tongue lightly against her the swollen bud of her clit, as she writhed for more pressure.
“And how is it you’ve never done this?”
What was he doing?! You don’t just stop. Surely you don’t just stop?!
“Later. Oh, Lord, just keep doing that thing…”
His silent laughter shook against her sex as his lips pressed into her more firmly, sucking her there softly, then stroking his tongue against her clit’s tingling underside. She slid her fingers through his thick hair, holding on for dear life, gasping, then groaning, as Seb’s tongue slid into her. He groaned too, deep and warm against her sex, then pressed the length of his tongue against her, licking with long lavish strokes. He kissed her again, hot urgent kisses, exploring ever inch of her wetness, as he ground impulsively against him.
“Personally, I could do this forever,” he purred against her sex, before circled his tongue teasingly around her pulsing clit. He kept on, firmer now, faster, building the pressure, building her up, up, up, into a frenzy, until her body hummed, brimming with need, crazed with anticipation. And oh God she was close… So close… So close…
And then he stopped. What the hell?! Don’t stop! Why are we stopping?! He lifted his head to watch her, and Lily stared back, eyes wide, utterly breathless.
Then, kneeling up, he took Lily's hand and stroked it along the length of his totally rock hard cock. She was so on the edge of climax, that even the mere touch of him through clothes caused a delicious little pre-orgasm shudder.
"Feel how much I want to fuck you right now?" He sighed.
Lily heard a slight note of disappointment in his tone, but she ignored it, urgently working the clasp of his belt buckle.
Firmly but gently, he moved her hand away. He pulled up her knickers and lay down next to her, propped up on an elbow.
"But we're not doing it here. Ana's controlling. You’re just another party game to her. Surely you can see that? Leave with me - I’ve got a hotel room booked for tonight. We can be well away from this freak show and-"
“Wait-” Lily pulled herself upright. Had he really just refused to go any further unless she agreed to go with him? Jesus. Who the hell are you to go calling Ana controlling?! She was still flushed with arousal, but now outraged added fresh heat to her cheeks. "So,” she said, quietly, “Ana’s playing games, is she? Well what the hell do you call this?"
She pulled herself from the bed, flattened her dress, swept her fingers through her hair, and strode to the door. Seb was milliseconds behind her. As she placed her hand on the handle he covered it with his own.
"Wait. That was a cheap shot. I'm sorry."
Lily paused. She forced herself to count to ten before replying.
"Bottom line is you're married, I'm single. If you want some kind of hold over me then - then separate. Move out. Get a fricking divorce!"
She shrugged him off, yanked the door handle, stepped out into the unknown.
Sunday 30th Jan
Oh my...
Hello again diary. I'm red in the face writing this but I feel like you deserve some juicy gossip.
So last night was party night... And of course I was planning on keeping to the shadows and letting everyone get jiggy without me. OK, so if I'm totally honest, I was hoping Seb would spend the whole evening fucking me senseless in my room, so I wouldn't have to face the whole hedonistic sex party thing. But as it happens, Seb kicked off the evening by behaving like a total a-hole control freak. After working me into a horny frenzy, he suddenly landed me with an ultimatum: leave the party with him or no sex. Well, screw that. I’ve had it with controlling men. Anyhow, I don't think he was banking on me walking out on him, because he looked pretty stunned when I did.
And whereas I hadn't been planning on having a 'good time' with anyone other than Seb, well, suddenly there I was, all worked up and wanton, and in a huge candle-lit hall full of half-naked hedonists.
As soon as I walked in, Grayson read my mood. He didn’t ask questions - for which I’m eternally grateful. He just passed me a glass of champagne.
The whole scene was pretty dramatic. A fire roared in the hearth, and about a dozen (certainly no more than that) gorgeous bodies, draped with white, glowed in the warm light. I’ve gotta say, it struck me that the whole bacchanal theme was waning. The ivy had all but been removed. And the marble-esque statues sat slightly oddly with the rest of the decor; just a nod to the events of the previous week. My first thoughts were - shit, I’m going to have to arrange to remove all these damn props - but then Grayson took my hand and pulled me back to the present. He walked me over to Kay and Demetri first off (a couple! And there’s Cayley saying most of these folk are singles! Sleazy hot-tubs ahoy!) and made a point of introducing me as a newbie. Subtext: go easy. He sat with us, thank God, and broke the ice by encouraging Demetri, obviously a real toy enthusiast, to talk me through the many sex toys on display, while my heart thumped in my mouth.
First, the vibrators. I examined an upgraded version of the pink rabbit I already knew and loved (not that I admitted to having my very own bunny). Demetri laughed and, in true Crocodile Dundee style, declared, "That's not a vibrator. This is a vibrator!" whipping out a giant, fleshy monstrosity. Man alive!
Kay just rolled her eyes; guess he’s like that all the time. "My boyfriend, the comedian. He can't help himself," she said. She was nice enough. They both were. And, to be fair, they didn’t have that yicky, sticky, fake-tan, oiled-up swinger vibe going on. But still, I’ve got to say, my motor was rapidly seizing up.
Using the toys as a distraction from the general weirdness, I picked up this cute little sparkly, purple vibrator, commenting ‘this one looks less challenging’... More fool me. Apparently I can make a tit of myself anywhere, anytime. It’s my USP.
"Oh, sweety, that one's plenty challenging. Believe me. Fun though," said Kay. Followed by Demetri's whispered explanation, "It's for anal."
Oops - Good one, Lily. Way to show the client you really haven’t got a clue what you’re ordering on their behalf.
"O-kay… anal…" I said, putting it down. Not something I wanted to try at my first ever orgy, thank you very much.
Then, barely ten minutes into the evening, Grayson asked, "So what's it to be, Lily?" Talk about putting me on the spot! "Which one?"
"I'll pass for now," I said. Was he serious, I thought. Of course he was. Did I want him to - do that?! Well, actually… I’ll be honest, I was two thirds quivering-scared, and one third quivering-anticipation. Now Seb’s my
type (except for the Mr Controllisimo tendencies) but, at that point, I’d had it with his messed-up marriage issues. And Grayson… well any woman would struggle to say no to Grayson + vibrator.
His lips grazed my ear. "For now," he murmured. Christ! He scooped my hair to one side to kissed my shoulder. I’m sure he must have felt me shaking, I was so nervous.
"OK, Demetri, what else ja'got?" he said.
When Demetri pointed out that, he, Grayson, had ordered all this stuff, he just laughed. "Ah, but on your good advice, friend!" I nearly pointed out that this wasn’t quite true, but Grayson’s lips found my neck and I thought better of it.
Anyhow, Demetri seemed more than happy to be the authority on this particular subject. He pulled over a big ornate trunk, and lifted the lid to reveal a treasure chest full of rubber, straps, whips; peppered with shining condom packets. Then he threw something small, pink and thimble-like at me.
"You can add this to the vibrators," he said, and Grayson pounced on it. He stuck the thimble-thing on the end of his middle finger and pressed the top.
The thing buzzed into action."OK, Lily, this is the one for you... for starters anyways," he said (Cue major and panic and minor lust!)…
"Right now?!" I yelped.
Now, I'm not really sure how I imagined things would kick off but I guess I thought the others might ease my path into naughtiness by copping off with each other first. I looked round the room. The other dozen or so guests were chatting and laughing as though this were a regular party.
"Sweety, d'ya want more Dutch courage?" said Kay. She was swigging back her champagne like there was no tomorrow. I told her I didn't. One glass was a definite help, but I'm a light weight. Two glasses would have lowered my inhibitions way too quickly - and hell, if I was going to do anything crazy, I wanted to remember it.