by Tara Brown
I was stunned and scared. There was no other way to describe it. “How long have you known?”
He bit his lip as the tram stopped and grabbed my hand. He led me off the tram and started speaking softly again, “I knew something was wrong when I was little. My mother would do things and my father would calm her down, sometimes giving her a shot. She would tell me stories and tell me I wasn’t allowed to tell him, or he would give her another shot. Then he was always telling me we should never talk about the things she said or did. We needed to protect her.”
I scowled. “What did she say?”
He laughed. “Sometimes crazy stories and other times normal things that you all say. You will all have moments where the reset doesn’t work all the way, or your sleep isn’t perfect. Everyone will have bad days. What concerns the powers that be is the number of bad days you have. The next reset usually picks up the things it missed the day before.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t even know there were four quadrants until today. I had never thought to ask to see a map of the city. I guess I assumed that if they wanted me to know, they would give it to me when it was time for me to have the information.”
“That’s what they count on.”
We walked up to the building we lived in. He pressed his thumb against the screen dot. The door that had always been open for us, opened slowly. We walked inside and it closed. He smiled. “I’ve never seen that before.”
“Me either.”
He laughed. The elevator was the same. I grabbed his hand. “Can I?”
He held his hand out. I pressed my thumb against the small screen. The elevator opened. I smiled. “That is pretty neat.”
When we got inside, he pressed the floor button. I could tell by the firmness of his body that we needed to be stoic in the elevators. When it stopped a guard met us at the door. He nodded. “Evening,” he muttered and walked past us.
We walked together to our door. He pressed his thumb, watching the hallway as we stepped in and closed the door. It was tense suddenly.
He leaned into me like he was kissing my neck. “We need to be careful when we’re in here.”
I nodded. “I know.” His hand ran up my body. I couldn’t get past the things Bran had told me, but I didn’t want to be shoved through the wall and left to struggle in the empty world beyond the Last City of Men.
He pressed himself against me. “Can I kiss you?”
I nodded blankly. I would have to learn to act like a lot of things were okay when they were not. He tilted my chin but stopped. His gaze narrowed. “Maybe another time then?” He looked into my eyes like he was reading me. I swallowed hard. I had nothing to say to defend the blank stare in my eyes. I hated the look he got on his face though.
He let me go, pointing to the right side of the apartment. “I’ll take the bedroom we napped in earlier. You can have the one to the left.”
I sighed. “We don’t live like we’re married then?” I didn’t mean to sound so relieved.
He looked back, disgusted maybe, “We don’t force it. We see if it works. That’s what Frank told me. We wait it out and see how we feel in a few months.”
I shook my head. “Okay.” I didn’t like any of it. I was a child, not ready to live with a man, not that he was a man. I wasn’t ready for it to happen anyway. But in the same breath, I was grateful it was Lyle and I didn’t have to live alone. I had feelings that contradicted everything inside of me, like I was a stranger in my body.
I slipped into my room, putting my clutch down on the dresser. The room was clean and white and too perfect. I sat on the extra-firm bed and tried to bounce. I liked that about my house, the bounce to my bed. I curled up in my white dress and tried not to feel disappointment with the evening. All my life, all we had talked about was commencement, and it was over. My dress would have no reason to be worn again. I had no reason to be excited. I had been paired with someone I didn’t want, not entirely at least. I missed my mother and father and my home.
We were too young to be out in the world alone. Granted, it was a small and obsessively controlled world, but it still felt awful.
I lay there in the silence, wondering if I would ever sleep in the bed that was too hard and smelled too clean, when I heard a slight ding. I looked up at my clutch and grabbed my phone.
The Club of the Unknown invites you to 63 PARK St.
I frowned. Did the club continue to invite you after commencement? Maybe it was my last night, and I was in a pretty dress.
My things would be shipped over tomorrow from my parents’ house, so I would have to go in my gown. Excitement built inside of me. Would Bran be there?
I turned my handheld off and slipped from the room. I touched the knob of the door and took a huge breath. I turned it almost silently and slipped out into the dimly lit, arched hallway.
I crept to the elevator and pressed my thumb on the screen. It opened, making a loud ding. I jumped in and pressed the M. The doors closed but I still couldn’t breathe. I ran from the building to the street. I didn’t see the people who would be going too. I ran until I reached the tram station and waited for them to come, leaning against a massive stone pillar.
My mind was racing with a thousand different thoughts. Everything was too much. The rumble of the tram made my heart race with the vibration of it.
When the young people started pouring from the tram, I bolted for the man with the mask. He gave me a strange look. “Can I help you?”
“I need a mask. I didn’t get one on the tram.”
He passed me one that was blood red. I pulled it on and followed the herd out of the station. We followed him down the streets, staying silent. Each of them was jittery with nerves and fear. I almost laughed at the whole thing. I saw the absurdity in it all. Everyone was staying silent so they wouldn’t be caught doing a completely planned activity.
It was then, in the dark of the night, that I felt it. I was free from their control. I saw the city for what it was. Bran was right. It was a prison of sorts. Like the kind people lived in when they committed a crime. Were people so bad that they needed this level of governing? Was there no hope for us as a race?
The air felt free and magical to me. We walked to an area I didn’t know. There were huge trees, and the buildings seemed older. We walked into an alley and followed the masked man through a red door in the side of one of the old buildings.
The music hit right away. It was the same girl. But like everything else, I didn’t see her with the same eyes. Her or the club. It was uncivilized in a way that didn’t make me feel rebellious. Everything was dirty and not how I wanted my night to be. Sweaty people dancing against each other and drinking from the dreamlike goblets. But the illusion had worn off. I saw the pressure to drink the liquid. I melded into the crowd and started dancing. I didn’t want to drink or be noticed so I danced and let go. But really, my eyes were scanning the room for the green eyes that would meet me in the dark.
I didn’t see him anywhere. I decided maybe he would be in one of the hallways. I struggled to free myself from the crowd and crossed to the entrance into a hallway. I was sure it wasn’t the one we had come in. I fingered my mask, hating it, as I entered the darkness. Hands grabbed my shoulders. I turned, seeing eyes I didn’t know. They were dark and different.
He pushed me back into the dark. I felt my dress tear as he stepped on a petal. I shoved him back but his hands pinched into my arms.
He shoved me back. I stumbled, slamming into the wall. I cried out but his hand went against my lips. “Shhhhhh. If you go along with it, you won’t even know it happened tomorrow.”
Tears streamed down my eyes. I shook my head. “Please don’t. I will remember.” He tugged at my dress, trying to free the top of my body from the tight bodice. I clawed at him but his hand roamed up my waist. He was tugging at my dress and then he froze. I looked up, seeing the green eyes, but they were angry in a way I didn’t recall them ever being.
“Sorry I’m late,” he muttered ove
r the guy’s shoulder. His hand gripped the throat of the guy, spinning him around to face him. He choked him against me, pushing me into the wall more.
“I’ll kill you if I ever see you again, and I will remember this moment. You understand?”
The guy made a sound and shoved off of me, running back into the party. I held my hand to my lips. He wrapped himself around me. “I’m sorry. I got held up. I’m sorry.”
I wiped my eyes, shaking my head. “Why are we here?”
He whispered into me, “I messaged your handheld with the location. I needed you to see something. We have a problem.” His hand found mine in the dark. “I’m sorry to drag you from one bad thing to another, but we have to hurry.”
He pulled me down the hallway and out onto the street. We ran along the buildings. I didn’t look down at my torn dress.
He pulled me to the same place as last time. When we got to the ladder, I gagged a bit as I climbed.
We got to the blanket and the overlook of the city.
“We clearly don’t want to be alone with each other for the same reason.”
He gave me a grave look. “We do, but if I try anything, you’re going to freak out, trust me.”
I swallowed, looking over at the alley and the grass. It was silent.
I looked at him in his black mask and smiled. “Thank you.”
He shook his head. “I should have been there sooner, but I needed to be sure Greg was right about what he saw.” He grabbed my hand. “I would have had to kill him if he’d hurt you.”
I picked at my dress. “He ripped my dress.”
He smiled weakly. “What are you going to do with that dress after tonight?”
Before I could answer, I heard a noise. A loud noise filled the alley. I looked at something large moving into the alley and stopping. Large things that swung like doors opened, making a bright-orange glow fill the grassy spot. People in black with the same weird-looking things in their hands as last time, started hauling people from the doors. Screams and moans filled the silence.
My jaw dropped. “Is that—?” The red dress was unmistakable. His hand slipped over my mouth, holding me to him.
“I think she saw me and went to her parents. She told them she saw someone who she remembered, but didn’t know from where. She was with you so much that she might have remembered me eventually. Mrs. Barker heard her telling her mom. I was gone by then. Greg came and found me and told me.”
I shook my head, sobbing.
Not Amber. It was my fault. Mine and Lyle’s and Bran’s, and I would never forgive any of us.
Amber tried to fight, but a large person in black hit her with the black thing in his hands. It bounced off her, knocking her to the ground. She screamed, tearing my heart out.
I shook as I watched what I assumed was a man dragged her through the wall, tossing her like a bag of garbage. She sobbed and screamed along with the other people. The wall started to close. I was sobbing loudly into Bran’s chest and dying along with my friend. My best friend. My sister.
I cried until I had nothing and it was silent around us again.
“What are we going to do, Gwyn? We can’t leave her out there.”
I shook my head. “We need to get her back. I don’t know. We need Lyle. He’ll know what to do.”
He lifted my face and I saw the tears in his eyes. “This is my fault. I never thought about the fact she might remember too.”
I nodded. “We three are equally to blame.”
He frowned. “You are innocent. You always were an innocent pawn in all of this. Lyle just needed a female to get him in the front door. He won’t help us with Amber. We have to do this secretly. He will sacrifice us both to win against the engineers.”
I shook my head. “She was his friend too. He’ll help us.”
“When he doesn’t, we still need a plan.”
I sniffled. “We can’t leave her out there.”
“I know.”
The wall that kept the monsters in
I crept into the house, pressing my back against the door. I looked to the left where my room was and to the right where his was. I walked to the right, pushing his door open and slipped into his bed with him. The warmth of his sleeping body made me shiver. He looked up. “You okay?”
I shook my head and curled into him. I noticed his chest was bare but I didn’t care. I let him wrap his arm around me and pull me into him. He kissed the top of my head, whispering, “Where did you go?”
“The club. Bran needed to show me something.” My words were plain and soft. They were emotionless and didn’t match the tears streaming from my eyes, landing on his torso.
“Whatever you did, I can forgive you.”
I shook my head. “It’s not that.” I crawled up his half-naked body to his head and pressed my face into his hair. “Amber was pushed outside the wall.”
He tensed, his breathing stopped, and his body froze as he processed. “No.”
I nodded against him, letting him hold me to him.
We stayed there frozen, plotting and planning and worrying.
“Could she survive what is beyond the wall for a few days?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know.”
Our hushed conversations had become the norm. If they were watching us, they would see two people sliding against each other awkwardly, not knowing how to take the next step but gripping to each other passionately.
“I have to save her. It’s our fault. She remembered Bran.”
He stayed frozen in it. He didn’t agree or disagree. I could feel him thinking.
After a few minutes, he moved. He kissed the side of my face and my neck. His hands ran my back, sliding along the satin fabric. His fingers felt greedy and confusing. I liked it, I liked his touch, his kiss, and I liked him. When I closed my eyes, and I pushed away the green eyes of Bran and the way I felt in the fog, I liked Lyle. In the spaces that were clear in my mind, it was him that I saw.
We slid against each other until I stopped it. I pressed myself into the crook of his arm and caught my breath.
“You can’t come in here and not expect me to try,” he whispered into the top of my head.
I nodded. “I expect you to try. I want you to.”
“You’re going to kill me, eventually.”
I smiled; it was broken, but it crossed my lips and forced them to try to make a smile. We lay there in the dark, waiting for either sleep or answers.
“We don’t have to work tomorrow, well, today. We are supposed to be getting our house together. Frank told me we can take today and get acquainted. Maybe we can go for a walk.”
I nodded. I hoped there was a plan within that simple bit of information. I fell asleep, but my dreams were filled with things, bad things. I didn’t ever remember my dreams before, but when I woke they were still on the tip of my tongue, poisoning me with fear.
I dreamt of dark shapes surrounding Amber, dragging her to the ground. I dreamt of horrors I couldn’t name or understand. The violence in my dream made me thrash awake. Lyle was on top of me. I pushed at him but he held me, whispering, “You’re dreaming. Stop thrashing. They can see it if they’re watching us.”
I didn’t have time to catch my breath when his lips landed on mine. It was warm and sweet, the way he brushed his lips against mine. He plucked at my lower lip and smiled. “Good morning.”
I didn’t smile back. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling his face into my neck.
“Breakfast and a walk?”
I nodded.
He climbed off the bed, tilting his head at my nearly destroyed dress, “Maybe a shower?”
I laughed, trying not to stare at his muscled body. He was, of course, fit, but I never saw guys without clothes on. His body drew my eyes. He had slept in his shorts. I shook my head and cleared my throat. “Yes, a shower would be amazing. I don’t have any clothes though.”
He grabbed some pants and a tee shirt from a small bag on his dresser. “Here.” He passed them and
walked out of the room. I walked into his shower to find soap in a package on the counter next to towels. Someone had brought things into the house.
I showered and changed quickly into his massive clothing and ran out to the kitchen. He passed me a plate of toast and eggs, “They brought food at some point.”
I took the plate and pointed back at his room. “And towels and soap. No shampoo but there was soap.”
We sat at our stark white table and chairs with chrome, in our matching beige pants and white tee shirts.
He laughed. “We look ridiculous.”
I looked around the house. “This place is hollow and cold. I think our clothing matches it perfectly.”
He laughed and ate a large bite of toast. The bread was like nothing I could recall eating. “Is this the bread you always ate?”
He nodded. “It is.”
“Our bread was different.”
His blue eyes sparkled. “Different food for different classes. The factory, farm, and orchard workers need more fuel to make their day, without losing weight or getting too hungry between meals. The techies and doctors and scientists need more fat in their diets to keep brain function at an optimum level.”
I smiled. “I see. That makes sense.”
He lowered his voice, “We were always given a ton of food, and it was suggested we take the extra to the schools for the kids. I always thought it made us look like we had more and were better off than everyone else.”
I disliked that story. I had enjoyed the feeling I had when he brought the extra food. I nodded. “It did look like you had more and the kids from the factories, farms, and orchards had less.”
He ran his hands through his dark-blond hair. “You ready for that walk?”
I nodded and took my plate to the sink and slipped my sandals on. He looked at my shoes. “That’s all you have?”
I shrugged.
He smiled. “You never thought about this much, did you? Didn’t you read the list of things to bring on your handheld?”