by Tara Brown
She stared too long at his face.
I glanced over at Bran, who was talking with his aunt and uncle. He looked cleaned up.
We walked to the school slowly. Everyone was gushing about their jobs—farmers, who were more excited than I would have imagined one being about farming. There were mostly people going to the orchards, the farms, and the factories. There were only a handful of us who were going into science, politics, engineering, technologies, and human health. But you would never know they were given jobs lesser than what they were, or jobs they didn’t want or suit. They were as excited as anyone else. The commencement class stuck out against the rest of the people. Our families all wore their best clothes, but they were drab compared to us. The men wore beige cotton pants and a soft-white dress shirt. The women wore beige skirts and white blouses. It was like a sea of sand with the odd flower poking out. We were the color in the late afternoon light.
The commencement room was ready for us. It was set with food and drinks and our teacher. I didn’t see her the same as before. She was a traitor to me. The one who got Brooke kicked out beyond the wall. I held Bran and Lyle’s secrets and would die before I got them kicked out. She didn’t have to tell on Brooke.
She walked to me with a huge smile on her face. “Gwyn, I am so proud of you.”
I tensed but I felt him there, putting his hand out for her to take, guarding me. “We are very excited.”
She stopped and took Lyle’s hand. Her eyes darted to me. I smiled. “Very excited.”
She beamed. I let her shake my hand as well. I hated her touching me. It made me want to save Brooke and destroy the wall. It made me sick. I wondered if the arm on the ground belonged to Brooke. The intense feelings inside of me were new. I didn’t know I could feel such anger.
“So you two have been paired already?”
Lyle nodded. “The planners are always taken in pairs and put together as they are given their job.”
She gave him a funny look. “I didn’t know that.”
He shrugged. “Why would you? You wouldn’t remember something so unimportant, and you have probably only been told it a few times.”
Her face twisted slightly. “I suppose that is true.” I knew more than her. I liked that.
I glanced over at my mother and father standing in amongst a group of people who were congratulating them. My mother looked lost and my father looked upset, but he was hiding it. I could see past the façade.
I continued to search until I found them, Bran’s green eyes. They caught me from a corner of the room. He was eating and speaking with a group of people from my class, but he watched me still. I looked at Lyle. “Excuse me.”
I walked over to the table where the food was. I knew I couldn’t eat. I was already nearly sick, but I needed answers and the only person who was ever truthful with me was Bran. In my peripheral I watched him excuse himself and come over. He pointed at the tarts. “They are delicious.”
I nodded. “I need to talk to you, alone.”
He chuckled. “Well, you need to clear that through Lyle. He doesn’t want me alone with you anymore. I served my purpose, apparently.”
I glanced at him. “He isn’t the boss of me.”
His eyes flashed. “You sure about that?”
I nodded. “Very sure.”
He popped an entire tart into his mouth and chewed it, watching me. I shook my head. “You are nasty.”
He nodded. “Meet me in the bathroom in the hallway near your class in five minutes.” He placed his plate in my hands. “Have a tart.” He wiped his plump lips and wandered off, like he was bored of me or something.
I caught Lyle watching us. I lifted a tart to my lips. The sweetness of it made my cheeks sour, but I ate it anyway. I chewed, watching Lyle’s stare bearing down on me.
Amber skipped up, “The dancing is going to start soon.”
I glanced at her. “Okay.”
She frowned. “You okay?”
I shook my head. “If I tell you something, don’t tell anyone, okay? Just let the reset take it away.”
She nodded and stole a tart from my plate.
“I don’t want to be a planner, and I don’t want to be with Lyle. I don’t want to be with anyone. I just wanted a job where I could stay with my parents and forget tomorrow.”
Her dark eyes grew serious. “Do you have your memories already?”
I nodded.
She winced. “So it’s too late?”
“Yes.”
She sighed. “I’m sorry. I wish you could have come with me, Beth, and Tyler and been with the scientists and physicians.”
I swallowed the last of the tart, “I wish the world was a different place.”
“Me too.” She looked around. “Speaking of crazy things, where is Brooke?”
My stomach dropped. I looked around, fighting the urge to be sick. “She’s probably had to start her job already.”
She shrugged. “Well, that’s crumby. I was hoping to find out what she got. I thought for sure she would be with us.”
I followed her gaze to Tyler and laughed. “I guess that means you can see if he and you are compatible.”
She nodded. “We are, actually. I got the news today. He is one of seven males within my age range who live in my area that I am allowed to pick from when I turn twenty-two.”
I smiled. “Well, that’s excellent. He’s always been one of the few guys you liked.”
She nodded but looked lost. “I guess so, huh?” She seemed weird. She looked at me funny. “Can I tell you something, and you not tell anyone?”
I handed her my plate. “I need to go to the bathroom. As soon as I get back, okay?”
She smiled. “Okay. Hurry.”
“Okay.” I turned and walked out casually to the hallway.
“Where are you going?”
I looked back at Lyle in the doorway. I pointed down the hall. “The bathroom.”
He walked to me, taking my hands in his. “Are you okay?”
I shook my head. “I’m confused. It’s so much to take in.”
He kissed both of my hands. “We’ll get through this together.”
I smiled at him, trying not to show my fangs or fury. I pulled my hands back. “I still need to go to the bathroom.”
He chuckled and backed up. “Hurry up. The dancing is going to start.” Tyler was there suddenly and he grabbed Lyle by the arm. “Come on, man. We need your expert opinion on something.” He gave me a grin. “Nice dress, Gwyn.”
My cheeks flushed as I turned and walked to the washroom. “Thanks, Tyler.” The hallway was dark. Everyone else would be using the bathrooms in the commencement room. I pushed the creaking door slowly. I closed it and leaned with my back against it. The bathroom was dark. I didn’t see him in there. The stalls were all closed. I walked to the very last stall, opening the door and standing with my back against the wall. I took a deep breath, but it didn’t stop my heart from trying to escape my chest. It worsened when I watched the door pull open, and the green eyes settled on my lips.
“We have probably four minutes before he comes looking for you, noticing I too am missing.” His voice made my skin shiver.
“I need to know why me, what is going on, and what he isn’t telling me to keep me from knowing too much.”
He stepped into the stall and closed the door. He leaned his arms on either side of me on the wall, looking down on me. “You, because you remember faster than anyone else. It is easy to train your brain and make you appear smarter than you are.”
I frowned, but he didn’t try to sugarcoat any of it. He just spoke without care, “Our world is filled with something very bad, and Lyle’s father knows about it. He has trained Lyle and me since we were boys. Teaching us things, but not explaining everything to us. When he heard the planners needed some new blood, he went into plotting this scheme. He knew they only ever took pairs who were perfect for each other and for mankind. He had Lyle and me manipulate you for the last little while, to e
nsure you were the perfect match for Lyle. You already were the right kind of girl to be a mother of our children.”
I frowned. “What are you talking about?”
He lowered his face closer to mine, “Your DNA and eggs will be harvested and used to make children. Lyle just discovered this. To be honest, his dad didn’t seem surprised. You are a perfect specimen. You’re healthy, fit, pretty, moldable, weak-willed, and you have always believed, regardless of the things you’ve seen. Look at the night at the wall. You chose to fall asleep and block it out, instead of remembering and helping those people. Lyle has spent the last two years ensuring you two would be picked for this. I’ve been helping him ever since.”
I could feel the tears in my eyes. “Oh, my God. How could you do that to me?”
“Lyle wants it to stop. I want it to stop. Greg wants it to stop. My father wants it to stop. There is a whole movement secretly going on. We needed someone who would work with us. Greg was certain you would work. He remembered the dog, and how you remembered he was dead the next day.”
I closed my eyes. “You’re all using me. The planners, you, Lyle—everyone is using me. I’m not smart or good enough to be a planner on my own, so you manipulated me?”
He nodded.
I shoved him back hard. His back hit the frame of the bathroom hard. I pushed out of the stall and out of the bathroom. His hand wrapped around mine, snatching me back. He dragged me back into the bathroom, closing the door with my back. He shook as he held me in place. “I told you because I wanted you to know. I don’t want to use you, and I don’t want you to feel like a puppet. I want you to know what we’re doing and be part of it. You are smart, just not smart enough for the planners. You think Lyle is? ‘Cause he’s not. I’ve been helping him this entire time. He isn’t smarter than you. He just remembers more. That’s how the whole world works. The people in charge just remember more.”
I got lost in the green of his eyes. “Did you ever feel anything for me, or did you just do it to make me remember you?”
He smirked. “I had a million ways to make you remember me. I convinced Lyle that it had to be that way. That day I saw you with Amber, that day that you got lost in your conversation, so did I. I never would have kissed you, if I didn’t desperately want to.”
“Kiss me now.”
His mouth crashed on mine. It wasn’t soft and delicate like before. It was inappropriate and intense. His tongue slipped into my mouth as his hands grabbed the sides of my face. Our lips slipped against each other’s. I moaned into his mouth, grabbing for his hair. He pulled back and stepped into a stall. I looked at him as the door behind me bumped my back. I stepped back as Lyle came into the washroom. He looked at me suspiciously. “What are you doing?”
I wiped my mouth. “I got sick.” I wished I had. I hated the sickening feeling inside of my stomach.
He stroked my cheek. “Are you alright?”
I shook my head. “I shouldn’t have eaten that tart. It made me feel worse.”
“Do you want to leave?”
I shook my head. “No. I just need to splash some water on my face, but the makeup—I don’t want it to smear everywhere.”
He grabbed a bunch of the hand tissues and got them wet. I tried to stay calm as he wiped my face softly. He didn’t speak, he just wiped until a slight smile crossed his lips. “There. You look prettier than ever.”
I smiled back. “Thank you.”
He placed the tissue into the bin for recycling tissues and took my hand in his. He pulled me from the bathroom gently. He looked back. “If you’re scared or concerned, you know you can ask me, right?”
I shook my head. “You said you didn’t want to tell me things.”
He nodded. “I’d tell you before I lost your trust. I see you pulling back, even with the forced love.”
I swallowed. “I just don’t know what’s what.” That wasn’t true but I didn’t want to talk about it. I was dying inside. They were going to take my eggs and make babies. He pulled me back into the room, leading me to the dance floor.
He wrapped his arms around me. “We finally get that dance.”
I frowned. “What?”
He chuckled. “I never really danced with you at the club. I never acted like anything but a friend from class. I couldn’t interfere with Bran’s making memories.” His blue eyes hardened. “But I wanted to. I wanted to hold you like I am now. I wanted to be the one kissing you and making you like me.” I opened my mouth to speak but he put a finger on my lips. “I know you like him still, and that’s going to last for a while. It will wear off. It was necessary. It was greater than the forced love. That just shows your brain is even stronger than we already thought it was.”
I hated the feelings inside of me. “Why didn’t you just tell me everything you were doing to me and everything that was and is going on?”
He sighed. “I tried. You freaked out and almost got us caught. You went to the teacher and told her things. I had to make you and the teacher sick on purpose to make you sleep, so your reset would hit you both. Mrs. Barker would have told on us.”
I nodded. “I know.” I sighed. “I know that now. I’m sorry. I don’t remember that.”
He smiled. “I know. I needed Brandon to get through to you. For whatever reason, you always liked him. You have always trusted him and responded to him.” His smile was tight. “It drives me crazy. It always has. But now we have to try to make an effort for us. You and I have to try to bring this whole thing down.”
I shook my head. “I can’t, Lyle. I am not brave enough to do something so crazy as that. I like it within the walls. Did Bran tell you my response to seeing Brooke dragged through the wall? I wanted to go to sleep and forget. I’m weak.”
He lowered his face and brushed his lips against my cheek. “I’m brave enough and crazy enough for us both. Just trust me.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
He pulled back. “Can you try to let me in? Just try? Forget Bran and let me be with you?”
I looked into his blue eyes and nodded again. “Just please stop leaving me out of things and making me feel like you’re using me as a pawn in this. I am your partner now.”
His eyes shone down on me. “Deal.”
We finished the dance. I let him walk us to our parents. I noticed Amber and Tyler flirting in the corner. I smiled and nudged Lyle. “Think they’ll end up together?”
He nodded. “I do. Tyler likes her almost as much as he likes himself.”
I laughed. Bran was sitting with our parents. My mother was twirling her hair and talking to him. He smirked at me. I winced, seeing it. He was beautiful, but he made my insides hurt.
My dad and Bran’s dad were talking quietly to themselves.
Bran stood up, saying goodbye to my mother. He smiled at us. “I better be going. We have a big day tomorrow, insect maintenance.”
I nodded. “Okay. It was nice meeting you.”
He laughed and nodded. Lyle smacked him in the arm. “Thanks for coming, Bran.”
He looked at Lyle, meeting his smile with something heated that they weren’t going to discuss. “Of course. Anything for you.” But he looked at me when he said you. I blushed and looked down, gripping Lyle’s arm.
We didn’t stay much longer. I made plans to see Amber after work. I told her I would remember and come and get her. Our handhelds would change at midnight. We would be able to schedule things. We wouldn’t see them until the day they were intended for. She swore she would remember to put it in her handheld that I was coming to meet with her and see her new house.
Lyle and I walked with our parents to the tram.
My mother looked weepy, as did Lyle’s. “Be safe, honey.” I nodded. “I will.
I hugged my dad. He whispered into my neck, “I will see you tomorrow in the city. Keep an eye out for me, okay?”
I nodded.
Lyle’s parents and mine climbed onto the tram going the right way for them. We stood there in the dark, alone.
“How many trams are there?” I asked.
“Eight. Each quadrant of the city has two. They actually come every half an hour. But we are trained early on to only catch one tram and always the same one. We are trained to do the things they want us to. They don’t want us exploring the rest of the city. We don’t remember anything from the day before, so we don’t stray from what we know. They don’t even need security out here. No one strays from the habits they have formed through controlled repetition.”
When it came, we took the one going to the city. I glanced at Lyle. “Do they run all night long?”
He nodded. “They do, in all four quadrants.”
It felt wrong to be going into the city at night. “Will we still go to the club?”
He shook his head. “It’s the way they control the teenagers. The staff is there, dishing out a limited amount of potent liquor that makes the kids relax and have fun. It makes you mellow on purpose, but you can’t get too drunk. The masks, the music, and unknown locations are all to make a controlled type of adventure for us kids who are filled with hormones and rebellious tendencies. I found a report once on my father’s desk. It was the rotation of the club locations. It’s seven nights a week and each kid goes up to twice a week from the time they turn seventeen.”
I scowled. “I only had twenty-six notches on my bed post.”
He laughed. “You only went once a week. You remember faster so you got to go less. Kids who don’t remember well at all, they go twice a week for sure. I knew the rotation, so I sent your handheld the address a few times when I knew Brandon would be there and able to sneak you off to remember him.”
I looked around. “Is every minute controlled?”
He kissed my head and muttered, “It is.”
“It doesn’t feel like it.”
He gave me a humorous look. “What would you remember about it to compare?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
“Exactly. The water had fluoride in it. It keeps teeth clean and weakens the will of the masses. The food all has a perfect balance of serotonin, magnesium, B vitamins, selenium, and quercetin. Those all make us more relaxed and happy, and less likely to feel twitchy and depressed. The gym class is set up to boost endorphins and release tension. The constant state of curiosity and then shame because you were curious, makes us less likely to act out on things.”