by Meg Ripley
My phone buzzed. In my desperation to talk to her and know everything was okay, I leapt across the couch to grab it from the coffee table. It was Mason.
I threw my phone down, but he kept calling. On the fourth call, I finally answered.
“For fuck’s sake, what?!”
“We got him. The bastard that killed Logan and Alaina. He’s in custody right now.”
I heard his words. They bounced around my mind, but I couldn’t process them. “Thanks for letting me know.” I heard him shout my name as I tapped to end the call. I let the phone fall to the floor and the world spun in streaks around me.
17
Jessie
I couldn’t talk to anyone about what I saw. I kept telling myself that. Not my sister. Not my parents. Except maybe Conner, if I could’ve worked up the nerve to. The worst part was, I’d had my own secret to tell him; something I’d wanted to say so badly. But the way he was going on about it, I had to know his first.
When I got home, I tried to sleep. I thought after a good night’s rest, everything might seem different. That was often the case. But as soon as I lay down, the image of him came back: a big black bear standing in front of me. How could it be? How in the world did a human become a bear? It didn’t make sense. It wasn’t possible.
Maybe it was some sort of an epic gag? No, Conner didn’t joke. He wasn’t the trickster type. So that meant it was real. Conner could become a bear at will. And apparently, so could thousands of others. But why? What was their purpose on this earth? Why would such creatures exist? I got up and went to my computer; I had to see what was out there.
I started searching. Shifters, werewolves, were…bears? Anything that made sense and might have given me answers. Surely, shifters themselves were online, too. They must’ve had a forum where they could’ve chatted with each other, right? Or a shifter version of Facebook? I chuckled at the thought.
I was so engrossed in my search that I hadn’t heard Nikki come home. She opened my door and asked, “You’re still up?”
I shrieked and almost fell off my chair.
“Sorry,” she said. “You okay?”
I rushed to shut my laptop so she wouldn’t see what I was looking at.
“Um, do you suddenly have a werewolf fetish?”
She’d seen. Shit! I’d only known for a few hours, and already I’d screwed up. I gaped at her with wild eyes.
“Oh,” she said. “Oh, okay. Did Conner…?”
“Did Conner what?” I snapped back.
“Tell you something tonight?”
“What do you mean?” I was aware that I was talking too fast and being sketchy. I didn’t know what to do. I was panicking.
“Something about himself. A secret that you have to keep?”
I studied her. What was she saying? Did she know?
“Jessie, you look out of your mind. Did you see Conner tonight?”
I nodded.
“Did he tell you a secret?”
I nodded again.
“Did that secret have something to do with what you were looking up online?”
I nodded a third time.
She sighed. “So, he told you he’s a shifter.”
“What?!” I screeched. “You know? I thought it was this big secret!”
“It is. It definitely is. Logan and Alaina told me. I was so close to them, they thought I should know.”
“They thought you should know that Conner is a shifter?”
She sat on the edge of my bed. “I guess he didn’t tell you everything. No, they thought I should know that they were shifters.”
“Wait, Logan and Alaina were, too?”
She nodded. “Which means Peyton is, too.”
“No!” I gasped. “She’s not anything like that! She can’t be!”
“Shifter parents have shifter babies.”
“No!” I covered my face with my hands in horror. “Don’t say that! It can’t be true!”
“It’s not that big of a deal. Kids don’t really shift much. But if you were her nanny, you should have known. I think it can happen by accident sometimes, but I’m not really sure. Conner would have to explain it.”
I slowly shook my head back and forth. “No…freaking…way...”
“Jessie, relax. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“It is a big deal, Nikki!” I grasped her forearms, gripping her for support. “You don’t understand. I…I…”
“Calm down. God, you’re sweating and all worked up. It’s okay. I’ll make you a drink.” She got up.
“No!”
“Okay. Sheesh.” She sat back down.
“Do you remember that I slept with Conner?”
“Um, of course. So?” she replied. “Sleeping with a shifter doesn’t make you one. You’re not going to become a bear, if that’s what you’re worried about. It’s not like those movies where you can be bit. There’s no way to become a shifter except to be born as one.”
“Exactly. Shifter parents have shifter babies?” My words were failing me. They came out like a squeak.
“Yeah…”
“Well, I’m pregnant. And now I’m going to give birth to a cub instead of a baby.”
“Holy crap.” She blinked at me. “Wait, are you sure? How late are you? How could you not have said anything sooner? Did you take a test? Did you see a doctor?”
I answered her slowly, hoping that the world would stop spinning around me. “I took a test just the other day. I had this date with Conner, and I thought I should tell him first. I was going to tell him tonight. I have a doctor’s appointment for next week, but I can’t keep it now. They’ll probably do an ultrasound; what if they look and I have a tiny freaking bear inside me!”
I crumbled to the floor and broke into sobs, rocking back and forth, holding my hands over my ears like I did when I was little and didn’t want to hear what was being said.
Nikki hugged me for a long time and tried to soothe me. Finally, she resulted to yanking my hands away from my ears.
“First, you have to tell him. Talk to him. I doubt you have a bear in there; I don’t think it works that way. But he’ll know the details. And he needs to know, anyway.”
“I can’t. I can’t be with him. I can’t have this baby. What am I going to do? I can’t even give it away! I couldn’t give someone a baby that might become a bear at any time! Oh, my god, I have to get an abortion, don’t I? But Nikki, I can’t do that! I can’t kill my baby! But I can’t have a bear, either! What the fuck am I supposed to do?”
I kept rocking and sobbing.
“Jessie…I don’t know what to say. You have to talk to Conner. I’ll support you in whatever decision you make, but I can only help you so much; I hardly know anything about shifters. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I can imagine why you’re freaked out; I would be, too. But Conner is the best person to help you right now.”
18
Conner
“This is all your fault!” I screamed at Ezra through my phone. “I never should have told her! I shouldn’t have said anything! Now, everything’s fucked up.”
“Okay, man, calm down. You said you were going to talk to her again. Give her time to let this sink in. It’s a lot to hear.”
“You asshole! I never should have listened to you!” I stormed back and forth in my living room, still fuming from my encounter with Jessie. Once I’d snapped out of my daze, the rage had taken over. And I had just one place to unleash it. “Don’t ever talk to me again.”
I hung up on him. He called back immediately, and I ignored the call. He left a voicemail and I refused to listen. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
I did have one solution, though. There was something more productive that I could’ve been doing with all that fury. I stripped down and went out back, then shifted before I took off running in the direction of the jail.
Conner!
Fuck off, Ezra.
Dude, come on. Just see what happens. You don’t even know how it’ll
turn out!
I refused to answer him.
Hey man, let’s talk about this, Owen said. I can’t have you guys fighting.
I ignored them both.
Where are you going? Owen asked.
I felt him listening to my thoughts. It was a sort of an intrusive feeling, like someone prying at your scalp.
Get out! I screamed back.
Do not go over there, Owen warned. Conner! This is not how we do things.
This is how I do things.
Absolutely not. I forbid it.
As the Alpha, he had that power over me. Usually. But not that day. It didn’t matter what the consequences would have been. He could’ve kicked me out of the clan. He could’ve had me killed. I would’ve welcomed that, even. It didn’t matter. I was going to tear that croc to shreds.
The conclave is meeting tomorrow, Owen said. You’ll have your chance then. There will be justice for this.
Yup. About two seconds after I get my hands in that cell.
I wasn’t that far away. I was closing in on the jail and I could almost taste the crocs’s blood.
But then I smelled Owen.
He ran into me, crashing hard and interrupting my stride. I fought back for a moment, trying to get away from him. We wrestled, but in the end, I let him pin me. I gave up.
I don’t want to see you get killed or be in trouble for this. Let the conclave do their job.
Like they’ve done so far? I barked. Why didn’t they step in sooner? Why didn’t they do anything after your mate was attacked or after the panthers were killed? You thought we could handle it, that’s why. And now we’re handling it. I’m handling it.
You’re not. I can’t let you do that. I know this is the worst time of your life. And it seems like it keeps getting worse. I get it and it sucks, but it will get better. It has to.
I tried to push him off me. I don’t need your patronizing words right now.
That’s not what this is, he promised. I just want to help you. We all do. Look, why don’t I have Addie talk to Jessie? Woman to woman. I think she can get through to her.
It doesn’t matter. I’m done with her. I’m letting her go. I can’t take the pain anymore. I almost choked on the words. He backed off a bit, and I could breathe better.
Don’t give up yet. You love this woman. Give her a chance to get used to our world. Bring her to meet the clan. Let her see that we’re all just human on some level. We’re not monsters.
I lay back down and stopped struggling. I’m hiring a permanent nanny. I’ll figure out how to be a single dad, and I’ll move on. I don’t need her. I need to see this croc die, though. That’s all I need. I don’t need anyone else.
He will face justice. I swear on my life.
If the conclave doesn’t take him out, I swear on what little life I have left that I will.
If the conclave fails us like that, which they won’t, I’ll help you.
Fine then, I snapped.
I’m letting you up now. Don’t make me regret it.
Just to prove I was the stronger bear and had let him pin me down, I kicked up with my back legs and sent him flying.
Point made, he said. Why don’t you come just hang out for a while? You and Peyton. She’s having a blast with James.
I want to be alone for a while. Can you keep her tonight?
Sure, man. But she needs you. This is a hard time for her, and you’re the only family she has left.
I know.
I ran home more slowly than I had when I’d left. When I felt Ezra shift in, I admitted, I’m sorry, man.
It’s okay, he said. I’ll pay you back next time I see you. Heard from her?
No. And I don’t expect to.
Then maybe you should hurry home.
Um, why?
Just hurry. But maybe shift before you get there.
I picked up my pace. Could she be there? Is there any chance? It was so late. I could see the hint of dawn breaking; she had to be sleeping. But when I got closer, I spotted her car. I shifted back and went to the shed to get an extra set of clothes I had there, got dressed and walked around to the front to meet her.
Her eyes were red and swollen. She looked distraught and as out of her mind as I felt.
“Come inside.” I unlocked the door and let her in.
She sat on the couch, stiffly. Her hands were on her knees, her back straight. She looked straight ahead.
I stood in front of her, moving my weight from foot to foot. I was so nervous, I felt ready to explode. She certainly didn’t seem happy.
“So…?” I dared after a long silence.
She didn’t look at me. “There is something I need to tell you.”
“Okay.” I blew out a breath. “Go ahead.”
“I’m pregnant. In light of recent developments, I’ve decided not to have the baby because I don’t think I can handle having a bear cub, but I thought you should know.”
I didn’t think I was still capable of being shocked. I thought that because so much shit had happened, nothing would have phased me any longer. But that? The news rocked my world so hard, I actually stumbled. I made it to the couch and dropped down, taking a moment to replay her words in my mind.
“You’re pregnant?”
“I believe so, yes. I took a test and it was positive, but I haven’t been to see a doctor yet, so I suppose there’s a chance the test is wrong.”
“Does that happen often?”
“Not that I know of.”
“Okay. Well. I mean, obviously it’s mine, there’s no question there, right?”
“Of course.”
“Right,” I said. “I know that. I wasn’t questioning it. I’m sorry, I was just…I’m just trying to get my head around this.”
“I would guess that this isn’t quite as big of a shock as finding out that the father of your unborn child turns into a bear at will.”
“I guess not. I wouldn’t know; I was raised in this world. And I made a point of not letting people in who weren’t shifters know so that I never had to have that conversation.”
“Then that’s just one more thing you’ve messed up, isn’t it?”
Her words cut me. She never spoke like that to me. Never. Her judgment of me, of my failure, made it seem final and irrevocable. Not just a mistake, but a grave error that would scar me for life.
“I’m sorry, Jessie. I didn’t plan this. I didn’t plan to have my brother and his wife die. I didn’t plan to become a single father. You came to me, remember? You said you’d be Peyton’s nanny. I needed someone and your sister was friends with Alaina, so it made sense. But I didn’t think…”
“You didn’t think what?” She finally looked at me and began to sob.
“Just don’t do this, please. Let’s at least talk about this and think things through before you make a decision. I mean, that’s my baby, too. That’s my son or daughter growing inside you.”
As I said it, the words sunk in. My child. I had a child. Tiny, growing, inside the woman I loved but couldn’t tell.
Her body shook violently as she continued to cry. “But I’m—I’m so scared, Conner. How am I going to do this?”
My throat thickened. I needed to find the words to get through to her. “Jessie.” I slid down in front of her and took her hands in mine. I pressed her hand to my cheek and let the tears flow. “I love you. I know I’m not perfect; I’m not even close. But you make me better. You make me want to be better. This baby—” I dared to put my hand on her stomach and was relieved she didn’t push it away— “This baby is here now. It’s part of you and me. That means something. It’s a new life. In the middle of all this death, there’s something new. I’ve never done this before. I’ve never been in love, and I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know how to be a father. I’m failing Peyton every day. You know that better than anyone. But I want to be better. You can help me do that; you already have. I can be myself with you. I can let go and be free. I feel safe with you, and I haven’t felt t
hat since I was a kid. And now… You said we all need to have a purpose. I haven’t had one. But I do now. This baby, our child, us…” I looked up at her, blinking through my tears to see her face. “You’re my purpose. Our family—you, me, Peyton, and this new little baby—you’re my purpose.”
She blinked back at me. I wanted her to say something. Anything. I pleaded with my eyes, but she just stared. And then, I had another thought: I would have to prove it to her.
“Jessie Miller. I need you more than I’ve ever needed anyone in my life. I love you. I want to be with you forever, and I want us to share a family and a life together. I want to raise this baby with you and be the man I know I should be; the man I can be with you by my side. I promise I will love you and sacrifice everything for our family. I will do whatever it takes. I’ll clean up and get more help. I’ll learn how to be a father. I’ll do better. I’ll be better. I’ll be whatever you need. Please. Stay with me. Love me. Marry me. Be mine forever.”
Her mouth popped open. “What?”
“Marry me. Please.”
She swallowed and licked her lips, then, very slowly and softly, responded. “I will.”
19
Jessie
He bowed at my feet and cried.
My fiancé.
I couldn’t make the word sound right. Had I just gotten engaged? Had he just proposed? I put my hand on his head. His crying became wracking sobs that shook his shoulders. I knew he needed this; he needed to let out so much pain he’d kept buried inside for so long.
I wondered if he could really do all he promised. Could he really stop drinking? Could he really learn become a good father? He seemed genuine, but I was still in shock from everything so much, that I didn’t know what to think.
He looked up at me, his eyes as red as mine had been earlier. “I’m sorry I don’t have a ring. I didn’t realize I’d be proposing today.”
“Yeah, it’s kind of been a crazy day.”
“To say the least. I have something else to tell you, too.”
I braced myself, not sure if I could handle much else. “Is everything okay?”