Forbidden Ecstasy

by Janelle Taylor

  When he made love to her, he would hastily recoil and leave his tepee if she dared to respond to him. He feared the powerful pull of her body and of her loving submissiveness. He failed to realize that his public behavior was also taking a toll upon his resistance. Yet, he could not forget this was the identical way which she had behaved while deceiving him and betraying him. To him, she had only faked love and acceptance. He had been drawn into her tender trap and snared. Never again would he reveal such a weak compliance to her.

  Still, he was receiving her overt messages. Her bewitching eyes offered herself to him. Her radiant smile tugged at his cold heart. Her seductive body enticed him beyond reason or control. Her provocative moves and serene manner filled him with a growing need for her closeness and with a desire for her total submission. She sweetly pleaded for peace between them. She became the perfect wife in spite of his continued aloofness and bittersweet torment.

  Alisha did everything within her power and imagination to melt his iciness and diminish his antagonism. Her attempts to move his granite heart and stubborn mind did nothing but cause more damage to their precarious relationship. The more she tried to reach him, the further he receded. The more she sought to thaw him, his glacial rigidity increased. The more she pleaded for truce, the more hostile he became.

  It seemed hopeless. Gray Eagle seemed satisfied with their endless war, pleased with her misery and suffering. They were cruelly trapped in a vicious limbo. Alisha did not know how much longer she could keep up her endeavors or her lagging spirits or her vanishing resilience. All of her efforts of persuasion failed miserably—or so she believed.

  As the days passed, she feared she could not endure his torture much longer. It was unbearable to be driven to the point of mindless surrender, then to be cast aside in quivering frustration. It was agonizing to be offered her most precious dream in public, then have it become a nightmare in private.

  Seven weeks had passed since their first sexual contact when she began to experience nausea in the early mornings. At first she did not take any special notice of it. Another week went by and more symptoms were slowly added to the first. Gradually the reality of her condition settled in on her. She could not decide how he would view this news. He had hinted at a future child, but would he actually accept it?

  She dreaded to tell him; yet, she feared to wait until it became obvious to everyone. Within that span of time, he could lose his temper and patience with her as he had before. If anything, his resentment heightened with each passing day. Alisha did not know what he wanted from her, and he refused to tell her. She was doing her best to make peace, but he would not permit it. And if he did over-react again, the baby could be injured.

  Alisha desperately wanted this new child to fill the void in her heart and to bring some happiness to her enslaved existence. There was no decision to make; she had to find the right moment and choose the right words to inform him of their child as soon as possible. But the time came sooner than she desired….

  As was the Indian custom during the heat of the day, everyone was resting in their tepees during this particular mid-afternoon lull. As usual, Alisha was silently working upon the beadwork of an old dress. She forced her concentration upon her hands and upon the intricate pattern which she was steadily restoring. Yet, Gray Eagle frequently distracted her with his magnetic presence, a noisy movement, or his manly odor.

  Memories of similar, but happy and relaxed, times played upon her weary senses and hungry heart. As she tried to work, tears slid down her satiny cheeks. Her position denied her husband the view of her dejected state, its voluptuousness heightened by her pregnancy. Alisha halted her task to lay her face upon her open palms. Her fingertips gently massaged her temples, soothing her strained eyes. Her slender fingers travelled down her cheeks and met at her mouth; her forefingers lightly rested upon her lips as her thumbs touched beneath her chin.

  Gray Eagle curiously observed her deep quietude for a few moments. He then moved unnoticed to take in her enchanting profile. Alisha had drifted so far away that she was unaware of his eyes, of her surroundings, and of his presence. There was such intense concentration written within her pensive, sad eyes. It annoyed him to have her so close, and yet so far away. Fearing that she was joining her spirit with that of her dead lover, his jealousy mounted.

  Captivated by her soft beauty and her obvious vulnerability, he resolved to make her aware of his supremacy, of his reality. “Go to the mats. I have need of your body,” he stated crudely.

  His laconic, cruel words reached beneath her dreamy barrier to yank her back to reality. Alisha glanced up at his towering frame; she read the look of calloused determination within his eyes. She did not know which emotion burned brighter there: antagonism or lust. She wavered on the verge of rebellion. She swallowed with great difficulty, trying to prevent a flood of nervous tears. Her eyes locked with his, mutely speaking words which he could not understand.

  Gray Eagle was perplexed by the despondent expression which filled her misty eyes. He could sense her feeling of total defeat, of yawning hopelessness, of great weariness in body and spirit. He instantly recognized a drastic change in her. There was no pleading, no battling, no tempting, and no flirting. Some vital moment of decision had arrived. He wasn’t sure if he was ready or willing to discover it. Yet, disturbed by the mysterious mood and obvious change, he dropped to one knee before her.

  “What new trick is this, Wife?” he accused in a tight voice.

  Tears escaped and eased down her cheeks to drop upon her bosom. She looked straight into his hard, obsidian eyes and spoke so softly that he could barely make out her answer. “First, you must promise you will not harm our child. If you wish to take me, you must be gentle this time. I cannot always control my… hunger for you when you take me. Sometimes my body needs yours as much as yours needs mine. I know you believe that is wrong, and I know it angers you. But you taught me to respond to you and to want you. I have tried to master my weakness, but I have failed. You must teach me to withdraw as easily as you do. I do not know such things.”

  Alisha knew that if she must strip her heart and soul in order to protect her child, she would gladly do so. “If you take me now and I… respond, your rage and great strength could harm our child. I have already lost one child because of a struggle with a violent man. You must be gentle, or you must not touch me again. I beg you, Wanmdi Hota, do not permit your hatred and cruelty to destroy this child. I have honestly tried to please you, but I never seem to do the correct thing. I have tried to earn your forgiveness and trust, but you will not allow it.”

  Countless tears flowed from her jade eyes down her ashen cheeks. She made no attempt to brush them aside or to stop them. Too much pain and sadness demanded release. “If I resist you, you punish me. If I comply and obey, your anger and taunts are even greater. I do not know what you want from me. Tell me, and I will do as you command. Cannot your hatred be stayed for the safety of our child? You have taken everything from me; what more do I have to give or for you to take? Do not take this child from me. Is there no way for me to earn your friendship and trust? Is there to be no happiness within our tepee? Will it always be this way between us?” Speechless, Gray Eagle simply stared at her.

  Alisha continued. “Was it so terribly wrong to survive your hatred and revenge? Did I not deserve freedom and happiness after so much sacrifice and torment? Why did you have to continue to enslave me? Why couldn’t you let me leave in peace? Was I so vile that you wished me dead? What did I do to earn this endless hatred? Is it my fault if the Great Spirit gave me white skin? Am I to blame for the war between the Indian and the white man? Why must I pay for it?

  “No matter what you demand of me to insure the safety of my child, I swear to you I will do all within my power to obey you,” she earnestly promised.

  Gray Eagle continued to stare at her in stony silence. Was this some new trick? Was she carrying his child? Or was she hoping to teach him of how their life could be if he gentled h
is ways, if he permitted her to respond to him? Was she lying to earn his mercy and kindness? Was she trading for more time to trick him?

  Her shoulders shuddered with the full force of her surfaced anguish. Her chin and lips quivered. His cold silence told her that he either did not believe her or was not convinced of her sincerity. She painfully accused, “Damn you for igniting this fire which I cannot extinguish… you should not have shown me what it was like to have…”

  She took a deep, ragged breath as she halted her confession. She moistened her dry lips. She fused her eyes with his and asked, “How long must I continue to pay for my many mistakes? I cannot change the past or recall my actions… nor can you, Wanmdi Hota. All I ask is the life of my child, nothing more.”

  Her choice of words failed to shed any light on their mutual misunderstanding. In fact, they seemed to perfectly fit Gray Eagle’s preconceived ideas of her guilt. Yet, they also rang with accurate facts and with logical emotions. Perhaps…

  Greatly distressed and moved by the effect of her words, Gray Eagle battled his overwhelming desire to relent and to fully accept her terms. But, could she be trusted this time? She had previously deceived him with this same look of innocence and sincerity. If she were pregnant, he had only her word this child was his. How could such a thing be possible in such a short time? In the past, they had slept together many months and she had not borne his child. Perhaps there was no child… perhaps he was not the father this time either…several times she had said, “My child…”

  “Who is the child’s father, Alisha?” he tersely asked.

  His doubting question was like a knife in her aching heart. She drilled her eyes into his. “I have slept with no man except you. There can be no doubt the child is yours, whether you choose to accept him or not.”

  Confronted by the claim in her first statement, he could only assume she was lying about everything. Powchutu said she was carrying their child when they escaped together; he had found her married to another man. Now, she dared to claim purity in heart and in body! “Will you still claim the child is mine when he comes out with yellow hair and sky eyes?” he challenged coldly.

  Of course! He naturally assumed she had slept with her second husband. “Jeffery never touched me! That day at the fort when you came for me and then destroyed it, he was injured in some strange way. He could not make love to any woman. Besides, I would have killed him if he had tried! That was why he set the bounty on Indian scalps. At least, that’s what I overheard one night. I would die before sleeping with him!” she openly admitted, her eyes blazing in disgust at the thought of his touch.

  Gray Eagle grinned wickedly at the knowledge of Jeffery’s accident and Alisha’s celibate life with him. At least his old enemy had not taken her. “You have a deadly way of getting rid of unwanted men. Why should I trust your words? You have betrayed me before. What if the child looks like the scout?” he asked, taking into consideration the other man in her life.

  Confusion flickered noticeably in her eyes. It quickly changed to anger as she heatedly charged, “Do you wish to deny our child so badly that you would say such a vile thing? I would never sleep with a friend who is like a brother to me! That would be sinful! Of all men, only you know the secrets of my heart! For months you deceived me about your knowledge of English! You knew all I said and all I felt! I have never been a whore for any man but you!” she shouted.

  “Then why were you carrying the scout’s child before you left here?” he snarled, recalling his last conversation with the scout in full detail. “You speak half-truths, for you whored with him at the fort!”

  “You’re crazy and vile! Powchutu never touched me! No matter how much you detest the idea of having a half-breed child by me, both babies are yours! You should have thought about the possibility of a child when you raped me time and time again! Powchutu was like my brother, nothing more. He loved me and wanted to marry me. But I was already bound in marriage to you. I only considered his offer of marriage when I learned I was carrying your child. The child was in enough trouble just being half-breed; he certainly did not need to enter the world without a father’s name, or as the bastard son of the notorious Gray Eagle! I did not know I was pregnant when I left here with Powchutu. If I had known about the baby, perhaps it would have changed what happened that last day. Perhaps I could have halted your…”

  Not wanting to refresh such bitter memories or to remind him of his evil deed, she did not complete her accusation. He mistakenly finished her sentence to himself: halted your murder.

  “When I wanted to return here with the news of our child,” Alisha went on, “Powchutu refused to bring me back. He knew what you would do; he knew how you would feel about me and the child. He warned me you would not accept us back. He was right, wasn’t he?”

  He did not answer her, curious doubts plaguing him about the scout’s claim.

  Alisha tearfully insisted, “I swear to you on my life and the life of my child, it was your son I carried then. Just as this is your child,” she added, touching her abdomen. Fearing that Gray Eagle actually suspected her of sleeping with Powchutu, she vowed, “No man has ever entered my body except you. This I swear, or may the Great Spirit strike me dead this very instant.”

  When Gray Eagle remained in pensive silence and studied her face intently, she added, “I should not feel joy and relief at the death of any man; but with Jeffery, I do. As impossible as it sounds, his cruelty and hatred were far greater than yours. He was an evil man; his heart and soul were ruled by the devil himself. He deserved to die. Many lives, both Indian and white, will be spared by your act of justice and courage.”

  “If that is true, then why did you marry him? Why did you not marry the scout?” Gray Eagle probed, knowing there were some secrets yet unrevealed. Perhaps the scout had died before they could join. Perhaps the scout had only claimed the child was his. Yet, there was some reason why Alisha believed she had to run off with Powchutu.

  “Because he forced me to, much as you did long ago,” she admitted honestly. Feeling the desperate need to air many things in the open while her husband was truly listening to her for the first time, she continued, “I had no money, no place to go, and no one to help me. He threatened to reveal the truth about me and you. He taunted me with another existence such as the one I endured at the fort. It was winter. There were no jobs to earn money. I had lost our child. I was tired and weak. Powchutu had been killed. I was hurt, confused, and lonely. The choice was between marrying him or becoming a whore. Since he could not touch me and wanted me only as a show-piece, I agreed.”

  Alisha’s eyes darkened with unspeakable horrors. “It did not take long to see my terrible mistake. He was an evil and cruel man, more so than you. He was embittered by his accident. Whoredom would have been better than marriage to him.” She laughed in sarcastic bitterness. “In a crazy sort of way, you rescued me from him a second time, just like long ago…”

  Overwhelmed with her memories, Alisha felt the urgency to be alone and wanted some privacy for a time. She stated, “I need to leave for a while. If you wish, we can talk when I return. If not, then I will obey your commands.” Gray Eagle made no attempt to stop her as she stood up and exited their tepee.

  Gray Eagle rubbed the back of his hand across his mouth in total exasperation. Something was wrong, but what? How could a woman lie so easily and so convincingly? Why did she have to appear so sincere and tormented? There were so many contradictions in her claims and behavior. Gray Eagle was so mixed up that he could not think straight. Alisha was an enigma that fascinated and charmed him. If he only knew the truth…

  Had she radically changed since her last betrayal? Was she sincere and truthful this time? Or was there some other vital clue still missing in this tormenting riddle? If she spoke the truth now, the scout was lying before. If the first child was his and she…

  The loud sound of swift, thundering hoofbeats captured his attention. A familiar voice shouted louder than the others. He quickly left h
is tepee to learn why his friend Joe Kenny had come to see him. As he came forward, a frantic Joe rushed to meet him. Several braves held back the desperate man. Following Gray Eagle’s order for his release, Joe faced the warrior.

  “Where is she, Wanmdi Hota? Have you harmed her yet?” Joe nearly screamed at him. Traces of fear and tension lined Joe’s face.

  Joe had spoken to him in English. Naturally Gray Eagle pretended not to understand him. “Kuwa, Koda Joe. Ia tipi,” he stated calmly.

  “Damnit, Wanmdi Hota! Where is Alisha? What have you done to her this time?” he shouted in rising anger and anxiety.

  The warrior’s eyes narrowed and darkened at Joe’s brazen tone and dauntless attack. Through tight lips and gritted teeth, he asked Joe why he was shouting. How dare this man come to his village and demand the whereabouts and condition of his wife! Friend or not, this was unforgivable!

  Joe recklessly sneered in rising fury when Gray Eagle continued his ignorance of English. “I know your dark secret! Friends do not lie to each other or betray a trust! She told me, but I have told no one. What have you done with her? I saw your hand in the destruction of Yellowhair. Did you kill her along the way, or did you sell her to some other man?”

  The contempt in Joe’s voice and eyes alarmed and infuriated Gray Eagle. “Iyasni!” he commanded Joe to silence and to respect. “Wicaste wanzi tohni icu kte sni! Winyan de mitawa! Ia tipi. Kuwa!” he arrogantly ordered Joe to come to his tepee to talk.

  Upon entering the tepee, Joe immediately attacked his previous words, “You say she is yours and no man will take her from you. If that is true, then why did you try to kill her? Why did you force her to flee for her life? Why did you send her into such danger and evil at the hands of Yellow-hair? I did not know Wanmdi Hota was a coward, a man without honor or mercy! I should kill you for all you have done to her. Set her free, or I must challenge you to the death for her return,” he boldly announced in grave seriousness.