by Susan Crosby
Donovan ached to hold his son. He met Laura’s gaze, could see her dilemma. Ethan had already pressed himself against her, so Donovan gestured for her to go ahead. She knelt. He wrapped his arms around her neck and cried against her shoulder.
“I want my mum. I want her right now.”
“I know you do, sweetheart,” Laura soothed.
“I don’t want her to be in heaven. She needs to be with me!” His heartbreaking sobs tore at Donovan.
Finally he stopped crying, although he kept his face buried against Laura. “I don’t wanna go for a ride,” came his muffled words.
“We don’t have to,” Donovan said, crouching behind, laying his hand on Ethan’s back.
“I wanna go home.”
“That’s fine, bud.”
“To Maine. I wanna go home to Maine.” He finally lifted his head and turned around.
His defiant look caught Donovan off guard. He set his hands at Ethan’s waist. “That isn’t possible, son.”
“Why not?”
Keri handed Laura a tissue, then Ethan. He swiped at his cheeks and nose.
“It’s a big trip going to Maine, and it takes planning,” Donovan said, weighing his response. “And I think you want to go there because you want to see your mom again, and you know she’s not there, Ethan. She can only be in your heart now. But the really good thing about that is that wherever you are, she’ll be there, too.”
He stared at Donovan for a long time, sniffling. “I hafta go to the bathroom,” he said finally.
Donovan kissed his son’s forehead, needing that for himself. “Okay.”
“I can go by myself.” He hurried off, shutting the door, something he didn’t usually do.
Donovan dragged a hand down his face.
Laura squeezed his arm. “I know you don’t think so now, but that was a good thing that just happened.”
“In what possible way?”
“He’s comfortable enough to test you. To test his limits with you. It’s a good sign. He wanted to know if you would get angry, and you didn’t.”
“I agree,” Keri said.
Jake shrugged. “No experience with this, Donny.”
“Well, what about when I do get angry? Am I not allowed to correct him when he misbehaves?”
“It’s necessary that you do,” Laura said. “He needs the range of emotion—as long as he always knows you love him.”
Donovan looked at the floor, scratching the back of his head. “I can’t go just on instinct, can I?”
“To a degree.”
“How’d you get to be such an expert?”
“I’ve watched lots of families relating to each other. Lots. I’ve talked to child psychologists and pediatricians. Part of what I do is to counsel people on coping.”
The bathroom door opened, and Ethan rushed out as if nothing had happened. “Can we get an ice cream on our drive?” he asked Donovan.
“That can be arranged.”
Ethan charged out the front door and down the stairs.
“Mercurial,” Jake said. “Look what we have to look forward to, sweetheart.” He cupped Isabella’s head and half smiled at his wife. Keri laughed.
At least you’re not stepping into it five years after she was born. The uncharacteristically sarcastic thought stayed locked in Donovan’s head. It wasn’t their fault. It wasn’t his fault, either. When it came to fault, Anne was—
“Come on!” Ethan yelled from outdoors.
“Oh, Mom offered to babysit Isabella tonight so that Keri and I can go out,” Jake said. “We don’t want to go too far, so we thought we’d head to the Stompin’ Grounds. Want to come?”
“Sure.”
“Laura?” Jake asked when Donovan didn’t.
“Maybe.” She waved and headed out the door.
“I was getting a vibe that you two were together,” Jake said.
“Friends,” Donovan said, which was both the truth and a lie. The lie part didn’t sit well with him, but he was coming to realize that it was for selfish reasons. He wanted to be able to touch her, whether in public or private. “She’s been a big help with Ethan, as you can tell. I’ll see you tonight.”
Outside, Ethan and Laura were crouched down, examining something at the bottom of the stairs.
“Come see,” Ethan said. “It’s a lizard. He’s teeny tiny.”
The lizard skittered off before Donovan got to see it. “Lots of creatures live around here, Ethan.”
“Like what?”
“Fox and deer. Raccoons. Skunks.”
“Skunks! Pee-euw.” He skipped ahead as they went to the car, but before he climbed in, Donovan stopped him, put his hands on his shoulders and turned him to face the cabin.
“Does this look like home to you?” Donovan asked.
Ethan twisted around a little to look at his father, his brows furrowed.
Donovan phrased it differently. “Do you think you would be happy living here?”
The boy went still. He looked around again. “You mean, this is where we’re going to live?”
Donovan stared back, stunned. He thought Ethan had understood that. Obviously not. “You know Uncle Jake and Aunt Keri and Isabella are moving into their new house. I told you we were going to move into their cabin.”
“Oh. I remember now.” He paused. “How do I get to Grandma’s Aggie’s from here?”
“We’ll drive.”
Ethan shifted his gaze to Laura, who stood beside them, also looking around as if seeing the property for the first time.
“Can’t we walk, Dad? Or I could ride my bike.”
“It’s a busy, curvy road, not safe for walking or riding.”
“And there are lots of creatures.”
“Yes, but they’re nothing to be afraid of.” Donovan crouched in front of his son. “Would you like to live here?”
Ethan hesitated, then finally shook his head.
“Me, either,” Donovan said.
Ethan’s eyes went wide. “Really?”
“Really.”
“Can we live with Laura?”
Donovan didn’t dare look at her. “We can’t do that, but we can find ourselves someplace with lots of light and a big backyard where you can play.”
“Where I can walk to Grandma’s? Or ride my bike?”
“You won’t be doing that alone for a long time, but yes, we would be much closer.”
“Would you buy a house?” Laura asked, her voice tight.
Her face was about as expression free as he’d seen. “We’d rent, for now.” He felt the tension in his shoulders ease. Making the right decisions usually resulted in that. “Why don’t you and Laura hop in the car, bud? I’ll go tell Uncle Jake we won’t be moving here.”
Ethan threw his arms around Donovan and hugged him hard. Donovan closed his eyes, gathering him close, his hair soft in the cradle of Donovan’s palm. He only let go because Ethan squirmed.
Laura’s smile was soft and knowing.
When Donovan returned to the car a few minutes later, Jake’s understanding words echoing in his mind, Ethan greeted him with “We don’t want to go for a drive, Dad. We really, really, really want ice cream.”
“Ice cream it is.” He started the car, then glanced at the solemn woman seated beside him.
“Are you okay?” she murmured.
He nodded. Or he would be, anyway, as soon as he figured out how to survive the emotional roller-coaster ride that was now his life. At least he’d made one good decision for them as a family unit. That was a step in the right direction.
In town they got their ice-cream cones and sat on a bench outside to watch the Saturday tourist crowd meandering along the wooden sidewalks. After a while they headed to Jake’s to drop off the boxes.
“Since we’re not going anywhere,” Laura said, “how about coming to my house for a swim?”
“Brilliant!”
Donovan gave her a grateful look. “We’ll drop you off, go get our suits, then pick up something for
lunch later on.”
“Sounds good.”
He rounded the corner to her street and pulled into her driveway.
“What’s that man doing, Dad?” Ethan asked, having turned around to look at the house directly across from Laura’s. “Can I go watch?”
That man was putting up a heavy wooden post. And attached to its crossbeam was a sign—For Rent.
Chapter Twelve
L aura had come this close to not showing up at the Stompin’ Grounds. At home she’d paced, muttered and stewed. Finally she’d flipped a coin, which led to a second toss, then a third. In a best-four-out-of-seven losing conclusion, she ended up changing into her only Western shirt, black jeans and black leather cowboy boots with pointed toes and a pretty good heel.
As she drove into the parking lot, she didn’t see Donovan’s new SUV. Maybe he’d decided to skip coming. He’d had a busy day, after all.
She gripped her steering wheel and considered the speed with which everything had happened. They’d walked across the street and talked to the man installing the for-rent sign, Landon Kincaid, who turned out to have graduated from high school with Donovan. They walked through the house, a freshly painted two-bedroom with an upgraded kitchen and bathroom. The yard needed a lot of work, which Landon had intended to do before someone moved in, but Donovan offered, saying he needed a project now that Jake’s house was done.
The deal was sealed with a handshake, the keys turned over right then. And starting tomorrow Donovan could stand at his kitchen sink, look outside and see her standing at hers.
Dispatching the image, Laura made her way to the door of the Stompin’ Grounds. She hesitated, not wanting to go inside solo, then put her shoulders back and did just that.
She’d been to the bar once years ago and once recently, for a bachelorette party. It hadn’t changed in however many years it’d been in business—the same dark-paneled walls, a jukebox churning out country tunes of love and devotion and heartbreak, and beer-sticky tabletops carved with a social minutiae of dates and initials.
She stood just inside the door, letting her eyes adjust to the dark room, counting up the customers. Thirty-two strangers. Then she spotted Dixie sitting at a dark corner table with two other women. Dixie waved her over.
“If I’d known this was your kind of place, I’d have invited you months ago,” Dixie said, a twinkle in her eyes, as Laura pulled up a chair, relieved to find someone she knew. Dixie introduced her to the other two women, who decided to go choose some new songs from the jukebox.
“You came alone?” Dixie asked.
“Jake and Keri will be here any time now.”
“And Donny?”
“He said so, but it’s hard to know for sure. Something could’ve come up with Ethan.” She decided to let Donovan tell Dixie the news about renting the house, although mostly Laura was holding back out of cowardice. Laura knew that Dixie would ask a lot of questions Laura wasn’t ready to answer. He’ll be within shouting distance? See each other’s comings and goings? No privacy?
Not to mention the he’s-just-across-the-street fantasizing she would be doing.
Dixie took a sip from her beer as Laura ordered one for herself. She drummed her fingers on the tabletop.
“You want to talk about it?” Laura asked finally.
“About what?”
Laura gave her a look that made Dixie laugh.
“It wasn’t a date,” they said at the same time, stopped, then grinned.
“You first,” Laura offered, not in a hurry herself.
“We really were just having dinner at the hotel. Rick Santana owns Styles.”
“The hair salon?”
“He’s been a guest lecturer at my school twice this month. Then he stayed to watch us work and critique it. He’s courting me, all right, but for a job in his salon.”
Laura leaned forward. “Maybe that’s what he told you, Dix, but it’s not all he wants. If you could’ve seen the way he looks at you…”
“I noticed. I was even flattered. But that’s it. He’s obviously a player. I don’t need that.”
“Are you going to take the job?”
“The money would be good eventually, since it’s one of the most exclusive shops in Sacramento.”
The waitress set a beer in front of Laura. She took a sip, wishing for a glass of merlot instead. “Did you factor in the cost of gas and time for the commute?”
“You do it.”
“Not daily.”
Dixie ran a finger around the lip of her mug. “If I took the job, I’d probably move down there.”
Shock silenced Laura. Dixie’s roots in Chance City ran deep. Her parents owned the hardware store. She had siblings who hadn’t left, either, except for brief periods. “I can’t imagine you leaving, Dixie.”
She shrugged, but Laura could see how much it was costing Dixie to even be thinking about making such a move. Desperate times, desperate measures.
“Your turn,” Dixie said in a tone indicating she was done talking about herself. “You can’t in any way convince me that you and Donny weren’t on a date. I’ve never seen your hair look like that. I haven’t seen you look embarrassed before, either. You are so busted.”
Laura had decided that if she ever felt the urge to open up, she would talk to Keri, who was new to town and the McCoy family. But Laura was feeling an affinity with Dixie, and had also come to trust her over the past few months.
“You can’t really call it a date. We slept together. That’s all. It’d been building for a long time.”
“Since high school,” Dixie said, nodding. “I remember your obsession.”
Laura groaned, burying her face in her hands. “Did everyone know?”
“Pretty much.”
“People have been laughing at me all this time?”
“I don’t think so. Most seem to be in awe of you, frankly.” She put a hand on Laura’s arm. “People don’t know you. I mean, you’ve lived here your whole life, and no one really knows much about you, except about your crowns and your job. Everybody loves your mom, but you’ve always been on a different, I don’t know, level? In a different realm? I’ve wondered for years why you’ve stayed here.”
Sometimes she wondered, too.
Dixie leaned close, lowering her voice. “Are you gonna do it again with Donny?”
“The first opportunity I get.”
“You intend to keep the affair secret?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Then I will, too.”
Dixie’s friends returned, and the conversation changed to gossip and speculation. Laura sipped her beer, surreptitiously checked out the front door every time it opened and thought about Donovan. Yes, she wanted to continue to sleep with him. But a new wrinkle was complicating that decision. She’d been almost in love with him for years—she’d acknowledged that to herself finally. But today she’d fallen deeper when he’d talked to Ethan about his mother, and then when he’d brought Ethan into the decision about moving into the cabin. Now she not only loved Donovan, she also respected and admired him. And wanted him. She’d never felt that for one man before, not all those things at one time.
Donovan was a born father, and that was the big complication. Without a doubt, he would want more children. All three of the McCoy brothers had been known as the men who wouldn’t commit, but recently that label had been altered some. Jake had done a one-eighty and now was a devoted husband and father. Donovan had made a seamless transition to fatherhood himself. Laura had no doubt that Joe would follow in their footsteps. She’d watched him with his nieces and nephews for years, the easy way he had with kids and how well they related to him.
But as for her and Donovan having a future? It wasn’t in the cards she’d been dealt. She just needed to get him out of her system now, while she had the chance, so that she could move on. She would find a way to fall out of love with him—not an easy thing but doable. People did it every day. She saw it in her practice all the time.
The front door opened, and in walked Jake, followed by Donovan and then Joe.
“Keri’s not with them,” Laura said, worried.
“It can’t be anything serious or Jake wouldn’t be here,” Dixie said, having gone very still when Joe appeared.
Jake said something to his brothers, then crossed the room toward her and Dixie.
“Everything’s fine,” he said right away. “Isabella was fussy, and new mama couldn’t bear to leave her. She put her foot on my butt, shoved me out the door and ordered me to have fun.”
“Which means you’ll have one beer and be gone,” Laura said.
He grinned. “Probably not even that since I’ll be driving. Anyway, I knew you’d be wondering.” He walked off to join his brothers at the bar.
And while she couldn’t see Donovan’s eyes from so far away, she interpreted his body language just fine, making her wish she’d tossed the coin a few more times, enough times to grant her own wish to stay home and let him come to her instead.
Keeping her hands off him tonight would be a character-building experience.
Beers in hand, the brothers headed for a table. Donovan maneuvered himself into a chair where Laura was in his direct line of sight. She hadn’t stood up yet, but he figured the view was going to be spectacular. He couldn’t recall seeing her in jeans before, which seemed odd, jeans being the American uniform. Maybe it was a sign she was loosening up.
“Can we talk about Dad?” Joe said. “The other day, you two were wondering if he was happy. Why would you think he wasn’t?”
Donovan had been giving the subject a lot of thought, too, since it’d first come up. “He never went anywhere but to work and home. Or an occasional trip to Sacramento or Tahoe or Reno, maybe. Can you remember taking any vacations?”
“With eight kids? Vacations cost too much.” Joe sounded defensive. “He raised us and provided for us. I’m sure that’s all he expected of himself. But we did lots as a family. We just stayed close to home.”
“Maybe you did,” Jake said. “You were the baby, so there were fewer kids to deal with as time went by, and more money. Mind you, I’m not criticizing. It was a great childhood.” He looked at Donovan. “Do you think people have to leave home to be happy?”