Fantastic…a whole new spin. Allyn hoped the dim glow of the dome light was enough to hide the heat rising in her face, telltale proof of the self-consciousness that set in once someone showed her attention. No matter how anxious it made her, she had to hear for certain what Bea was keeping from her. “If there’s something else on your mind, you should say it.”
Bea opened the car door but made no move to exit. “Mmm…I probably shouldn’t. I’d be getting ahead of myself, and ahead of you too since you only started getting over Melody about sixty seconds ago. What I will say is once I get out of the car and start walking away, I’ll already be looking forward to the next time I get to see you. That’s what I’ve done ever since we left JoJo’s on Wednesday night. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?”
On the contrary, Allyn understood every word. Bea was trying to say—or not to say—that she too felt this attraction, this compulsion to grasp for something even as they questioned whether or not they were ready.
“I don’t think it’s crazy.” Her knee began bouncing uncontrollably, so much that she had to slide back the driver’s seat to rest her heel on the floorboard.
“That’s not exactly the effect I was hoping for,” Bea said with a shaky chuckle. “Obviously you weren’t ready to hear that just yet. Maybe we should just pretend I didn’t say it.”
Pretending wouldn’t work, not with Allyn’s self-confession that she felt the same way.
“Whatever you do, don’t let this freak you out,” Bea pleaded. “There’s no pressure. I’m not asking you to do anything or say anything or feel anything. I just thought it was better if I told you I was thinking about it. I wouldn’t want you to feel creepy if you found out later.”
“No, no…I’m glad you told me.” No pressure, except what Allyn imposed on herself. She’d never been good at the tap-dance of acknowledging someone’s interest or revealing her own. Though it had been twelve years since she last worried about impressing a potential date, she remembered vividly how her self-confidence plummeted the moment she found herself in a flirtatious situation.
“So I guess I’ll see you,” Bea said, finally exiting the car. “Call me if you want to do something.”
“Sure,” she squeaked, the word barely audible.
Her social ineptitude bothered her far less than her uncertainty. Bea couldn’t have laid out her feelings more plainly. All Allyn had to do was speak up and say she felt something too.
Instead, she’d swallowed her tongue and left Bea to worry that she’d gone too far.
*
Bea knelt on the rug so Dexter could share his excitement by licking her face each time he dashed through the room. “Dexxie, your mommy just screwed the pooch.”
He stopped abruptly and barked, pounding his front paws on the floor.
“Not literally.”
She’d totally misread her friendship with Allyn, and it was clear from Allyn’s shocked silence that blurting out her feelings too soon had sent the poor woman into full retreat. No matter how much she pleaded after the fact for Allyn to disregard her words, there was no taking any of them back.
She opened the back door to let Dexter out.
“Screwed…the…pooch,” she repeated, knocking her head against the doorjamb in rhythm with her words. Lucky for her, she had loving canine companionship, since she wasn’t doing so well with her own species.
Dexter ran around the yard with the same energy he’d shown in the house. The poor guy had spent the whole evening at home alone and now was hyped up to play, but Bea needed to calm him down so she could get ready for bed.
Sleep probably wouldn’t come easy tonight, not once she closed her eyes and saw Allyn’s leg shaking with terror. A disastrous miscalculation. Despite what she’d said, Allyn wasn’t nearly ready to move on from Melody. Bea’s premature disclosure probably set her back six months.
“Let’s go, Dexxie.” She filled his water bowl and rewarded him with a treat, a biscuit with mint and parsley that freshened his breath. “Since you’re the only one I get to kiss.”
Walking toward her bedroom, she turned out the lights and loosened the buttons on her shirt, wondering if Allyn had noticed she’d gone to the trouble of ironing it. They weren’t calling this dating, but Bea was going through all the motions as if it were.
Until tonight she’d been pretty sure Allyn was going through those motions too. She was dressing better than usual, at least compared to how she looked when she came in to pick up her mail, and she even wore makeup to play softball. Why would she do that unless she wanted to be noticed and appreciated?
“I’m so glad you’re a boy, Dexxie, because I don’t understand women at all.”
He watched her every move in the bathroom as she readied for bed, and then followed her into the bedroom. His bed, a large plaid beanbag, was situated in the corner on the floor.
It was only when she went to set the alarm on her cell phone that she remembered she’d muted it during the movie, and she’d missed a text message from Allyn fifteen minutes ago: I’m ready if you are.
“Are you kidding me?” She double-checked the time to make sure it wasn’t sent before Allyn picked her up for dinner. That would mean something else entirely.
She typed her response: Does this mean dinner tomorrow night would be a date?
It was nearly ten minutes before her phone chimed with a reply: Dinner at my place.
Funny how Allyn had ignored her question of whether or not it was—
Another chime: A date.
Bea flopped onto the bed and kicked her feet in the air, prompting Dexter to rush to her side. “Dexter, old boy, Mommy has a date. And for once, it’s with somebody she really wants to be with.”
Chapter Eleven
Picking up bottle of chardonnay…10-15 minutes.
Allyn smiled at Bea’s message and set her phone aside. Texting would have made life so much easier back in high school when she first started dating. It gave her time to think up clever ways to answer and to edit her words until they were perfect.
She’d traded several texts with Bea nailing down the details for their evening. Sautéed scallops over angel hair pasta with a salad. Gelato for dessert. A Mariners baseball game in the background.
Bea had worked all day and deserved to relax. They could spend the time talking and getting to know each other better, something they’d missed out on when surrounded by their softball buddies or while sitting through a movie. She knew nothing about Bea’s family, or even how she and Wendy had met. What had drawn them together, and were there other girlfriends before?
With embarrassment, she realized Bea had already asked all those questions of her. She knew Allyn was the classic “middle child” from Centralia who wore hand-me-downs and suffered a stricter set of rules because her older sister couldn’t handle limits, and whose school accomplishments were ignored because her younger brother was a phenomenal athlete who sucked up all the attention in the house. Bea also had heard how her coming out was her “declaration of independence,” a once-and-for-all statement that her parents’ dismissive opinion of her no longer mattered.
What did she really know about Bea other than the tragic story of Wendy? Not much, it seemed, and she found that oddly encouraging, since asking questions about her family and how she’d ended up in Ballard running a postal shop was much easier than making up topics for clumsy small talk.
To say nothing of the fact that it was high time she stopped complaining about Melody.
On her last sweep through the apartment, she turned on the bedside lamp…then turned it off…then turned it back on. This being their first actual date, it was ridiculous to debate the point. She had no intention of ending up in the bedroom—despite having put on fresh sheets and spritzing them with honeysuckle. Routine housecleaning. Except the honeysuckle part, which had been a silly afterthought.
Would Bea think the lamp was an invitation? Allyn shuddered at the question and snapped it off again.
She touched her lips
with gloss and stepped back to check her look. Gray yoga pants with a dark purple V-necked T-shirt and black flip-flops. Their pact had been for a casual night at home, but Allyn hadn’t meant to go overboard on the casual. If Bea showed up in something dressier, she’d feel like a total slob.
No, this was how you got to know someone—let them see who you really are.
A knock sounded, rendering moot any last-minute changes. Allyn opened the door to find Bea dressed in low-slung white shorts and a sleeveless denim shirt, and swinging a bottle of chardonnay.
“Thank God, Allyn! I’m so glad you really meant casual. A lot of people say casual when what they mean is two-inch heels instead of three. I brought an extra outfit just in case you were all dressed up. I would have gone back to the car for something and changed clothes.”
Allyn laughed at the irony. “Not thirty seconds ago, I was having the same conversation with myself. Kick off your shoes and let’s call this ‘barefoot casual.’ Then we won’t have to worry about what it means next time.”
Bea took the corkscrew from her hand and opened the wine. “I hope this is all right. They didn’t have much chilled and I wanted to start drinking immediately. It was a day from hell at the shop.” She went on to explain that one of her customers had won a drawing for a free set of tires and had her pack and ship all four of them to his daughter in Denver.
When the glasses were poured, Allyn raised hers in a toast. “To…”
“Our first date,” Bea answered, not missing a beat. “Thanks for texting me last night. I almost missed it because my phone was off. I slept a lot better than I would have if I’d gone to bed thinking I’d stepped in it.”
“I’m sorry it took me so long. It’s been years since I’ve done this.”
Bea took both glasses and set them on the counter. “You know what? I’m kind of nervous too, so I think we should get this part over with.” She stepped forward and drew Allyn’s head down toward hers. A light smile played on her lips before her eyes closed and they kissed.
It lasted no more than three or four seconds, but it was long enough for Allyn to notice a flood of emotions, most of them related to the enormity of what it meant to kiss someone new after a dozen years with the same woman.
“There. That was nice, don’t you think?”
Allyn froze in position, pretending for a moment to be in a daze. “I think I liked it.”
“Lucky for me. We can do it some more later, but first you have to feed me. I’m starving and dinner smells too good to wait.”
“I find it hard to believe you’re nervous about anything.”
“That’s because I practice everything first with Dexter. You’re a better kisser, by the way.”
“Good to know. I would have told you to bring him along, but I’m not allowed to have pets here. It’s in all caps in the lease.” She appreciated how easily Bea navigated what could have been an awkward moment, that she’d put it behind them almost immediately. “Take the wine and I’ll bring dinner.”
Allyn had squeezed a small dinette into the back corner of the living room so she could use the dining area for an office. Since she always ate at the kitchen bar or in front of the TV, tonight marked its first use.
“This looks delicious,” Bea said, rubbing her hands together. “I had someone bring a dish of sautéed scallops into my shop once. She wanted to send them to her sister in Utah, and I had to break it to her that we could only ship perishables if they were on ice.”
“How did you end up owning a Pak & Ship?” The first of many questions on the road to finding out what made Bea Lawson tick.
“I always wanted to be my own boss, so I went to a franchise fair about eight years ago to check out some ideas. Their representative made a good pitch, and the money was good if I was willing to put in the work. I was, as long as it didn’t involve food service. I’d be miserable at that. I’ve always liked the postal work, even on days like today. The only downside is working six days a week, but that’s my own fault for not trusting anyone else to take over.” She took her first bite of dinner and closed her eyes. “Mmm…amazing.”
“Thank you. There’s plenty.” Even Allyn ate with more gusto than usual, something she’d done increasingly when eating with Bea. “How long has it been since you had a day off?”
“I get Sundays and all the postal holidays. Other than that, a couple of years. I can’t close the store and take a vacation because people have to get to their mailboxes. I’m trying to hire somebody else full-time so Kit and I can have another day off.”
“Where would you go if you suddenly found yourself with a week’s vacation?”
“Good question. What about you?”
“Oh no, you don’t. We always talk about me. I realized this afternoon that I don’t know a thing about your family or even where you’re from.”
“I was raised right here in Seattle, Nathan Hale High School.” Bea took a gulp of wine and got up to fetch the bottle from the refrigerator. “Now if we’re going to talk about my family, I’ll need more to drink. It’s just my mother, and she’s a real piece of work. She’s all about following the Bible when it comes to me being gay, but not where it says you can’t get divorced. One of my happiest days was when she married her fourth husband and they moved to Hawaii.”
Allyn topped off their glasses. “I guess that means the islands aren’t on your vacation list.”
“Certainly not those islands. If I had a week off, I’d probably want to visit a city like New York or San Francisco. Maybe New Orleans. I like cities.”
“I would have figured you for something in the Great Outdoors, like one of the national parks or something.”
“I have plenty of that here. Besides, who wants to be in a sleeping bag when you can have a king-sized bed?”
“Amen to that!” Allyn raised her glass in a another toast. In her mind, she was already envisioning the two of them wandering the streets of Chicago or stretched out in the sun on Miami Beach. She’d never been to either place and wanted new memories with someone other than Melody.
*
That kiss was bloody brilliant, if Bea had to say so herself. Both of them were noticeably jittery when she arrived, and the impromptu smooch had settled their nerves like magic.
“I didn’t expect you to clean my kitchen,” Allyn said as she rearranged the top rack of the dishwasher. “You’re supposed to be my guest.”
“This is how I make myself feel welcome. Besides, I can’t return the invitation unless you like frozen pizza or Chinese takeout.”
“Go put your feet up and watch the game. You want another glass of wine? Coffee? Hot tea?”
“I’m good.”
The TV area held a captain’s chair of butterscotch leather with an ottoman and a love seat. A cozy love seat. Bea opted for the captain’s chair.
“Are you…comfortable there?” Allyn asked hesitantly, as though taken aback by her choice. She seated herself at the near end of the love seat.
“It’s not bad, but I’d rather sit by you.” Bea hopped up and joined her. Batting her eyes with mischief, she added, “I only sat there so you wouldn’t. Now you’re stuck here with me.”
“Sneaky.”
“Not usually, but this time? Guilty as charged.” She lifted Allyn’s fingers to her lips and placed a light kiss on her knuckles. “Was there anything else you wanted to know about my sordid past? I’ve probably had enough wine to tell you everything.”
“That’s a tempting offer. Give me a minute to think about it. I don’t want to waste it with something trivial.”
Bea was a few inches shorter, and when she scooted closer, it practically forced Allyn to drape an arm around her shoulder. “This is very nice,” Bea said. “I don’t even care if the Mariners lose as long as I get to sit like this.”
“And you call yourself a fan.” Allyn propped her bare feet on the coffee table and relaxed against her.
“Seriously, I’m not used to this. I’m five-six and I’ve always been
the taller one. Wendy was barely five feet tall, so when we sat together, it was physically impossible for her to put her arm around my shoulder like this. It feels good.”
“I’m not used to it either, actually. Melody’s six-one, but sitting like this didn’t have anything to do with her height. She wasn’t what most people would consider butch, except with me. She always liked to be in charge, and she wanted her family and all our friends to see her as the big, strong protector, the one who took care of everything. It never bothered me before, but now…now it makes me feel even worse about what she did. I always trusted her to take care of me.”
“Melody Rankin is a sleaze-bucket.” Now that they were officially dating, Bea wasn’t going to tiptoe around the obvious anymore. She wriggled out of Allyn’s embrace and turned to face her. “I’m not all that much into labels and roles. In fact, I can be a different person every day. When I’ve packed a set of Michelins and polished off half a bottle of wine, I like being held like this. But then tomorrow I might be the one who wants to do the holding. Think you can handle that?”
“Try it and see.” Allyn pulled her back to nestle beneath her arm.
As the ballgame played in the background, they compared stories of the strained relationships with their mothers, both conceding the hurt they felt. Neither wanted a complete break with her family, just friendlier terms.
“One of the things that hurt so much when Melody left was losing her whole family. She has two sisters, both of them married with kids. It felt so good to be part of the Rankin clan at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Her family accepted me as much as they did her sisters’ husbands—her mom used to say I was special because I was her only daughter-in-law—and I loved being Aunt Allyn to our nieces and nephews. Melody just ripped that away from me.”
“Have you been in touch with any of them since she left?”
Life After Love Page 10