Allyn shook her head and sniffed, fighting her emotions. “She pretty much ordered me not to. Who knows what she told them? It kills me sometimes to think about this Naomi person just stepping in and taking over my whole life. She has everything that used to be mine.”
Bea shifted into a kneeling position on the love seat so she could wrap her arms around Allyn. “See, this is what I meant about not wanting any labels or roles. I want to be able to do this whenever you need it without worrying who’s supposed to be the strong one.”
“I promised myself I wouldn’t go on like this anymore. All I’ve done since the day you came to my house with Dexter is cry over Melody. Tonight was supposed to be about you, with me listening for a change instead of whining.”
The barrage of questions from Allyn suddenly made sense. Bea was touched by the effort to put her feelings aside but it wasn’t needed. “I never thought you were whining. If Melody had done that to me, I’d still be yelling about it to anyone who would listen.”
“No, you wouldn’t. You’re not like that.”
“Ask Kit how long I went on about Wendy, even after she divorced me.”
“That’s different. What happened to you and Wendy was so sad for both of you. Melody was just a garden-variety cheater and I’m a garden-variety chump.”
Bea squeezed harder. “Remember what we said. This isn’t a competition to see who can hide their misery best. If you want an honest relationship with me, you can’t pretend to be okay when you aren’t. I’m here to listen whenever you need that. We don’t have to take turns.”
It was then she noticed Allyn’s hand caressing her back, the faintest of gestures, but one she relished as a sign they were connecting on a much more intimate plane than earlier. She couldn’t resist dropping a kiss on the top of her head before lowering her face to see if Allyn had composed herself.
She had.
“I do want an honest relationship,” Allyn said, “but I felt like I was being selfish. Everything can’t always be about me.”
“Sure it can. I’m still in that obsessive phase where everything you say and do fascinates me.” Now that her feelings for Allyn were out in the open, she took a chance on revealing even more, this time with levity. “I’m particularly fascinated by what your hand is doing on the small of my back. Makes me want to slow dance.”
The gentle massage stopped abruptly but then started again.
Bea rested her chin on Allyn’s head and continued, “Though ‘Take Me Out to the Ballgame’ leaves a lot to be desired in the romantic ballad department.”
“Is that what this is, a romance?”
“I hope so. Don’t you?”
After several seconds of silence, it was apparent Allyn wasn’t going to answer.
“Did I just freak you out again?”
“No, I want it to be a romance too, which is really amazing considering where my head was just two weeks ago. How did you do that to me so fast?”
“Two possibilities,” Bea said, allowing her fingertips to stroke a sliver of skin that bared itself beneath the hem of Allyn’s T-shirt. “Either it’s my irresistible charm or you fell for my dog. He’s my secret weapon.”
“It could be both…but I admit I really like Dexter a lot.”
Bea chuckled. “I walked into that one.”
“But I like you a fair bit too.” Allyn buried her face into Bea’s neck as if to avoid making eye contact. “You make me feel good again. I wasn’t sure that would ever happen.”
The bold admission sparked a long silence in which Allyn tightened her hold and Bea responded by cradling her head.
“Both of us have been through a lot, Allyn. We deserve to feel good again.”
Bea couldn’t deny feeling strong at that moment, nor that her embrace was intended to make Allyn feel safe. What she hadn’t expected was a surge of lust, the desire to convey her protectiveness by making sweet, gentle love.
Again she kissed the top of Allyn’s head, this time with a loud smack meant to break what felt like an overly serious spell. She was getting ahead of herself again, but this time wouldn’t make the mistake of saying so. It would be too easy—and unforgivable—to take advantage of Allyn’s vulnerability tonight.
She settled back under Allyn’s arm and said, “Looks like the Mariners are going to pull this one out. We should go to a game sometime. They have two more home stands. They might even make the playoffs. What do you think?”
“That could be fun,” Allyn said with a squeaky voice that could have been either shyness or relief. She released her grip and drew her knees up, hooking her arms around her ankles. It was an unmistakably defensive posture, leaving Bea to wonder if she was shielding herself from the fear of intimacy or the humiliation of rejection.
Chapter Twelve
Allyn stared at the TV without seeing it. Only moments ago, she’d come close to drawing Bea into her arms and kissing her senseless. Instead, Bea had pulled away and left her wondering just how much influence Wendy still had on her feelings. When she could no longer endure the silence, she made the bold decision to ask.
“Are you afraid of what might happen between us?”
Bea nodded slowly without making eye contact. “I’m afraid I’ll do something that freaks you out. I’m thinking I should back off and let you set the pace.”
Allyn laughed softly, but not because anything was funny. She was relieved to know she hadn’t done anything to push Bea away. “There’s only one problem with that. I’m a lot more likely to follow than I am to lead. It’s just who I am.”
“Okay, then.” Bea scooted beside her and adopted the same curled-up posture, though hooking their elbows together. “I’m cool with leading as long as you talk to me.”
“Talk about what? I couldn’t even answer you in the car last night, and you have no idea how hard it was for me to get up the nerve to send you that text.”
“Let’s talk about how much I want to kiss you. I mean really kiss. Really, really kiss.”
By the deep, sexy timbre of her voice, it was clear Bea meant more than kiss. Allyn found it titillating.
“Normally I wouldn’t even talk about it,” she went on. “I’d just…do it. But I don’t know what you’re ready for.”
“I’m ready for…who knows? You tell me.” Allyn couldn’t bring herself to say it, but there was no question she’d follow wherever Bea wanted to go.
“Okay…I enjoy all kinds of kissing and touching…private places, especially with someone I care about. And it so happens I care about you. Seeing as how this is technically our first date, I don’t expect us to rush into anything, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t if I had the chance.”
Allyn grew more aroused with every word, with every mental image of what it meant to share herself with Bea. Someone who cared about her.
This was what she wanted. She bowed her head until their lips met, and after several seconds dropped her safeguarding posture. Drawing courage from Bea’s honesty, her kiss grew more assertive, and soon her mouth exploded with excitement, the nerve endings afire with an almost electrical charge that made her want to reach deeper inside.
Bea too had surrendered to the sensations. Breathing heavily, turning her face from side to side to press their lips together from every angle.
Allyn slid her hands beneath Bea’s shirt to stroke her back. Then she deftly loosened the clasp on her bra. Kissing and touching. They both wanted it.
As her physical excitement built, she wrestled barely a moment with the question of how far she wanted to go. She felt no loyalty to Melody, nor to the adolescent morals of sharing her body only inside a committed relationship. It didn’t matter that this was only their first real date. This wasn’t like the days of her youth when she guarded her virtue against making an immature decision she’d regret.
She flicked her tongue against Bea’s teeth and sucked gently on her lips, all the while imagining what those lips would feel like elsewhere. And then her hands were in front, trembling sli
ghtly as they worked the buttons on Bea’s denim shirt. She pushed it off her shoulders, and Bea shook free of her bra.
Now dressed only in her shorts, Bea made no effort to hide herself, throwing her shoulders back to allow Allyn’s gaze. Her breasts were small, with wide pink areolas, pebbled by the cool air and, no doubt, by the anticipation of being touched. She guided Allyn’s hand to cover one, inhaling sharply the instant they touched.
“You’re lovely,” Allyn murmured, gently kneading the soft mound of flesh. “Do you like this?”
“I love it.” Bea allowed the gentle massage until it was obvious she was teeming with want. She tugged the hem of Allyn’s T-shirt upward. “Let me help you out of this.”
Allyn raised her arms and when Bea saw her thin sports bra, she hooked it in her thumbs and pulled both pieces off together.
They kissed again, straining awkwardly to press their chests together on the love seat.
“I want to lie down with you,” Bea whispered. “Can we take this to the other room?”
Allyn collected her shirt from the floor and covered her breasts self-consciously as she led the way into the bedroom. One by one she tossed the decorative pillows aside, and then pulled the coverlet to the foot of the bed.
Tonight was about more than welcoming Bea to her bed. She was closing the door on Melody.
*
Bea flicked on the bedside lamp and took in the sight of Allyn’s half-naked form as she stretched across the bed. Exquisite breasts, not small, not large. Fair in color like the rest of her skin with reddish-brown nipples that stood erect. “I hope you don’t mind the lamp. I couldn’t stand not being able to see you.”
“Whatever you want.”
“No, it’s whatever we want. No labels, no roles. We’re partners in here.” She stepped out of her shorts and, clad only in her panties, stretched out atop Allyn so their breasts could finally press together. “Fantasies never stack up to the real thing.”
Bea supported herself on one elbow to keep her weight from crushing Allyn and began lavishing attention on her jawline and neck…drawing the tender skin between her lips as though to suck but then nibbling and kissing before moving to a new spot. The area beneath the earlobe was her favorite because she knew Allyn could hear her measured breath and the soft smacking of her lips.
Allyn inhaled deeply and held it, a sign she was concentrating on the sensations. As their bodies rocked slowly from side to side, she pushed at her waistband.
“Let me do that,” Bea said. She grasped both sides of her yoga pants and slid them down, careful not to lower the black satin thong. Allyn would have to decide when the time was right for that, though if she changed her mind at this point and retreated, Bea would need a dip in a frozen lake to quiet her desires. “You’re absolutely gorgeous. Everything about you.”
From the sweet scent emanating from Allyn’s thong, Bea wasn’t the only one excited.
To her surprise, Allyn then guided her onto her back as she buried her face into the hollow of Bea’s breasts. In only a matter of moments, her lips drifted to capture a nipple, causing Bea to hiss with pleasure.
With pillows propping her up, she could see Allyn’s bottom rise and fall as her body roiled with sexual energy, but all of that beautiful bare skin was out of arm’s reach. That left her long silky hair, which fell through her fingers as Bea caressed her head.
Despite her intent to stay focused solely on the physical sensations, it was impossible to forget she was only the second person with whom Allyn had shared this level of intimacy. She was aching to touch and taste her, but it was up to Allyn to set the pace.
Allyn slid her fingertips under the waistband of Bea’s panties. “I want us to be naked.”
By the time she’d removed her panties, Allyn had stripped off her thong and was lying on her back with her arms out, inviting Bea to lie on top. It was an interesting shift, as though she’d had second thoughts about taking the lead. Bea wasn’t surprised by her wavering and wasn’t totally convinced even at this point they’d see this all the way through.
Hovering above her on all fours, she craned her neck for a kiss, and as their mouths slid together, positioned both knees between Allyn’s legs to urge them apart. “You and me,” she whispered, lowering herself until their pubic curls mingled.
Allyn closed her eyes and moaned at the contact. Within moments, she wrapped her legs around Bea’s thighs.
Bea kissed her again, rolling her hips to deepen their pleasure as they slowly ground together. It was more than enough stimulation to make her come, but that wasn’t her main goal, or even her goal at all. Their first time happened only once and she selfishly wanted it to be a moment Allyn would never forget.
Her lips started a slow journey downward, stopping to pull a rigid nipple into her mouth.
“Ohhh.” Another resonant moan, and Allyn’s hands came to rest on her shoulders as though ready to urge her lower when she could no longer stand the wait.
Using her elbows for support, Bea cupped both breasts and pushed them together so she could lavish first one and then the other with barely a turn of the head. Once she’d teased both nipples into hardened peaks, Allyn’s hands covered hers and took over the task.
Bea moved lower, inhaling the arousal as she drew closer to its source. She hadn’t meant to tease, but the tender skin of Allyn’s inner thighs proved too enticing. As she kissed her way upward from the knee, she paused to feel the satiny smoothness against her cheek, causing Allyn to rise in anticipation.
When it seemed Allyn was near the point of frustration, Bea homed in on her prize and swiped her tongue from bottom to top. She was careful not to linger in any one place, not wanting Allyn to come too soon. For both their sakes, she wanted to prolong the thrill.
The tart wetness was tinged with salt, and Bea slid her tongue in and out in quest for more, eliciting a whimper. Allyn was writhing with excitement that was growing harder to deny.
As she took Allyn’s hand, she gently drew her swollen clitoris between her lips and flicked it again and again with her tongue. Then she dipped one fingertip inside, barely enough to notice until she pressed downward in a fluttering motion.
Three…two…
“Ahhhhh!” Allyn’s head thrashed from side to side as her legs tightened around Bea’s shoulders. “Oh, God…”
Bea relaxed her tongue but held it in place in case another orgasm was lurking nearby. As soon as she felt the legs loosening their grip, she started again.
Allyn lasted about fifteen seconds before her second climax, this one not nearly as intense as the first. That was her limit apparently, since she tugged Bea up to lie beside her. “That was so amazing.”
“I’ll second that,” Bea said, offering her softened lips for a kiss. She nestled into Allyn’s arms knowing it would be but a moment before they began again.
Her confessions thus far had brought them to this, but it wasn’t the end of the road for Bea. Allyn Teague was the first woman since Wendy who had a chance at capturing her heart.
*
Allyn couldn’t remember the last time she’d awakened to so much sunlight in her bedroom. It was hours ago that she’d first stirred, when Bea had gotten up to go to the bathroom and returned to snuggle behind her, planting a warm kiss on her bare shoulder. Instead of lying awake contemplating her impulsive decision of the night before, she’d fallen back into an even deeper, dreamless sleep.
She rolled over to face Bea, whose mouth was fixed in a slight smile, though her eyes were still closed. “Are you awake?” she whispered softly, not wanting to rouse her if she weren’t.
“My brain is…and maybe a little piece of my left ear. The rest of me is comatose.” She draped her leg across Allyn’s and wrapped an arm around her waist. “You feeling okay this morning?”
“Very okay.” Allyn stretched her neck as far as it would bend and kissed her on the forehead. What she felt was brand new, no longer chained to the painful memories of the last year. She didn’t
have to think about Melody anymore, not when she could think about her new possibilities with Bea.
“Me too…except for a few muscles I haven’t used for a while. Don’t laugh at me if I get out of bed and fall down.”
Allyn didn’t like to dwell on the last time she’d made love, not since she registered it was after Melody had already begun her affair. It sickened her to think anyone could go back and forth between two lovers without remorse.
She had no idea about Bea’s last time but recalled her saying some of Wendy’s questions about her dates made her uncomfortable. “You’ve done this before, right? Since Wendy?”
“Yes…and no.” Bea propped her head with her hand so they were eye to eye, and ran her fingers gently across Allyn’s lower abdomen, tickling the edge of her pubic hair. “I hooked up last year with a woman from Spokane. We hit it off at a wedding reception and spent the night together. But it wasn’t like this, Allyn. I didn’t have feelings for her, and I didn’t wake up on cloud nine the next morning the way I did just now. And I haven’t even talked to her since.”
“Good. See that you don’t.” As they exchanged a tender kiss, Allyn was struck by the realization that another loss so soon would be devastating. “I hope you’ll stay this way, on cloud nine. I don’t think I could handle it if you left, not after last night. I don’t do this kind of thing. You’re just the second person in my whole life who—”
Bea put a finger over her lips. “Hush…I’m not going anywhere. And I know this is a big deal. It is for me too, but the hard part’s over. Neither of us has to be nervous about our feelings anymore. After what we did last night, we ought to be able to say and do anything we want, don’t you agree?”
Physical intimacy wasn’t the same as expressing emotions, but Bea was right that it should be easier now. “Does it change anything about how you feel?”
“Of course it does. For starters, it means I won’t be sharing these kinds of feelings with anyone else, and I definitely won’t share this.” She cupped Allyn’s sex and jiggled it for emphasis. “This is mine and mine is yours. We have something private and special to build on, to see if we want more, and if so, how much. And it also means you’re my girlfriend now.”
Life After Love Page 11