Good morning, sweetheart. I woke up early and watched you sleep. You’re so beautiful. I hated to leave you.
I couldn’t stop thinking about our talk last night because there’s something important I forgot to say. It’s true my life is better now that you’re in it. I know I said we should live for today and enjoy what we have, but it doesn’t mean I don’t care about tomorrow. I hope what we have keeps growing, and we’ll be so happy we’ll never want it to end. We both know that won’t happen by itself, so I’m giving you my promise I’ll work for it. I’m crazy about you.
Hallmark will never hire me because I’m terrible with words. I just wanted you to know you don’t have to worry about me comparing my other life to the one I have now. It’s all about you. Only you. XOXOX Bea
Chapter Sixteen
Allyn turned up the volume on her earpiece as the gardeners blew grass from the sidewalk below her window. Her client on the other end of the call seemed oblivious to the racket.
“You don’t have to sell me on this, Roy. It’s a great position, exactly what Josh is looking for. He liked everyone he met and he liked Dallas. He just can’t accept it at that salary. His wife’s a teacher, and she’ll have to take a seven thousand-dollar pay cut to move to Texas.”
Roy’s business was tech security, so she’d dealt with him many times before. He was the company’s vice president and had the authority to negotiate salaries. After an extended silence, he groaned, a sign he was either ready to cave to Josh’s demands or give up on him altogether.
“Look, Roy. We’ve been doing this a long time. You know I’m not just trying to jack you up here. I don’t get paid at all if I don’t place him, so I want this deal done too. Josh is perfect for this job. You know it as well as I do. I’m willing to make your case for you, but if you really want him, you’ve got to give me something.”
She patiently tapped her pen against her palm until he blurted out a new number—his final offer. After a quick call to Josh, she called Roy back to convey his acceptance. Two more satisfied clients. If she could get the paperwork signed by tomorrow, it would be her best quarter ever for commissions.
With so many elements of her life coming together at once, she felt like celebrating. A quick check of her pantry yielded a bottle of pinot noir, a nice complement to chicken parmesan, which needed to go in the oven in half an hour.
She smiled and picked up the card on her counter, reading it again for what had to be the hundredth time. Once she memorized it, it would go in a special box she’d started for mementos with Bea.
After a long talk on Sunday about letting their relationship evolve on its own time, they’d agreed to spend weekends at Bea’s house so they could be with Dexter, and to see each other during the week only on Wednesday. That meant dinner together tonight, but starting next week Wednesdays were volleyball night, to be followed by going with the gang to JoJo’s. “Unlimited calls and texts,” Bea had said in a chirpy ad voice. It was a good plan, one that gave them enough time together without suffocating each other, and it meshed with their work schedules.
Back at her desk, she prepared her invoice for Roy, discounting it five percent to show her appreciation for his willingness to negotiate with Josh. He would remember that gesture the next time he had a position to fill.
Within five seconds of sending it off, a new email landed in her inbox. It was from an unfamiliar Gmail address but she recognized the handle as one Melody had used for her old Flickr account.
Hey stranger. Heard you were playing softball. Kicking ass and taking names. Jillian sent some pics—you look great! Down to 97 today in Tucson. The locals call that a cold snap. Hope you’re doing well. Drop me a note whenever. M.
With her hands shaking, Allyn read it over and over, studying each line. She’d found a Yahoo account under the same name in the CC line of an email from their realtor and assumed Melody had created it to chat with Naomi. It occurred to her that Naomi might not know about this one.
What did Melody want from her? Her casual tone was peculiar considering the last note she’d sent was a bitter tirade about their divorce settlement that ended just short of Fuck off . Surely she didn’t expect Allyn to forget that hurtful attack. Something had changed that made Melody want to be friends again, and the only thing Allyn could think of was her learning about Bea. Jillian must have told her about them holding hands and sharing a kiss at the ballpark, and now Melody felt “safe” to be friends, “safe” from worrying that Allyn would beg her to come back, “safe” from having to listen to stories of how she had ruined Allyn’s life.
Then again, Melody wasn’t to be trusted. She probably needed something and this was her way of greasing the skids before she asked. Was there an unsigned paper that fell through the cracks, an overlooked account they hadn’t divided, an old password to access a website?
Allyn was disgusted by her own excitement, even though it was fleeting and offset by anger and suspicion. No matter what had motivated Melody to reach out, Allyn had sole control over how she responded.
Her impulse was to answer that she didn’t give a shit how hot it got in Tucson, and to leave her the fuck alone. That particular note would never get written without her polishing off two glasses of the pinot noir that sat on her counter. She disliked confrontation as much as the next person, even with someone who deserved it.
The better strategy might be to ignore the note altogether, dishing out to Melody the same frustration and angst she’d felt when her calls and emails had gone unanswered. It could never be as cold or cruel as what she’d experienced, but it would spare her getting sucked into a power game where Melody was the one doling out morsels of kindness and civility as long as it suited her.
The riskiest response of all was the one she contemplated most seriously—letting go of her resentment and answering in the spirit of friendship. That was her deeper truth. No matter how much Melody had hurt her, she’d never stopped believing in the basic decency of a woman she’d loved enough to marry. That she could write a friendly note like this one was proof she was a good person, and that Allyn hadn’t been such an awful judge of character after all. Now Melody was handing her the chance to demonstrate that she too was caring and compassionate, someone who could forgive and wish the best for a person she once had loved.
Hi to you too. Softball was fun but the season’s over. Used muscles I forgot I had. Cool and wet here—
Vapid nonsense. She deleted the words and flickered her fingers above the keys.
Hope it cools off in AZ for fall. Take care.
Cordial enough but impersonal. A terse response such as that would probably end their exchange.
Sounds miserable. Any plans to escape the heat? Take care.
She doctored the note some more, re-adding the bit about the muscles she used playing softball. It was friendly without being overly familiar, and by asking a question, she admittedly was inviting more dialogue.
Her cell phone chimed to announce a text from Bea: Leaving shop now.
Time had gotten away from her. Bea was due in a matter of minutes and she hadn’t even started dinner, which would take at least an hour from start to finish. Chicken parmesan would have to wait for another night. Stir-fry was quicker. She could toss in the vegetables she’d planned to steam and serve it over rice.
What would Bea think of her note from Melody? A purely rhetorical question, since she had no intention of telling her about it, at least not right away. She wouldn’t want to keep it secret if she and Melody mended their friendship enough to trade emails every now and then, but for now, she wanted the freedom to decide for herself what course to take without anyone questioning her judgment.
She saved the note to her draft folder so she could think about it later. Waiting a day or two would downplay her eagerness and let Melody know she had more important things to do than sit on the edge of her seat and wait for a reply.
*
Exuberant. That’s what Bea thought of the energy with which Allyn
greeted her, and she was surprised by a kiss that was as passionate as any they’d shared.
“Wow, someone had a good day.”
“I sure did. I placed a client today…it was a perfect match and they both wanted it, but we had to work out the compensation. It’s a huge commission, and that’s why”—she handed Bea a bottle of wine and corkscrew—“we have to celebrate.”
“I’ll celebrate anything that makes you kiss me like that.”
Throughout dinner, Allyn was curiously animated, laughing louder than usual and voicing uncharacteristic excitement over every detail Bea shared about Grady’s first few days at the shop. In their early days of dating, she would have chalked it up to nervousness, but there was no obvious reason for this level of giddiness.
“Anything else interesting happen today?” she asked.
“No, what makes you ask?”
“Nothing, really. I’m just not used to seeing you so excited about your work. Too bad Dexter couldn’t be here with us. He could use a little excitement. He’s been down in the dumps lately. We have an appointment at the vet tomorrow. I half expect him to say Dexter’s mad at me for not getting enough attention.”
“Maybe you should go home and be with him,” Allyn said sharply.
Bea was shocked by her sudden change in demeanor. “I didn’t mean—”
“I just closed one of my biggest deals ever. If I can’t be excited about that without getting the third degree, maybe you ought to just go home to your dog.” She stood abruptly and began clearing the table.
Allyn’s reaction was downright bizarre.
“I wasn’t giving you the third degree,” Bea said calmly. She’d done nothing a reasonable person could construe as offensive or uncaring. On the contrary, she’d been thrilled at Allyn’s news and happy to share in her celebration. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No.” Allyn ferried the dishes into the kitchen and dropped them in the sink so carelessly it was a miracle they didn’t break. “I’m probably just anxious about it because the papers haven’t been signed yet. One of them could still back out and I’d be screwed out of a commission.”
“That would make anyone anxious.” Though it shouldn’t cause her to fly off the handle. Something else was bothering her, but Bea didn’t want to press the issue for fear of making it worse. Allyn would come around in her own time. “You’re probably right. I should go. That’ll give you a chance to relax…soak in the tub, read a book.”
“You don’t have to go, Bea. I shouldn’t have reacted that way.”
“No, it’s okay. I really am worried about Dex. I need to make sure he knows he’s my guy. We can get together again on…Friday?”
“Friday. Definitely. Another movie?”
“Pick whichever one you want.” She stretched across the counter to give Allyn a kiss—more like a friendly peck on the lips—and stopped at the door to blow another kiss across the room. “I’m proud of you for closing that deal.”
As Bea drove home, she replayed in her head as many bits of their conversation as she could recall. Nothing jumped out that might have set Allyn off. Sometimes people’s actions came down to idiosyncrasies that couldn’t be explained, little quirks that stirred unpleasant memories or just plain old rubbed them the wrong way.
As she pulled into her driveway, the living room curtains parted and her sweet baby boy appeared. No matter how bad her day had gone, she could always count on Dexter to make it better.
*
Dr. Kyle Schaefer, bespectacled and dressed in blue scrubs with red high-top sneakers, squatted to coax a cowering Dexter from underneath the stainless steel exam table. “What’s the matter, fella? You aren’t afraid of me today, are you?”
“Let me see if I can get him out,” Bea offered. She was surprised by Dexter’s shrinking demeanor since he usually greeted everyone with gusto, even those who sometimes poked him with needles. A gentle tug on his collar brought him out, and it took all her strength to hoist him onto the table.
Though he lowered himself with his legs stretched out front, he appeared poised to bolt at any second.
“Tell me what’s been going on,” Kyle said.
“He’s not eating very well, but he’s drinking a lot. You saw his record. He’s down six pounds since May. And lately he doesn’t seem to have any energy.”
“Anything changed? New food? Pest control service? New plants in the house?”
“No, same everything. I was worried it might be psychological. I started seeing someone recently so I’m not home every night like I used to be. But it’s not like I’m gone a whole lot. I take him with me whenever I can, and both of us give him a lot of attention.”
Kyle checked his ears and teeth, and paid special attention to his eyes. Next he listened to his heart and lungs. “Are you jealous, buddy?”
Dexter responded with a thump of his tail, and he rolled onto his back when Kyle began to palpitate his tummy.
“What do you think’s going on, Kyle?”
“I don’t think it’s attitude, but I won’t totally rule it out. His glands are a little swollen.” He took her hand and tucked it under Dexter’s jaw. “Feel that? That’s probably what’s interfering with his eating.”
There was definitely a bump, but rubbing it didn’t seem to bother him. “That isn’t a tumor, is it?”
“I doubt it. It could be an infection.” His frown was unmistakable as he ran his hand along Dexter’s flank.
“Is something else wrong?”
“Hard to say without some tests. I’d like to draw some blood and send it off.” He touched a button to summon a technician. “It’s possible he’s gotten into something—bad water, rotten food—and now he’s got a bacterial infection. There’s no evidence of fleas or ticks. That’s the usual culprit, but it could also be an allergy of some sort.”
“Ha! You mean like my new girlfriend. Wouldn’t that be ironic?”
“It’s happened.”
“What sort of treatment would we be looking at if it’s an infection?”
“A course of antibiotics should do it. If it’s an allergy, we can treat it with prednisone. The main thing we want to rule out is lymphoma.”
“Lymphoma? Isn’t that…cancer?” Her pulse quickened with fear and she instinctively cradled Dexter’s head as though to cover his ears.
The technician appeared and escorted Dexter into the back.
Kyle washed his hands and leaned against the sink with his arms folded. “It’s not uncommon for his breed, but we don’t see it much in young dogs like Dexter.”
“And even if it is, you can treat it, right? We caught it early.”
“Let’s cross that bridge if we get there. We’ll know in a day or two.”
A day or two was forever to wait for news like that.
Chapter Seventeen
“You should have called me yesterday, Bea.” Allyn tossed her purse on the chair and sat beside Dexter on the couch, which apparently wasn’t off limits to him anymore.
“I didn’t want to worry you till I knew something for sure, but they didn’t get the blood work back today. And Kyle said the lab’s closed on Saturdays so it’ll be Monday before I hear anything.”
“You must be going crazy.”
“Pretty much.” Bea sat at the other end of the couch, still wearing her khaki pants and Pak & Ship shirt. By her drawn face, she was very worried. “You won’t care if we skip the movie tonight, will you? I really don’t feel much like going out.”
“I don’t care at all. We’ll call for some burgers at JoJo’s and I’ll run get them. Tonight’s all about Dexter.”
Bea stretched out a hand and tugged Allyn toward her, and they kissed with Dexter in the middle. “You’re sweet. I appreciate it.”
Allyn didn’t feel sweet at all. What she felt was guilty, not only for the shabby way she’d treated Bea two nights before, but for wallowing in her own selfish game with Melody while Bea was frantic over Dexter. Even worse, she’d returned Bea’s honest
y with secrecy, which she was determined to fix.
She returned from JoJo’s to find Bea still on the couch with Dexter’s head in her lap.
“He might be sick, but he sure looks happy.”
“Doesn’t he though? I guess my plan to keep him off the furniture is pretty well shot.”
Allyn spread their bounty on the coffee table and pulled up an armchair. “I got an extra hamburger patty in case he wants it.”
“He’s going to be so spoiled, but that’s all right.” Bea broke off a few small pieces of meat and fed him. “I don’t want to give him too much. He’s been getting sick right after he eats.”
“It’s awful how they left you hanging all weekend. How they left us hanging.”
“I’m sorry,” Bea said solemnly. “You don’t have to stay the whole time. I’m not going to be very good company.”
“Of course I have to stay.” It horrified her to realize Bea thought she could leave at a time like this. “You want me to, don’t you?”
“Yes, I…I don’t know why I said that. I don’t want you to leave.”
“I know why. Because I was a brat the other night when you said that about Dexter not getting enough attention. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want me here. I was totally out of line.”
“I was being a jerk too. It was a special night for you and I should have done more to recognize that. We’re all guilty of being self-centered sometimes.”
Allyn couldn’t let her take any of the blame, not when she knew the real reason for her gruff behavior. She wrapped her dinner in paper and pushed it away, leaning on the edge of her chair to rest a hand on Bea’s leg. “Look at me. It was not your fault. I had something else on my mind and I didn’t tell you about it because I was trying to sort it out by myself. I was afraid if I told you, you’d try to tell me what to do.”
Bea pushed her food away also, and with a frown that bordered on irritation, asked, “What in the world are you talking about?”
Life After Love Page 15