Bea’s heart sank. Judging by the way they’d laughed and talked all day, she was sure they’d hit it off. Now it appeared it was all an act on Allyn’s part—a good one, because she hadn’t seemed anxious at all after the first few minutes. “I don’t get it. By the time we left, you guys were practically best friends. What’s freaking you out?”
“I’m worried because I just started a new relationship with a woman I love. Now I’ve met someone I like even better. What am I going to tell her?”
“You did—” Bea played the words over in her head before glancing sideways to see Allyn covering her mouth to suppress a laugh. “Oh, my God! I left you alone with her for ten minutes. Ten minutes! And now you’re acting just like her. Everything you say from now on, I’ll be waiting for a punchline.”
“How’s this for a punchline? I adore her.”
“Are you being serious now?”
“Yes, and I also adore you even more for the way you’ve stood beside her.” She put her hand on Bea’s shoulder. “And don’t even try to say you haven’t. You’re the number one person in her life.”
“Both of you will be the death of me.” She took Allyn’s hand and brought it to her lips. “She adores you too. What did you guys talk about?”
“Dexter, mostly. She’s worried this is going to break your heart.”
“Because it will.”
“Yeah, it’ll be tough. But you two…you’ve already lived through your worst nightmare, and next time you’ll have me beside you too.”
The overwhelming sadness of losing Dexter was a dark cloud on the horizon, but there was no denying it would be easier to face with Allyn by her side.
Chapter Twenty
Allyn paced the thin carpet that marked the line between her dining area and living room as she reviewed the job announcement for the benefit of the woman on the phone. “It’s an executive position, vice president for technology at a major pharmaceutical company located in the Southeast. I was hoping you might know of someone in your business network who’s looking for an opportunity to make an upward career move.”
It was her go-to strategy for recruitment, calling qualified candidates and asking for recommendations. Everyone knew how the game was played, and after three or four such calls, she’d reach someone who was ready to jump ship.
“I, uh…” the woman said hesitantly. “I actually do have someone in mind, but I can’t discuss her right now. I’m sure I’ll need some more information to pass on. Is there a number where I could reach you around noon tomorrow?”
Allyn smiled to herself and rattled off her number. Anyone interested in changing jobs needed to be discreet, and Celia Drummond was definitely due for a promotion. She’d paid her dues for five years in tech security at a hospital supply company where her boss would likely hold the top job for another eight or ten years. She couldn’t guarantee Celia this particular job, but a thirty-eight-year-old, mobile African-American with her skill set should be easy to place.
It was volleyball night, which meant dinner afterward at JoJo’s. She wouldn’t last that long without a snack. Nothing too heavy, just a stick of low-fat string cheese with celery stalks. Her weight had leveled off in the last couple of weeks, thanks to her new pre-lunch ritual of thirty minutes on the treadmill in the apartment complex’s fitness facility. She had the room to herself at that time of day, and the time passed quickly while she read through the news on her tablet.
Already dressed in warm-up pants and her Pak & Ship T-shirt, she stepped back from the large mirror in her dining room-cum-office and sucked in her tummy, twisting from side to side to check her figure. All those extra pounds she’d accumulated in her years with Melody were the result of her sedentary lifestyle, and she wouldn’t let that happen again. With Bea and her friends active in the recreation leagues, keeping fit would be fun. This was her new life and she was loving it.
Another hour of working the phones and she could call it a day. As she adjusted her headset, she was startled by a knock at the door. Middle of the afternoon…broad daylight. It never occurred to her to check through the peephole.
“Hi, Allyn.”
“Melody.” The utterance was all she could manage. Her ex-wife in the flesh, holding a bouquet of wildflowers wrapped in cellophane. An irrepressible thrill surged through her, an excitement her conscious self would have denied at all costs.
It was shocking to see Melody for more reasons than one. She’d never told her where she was moving, and all her mail went to the Pak & Ship mailbox. How could Melody have known where to find her?
“I would have called first but I didn’t have your number. May I come in?”
Still speechless, she stepped aside, looking her up and down for a visible sign that Melody had suffered from their parting. She was darkly tanned, and the Arizona sun had left white creases around her eyes and neck. Her hair was shorter, a precision cut around her ears that bore more than a passing resemblance to the one Naomi had sported in her web photo. Not particularly flattering for someone as tall and round-shouldered as Melody, but Allyn saw past the tiny flaws to appreciate a smile she thought she’d never see again.
“You look really amazing, Allyn.”
She smoothed her T-shirt self-consciously, feeling dowdy and underdressed compared to Melody’s crisp white shirt and creased slacks.
“These are yours,” Melody said, holding out the flowers. “It’s not much. I happened to drive by a vendor at a stoplight and remembered how much you liked them.”
Allyn set them aside on her kitchen counter. She’d gotten rid of so many things when she scaled down that she doubted she even had a vase to put them in. “How did you know where I lived?”
“Sandy had this address from when she sent over the closing papers on the house.”
Of course, Sandy Valiant, their realtor. She’d asked for a physical address because Allyn needed to sign for the package.
“I can’t stay long. I just wanted to stop by and say hi.” She looked around the apartment, craning her neck toward the bedroom. “Nice place. You like it here?”
“Very much. It’s perfect.” In truth, Allyn had almost no opinion about her apartment, other than its functionality as a place to work and sleep. Her faux enthusiasm was a reflexive response, a defense mechanism to demonstrate she had survived their breakup and was thriving in her new life.
Melody stepped into the TV area, clearly expecting an invitation to be seated.
Allyn mindlessly held out a hand toward the love seat, choosing to sit on the ottoman, which she dragged across the carpet to put some distance between them. “What are you doing in Seattle? Is your family all right?”
“Yeah, they’re fine. I just came up for a quick visit and thought maybe we could…” Her voice trailed off and she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees as she pressed her palms together and stared down at the floor. “I’m just going to come out and say this, Allyn. I’ve been trying to get in touch with you because I can’t stop thinking about how horrible things ended for us, how awful you must have felt. It’s been eating at me for months. It’s gotten so bad I can’t stand it. I just needed to tell you I was sorry for everything you went through.”
Words failed her, thoughts failed her. She’d always hoped for an apology someday—and she intensely wanted this one to be sincere—but her instincts kept her from accepting it at face value. It would devastate her if Melody had contrived this visit to take advantage of her vulnerabilities once again.
“I’ve missed talking to you,” she went on, her voice subdued and even conciliatory. “I heard you were playing softball. Jillian said you looked like you were having a really good time. It made me wish we’d found a way to stay friends. I know it was hard for you…it was hard for me too. Everything was so stressful back then, people pulling me in different directions. I just wanted to make it stop, you know?”
“You could have stopped it if you’d just let me help.” How could Melody not have known she needed only to step ba
ck from the brink and put her faith in Allyn instead of running to Naomi? They could have overcome anything together.
“Not really. No matter what I did, it was all coming apart. Work especially. You have no idea what that was like back in January. That new guy they brought in last fall, Keith Johnson. He was on my case all the time. I had to get out of there.”
Allyn listened intently for anything that might shed light on how their life together had come undone. The problems at work were a new revelation, but they weren’t enough to explain how Melody had gotten involved with another woman.
“Anyway, Johnson’s gone now. He got kicked over to admin at the business school and they promoted Gladys Martinez. You remember her. I always liked her and she liked me, so when I heard she was heading up the department, I called to see about getting my job back at the UW. That’s why I wanted to talk to you. We didn’t leave things in a very good place, so I thought I ought to give you a heads-up that I might be coming back to Seattle.”
Lovely . Perhaps she and Naomi would buy another house in Redwood Heights.
“It’s a free country. You should do whatever you want.” She winced inwardly at her flippant tone. This was their chance to salvage at least a friendship from eleven years together, and a huge opportunity to heal the greatest hurt she’d ever known. “Seattle’s been your home for a long time. I can see why you’d want to be here.”
“Exactly. But the sticking point was you and me. After I left, we were so…at each other’s throats. It was awful. It tore me up to know you felt that way.” She shook her head and smiled weakly. “I certainly own my part of that.”
It was gracious of Melody finally to admit fault, and Allyn was moved to do the same. “I’m really sorry things got so vicious over the settlement. None of that was my idea. You know how attorneys are. Everything’s about money and winning. They don’t have a personal stake in how it makes people feel.”
“Kim was the same way. We should have just worked it out by ourselves. Who knows? If we’d waited a while and let the dust settle, there might not have been anything to work out.”
Allyn put her hand over her chest to still the flutter. Countless nights she’d lain awake imagining the day Melody might return and admit she was wrong about everything. Was this finally that day?
Melody abruptly slapped her knees and stood, and Allyn felt a rise of panic. There were far too many things she still didn’t understand, and she was desperate to hear more. “You’re leaving?”
“Yeah, I’m staying with Jillian and Tiffany. They wanted to get a bite to eat before the volleyball game tonight.” She gestured toward Allyn’s outfit. “Jillian said you guys have the first game. They play at seven thirty. Maybe we’ll come early and cheer you on.”
“How long will you be in Seattle?”
“Till Sunday. Want to have dinner tomorrow night? We could go to Bastille. You always wanted to try that.”
“Sure, I guess.” Bea wouldn’t like it, but she’d understand. This was an opportunity to move beyond the acrimony of the past year so she and Melody could enjoy the kind of warm, respectful relationship Bea had with Wendy.
At the door, Melody turned and held out her arms, a gesture Allyn was powerless to resist. “I’ve missed you, Allyn.”
Their silent hug lasted nearly a minute as a storm of conflicting emotions swirled through Allyn’s head. There were too many unresolved issues for this to be the long-sought closure to her heartache, but she couldn’t deny how good it felt to forget all the pain for just this moment and enjoy the comfort of Melody’s arms around her. It was clear time hadn’t completely healed her wounds.
*
Bea had turned Dexter over to Marta and was at the end of the bench with Allyn, far enough, she hoped, to be out of earshot. Their teammates didn’t deserve to be dragged into dyke drama, and that’s what this was. Through gritted teeth, she asked, “What do you mean she just showed up out of the blue? How did she even know where you lived?”
“She got my address from Sandy, our realtor.”
“You should sue her for breach of privacy. What if Melody had been a murdering stalker? She would have led her right to your door.”
“I’m not going to sue anyone.”
Bea was so agitated she wanted to stomp around the gym floor. It didn’t help matters that Allyn was acting like it was no big deal. “I can’t believe this doesn’t even bother you. You sent her a note that said you didn’t want to talk to her anymore, and what does she do? She shows up at your house uninvited. What part of fuck off did she not understand?”
“I never told her to fuck off. I just said it was best for me if we went our separate ways.”
“That’s my point!” Bea said, waving her hands wildly. She squeezed her eyes shut and tilted her head back, determined to get a grip on her anger. No matter what Melody had done, none of it warranted bullying Allyn about her response. “Sweetheart, I’m just upset that she didn’t respect what you said. I don’t get people who think they can take whatever they want. That’s what she did by coming to your apartment. Who does she think she is to decide she knows better than you what’s best for you?”
Allyn looked past her toward the entrance. “Don’t turn around. She’s coming in now with Jillian and Tiffany. She told me she might.”
“Un-fucking-believable.”
“Please don’t make a big deal out of this. I didn’t want to see her again, but when she showed up it turned out all right. I didn’t get upset and neither did she. We just talked a little.” She waved over Bea’s shoulder to someone up in the stands. “They see us. You can turn around if you want.”
“Can I flip her a bird?” Despite her snippy reply, she twisted sideways to look in their direction.
Allyn gripped her shirt so she couldn’t leave. “Don’t be this way, especially right now. I don’t want to give them the satisfaction of seeing us argue about it.”
She was right, of course, on every level. It would be the height of stupidity for her to throw a hissy fit with Melody watching, and the height of paranoia to assume a casual chat with her ex meant Allyn was leaving her. It was also the height of hypocrisy to browbeat Allyn over something she clearly wanted to do.
“I will do my best to not be this way,” she proclaimed, adding a broad grin she didn’t feel at all. “You do whatever you think is best for you, and I’ll support you. Is that better?”
Allyn cocked her head dubiously. “Are you being sincere?”
“I’m trying to be. I’m definitely not going to make a scene in front of Melody. I want her to look down here and think you’re happy.”
“I am happy.”
“Then you should smile too.”
*
By the time she reached Bea’s house, Allyn was fuming. She sat in her car debating whether to drive off or walk up to the porch and pound on the door. Never had she expected such childish petulance from Bea.
Their volleyball match was hard-fought, going down to the wire in the third game, but they’d prevailed when Bea sent over a serve with topspin that proved too hot to handle. Hand slaps all around, and shouts for whoever got to JoJo’s first to pull a couple of tables together. It was only upon arriving on the patio that she learned from Marta that Bea had gone home without having the decency to tell her.
The urge to confront her won out and she stomped up to the porch, where she tried to calm herself again before knocking on the door. After several minutes and numerous knocks, she used her key and found Bea in the glider on the back porch watching Dexter play in the backyard.
“Do you feel better now that you’ve taken your ball and gone home?”
“Actually, I feel like shit. Why did you wait till we were leaving to tell me you were having dinner with Melody tomorrow night? That should have been the first thing out of your mouth.”
“Because…” She sat down next to Bea and put a hand on her leg when she started to get up. “I knew what you’d say and I didn’t want to hear it.”
“I distinctly remember both of us saying we wanted an honest relationship. Honest means we both say it and we both hear it.”
“It’s not like I was planning to sneak around and meet her. I just waited because I was afraid you’d make a scene with everybody looking at us.” She shivered against the cool night and scooted closer to warm her side. “I don’t know why it bothers you so much that I finally have a chance to sit down with Melody and have a civil conversation. You and Wendy are so good to each other, and she’s so happy for you. Can’t you see how I’d want that from Melody after spending eleven years of my life with her?”
“Don’t compare Wendy to Melody. Wendy didn’t lie to me. She didn’t suck the life out of me and then run off to be with somebody else. The reason I respect her so much is because she earned it. Can you honestly say that about Melody?”
“No, and I never said I respected her. But I want to understand her. There has to be an explanation for what she did, something I could have fixed before it went all to hell. If I don’t know what it was, how will I ever be able to trust my feelings for someone else?” Someone else being Bea.
“You want an explanation? She’s selfish. She’s weak. She’s a lowlife. Did she even have the decency to apologize for what she did?”
“Yes.” Allyn strained to recall her exact words. She was sorry for the things Allyn had gone through…though she hadn’t specifically accepted the blame for being the one who put her through them. “There were extenuating circumstances at work I didn’t know about, a new boss that stressed her out and made her want to get out of Seattle as fast as she could.”
Bea took off her jacket and wrapped it around Allyn’s shoulders. “Her boss didn’t make her sleep with Naomi.”
“I know.” With growing desolation, she acknowledged that Bea was largely right. Melody had done some awful things, and to this day had not taken responsibility. “I want to hear her say she’s sorry for everything.”
“She might never do that. Some people don’t have the capacity to admit they’re ever wrong. They come up with excuses for why it’s not their fault. Her boss, her stress. It wouldn’t surprise me if she let you feel like you were partly to blame.”
Life After Love Page 18