In fact, she had, Allyn realized. Melody had been very explicit about owning “her part” in their conflict, and Allyn had followed immediately with an apology for her attorney’s aggressive demands. “I can’t argue with anything you’ve said, but I need to give her a chance to make it right. If she doesn’t, I’m no worse off…unless it upsets you so much that it causes problems for us.”
Bea tapped her foot against the floor to make the glider slide gently backward. Once she had it swinging in a steady gait, she took Allyn’s hand and squeezed it hard. “I’m sorry for going off without saying goodnight. I don’t know Melody but I know she hurt you. I can’t forgive her for that. If it were up to me, I’d rather you didn’t have anything to do with her. But I understand why you want to, and I was wrong for throwing a tantrum about it. Do whatever you have to do for yourself, and I’ll…gnash my teeth in private.”
“Gnash your teeth? What does that even mean? I want to see it.”
Bea contorted her face into a monster smile. “Gnash, gnash, gnash.”
“Oh, you should definitely do that in private.” Allyn was relieved to have the tiff behind them, and especially to understand Bea’s motives were rooted not in jealousy or an attempt to control her, but in concern that Melody might use the opportunity to saddle her with blame. “You don’t have to worry about Melody taking advantage of me again. She wants to move back to Seattle and she’s worried I’ll make it hard on her with our friends. What she doesn’t realize is I don’t care what she does, and I care even less about any of her friends. But if I run into her somewhere, I don’t want to feel like I have to hide.”
“I’m not worried,” Bea said. She whistled for Dexter, who joined them on the porch. “While you’re out there having dinner with a scummy scalawag, I’ll be at home getting unconditional love from the most loyal friend anyone could have.”
“Now you’re making me jealous.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Bea sat on the floor beneath the exam table cradling Dexter’s head in her lap. It felt as though they’d been waiting all day, but it was only an hour. She was grateful they’d been able to work her in.
A pair of legs appeared through the back door and Kyle Schaefer peeked underneath the table. “Everybody okay down there?”
“Kyle!” Just seeing him filled her with relief. “He’s been throwing up all day. Trina said he had a temperature.”
He raised and lowered his glasses several times as he studied the chart. “Two treatments…that’s about when the side effects kick in. It’s not unusual for dogs on chemo to experience vomiting and diarrhea.”
“It just started today.” She tugged Dexter out and lifted him onto the table. “He’d been doing a lot better. He even had some of his old energy back.”
“This is a pattern we see pretty often. The drugs are doing their job but they also open him up to infections, sometimes from his own bacteria. I can give him something to make him feel better.” As he talked, he performed a cursory exam. “If he’s still throwing up when you come in on Monday for chemo, we’ll switch out his drugs.”
It broke her heart to see Dexter so glum. His wide amber eyes seemed to be pleading for help. “Are you sure I’m doing the right thing, Kyle? I don’t want him to suffer. If putting him through this means he’s going to be sick all the time, I’ll—” She couldn’t bring herself to say it.
“I promise you’re doing the right thing, Bea. He’ll get past this. Once he does, you probably won’t even be able to tell he’s sick.” He pressed the button by the back door. “We’ll get him some fluids today so he doesn’t get dehydrated. I can give him a shot for the nausea.”
“Sorry, boy. More needles today.” She nuzzled his snout until the technician appeared and took him away.
The waiting room was overrun with owners and their pets, all jockeying for positions to keep the animal hostilities to a minimum. The people blended into the background, obscured by the dogs and cats who brought them there.
As Bea squeezed onto a bench between a golden retriever on a leash and a silver tabby in a cloth carrier, one of the exam rooms opened. Out walked an older couple in tears, the reason achingly obvious to everyone, since they were without a pet.
A knot formed in her throat and she bowed her head to give them as much privacy as she could in their grief. She’d been there before—with both Chloe and Fletcher—and she’d be there again.
She texted Kit, who was minding the shop with Grady, and asked them to close up at six without her. The Mariners were playing in Toronto, a four o’clock start on the West Coast, and she wanted nothing more than to curl up on the couch with her best friend.
Between Dexter and the Mariners, she might be able to keep her eye off the clock while Allyn was having dinner tonight with her ex-wife.
*
Melody steered her compact rental car between two others at the curb of Chada Thai, a small restaurant in a strip mall not far from Allyn’s apartment. “This is a dumpy hole-in-the-wall,” she complained. “I thought you were dying to go to Bastille.”
Bastille was special because Bea had taken her there. “Forget how it looks. The food here is fantastic.”
They were both a bit overdressed for a neighborhood spot where the locals showed up in jeans and Tshirts. Melody wore a houndstooth pantsuit with a black shirt, while Allyn fell back on the slacks-and-sweater outfit she’d worn to Wendy’s house in Vancouver.
Melody declined the first two tables offered by the hostess because they were too close to other patrons, and insisted on sitting at a corner table for four. She’d always been forceful about her preferences, and Allyn had to admit they got better service as a result.
They ordered white wine to start and Melody offered a toast. “Let’s drink to my very good news. Gladys is pushing through the paperwork to have me come back to the UW, maybe as soon as two or three weeks. I should know something definitive by the middle of next week.”
Allyn raised her glass and even managed a smile, which was purely a social reflex. The news didn’t exactly make her happy for myriad reasons. Her life didn’t need the complication of seeing Melody out and about with Naomi, and she wasn’t even certain she wanted a friendship if it meant hearing more about her wonderful new life. She was surprised to feel resentment. Why should people like Melody get everything they wanted? Did the higher-ups at the UW know how shamefully she’d behaved last year, or had she snowed them all into thinking her move to Tucson was solely because of her old boss?
“Which leads me to another announcement. Sad news in a way, but these things happen.” She took a sip of wine and made a dramatic show of turning her head so she could give Allyn a sidelong look, as though anxious about her reaction. “When I get back to Tucson, I’ll be breaking up with Naomi. She won’t be moving to Seattle with me.”
Allyn leaned back and drew her hands beneath the tablecloth so Melody wouldn’t notice they’d begun to shake. It was too much to think about all at once. Having her close again, her mistake behind her.
“There are things you can’t know about people until you live together,” she went on. “Never—and I mean never—get involved with someone you work with. That’s got bad news written all over it. In the first place, when you start having problems, there’s nowhere to go to get away from it.”
Her satisfaction with Melody’s unhappiness should have come with a measure of guilt, but it didn’t. On the contrary, it felt good to know her angst about the two of them cozy and in love in Tucson all this time was for naught.
“The other thing…the really big thing…is that she has no concept of how much work you have to put into a relationship to make it go. It takes sacrifice and dedication, and you have to be grown up about it. She just expects everything to magically fall into place.”
Every word was a validation of what Allyn had known all along. Melody’s fling with Naomi was based on the flimsiest of emotions—lust, self-indulgence, the excitement of doing something illicit—and it was a
lways destined to fail. The whole fiasco was never more than a cheap affair.
“Anyone who goes into a full-blown relationship as fast as Naomi and I did deserves all the shit that comes with it. The best we can do at this point is cut our losses.” She rubbed her hands together lightly to twirl the stem of her wineglass, a gesture that seemed designed to let her avoid eye contact. “Anyway, I’m sure you didn’t come to hear my sad story. Jillian said she thought you were seeing somebody. Bea Lawson?”
Allyn nodded. She’d anticipated Bea’s name coming up but had no intention of sharing any details, especially none that divulged the depth of their feelings. “We’ve been seeing each other a few weeks. She’s the one who got me into the recreation leagues. I hadn’t played since college…forgot how much fun it was.”
“Yeah, I was glad to hear you were out making friends. I asked about you all the time but nobody ever saw you anymore. It’s like you dropped off the face of the earth.”
“I needed to take a few steps back.” For months after their breakup, she’d wanted to demonstrate how badly she’d been hurt—the weight loss, the isolation—but now that her suffering was over, the stronger message was that she’d survived. “I still keep up with Candace Landini. Remember her?”
“Candace…Candace and Lark. What a mess that was.”
“What do you know about it?”
“Not a lot, except Candace is out there spreading a bunch of lies about Lark. I hope you aren’t buying into any of that crap.”
“What kind of lies?”
“Oh, you know. Things like accusing Lark of stealing money from her, when in fact, Lark says she was turning over her whole paycheck every week and Candace was doling out a few dollars here and there like it was a kid’s allowance. Then Candace told everybody she was using drugs and going to work high. Lark’s cousin died of an overdose, so Candace is just saying that because she knows how much it hurts.”
“That doesn’t sound like her at all.”
“Trust me, it is. Whatever she told you is probably a lie. I’ve known Lark forever, and she wouldn’t be saying this stuff if it weren’t true.”
On the contrary, Lark constantly said things that weren’t true, at least according to Kit and Bea. “Candace never told me anything about why they’d broken up. She didn’t want me to get down on Lark because she was hoping they’d be able to work things out.”
“I don’t see how that’s going to happen. Too much damage done.”
Allyn hoped she was wrong, but if Lark was still lying compulsively, it was probably for the best they didn’t get back together. Candace could avoid even more heartbreak ahead.
“So what’s going on with you and Bea? Are you guys serious?”
“We aren’t getting married anytime soon, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“But you’re already talking about the M-word?” Melody’s voice was unmistakably shaky.
“That’s not exactly what I said.”
The waiter interrupted with their dinner, and she seized the opportunity to divert the discussion away from Bea toward the safer topic of Thai food. She didn’t want Melody to know how far her feelings for Bea had gone, and Bea wouldn’t want her to know anything at all.
The food conversation relaxed them both, and before long they returned to one of their old familiar habits—tasting samples from one another’s plate.
“Now you know why I suggested this place. I leave it to the experts when it comes to food like this. It’s not like I’m ever going to fix pad Thai at home.”
“No, but you sure are a great cook. I miss that.”
“Good! Serves you right.” Though her tone was haughty, her smile let Melody know she was teasing, and their lingering tension continued to fade with the candid acknowledgment of the elephant in the room.
“I know, but now I have to eat cereal for dinner. You’re supposed to feel sympathy.”
“You’re lucky you still have your teeth. If I could have gotten them in the divorce, I would have.”
“You sure got everything else.” Melody chuckled and shook her head. “God, Allyn. Your laugh just kills me. I’ve missed that more than anything.”
“You’re the one who chose not to hear it anymore.” Her manner shifted markedly to one just shy of hostility. All night Melody had artfully dodged responsibility for her actions. Always talking in generalities. People have problems. Relationships take sacrifice. “For that matter, we’ve now spent at least two hours together and you have yet to apologize for what you put me through.”
“I’m sorry. I plead temporary insanity…a midlife crisis. I don’t know what it was. I was wrong. Okay?”
Even in the dim restaurant lighting, Allyn could see her face turning red. The words struck her as sincere, but they sorely lacked thoughtful remorse, as if Melody wanted to skate by on the smallest possible expression of regret. Allyn deserved more than a hat tip for the worst heartache she’d ever known.
“You hurt me so bad, Melody. There were some days I actually wanted to die, and if I hadn’t been so gutless, I would have. So you don’t get to just toss off an ‘I’m sorry, I was wrong’ and ask me if that’s enough.”
Melody had the decency to hang her head. “I didn’t mean for that to sound frivolous. Ever since I got the call to interview at the UW, all I could think about was seeing you again. I just needed something, any old excuse to get back here.”
Allyn was wary—Melody had proven her skills at deception—but she wanted to believe the words were sincere. The confident bluster Melody had displayed earlier was gone, and her lip quivered slightly as she spoke.
“What I did to you was horrible. I think about it all the time, and it makes me sick. Anything I say is going to sound like an excuse, so I won’t insult you. I have no excuse. I saw something shiny and I wanted it. Once I developed feelings for Naomi—they weren’t what I thought. It just took me a while to realize that. Anyway, I convinced myself staying with you would hurt you more than if I left.”
All this time Allyn had wanted an explanation and there wasn’t one. Melody had cheated. End of story. “I could have forgiven that. What really hurt was how you turned your back on me after you left. I couldn’t understand how someone who said she loved me could be so cruel.”
“That was Naomi. She couldn’t stand it when I talked to you. She was jealous and afraid I’d change my mind.” She pushed her plate aside and nursed the last inch of wine. “But I shouldn’t blame it on her. It was my fault. I’m the one who let her push me into cutting everyone off. She didn’t even like it when I talked about my family.”
The mention of her family caused a fresh wave of pain. Allyn hadn’t seen them, hadn’t spoken with them at all since Melody left.
There was no clear next step. Forgiveness didn’t come in an hour, not after all she’d been through. “I’m not really interested in what went on between you and Naomi. The only thing I care about is why you did what you did to me, and at this point I’m not even sure I care about that.”
The waiter collected their plates and brought the check, and Allyn quickly fished the bills from her wallet to cover half. Saying yes to the invitation didn’t make this a date.
“I know I have a long way to go before you’ll know how sorry I really am, Allyn. I hope you’ll give me the time to do that. You were right when you said eleven years is a long time to just throw away.”
It was, and it served no purpose to erase those years as if they’d never happened.
“That’s probably enough heavy talk for one night,” Melody said. “We don’t have to iron out everything right now. I just wanted to have dinner so we could talk it out a little, so I could tell you how I feel.”
“It’s a good start,” Allyn admitted as they walked outside. “I’d like to have something to show for the time we spent together.”
Melody held the passenger door while she got in. Once she’d navigated the tight confines of the small parking lot, she asked, “Remember who has a birthday this
Saturday?”
Bea Lawson, but Melody couldn’t possibly know about that. Allyn had a pair of tickets to the Mariners game in her purse.
“Our nephew, Hunter. He’ll be eight. We’re having a party for him at Mom’s house. You should come. Everyone will be there, and they’ll go crazy to see you. Mom, especially.”
Her heart soared at the thought of seeing the Rankins again. Losing all of them so suddenly without even a chance to say goodbye had caused nearly as much pain as the divorce. She couldn’t imagine what Melody must have told them. Surely not that she’d had an affair with Naomi, or that she’d planned her escape to Tucson for months while Allyn thought she was working.
“What do they know about us?”
“None of the particulars, but they know I moved in with Naomi when I got to Tucson, so my guess is they figured it out. They’ve all met her, and Hunter told her his Aunt Allyn was prettier.”
She’d love to see Hunter again. The oldest of the nieces and nephews, he was the one she knew best. She also loved Melody’s sisters, Jessica and Elizabeth, as if they were her own. But none were as precious to her as Mom, the name Sheryl Rankin had insisted she use. The Mom she wished she’d had.
“What time is the party?”
Melody’s face lit up. “About two. I could pick you up around one.”
Olympia was an hour away. “I can only stay a couple of hours max. We have Mariners tickets.”
“So now you’re a baseball fan too. Just full of surprises.”
“Two hours—that’s it.”
“That works for me too. I need to get back to Jillian and Tiffany’s so I can pack. I have to be at the airport on Sunday at seven thirty in the morning.”
They pulled into the parking lot at the apartment complex, and when it became clear Melody was looking for a space, Allyn unbuckled her seat belt. “You can just let me out here.”
“At least let me walk you the door.”
Life After Love Page 19