Life After Love

by K. G. MacGregor

  “Top shelf over the dishwasher.”

  As she popped the cork and poured, she told of her twenty-three-hour drive from Tucson and how Jillian and Tiff had picked up her apartment key and met her last night to help her unload. “I would have been over here sooner but I was up half the night unpacking.”

  Allyn walked behind her and emptied the contents of the blender into a glass. “I just finished making a protein shake. You want one?”

  “Ditch it. Wouldn’t you rather have a nice big steak at the Salish Lodge?”

  “I can’t. I have…other things to do.” Another lie easily told.

  Melody’s face fell for an instant but she recovered with a smile and handed Allyn a glass of champagne. “At least do me the honor of celebrating with me. No matter how everything turns out, I finally feel like I’m back where I belong.”

  Allyn went through the motions, clinking her glass and taking a sip as Melody took a seat on one of the barstools. The strength of the bubbles took her by surprise, and she vividly recalled the last time she’d had champagne. Dom Perignon. They’d shared a bottle with several other couples after their wedding.

  “I have to admit it’s kind of nice having my own place,” Melody went on. “Nobody yelling at me…or worse, giving me the silent treatment. Living alone is way better than that. It isn’t something I want to get used to though.”

  The last bit was a none-too-subtle hint about moving back in together, and Allyn found it irritating, especially given the teasing grin that came with it. “Don’t you think you’re being a little presumptuous?”

  “I didn’t mean to be. Just…hopeful. I honestly don’t want you to feel rushed about anything. I know this isn’t easy for you and I don’t blame you. We’ll take everything nice and slow just like we said.”

  “Just like you said. I never told you I was coming back.”

  Melody’s smile faded again but there was still a twinkle in her eye that said she wasn’t taking Allyn seriously. “No, but if I keep showing up with flowers and champagne, I’ll wear you down eventually. I could see it last weekend when you were playing with Hunter. Plus Mom said if we didn’t get back together, she was going to kick both of our asses. You don’t want to get on Sheryl Rankin’s bad side. Nobody does.”

  Allyn was tired of seeing her tune out everything she didn’t want to hear. “That’s exactly what I mean. You’re just so sure of yourself. I’m not the same person you walked out on. It was hard on me when you left, but I learned I can take care of myself, and being alone is a perfectly fine way to live. I also learned even the people you trust most can lie to you, so don’t think you’re going to win me back with flowers and champagne, or with cute stories about Hunter and your mom.”

  “Whoa, I hear you. I’m not asking you to do anything you aren’t ready for. All I’m trying to do is find a way to get back to where we were. Whatever it takes.”

  “We’re never going to be where we were. I don’t want to be your housekeeper anymore. When I’ve worked all day, I want to go out with friends—my friends, people who care about me . If I’m going to be with someone, I want her to care more about me than she does about herself.”

  Obviously taken aback by her assertiveness, Melody leaned backward slightly on the stool as though pulling away from a possible slap in the face. “I’ve changed too, Allyn. I’m not that asshole who cheated on you. I learned my lesson. All I ask is a chance to prove it.”

  Practically speaking, Allyn wasn’t even sure what that meant. Dating? Sleeping together? Melding their lives again? Her gaze moved down the pinstriped pantsuit to the polished ankle boots. She couldn’t envision herself doing anything with Melody. Not now, not ever.

  With startling clarity, she put her finger on exactly the reason Melody didn’t have a chance. It wasn’t because of her affair or the cruel way she’d cast her aside, and it had nothing to do with Bea.

  It was because she no longer loved her.

  No attraction, no chemistry. And no desire at all to know her again.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  “It’s over, Melody.” Allyn marveled at the steadiness of her voice, a sign of her certainty. “We had some good years but now it’s time for us to go our separate ways.”

  Melody’s eyes went wide with panic and she began to shake her head. “No. I don’t accept that. It can’t be over, Allyn. I watched you at my mom’s, and you were so happy. That’s exactly how you used to be. I know we can get it back. I swear I’ll never hurt you again.”

  “I love your family very much, and I hope I’ll be able to keep them in my life. I hope you’ll be in my life too, but it won’t be as my partner. There isn’t anything you can do to change that. I just don’t feel that way about you anymore.”

  “That’s it. We need to talk this out, get all our feelings out in the open. Maybe we can go to counseling or something.”

  “I don’t want to. And I don’t want to listen anymore, because it isn’t going to change how I feel. You should just go.”

  “That’s all I get? No explanation? Just…it’s over?” Increasingly agitated, Melody pointed a finger across the counter. “I fucked up—I don’t deny that—but after all we’ve been through together, I deserve better than that.”

  Allyn sneered at the wagging finger, Melody’s go-to gesture for asserting authority and putting her in her place. “Do you really want to have a conversation about what you deserve? We could start with all the lies. With the calls and emails of mine that you ignored.”

  “That wasn’t the same thing. You already knew all the hows, whats and whys. You just wanted to keep talking because you couldn’t accept it.”

  “And how is that different from this?”

  “Because I don’t have a clue why you’re saying this.” Melody squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her head with both hands. “Look, I know it’s going to be hard for us, but I’m willing to put in the work. I believe we’re worth it. I also believe we’ll be even stronger for going through all this together. If that means we have to start over at the beginning, then I’m willing to do that.” She thrust her hand across the counter. “Hi, I’m Melody Rankin. Pleased to meet you.”

  Allyn ignored her hand, recognizing her attempt to trivialize her words and retake control of the conversation. She didn’t want any more of Melody’s apologies, nor to hear another string of senseless pleas. Only cold, harsh words would shut her down once and for all. “I forgive you for Naomi. I forgive you for how you treated me. But it doesn’t change anything. Even if I got past all the ways you hurt me, it wouldn’t make any difference. I don’t have feelings for you anymore. I’m not attracted to you and I don’t see that ever changing. In fact, I…I’m not sure what I ever saw in you in the first place. I didn’t want to have to tell you all that, but you keep acting like it’s just a matter of time before I come around. You need to understand that it isn’t going to happen. Not ever. That’s all there is to it.”

  Melody stiffened on the stool but made no move to leave. With her chin jutting out and her eyes closing to a squint, she looked ready to spit nails. “That’s not all there is and we both know it.”

  Allyn bristled at her tone.

  “You’re trying to make it sound like it’s all about me, but not once did you mention Bea Lawson.”

  “What about her?”

  “It’s obvious you’re using her to get back at me. Jillian told me how you two put on a big show in front of her so she’d run back and tell me about it. I guess it worked, because I couldn’t stand to think of you settling for someone like that.”

  Allyn could feel the hairs stand on the back of her neck, and she gripped the edge of the kitchen sink. “Settling for Bea Lawson? Someone who loves and respects me, who always thinks of me before she thinks of herself? Someone who doesn’t have a deceptive bone in her body? I’d hardly call that settling.”

  “Bea Lawson isn’t who you think she is.” The veins on Melody’s forehead were bulging with anger and her voice rose with eve
ry word. “Do you have any idea what she did to Wendy Huang? That poor woman broke her neck and now she’s paralyzed. Did Bea think of her? Hell, no. She thought of herself. Divorced her, dumped her back on her parents and left her to rot in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. That doesn’t sound like love and respect to me. She’s a loser, a lowlife scumbag, and you’ll be left high and dry the second you need her most.”

  “Everything you think you know about Bea Lawson is a lie. Wendy Huang too. I know them both. I’ve seen them together and it so happens they’re more devoted to each other than any two women I’ve ever met.”

  “Great, so you’re settling for a woman who’s in love with somebody else.”

  Never before had Allyn felt such an urge to slap someone, but she couldn’t lower herself to do something so deplorable. “Isn’t that the same suit you were wearing the night you came home and told me you’d fallen in love with another woman?”

  Melody looked down to check herself and then gaped at Allyn with bewilderment. “What the fuck?”

  Allyn flung her sticky protein shake across the counter, landing most of it on Melody’s face and chest. “Let’s call that your Asshole Suit. Dry clean only, isn’t it?”

  “Jesus Christ, Allyn! You’ve totally lost it.”

  “No, I’ve found it. I finally have closure with you once and for all. Now get out of my house. And get out of my life.”

  Melody opened her mouth for the last word but thought better of it when she saw that Allyn had grabbed the blender jar and was threatening to throw its contents as well. Muttering under her breath, she stalked out and slammed the door behind her.

  Allyn’s hands shook wildly but not from fear or fury. She was proud. She was thrilled. She was whole again.

  Holding onto the counter and then the barstool for support, she carefully navigated the slippery floor, laughing aloud at the awful mess she’d made. Besides soaking the floor, the spray had also drenched the couch and coffee table. Papers, magazines, pillows. It was well worth it to see the shock on Melody’s face.

  She plucked the stepladder from the closet by the door and carried it into her bedroom. Still trembling with exhilaration, she climbed up and retrieved the box she’d stashed only a few months earlier on the closet shelf. Photos, cards and mementos of her life with Melody. Still in her bedroom slippers, she marched unflinching in the rain to the trash bin where she’d dumped the cake. With a giant heave, she tossed the whole box inside, along with all the stress and doubt she’d wrestled with since Melody’s return.

  If it wasn’t too late, she could turn her focus to Bea. Only now she was in Melody’s shoes—trying to win back a woman she’d mistreated. Ironic indeed. It would serve her right to lose everything.

  She’d learned from Melody that being sorry wasn’t enough. She had to start back at the beginning…be a friend first and hope Bea would fall in love with her again.

  Melody had shaken off the biggest globs of goo as she walked toward the door, making a mess all across the room. It took an hour to rub it out of the carpet, and all the while she laughed to recall the sticky liquid dripping from Melody’s face. If only her phone had been within reach, she’d have taken a photo to preserve the moment forever.

  Another knock on the door tightened her gut. Surely Melody hadn’t come back for more.

  This time it was Bea, and she was struggling with Dexter’s leash to keep him from jumping. Both were dripping wet as though they’d timed their dash from the car during the worst part of the downpour.

  She brushed her damp hair from her eyes and looked at Allyn solemnly. “I was wrong about what I said. If this is a contest between Melody and me, I’m in. More than anything in this world, I want you to pick me.”

  Tears of joy welled up instantly and she threw her arms around Bea’s shoulders and squeezed hard enough to nearly send both of them tumbling. Then she tugged her by the elbow toward the door. “Get in here!”

  “What about Dexter?”

  “Bring him. I don’t care if I get thrown out.”

  *

  It was supposed to have been Bea’s moment for a bold declaration, and on its heels, a sweeping off the feet Rhett Butler would have envied.

  Allyn clearly had other ideas.

  Bea had barely closed the front door when Allyn yanked her into the bedroom and pushed her across the bed. What followed was a tender, determined assault in which their clothes were strewn in every direction and the bed linens thrown to the floor.

  She found herself flat on her back with her arms pinned above her head while Allyn covered her face, neck and shoulders with wet kisses that left a cool trail in their wake. By the time her arms were released, it was all she could do not to take herself.

  Allyn lowered her mouth to the tender skin just below her hipbone, where she sucked until it left a purple mark.

  For a moment Bea was sure she intended to mark the other side as well, but instead she looped both arms around her thighs and captured Bea’s most sensitive spot between her lips. No teasing, just an unrelenting onslaught of lips, tongue and teeth that brought every neuron in her body to focus on that one tiny space.

  Bea was torn between clenching the muscles in her hips and giving Allyn what she wanted now, or going limp in an effort to make it last. But then Allyn began to moan, and the intermittent vibrations made her options moot.

  “Oh, God.” She began to writhe, driving her heels against the mattress to push herself deeper into Allyn’s mouth as her climax erupted.

  Allyn never moved her lips, not even when Bea’s bones turned to liquid and she soaked languidly into the bed.

  The love bite on her hip throbbed like a brand—Allyn’s brand. Bea was owned.

  *

  Allyn lolled beneath the covers and checked the clock. Almost midnight. After nearly five hours of making love, dozing and making love again, her body was sated but her heart wanted more.

  Bea returned from a clandestine walk with Dexter and stripped off her clothes again. Before getting back into bed, she settled him on a blanket in the corner.

  Allyn savored the picture from behind as Bea bent over to nuzzle him with sweet talk.

  “I can feel you looking at me,” Bea said without turning around.

  “I was memorizing that sight so I’d have something to think about tomorrow when I doze off at my desk. I have this mental slide show…it starts with those big green eyes looking up at me through all that rain dripping off your hair.”

  “I had no idea you’d be so glad to see me.” She turned off the lamp and climbed into bed, where she molded into Allyn’s side. “Something must have happened to change your mind.”

  “What makes you think I changed my mind? I never decided on Melody. I tried, though. I admit that. I thought it would be easier for everybody, and I probably could have forgiven her for cheating if I still loved her. I kept waiting for my old feelings to come back. I imagined us being together again and all I could think was how empty it was. That’s because I love you now, and I don’t have room for anyone else in here.” She placed Bea’s hand over her heart. It was remarkable to hear her own words tumble out so easily. She knew exactly what she wanted.

  “I felt the same way. It killed me to think about you with anyone else, and even more to think about being with anyone else after being with you. You’re it for me, lady.”

  Allyn kissed the top of her head and smoothed her hair, noting that it was softer than usual after a rinse in rainwater. “I know how hard it must have been for you to let me see Melody again, to have dinner with her and go down to Olympia to see her family. That made me love you even more because it showed you cared more about me than you did yourself.”

  “There was a little self-interest too. I didn’t want either one of us to ever have to look back and wonder.” Her arms tightened around Allyn’s waist. “I was hoping you’d realize right away you didn’t want Melody back. When you didn’t, I got scared you’d leave me so I left you first. That was stupid because I lo
ve you.”

  “For what it’s worth, I was already planning to show up at your house tomorrow with my suitcase. If you hadn’t let me stay, I was prepared to camp out in my car in your driveway.”

  “You need to be careful with this pillow talk or I’m going to keep you up another hour past your bedtime.”

  “About that…we need to work on our schedules because I have a feeling this sleeping together and staying up half the night making love is going to be a regular thing.”

  As Allyn closed her eyes, she took a mental inventory in search of doubts, fears or regrets. None, though one important question remained: Would there ever be a place in her life for Melody, or the history they’d shared?

  She didn’t have to answer that tonight.

  Epilogue

  Kit grunted and steadied her legs beneath the heaviest corner of Allyn’s desk. Even with her bad shoulder, she was still stronger than anyone else in the house. “Back it out. It won’t fit this way. We have to turn it.”

  Bea obliged, walking it back into the widest part of her newly-configured hallway. “We should have put the desk in there first and built the office around it.”

  The addition, a twelve-by-fourteen room with large windows and a sliding glass door leading onto the back porch, had taken ten weeks to complete. It was hard to know which excited Allyn more, a new office or the peace and quiet from having the construction workers leave, taking their noisy hammers, drills and saws with them.

  Their second attempt to maneuver the desk was successful, and after a couple of false starts Allyn chose its final resting place where she could view the backyard. Then she walked from one corner to the next admiring the layout.