The Lawman Lassoes A Family (Conard County: The Next Generation Book 24) (Contemporary Romance)

by Rachel Lee

  But eventually Krys tired and needed to go to bed. Dan remained downstairs while mother and daughter followed the nightly ritual. At least Krys didn’t want to hear Bartholomew Cubbins again, but instead chose a very elementary Dr. Seuss book she could mostly read herself.

  Afterward, Vicki went back downstairs. Dan had made coffee and waited in the kitchen, offering her a cup as soon as she appeared.

  All of a sudden, she felt nervous. Lena was gone, Krys was already sleeping and Vicki was utterly alone with a man she found incredibly attractive. A man who had kissed her not once but twice, which kind of indicated he was interested.

  Slowly, she sat at the table and wrapped her hands around her mug.

  “What’s wrong?” Dan asked, studying her. “Krystal?”

  She shook her head quickly. “She’s fine. Sound asleep already. I wish I could drift off as fast as she does.”

  He smiled. “Clear conscience.”

  A quiet laugh escaped Vicki. “Maybe so.” But she didn’t feel like laughing, not really. Part of her wanted to take advantage of this rare privacy, and part of her was terrified of it.

  Words burst out of her. “I’m getting awfully tired of being a responsible adult.”

  His smile widened a shade. “I can certainly believe it. You need to make some room for yourself, Vicki. I understand how many obligations you have, and I’m not suggesting you run off for a wild weekend and leave Krys behind. But you need to find something to do just for your own enjoyment.”

  She was sure he was right. The problem was the only thing she wanted to enjoy right now was being in a man’s arms again, the world banished by the wonder of lovemaking. Worse, the only arms she wanted around her were Dan’s.

  “Maybe I should go,” he said presently. “You’re looking skittish, and I get the feeling I’m the problem.”

  “Reading minds again?” she asked, even though he was exactly right.

  “Reading faces,” he said. He pushed his mug aside and reached for both her hands, holding them gently. “We both know what’s going on here. We’re attracted. You don’t want it. In fairness, I’m having a few qualms myself. There’s been nobody since Callie, and I feel a little guilty about how much I want you. Just a bit guilty. Well, if I can feel guilt after five years, it’s got to be worse for you.”

  Talk about blunt. Vicki’s cheeks flamed, and she wanted desperately to break their gaze, but she couldn’t. Those warm gray eyes held her as surely as a spell. “It’s not just that,” she said, astonished at the way her voice had thickened. Her heart began a steady throbbing, whether from fear or anticipation, she couldn’t have guessed. Once again heavy heat pooled between her thighs.

  “Well, I’m sure it doesn’t help that I’m a cop.” He sighed, released her hands and went to dump his coffee in the sink and rinse his cup. He paused by her chair, touching her shoulder briefly. “I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ve got two games in the afternoon, but otherwise...we’ll see.”

  Then he was walking to the front door. A crazy desperation filled her. Before her mind and fears could take charge, she jumped up, answering a deeper need that refused to be denied.

  “Dan!” She reached the foyer. “Don’t go.”

  He hesitated with his hand on the doorknob, looking back at her. “Vicki, I’d never forgive myself if I hurt you.”

  “I’m... You...” She couldn’t find the words. “Oh, for Pete’s sake, just stay, unless you want to go.” Heading into the living room, she plopped down on the couch and folded her arms.

  What the hell was she doing? Better yet, what had gotten into her? She couldn’t believe the weird way she was acting. Fearful, irritable and hungry all rolled up in one. What did she expect from the man? Clearly, she had problems, and he was simply trying not to make them worse.

  Although really, he should have thought of all that before he’d kissed her and held her the other night. Pandora’s box was now wide-open, and she couldn’t decide which of the world’s troubles were emerging from it. If troubles they were.

  She heard Dan’s step. He came into the living room and sat right beside her on the couch. Their shoulders brushed, but he didn’t try to embrace her.

  “Talk to me if you can,” he suggested.

  “I’m confused!” That at least was true.

  “I gathered that.” He sighed. “You know, some things ought to be as easy as rolling off a log. Too bad there seem to be brambles everywhere.”

  A great description. She relaxed a hair, but didn’t shift position. Her folded arms said she was closed off, and she knew it. But she didn’t feel any need to open up. Not yet. Not when a whirlwind seemed to have taken possession of her senses.

  Minutes ticked by while she sorted through her personal morass and tried to pick out what was really important. Krystal, of course, but even Vicki knew she couldn’t continue to make her daughter the center of her life indefinitely. Krys was growing up. In a few years the last person she was going to want to hang with all the time was her mother. She’d make friends, find activities, expand her horizons.

  So Vicki needed to do some fixing of her own. Life would move on, and she’d come here to make it happen. If anything was holding her back, it was her.

  “Dan?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I can’t figure it out.”

  “What, exactly?”

  “Me. The more I try to figure things out, the messier they get. I swore I’d never get involved with a cop again. Well, look at me now.”

  “We’re just friends.”

  At that she unfolded her arms and twisted to face him. “That makes it better how? You think I’d care any less if you didn’t come home tomorrow night?”

  “Whoa.” His eyes widened a bit. “What are you saying?”

  “Obviously, I care about you. You’ve become a good friend. Krys cares about you. It’s not like it wouldn’t be a blip on the emotional radar if you disappeared.”

  He frowned. “But I don’t have to make it worse.”

  “Worse is a matter of degree, and you don’t have to do anything. This isn’t about anything you’ve done. It’s about me and my crazy, mixed-up feelings. Sure, I get it. Anyone could walk out that door and never come back. My God, it was only a week ago that I nearly lost Krys.”

  He nodded, studying her intently, but evidently deciding to let her ramble on without interruption.

  That was the problem, though—she was rambling around in her own confusion. He couldn’t sort it out for her, and she was doing a lousy job of it herself.

  “I want you,” she admitted finally. It was possibly the one thing she was sure about, apart from her daughter. Blunt, bold, concealing nothing of her inner turmoil, but useless in sorting herself out. Only one thing she could figure out, that she wanted this man?

  “But?”

  “I don’t know. I’m afraid. I told you that. Not of you, but of your damn job. Maybe that’s unreasonable. You tried to tell me that, and you’re probably right, but how do you argue with feelings?”

  “You can’t,” he agreed. His face grew shadowed, but only for an instant. Once again, he listened attentively.

  “Like the other night, when you risked your life to save Krystal. That’s the kind of man you are. It was the kind of man Hal was. He didn’t have to get involved in that store robbery. He was off duty. He could have ducked with everyone else and called 911. Instead, he chose to confront the robber. He wasn’t even wearing his vest. Why would he be? He went to the store for milk. For milk!”

  Dan nodded, and at last looped his arm loosely around her shoulder.

  “But I get it intellectually,” she ranted on. “Oh, yes, I get it. The store manager could have been shot. An ordinary customer could have died. Hal’s being a cop didn’t necessarily have anything to do with the outcome. Ordinary people get killed every day doing ordinary things. But tell that to my heart.”

  “You’re angry with him.”

  “Yes, I am! I’m furious! He never gave one thou
ght to his daughter when he acted.”

  “Or to you,” Dan said quietly.

  “Or to me.” She lost her steam, and her voice became small. “Nobody else entered his head. Just like nothing entered your head when you saw Krystal in danger. Heroes. God deliver me.”

  “Damn, woman,” Dan said, sounding bemused and a bit startled. “I’d have done what anyone would. You were trying to get there yourself.”

  “But I’m her mother. It’s programmed into me. What’s programmed into you, Dan Casey?”

  “The same thing that’s programmed into you,” he said quietly. “Tell me you wouldn’t have tried to save any child, even one you didn’t know. Because if you do, I won’t believe you. That’s not heroic. It’s human.”

  Even in her distressed state, Vicki had to admit he was making sense. Would she have chased any child? Probably. But that didn’t resolve the entire issue. She didn’t make traffic stops, or report to domestic disturbances, two of the most dangerous things any cop could do.

  On the other hand, how many Austin police officers had died during the time she had known Hal? Only him. And before that? Even Hal had dismissed it, much as Dan did. She couldn’t remember how long it had been, according to Hal, but it had been a while. Maybe she’d exaggerated the dangers.

  But she had faced them up close and personal. No arguing with that.

  Dan’s arm tightened around her shoulders. “You can’t sort it all out at once,” he said finally. “It’ll come with time.”

  “You’d have the experience to know,” she admitted. She turned her head and let it rest against his shoulder. “What I’m doing makes about as much sense as you never finding another woman to love because something bad might happen.”

  “Well, I haven’t exactly been looking.” Not until this blue-eyed beauty had popped her head out a door, looking tired, dusty and very much alone. “But I’m not a kid anymore. When the time is right, the person is right...” He shrugged. She felt the movement beneath her ear.

  “It used to be so easy,” she murmured.

  “It’s still easy. It just hurts more. But there’s only one thing to do, and we’ve both been doing it—taking one step at a time. Day in and day out. Just take the next step. You took a huge one coming here. So I guess, much as it may terrify you, that you still have some hope.”

  “Hope?”

  “For a better future.” He tightened his arm around her, turning it into a hug. “You haven’t given up, Vicki. I don’t think it’s in you. I mean, you could have stayed in the cocoon in Austin, surrounded by people you know and care about. It would have been easy. Instead, you decided you needed to build a different future. That requires hope.”

  “Or desperation,” she said with something between amusement and bitterness. Everything inside her seemed to have been tossed into a blender somehow. She’d focused on two things for a year: grief and Krystal. Moving here had shifted her focus in some essential way. She no longer had just two major things to deal with. Now she had longings she wasn’t prepared for, and a friend named Dan who drew her as strongly as anything in her life ever had.

  The right man with the wrong job. Damn! She wondered if she might be crazy, making the same mistake over again when she ought to have learned.

  But had she learned the right lesson or the wrong lesson? Danged if she knew.

  “Love hurts sometimes,” Dan said. “We both know that. But I wouldn’t have missed a single moment with Callie to have avoided the pain. Maybe you’re not ready to feel that way yet, but I hope you get there.”

  Maybe that’s why everything inside Vicki felt all mixed up. Maybe she was transitioning, changing. She believed she had needed to, believed it enough that she had uprooted her daughter and moved far away from all the reminders.

  Well, except for a certain man who wore a uniform that reminded her. That probably wasn’t fair to either herself or Dan, to categorize him by a badge. But the fear still lingered, a miasma she couldn’t quite blow away.

  “Nothing has to be settled right now,” he reminded her. “Big changes require lots of time. I just want you to know something.”

  She tipped her head to see his face. “Yes?”

  “I want you, too. I can’t set eyes on you without getting hot and heavy. So if you ever decide to risk it...”

  She caught her breath. She knew what he was doing. She’d exposed herself to him, and now he was giving her the same in return, so she wouldn’t feel stupid and vulnerable. But apart from that, she realized how much she liked hearing him say it. Warmth drizzled through her again, trying to drive out all the doubts, creating an ache inside her that was huge. Wanting barely scratched the surface of the needs he awoke in her.

  This ought to be between the two of them, but she doubted it would be that simple. There was Krystal to consider, and the likelihood she would come to care even more deeply for Dan.

  That still frightened Vicki. If they moved into a romantic relationship and it didn’t work, how could they carry on as friends if they broke up? How would that affect Krystal? Her daughter’s attachment to Dan was already painfully clear. To risk anything that would sever that connection...

  Vicki leaned forward, out of Dan’s embrace, and put her face in her hands. Her body was racked with unanswered needs and longings, so hungry for this man it almost hurt. Every cell seemed to have wakened to possibilities, to the anticipation of pleasure, and except for one little girl, she’d probably dive in headfirst without another thought.

  She might be acting unreasonably about the cop thing, or maybe not, but her fears for Krys were well-founded.

  Finally, Vicki lifted her head. “Dan, whatever happens, you’d still be friends with Krys?”

  “I’m surprised you need to ask. That girl has wormed into my heart in a very special way. It’d take a restraining order to stop me from being her friend.” He paused. “I’ll still be friends with you, too, Vicki. No matter what. It is possible.”

  “As long as I don’t turn into a raging shrew.”

  He sounded truly curious. “You? Do you ever do that?”

  “I never have, but there’s always a first time.”

  He laughed. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

  She envied how comfortable he seemed with all this. He was an accepting man, she realized. Rarely if ever criticizing, seeming to take people as they came. With the possible exception of Junior Casson, but that was different.

  “Were you always like this?” she asked.

  “Like what?”

  “So calm and accepting. So relaxed. I’ve just put you through the weirdest conversation, and you seem comfortable. Wouldn’t most guys be heading for the hills by now?”

  “I can’t speak for most guys. I have no desire to head for the hills. And if I’m accepting, maybe it’s because I’ve had to learn to accept myself since Callie became sick. But remember how I suggested that you need something in life just for yourself, Vicki. I’m not saying it’s me, but you need something you can look forward to. You handle responsibility well, but doesn’t there have to be something else?”

  “Do you get that from your coaching and baseball?”

  “Some of it, yes. It started as a way to keep busy, but now I love it. I look forward to the practices and games. This winter it’ll be basketball.”

  “So it’s not exactly selfish. You’re helping others at the same time.”

  He gave a quiet laugh. “It’s mostly selfish. I enjoy it too much to think of it any other way. Just like I enjoy an occasional poker game, going to the movies, hanging out at Mahoney’s with a few friends and visiting with the three of you.”

  She was touched that he included them in his list of things he enjoyed. Especially since she hadn’t always been fun or easy to deal with. “When Krys gets into kindergarten next year—”

  He stopped her, touching her lips lightly with a finger. “No putting it off for a year. Maybe it would be good for Krys to know you enjoy something besides being a mommy. That y
ou get some me time.” He paused. “Not my place to say, I guess.”

  “Oh, it’s your place. Why not? You’ve practically become family for her and me. I respect your judgment, anyway.”

  “But I’ve never been a parent.” He arched a brow. “I’ve found that parents don’t like advice from people who’ve never done the job.”

  She had to laugh, however weak it sounded. “They don’t like it from teachers, either.”

  “Pity. There’s a world of wisdom available from some folks.”

  Vicki leaned back and his arm surrounded her again, making her feel good, and this time it helped her relax a bit. Oh, her hunger for him was still present, but he offered something else, something amazingly close to solace.

  Whatever came, she no longer doubted that she had found a great friend in Dan Casey.

  Eventually, conversation moved to lighter subjects, matters that didn’t leave her drained from struggling with them. Remembering Hal’s hyperkinetic nature, she recalled how she had loved the excitement he always seemed to bring with him. Now, however, she was discovering a new experience, the experience of being able to enjoy just relaxing with someone. It was peaceful, and not at all boring. Comfortable and friendly.

  “Are you going to be all right alone here tonight?” Dan asked. “I know you’re used to having your own place. I just wondered if this being a different house might make you feel differently. So far Lena has always been here at night.”

  Vicki hadn’t even considered it. It hadn’t been looming in front of her like some daunting task. Her instinct was to say she’d be fine, but then she wondered. It was a different house, much bigger than any she had lived in before. Getting used to being alone after Hal’s death had given her some difficult moments, even though he’d worked plenty of night shifts. Things seemed different in the dark, and even familiar noises could take on a whole new quality. She wasn’t familiar with this house yet, and without Lena nearby, or Krys filling the place with her energy and chatter, Vicki wondered if it was going to feel like an echoing cavern.